Title: The Soundtrack of A Relationship
By: bookwrm89
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: AO
Warnings: character death
Summary: An AU look at Jack and Ianto's relationship.

***

"Doctor? You need to come back right away. Jack needs you."

He was out the door before Martha finished speaking, running to the TARDIS and powering it up. The people from the party he'd just left would understand. They were used to him appearing & disappearing like this.

He opened the blue door and stepped out into the main room of the Hub. It was quiet. Too quiet. He looked up and saw Jack sitting at his desk, head bowed, holding an unopened envelope....

"Jack?" The Doctor walked into the small office.

Jack looked up, tears pooling in his eyes. "Thank you for coming, Doctor. I can't do this on my own."

"What's wrong, Jack?"

"Ianto...he..." Jack's voice broke. "He left me this...and I...I just can't read it by myself."

The Doctor nodded in understanding. He watched as Jack steeled himself for the coming task. Jack's shaky hands picked up the letter opener on his desk and slid it under the flap of the envelope, opening it gently. He reached inside and pulled out a thin CD case and a thick sheaf of paper. Setting the CD aside, he smoothed out the papers. His breath caught in his throat as he saw Ianto's handwriting. He began to read....

My dearest Captain,

I've tried for so long to let you know how I was feeling, but the words just never came out right. I need you to understand why I'm doing what I am. So I decided to use music to show you. I put together all the songs that express how I've felt and made this CD for you. Please, put the CD in and listen to it. Maybe then you'll understand. It's the soundtrack of our relationship, from my point of view.

Jack set the letter down on his desk and picked up the CD case. He opened it, took out the CD inside and turned to put it in the stereo system next to him. He paused and took a deep breath before pressing the Play button. The synthesized opening notes sounded through the quiet room.

"Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while.
Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst..."

As the song continued to play, he picked up the letter again and continued to read.

Do you remember the first time we met, Jack? I was so young then. Damaged after Canary Wharf, but still so damn full of hope. I'd come to you for a job, because Torchwood was really the only life I'd known. I'd heard about you, of course. Torchwood 1 was full of stories about Captain Jack Harkness and what a determined flirt he was...male, female...it didn't seem to matter. I must admit, I used that information to my advantage. I'm not a vain man, but I know know I look good in a suit. Especially that black one I wore for my interview....

Jack smiled slightly at that, leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and let the music wash over him as he remembered that first day...
_____________

"Ianto Jones? Hi, I'm Captain Jack Harkness!" He flashed his trademark grin and gave the younger man a faint once-over with his eyes. Ianto shifted a bit, not uncomfortable, just aware. He smiled back and held out his hand.

"Yes, Sir. Ianto Jones, at your service." He let a slight twinkle shine in his eyes for just a moment, smiling to himself when he felt the older man's interest sharpen.

"So, tell me why you want to work for Torchwood-Cardiff, Ianto," Jack invited.

"Well, Sir. I've worked for Torchwood since I left uni, it's all I've ever done and I love it. I can't imagine going to a regular job, sir. No interesting artifacts or alien sightings. It would just be a backwards step."

"With your qualifications, you could go to work for UNIT, you know."

"Yes, sir. But Wales is home. And after Canary Wharf, I just want to be close to home."

Jack saw the hint of despair in the other man's eyes. "We all lost friends that day, Ianto. It must have been hell."

"Yes, sir, it was." But he refused to comment further. Jack left it at that.

"What did you do for Torchwood-London?" Jack asked. He'd found some personnel files in the wreckage, but most of them had been destroyed, Ianto's amoung them.

"I worked in Archives, sir. Cataloging artifacts and compiling files on them."

"Ah, we need someone like that around here." Jack smiled. "My organizational skills run more along the lines of getting men ready to go into battle, not deal with paperwork. We have a computer/tech expert on staff. She's good at whipping computer files into shape, but doesn't have a lot of use for hard copy. How do you feel about coffee?"

"Coffee, Sir?" Ianto asked.

"Yes, as in making it. Are you any good? Do you mind making coffee and tea? Cardiff isn't like London, Ianto. We only have four people on staff and we all have to pitch in and help with general office duties. But I've been told that my coffee tastes like mud, Owen's tastes like paint thinner, Suzie's is too weak and Tosh, well, she's good with computers but the coffee maker mystifies her...she's a tea drinker." Jack chuckled. "So, you worked in Archives for Torchwood-London, I know you can handle that part of the job. But the big question is, can you make coffee?"

