Title: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, letter100
Prompt: 39, Rainbow
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

Writing letters has always come easily to me. I don't know why, but it's always easy for me to express myself in written words, more so than when I'm speaking. I don't get tongue-tied, and the words always seem to come to me much more quickly.

I have forever to express myself to you now; I don't ever have to worry about running out of time to tell you how I feel. That used to be one of my biggest worries, you know -- especially when I was back on Earth and you were out here on your own amongst the stars.

That nearly drove me insane, being left behind like that. I know you did it because you worried about my safety, and because you felt that it would be better for me not to walk into danger with you. But you weren't thinking of the fact that being with Torchwood was dangerous for me, too.

But that part of our lives is behind us now. So much has changed since then, hasn't it? We've been through more than our share of rough times; we've almost parted forever, and now we've been given an entirely new life, a life where we'll always be together.

It still seems impossible to believe that we've been so lucky. Even if this was caused by the Master -- and I think we've both decided that it must have had something to do with him -- his plans have backfired, and given us the advantage.

I feel like we've crossed over into another dimension, that we're living in a world of fantasy and dreams that have somehow come true for both of us. This almost doesn't seem real, even though I know it is. Sometimes I want to pinch myself, just to be sure.

Can this really be our life now? Have we crossed over the rainbow into a whole new world, as world where we don't have to worry about the constraints of time ever again? You've never really had that worry, I know -- at least, not for yourself.

I know that you worried about losing me. I felt the same way about leaving you alone again. That's probably been the biggest fear that I've had since I met you, Doctor. Knowing that I was mortal, and that I'd have to leave you for another realm at some point.

Now that worry has been taken away from me, and it feels as though I've been .... well, reborn. That's essentially what's happened, isn't it? I'm the same person, in the same body, exactly the same as I was before, with one huge difference. I won't die.

And to know that you're also not going to regenerate into a new body, that the two of us will be this way into all of eternity -- that still makes my senses reel. I feel as though I've had several birthdays crammed into one, that all of my wishes and dreams have come true at once.

It still feels like a dream, like we've been transported somewhere over the rainbow. This isn't another world, I know, but it certainly seems like it could be. Colors seem brighter, the air around me seems fresher, all the world seems new and fascinating.

I'm really almost shocked that everything feels so completely changed. I know that this isn't another realm that I've been born into; it's exactly the same world that I was in before, and I'm no different other than the fact that I'm immortal. I have no special powers, I'm not superhuman.

There's no leaping tall buildings in a single bound, no knocking out the "bad guys" with one punch. I"m the same man I always was; I've just been given a new lease on life. And I have to admit, there are some down spots in that life, as well as all of the good things.

The dark cloud that hangs over me and threatens to obscure the brightness of this new life is the fact that sooner or later, I'll experience death again. And I'll experience it over and over, that cold, dark place that I was in so briefly before you brought me back.

That was easily the most terrifying experience I've ever had. I've never been so cold -- or felt so alone. I know that I'll have to face that place over and over again -- and even though I'll come back, I'm still terrified of looking into that gaping dark chasm again.

Nothing has ever frightened me so much as the thought of death, of leaving you for an extended period of time. And even though I know that death won't separate us for long now, it's still a sobering thought to know that I'll probably have to experience it more than once in the future.

Jack has done it so many times -- but Jack and I aren't the same kind of people. He can face death squarely in the face and dare it to take him, because he has no one special in his life who he wants to stay alive for. He's not afraid to leave anyone behind.

I am. I'm terrified of leaving you alone, and of not having you there by my side for eternity. Now that I've been given eternity, I have a much longer time to be afraid ot being without you. A life without you in it wouldn't be a life for me, only an existence.

But I don't want to think about that now. It's a dark thought that I'd rather push away from me, and try to deal with it as best I can when the time comes. And at least when I do have to face death, I know that it isn't irrevocable. I know that I'll come back to you.

I'd rather think about the life ahead of us, all of the time that we have to be together. There are no limits on us now, Doctor. No restrictions. We'll have all the time in the world to do all the things we've wanted to do, to see all the places we want to see, to experience the entire universe together.

I can't wait for that time to start. Well, it already has -- and I've spent enough of that time sitting here writing a letter when I could be with you, holding you in my arms. So I'll end it here -- and leave you with the thought that our journey over the rainbow is just beginning.

Eternally yours,

Ianto

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