Ianto looked into Jack's clear blue eyes, arched an eyebrow and said, "Try me, sir."

Laughing, Jack winked and said, "You're on! Let me show you the kitchen."

Fifteen minutes later the heavenly aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafting through the Hub had brought the other three members of the team to the kitchen. Ianto poured the coffee into cups and passed it around. There was a moment of silence as they all took their first sips. He watched their reactions. He knew he made damn fine coffee and if this was all it took to get the job, well, he was a shoo-in. Jack leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, enjoying the rich taste. Ianto rolled his eyes slightly at the sensual look on the Captain's face. Apparently the stories he'd heard about the man were all true, Jack Harkness turned everything into a sexual experience.

"Hire him, Harkness," the second man on the team said. "I don't care if he doesn't know the alphabet as long as he makes coffee this good."

The two women just smiled at him and continued drinking their coffee, making small sounds of appreciation.

"Ianto Jones," said Captain Jack. "Welcome to Torchwood-Cardiff. This is the rest of our little team. Suzie Costello, my right-hand lady. She experiments on the stuff we find to see how it works and what it's used for. Toshiko Sato, our resident computer genius. And Dr. Owen Harper, our medical expert. Everyone, this is Ianto Jones, our newest team member."

Over the next few months, Ianto settled into his new job. Jack knew that the archives were a mess, so he wasn't surprised that the young man spent a lot of time down in the basements. He was quiet, efficient and kept them well supplied with his excellant coffee. Jack flirted with him outrageously and there was no doubt that the younger man could hold his own when it came to flirting back. But there was a reserve there that Ianto had yet to let go of.

Then came the debacle with Suzie and the glove. Gwen had joined the team, bringing a new dynamic into the Hub. Ianto faded more into the background, becoming like a shadow. Supplying them with coffee, cleaning up after them, but never becoming part of the team. He was still ready with the quips though. Gwen's first day on the job, Jack had introduced her to Ianto and commented that it was Ianto's job to look after them and get them places on time. Then he'd added, "And he looks good in a suit, too!"

Ianto had just said, "Careful, that's harrassment, sir." The way he'd said that "sir" had sent a shiver down Jack's spine.

A few weeks after Gwen had joined the team. however, Jack found out what Ianto had really been up to the whole time.
_____________________________

Back in the present, Jack jerked himself back to his current surroundings. This was hard enough as it was, without dwelling on Ianto's betrayal of them.
The song was almost over.

"Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?"

As the music faded away, Jack reached over and paused the CD. This was going to be a long night and he needed a break to get his emotions back under control.

The Doctor sat quietly on the couch in Jack's office. He knew there was nothing he could do to help his old friend yet, other than just being there so Jack wasn't all alone.

***

Jack took a sip of water. He briefly thought about opening the cabinet and pouring a whiskey, but if he did that he may never crawl back out of the bottle. What he really wanted, was for a six-foot tall, gorgeous Welshman to walk through the office door with a cup of his mouth-watering coffee. A tear slipped down his cheek as he reminded himself that would never happen again. Brushing the tear away, he shook his head and reached back to push play on the CD again. As the opening piano notes sounded through the room, he picked up the letter and continued to read...

I felt guilty, Jack. That I'd deceived you about why I wanted to work at Torchwood. But I kept telling myself it was ok...it was all for Lisa. Once she was ok again, it would all be worthwhile. I'll never cease to be surprised that, after it was over, you didn't Retcon my arse back to puberty. I wanted you to. But you didn't, you gave me a second chance. Everything in my life was gone...cold, empty...the only thing left was Torchwood...and you.

Jack's hand shook as he took another sip of water. A woman's voice had joined the piano music coming out of the speakers...

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home..."

I remember waking up on the floor, in your arms, you telling me to keep quiet. Did you know that I heard your voice calling to me in the dark, Jack? Calling me to come back from wherever I'd gone? I didn't want to come back. Lisa was gone, I knew it then, and I just wanted to stay in that cold place. And you kept calling me back. In the weeks following, there were accusations and distrust in the eyes of the others. But not in your eyes, Jack. You watched me and you called me back when I started slipping too close to the edge again. You kept me grounded. Sometimes, just by a simple touch. You're fingers brushing against mine when I handed you your coffee. A warm hand on my shoulder. Little things really, but they brought me out of myself.

Jack closed his eyes again and thought about those days. How worried he had been for the younger man, how much he'd ached at the pain in those beautiful blue eyes....
_______________________________

"You shouldn't be here this late, Ianto."

"Neither should you, sir." Ianto walked over to a computer and started tapping on the keys. Jack followed him and put his hand on his shoulder as he stood looking at the screen. He'd felt Ianto's small start of surprise, but kept his hand in place and didn't step away.

After a moment, he felt the slight relaxation of the muscles that told him the touch had been accepted. There had been many such moments over the past few weeks and the acceptance was coming easier. He wasn't trying to seduce, just give Ianto some human contact. For Captain Jack Harkness, contact meant touch. Not that he wasn't attracted to the younger man, he was...and had been since the first moment he saw him. But even Captain Jack knew that there was a time and a place, and just weeks after killing Ianto's girlfriend right in front of him was NOT the right time. Although he'd always thought an office was the right place.

The first time he'd seen an answering spark from Ianto was the day he'd made the tough decision to send Jasmine off with the "fairies". The rest of the team had been mad at him for that. He was sitting in his office after everyone had gone home, without saying goodbye, and Ianto had brought him a cup of coffee. He'd set the mug down on Jack's desk, then reached out and touched Jack's cheek. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, but the contact had produced a brief, electric feeling in both of them. Jack could see the awareness in Ianto's eyes and was surprised when the younger man held his gaze for a moment before stepping back and breaking the fragile link. Ianto was about to walk out of the office door when Jack's low voice halted him.

"Ianto, do you think I made the right decision today?" There was a tiredness in the older man's voice as he asked the question.

"Yes, I do, sir," Ianto replied. He leaned against the doorframe, gathering his thoughts. "What we do, protecting the world from what is out there, it needs a certain cold ruthlessness to do it sometimes. Today was a no win situation and you did what you had to in order to protect humanity as a whole."

"So you think I'm cold and ruthless, do you?" Jack really wanted to know what this man thought of him. He was surprised to find how important Ianto's answer was to him.

"Sometimes, sir." There was a flash of anguish in his eyes and Jack knew he was thinking about Lisa. "But I have come to realize that the ruthless things you do take their toll on you. You do them, but then you brood on them when you think no one is looking."

"And you've been looking?" Jack asked, a hint of his usual flirtatious manner peeking through.

Ianto gave him a "look", but Jack just gave a small shrug and cocked an eyebrow as if to say 'Well?'

"Yes, I have," was the surprising answer. "At first I wanted to see what made the monster tick." Jack winced at the word "monster", but didn't interrupt. "Then I looked closer and realized, you were suffering too. You weren't feeling the crushing emptiness that I was, but you knew what it felt like. And if you knew, then you must have loved like that once too. That's why you gave me another chance, wasn't it, Sir?"

Jack was impressed with the young man's insight. "Yes."

"Thank you, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you before I leave?"

"No..." The younger man turned to go out the door again. "Wait... Ianto? What are you doing tonight?"

"Sir?"

"I...this has been a rough couple of days, and...I don't want to be alone with nothing but my thoughts tonight. Are you hungry?" Jack was strangely hesitant about asking. It wasn't a date, just two friends having a meal, but he was still slightly nervous. Him, the Captain Jack Harkness, nervous about a meal invitation. Mentally he shook his head, what was it about Ianto Jones that made him feel this way?

There was a faint smile on Ianto's face as he replied, "I could eat."

That was the beginning of a nightly ritual. If there were no alarms or rift activity anywhere, they would close up the Hub for a while and walk down the street to the closest pub to have a meal. Mostly they talked about work, but sometimes they talked about other things. World events, local happenings, the RFL's decision to hold a round of Super League matches at Millenium Stadium the next spring. Ianto confessed that he'd played rugby at uni and Jack was fascinated at this glimpse of a different side to the young man.

The "accidental" touches continued as well. Increasing in frequency because Jack was no longer the only one handing them out..so to speak. Ianto could be quite devious about it too. Brushing a finger against the outer shell of Jack's ear while helping him put on his coat...allowing his hand to casually trail over Jack's hip while walking past each other on the stairs...once he'd even pinched Jack's arse while everyone was loading into the SUV. No one else noticed anything different about the archivist, he went about his duties with the calm air of efficiency he'd always shown. But he was driving Jack crazy.
_______________________

Jack opened his eyes with a smile, still thinking of all the playful little ways Ianto had teased him during those weeks. The way those beautiful, blue eyes had come back to life after being dead and empty for so long.

The second song was ending now.

"(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become"

Jack pressed the pause button again, told the Doctor that he'd be right back and went to splash some cold water on his face.

The Doctor remained on the couch. Knowing that it was going to get more difficult for Jack as the night wore on.

***

Jack returned to his office and sat back down. He looked up at the Doctor with a sigh, his blue eyes shadowed with grief and exhaustion.

"I'm not much of a host tonight, sorry. Do you need anything?"

"I'm not a guest, Jack, I'm here to support you. How are you holding up?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess. No...that's not true. I'm a mess. I never thought it would end this way, you know? I never wanted it to end at all. I know that was unrealistic, but there it is." He was stalling, he knew it, but this was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. Looking back over the most important relationship in his life and seeing it from his lover's point of view...after it was over. He sighed and squared his shoulders. He was already thinking of what had happened next in his tumultuous with Ianto Jones as he pressed play on the stereo and picked up the letter.

The music started slowly, with an ethereal voice singing:

"If this world is wearing thin
And you're thinking of escape
I'll go anywhere with you..."

That disastrous trip to Brecon Beacons changed a lot of things in our world, didn't it, Jack? It still makes me shudder to think about those people in that little village. I used to wonder what had happened to them to make them the way they were. I remember when we finally got back to the Hub. You were so concerned for all of us, but I could feel your gaze on me most of all. After Owen checked us all out and everyone else left, you came to where I was sitting and asked if I wanted to go home....
____________________________

Ianto was just sitting there, in a daze, like he didn't know where he was. Jack walked over and sat next to him on the small couch.

"Do you want to go home, Ianto?" he asked.

Blue eyes looked up into blue eyes, and Ianto slowly shook his head. "No, I don't want to be alone right now. Can I stay here, Jack? With you?"

Putting his arm around the younger man, Jack answered, "Of course you can, as long as you want."

Jack felt the slender frame leaning against him start to shudder. Deep, gulping sobs tore out of Ianto's throat and he clung to the warmth of the man next to him with desperation.

"Oh God, Jack...I was so fucking scared...for myself, for Tosh, for all of us. Those people...how....why...? Fuck!"

Jack stroked his hands up and down the young man's back, planting soft kisses to the top of the head lying on his shoulder. There was nothing sexual in his touch, just comfort. A comfort that they both needed. Gradually, Ianto's sobs quieted, but when he tried to pull away, Jack resisted.

"Shhh, just rest here for a minute. Relax." Jack urged. Ianto settled back into the shelter of Jack's arms, enjoying the closeness. They stayed that way for an hour, taking comfort from each other.

"Jack?"

"Hmmmm?"

"I really need a shower before I fall asleep like this." Ianto said.

Jack chuckled, his chest moving under Ianto's cheek. "Yeah, that does sound like a good idea, doesn't it?"

"Mmmm...necessary. Can't stand to be dirty." Ianto's voice had a sleepy quality to it.

"Ok, c'mon. Let's go get cleaned up. Do you have clean clothes here?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, down in the locker room."

They stood up and made their way down to the basement where the locker room and showers were. Ianto moved like a man walking in his sleep and Jack kept his arm around him to make sure he didn't stumble.

When they got to the showers, Jack let go to get them some towels and started undressing. Ianto just stood where Jack had left him.

"Hey, are you all right? Do you need me to help you?"

"I'm fi..." Ianto started, then his shoulders sagged and he said, "Yes...please. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's been a hellish 24 hours and you were beat up pretty bad." Jack soothed.

Ianto's white shirt was hanging loose over his black t-shirt. Jack slipped the shirt from his shoulders and gently eased the t-shirt over his head. In all the times he'd imagined this moment, and he had imagined undressing the beautiful Mr. Jones, he'd never thought it would be like this. He ached to see the dark bruises covering the young man's torso. Jack would've given anything to spare Ianto the pain of this experience. The whole team had suffered the mental aspect of the last 24 hours, but Ianto, Tosh and Gwen had suffered physically, with Ianto bearing the most abuse. He quickly undid Ianto's belt buckle and unfastened the jeans, easing them down the slender hips and long legs. Ianto stepped out them and Jack kicked the garments out of the way. Even bruised and half asleep, Ianto Jones was a breathtaking sight in the nude. Jack turned away to bring his libido back under control. This was definitely not the time to be thinking about seducing the young man standing so quietly in the middle of the room. Jack quickly stripped his own clothes off and turned to get them both in the shower.

A mumbled word stopped him, "Gorwych." He looked up to find Ianto watching him.

"What was that?" All this time in Wales and he'd never learned the language, other than a few swear words.

"I said you are gorgeous." Ianto replied. "Gorgeous, and sexy, and damn hot."

Jack blushed slightly. He was an arrogant man that knew exactly how devastating his looks and body were, and shamelessly used them to his advantage, but there was something about the way Ianto was looking at him that made him feel like a shy virgin on his first date.

"Mmmm...you're pretty stunning yourself, Mr. Jones. Not the right time though...More's the pity." Jack replied.

"I know."

"Now, let's get you clean and tucked into bed before you fall asleep where you're standing." Jack smiled, turning on the water and adjusting the temperature. They stepped underneath the spray and Jack gently lathered soap over Ianto's body. Careful not to press too hard over the bruises. Ianto stood docilely, letting Jack wash away all the grime and blood of the last day. Bending his head slightly so the other man could work in the shampoo, and then letting the warm water cascade over him, rinsing all the bubbles away. It felt so good to be taken care of like this. It had been so long. Jack's warm hands were having an effect on his body and if he hadn't been so damn exhausted the evening would have a much different ending. He noticed that he was having an effect on Jack too and smiled slightly at that. Jack gave him a playfully dark look but Ianto just smiled wider and continued to watch the older man clean himself up.

"If you don't stop looking at me like that, I'm going to turn off the hot water and punish you with a freezing cold shower." Jack teased.

Ianto chuckled, "Sorry, Jack, but I've been having these dreams and...." He winked.

"Or maybe I'll just take the cold shower." Jack mumbled, pouting.

Ianto laughed out loud at that. Jack Harkness was so cute when he pouted. A twinge of pain in his side and a large yawn reminded him that this probably wasn't the best time to be entertaining lascivious thoughts about his boss.
Jack turned off the water and reached for a towel. He quickly dried himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist. Then he helped Ianto dry off and get into the sweats and t-shirt the younger man kept in his locker. Guiding Ianto upstairs and into his sleeping area, Jack finally got the young man tucked into bed. Rummaging through his drawers for underwear (he normally slept in the nude), he was thinking about where he was going to sleep. His bed wasn't really all that big, but he didn't want to leave Ianto alone tonight.

"Jack?" Ianto's voice sounded like he was almost asleep.

"Yes, Ianto?"

"Don't leave me alone tonight, please. Could you just hold me?"

Rather than answer aloud, Jack climbed into the bad, tucking Ianto close to his side and wrapping his arms around him, the younger man's head on his chest.

Ianto looked up into Jack's bright blue eyes. "Thank you for letting me stay."
_____________________________

"They don't hear your cries
In your own world
Only time will tell
If you can break the spell
Back in your own world...
Stay with me..."

The song ended, but Jack was still lost in the memory of Ianto's drowsy blue eyes looking up at him. He was jerked back to the present though when the next song started to play...talk about whiplash....

***

The Doctor looked up, startled, as the next song started to play. It was quite a change of pace from the previous songs. Jack had been lost in his memories, but he looked up, slightly shocked, when the fourth song started to play. Then he started laughing...

"I believe in miracles
Where you from
You sexy thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along
You sexy thing.."

Jack glanced down at the letter in his hands and continued to read...

Surprised you with that one, didn't I? I can't help it. Everytime I've looked back on that time in our relationship, this is the song that plays in my head. After everything I'd been through with Torchwood, everything I'd done to the team...not only had you forgiven me, but you shagged me senseless...on more than one occasion. I did believe in miracles...then. Waiting those couple of weeks while my ribs healed up was sheer torture...not that we made it easy on ourselves.....
___________________________

They broke apart, breathing heavily.

"God, Jack, I can't take much more of this." Ianto gasped.

"Mmmmmhmmm," coherent speech was beyond Jack at the moment.

They were in the archives, Ianto trapped between a file cabinet and Jack's firm body. They were both hot and aching for each other.

Jack raised his head and looked at the disheveled young man in his arms. "You know, there are other ways...." he said suggestively.

"Jack, I'm young, not naive. It's the middle of the afternoon, we're in the archive room, anyone could walk in on us..." his voice trailed off.

"I can't do anything about the time of day, but there's a lock on the door and I turned off the CCTV cameras before I came down." Jack's hands trailed a path down Ianto's body to rest on his slender hips, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. He rubbed his groin against Ianto's, illiciting a low groan from the younger man.

Ianto wrapped his hands around the back of Jack's neck, pulling him in for another passionate kiss. Throwing caution to the wind, he moved his hands down to the other man's belt buckle and made quick work opening the belt and the fastenings on the trousers. He slipped his hand in and started caressing the velvety hard flesh beneath. Jack's breath caught in his throat and he pressed himself harder into the teasing hand.

"Feels so good," Jack gasped, his hands fumbling with the fastenings on Ianto's pants. Soon they were both naked from the waist down, pleasuring each other with their hands, lips fused together. Their gasps and moans echoed throughout the room, building in intensity until, with hoarse shouts of pleasure, they came together.

A few days later, Owen announced that Ianto's ribs were all healed up and he could return to full duties if he wanted. Jack's eyes flared with heat when he heard the news and a little while later told everyone they could leave early for the day. Ianto smiled to himself, trust Jack to be so impatient and almost obvious in his haste to get the younger man alone. Fortunately, none of the others questioned the unexpected time off and left with haste. Ianto made a show of preparing to close up the tourist office until the others were gone, then he made his way down into the Hub where Jack was waiting.

Unsure of exactly where the captain was, Ianto stood in the middle of the large room. He jumped slightly when a pair of masculine arms snaked around him from behind.

"It took you long enough." Jack's voice whispered in his ear.

Ianto leaned back against the warm body behind him. "I wanted to make sure the others were all gone."

"Well, Ianto Jones, what shall we do with ourselves this evening?" Jack's breath teased the back of his neck.

"I rather thought I'd leave that up to you, Sir," was the reply.

Jack spun Ianto around in his arms and began to kiss the younger man passionately. "God, I've waited so long for this." He said hungrily as he reached up to loosen Ianto's tie.

"So, we're just going to go at it here in the middle of the floor?" Ianto smirked with his eyebrow raised slightly in question.

Jack laughed and pulled Ianto towards his office. "Definitely not. When I'm through with you, your legs are going to be too weak to stand on."

"Looking forward to it, Sir." Ianto knew that Jack loved it when he called him sir.

By the time they made it to Jack's bed, Ianto's tie was hanging on the back of Tosh's chair, his suit coat was lying in the middle of the staircase, the waistcoat was tossed over the railing, his shirt was on the doorknob to Jack's office, one shoe was next to Jack's desk, the other next to the sofa in the office and his trousers were lying in a puddle on the floor of Jack's bedroom. Jack's clothes made a similar trail following the same path.

When they were both naked, though, Jack slowed down and just looked at the other man. Drinking in the perfection of the body in front of him, he let his fingers slide down Ianto's neck onto his chest, exploring and caressing every inch of the pale skin exposed to his view. Ianto was making a similar exploration of Jack and soon they fell to the bed. Jack began kissing his way down Ianto's neck and across his chest, making his way steadily down towards the hard cock waiting for his attention. His mouth closed over the tip, his tongue swirling, making his way down until Ianto's cock was fully enclosed in moist heat. Ianto's hips bucked up off the mattress, a strangled groan sounding low in his throat.

"Fuck, Jack, that's incredible." Ianto groaned.

Chuckling, Jack began to move his mouth up and down, licking and sucking as Ianto thrust ever deeper into his mouth. Reaching out, Jack fumbled in the bedside drawer for the lube he knew was there. Still working his magic with his mouth, he squeezed some lube onto his fingers and slowly sank a finger into Ianto's tight entry.

Ianto gasped at the twin sensations of Jack's mouth on his body and his finger inside. A second finger joined the first, then a third, and the sensations sent him over the edge into ecstasy, spilling into Jack's mouth as he came, crying out his captain's name. But Jack wasn't done with him yet. Moving to nip the younger man on the hip, he continued to tease and kiss and caress until Ianto was again hard and aching in passion. Only then did Jack move over him and press home into the tight warmth welcoming him in.

"God, Ianto, it feels so good to be inside you. Touch yourself. I want to watch you come undone in my arms." Jack panted, thrusting himself deep into Ianto's body.

Ianto immediately reached down and began to pump himself in time with Jack's thrusts. Their gazes caught and held, watching each other as the tension built and built until it finally crested and they both tumbled headlong into the sweet release they'd been striving towards.

That was the first of many nights spent in the Hub after the others had gone home. They were careful to keep the relationship secret, but the rest of the team suspected something had changed between the boss and the archivist. All hell broke loose when they brought Suzie back from the dead, and after it was all over, Ianto could tell that it had affected Jack deeply.

"I still have that stopwatch, if you're interested...."
__________________________________

Jack came back to the present with tears streaming down his face again. Remembering those sweet, heady days and nights of passion and knowing that he'd never feel Ianto's caresses and kisses again...his face in his hands, he put his head on the desk and sobbed.

The Doctor stood up and pressed pause on the CD player and stepped out of the room, giving the captain some time to compose himself.

***

Jack's storm of weeping had passed for now. The Doctor had brought him another glass of water, his silent presence pulling Jack back from the despair he longed to give in to. But he had to finish Ianto's letter, had to understand...he owed Ianto that much. Reaching out, he pushed play on the stereo and was surprised at the drums and guitar riffs coming from the speakers. He picked up the letter and continued to read....

We were close during those months, I know. But you still kept things from me. When the team mutineed and Owen shot you, I thought for sure I'd lost you and I just didn't care about anything. Then you came back to life and even though I was relieved, I was angry too. You'd never told me that you couldn't die. And there was no time to talk about it, because we had to stop Abbadon. You chose Gwen to go with you, and then you died again. When we got your body back to the Hub, Owen was certain you were dead for good this time. I wasn't sure what to think, but Gwen refused to give up hope and sat next to you. I wanted to be the one to sit with you and wait for you to come back to me, but it was Gwen that you'd told your secret to and not me. So I stayed away. After days, you did come back to us. I was so happy to see you standing there, alive and well, but I wasn't sure what to do. Then you pulled me into your arms and kissed me...in front of the whole team. Owen, Tosh and I went to get some coffee and when we came back, you were gone again.....

Voices started singing with the music...

"Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can’t deal it’s so unfair"
__________________________

"Jack's gone," Gwen said. "Something's taken him."

Everyone else was just standing around talking, wondering what had happened and not doing anything useful, as usual. Ianto walked over to the CCTV monitors and pulled up the video from the last few minutes. He saw Jack staring at the hand in the jar, then he saw Jack smile, grab the jar and a backpack, throw his coat on and run out the door. They must have just missed him on their way back. Ianto switched over to the video from outside the Hub. He spotted Jack running across the Plass toward a blue police box, jumping and holding on as it disappeared from view. So that's where he'd gone. With the Doctor again. A few keystrokes erased the video he'd been looking at, the others wouldn't understand and he couldn't deal with Gwen's incessant questions right now.

The Doctor. Ianto had been an archivist at Torchwood 1 in London, a fact that everyone, including Jack, seemed to forget. He knew all about the Doctor and that Jack had traveled with him for awhile. He'd never mentioned it to Jack, wanting the captain to tell him on his own, but he never had. Ianto remembered the excitement in London when the Doctor had shown up at headquarters. He'd read the file extensively and he could understand why Jack had taken off again. The excitement and danger that seemed to follow the Doctor were right up Jack's alley. Just because Ianto understood why Jack had taken off, it didn't mean that he wasn't incredibly angry about it.

Owen, Tosh and Gwen had finally decided to check the CCTV cameras, but didn't find anything thanks to Ianto. He calmly started cleaning up the mess that had resulted from Jack's hasty departure.

Later that evening, after everyone had left for the day, Ianto wandered around the Hub. He was already missing Jack, but doubted if he'd ever see the man again. He made his way down to Jack's private area beneath the office, staring at the bed where they had spent so many happy hours together.

"God damn you, Jack Harkness." His voice sounded loud in the stillness. Removing his clothes, he walked over to the bed and curled up under the blankets. Surrounded by Jack's familiar scent, he finally let his emotions go. "You fucking, selfish bastard, Jack! How could you just leave me like that? Was Owen right? Was I just a part-time shag for you? Something to occupy your time until your bloody Doctor came back?" He raged. "I thought you needed me, that I was important to you! But you couldn't even bother to tell me any of your secrets! Gwen knew that you couldn't die. Tosh was the one that found out Jack Harkness wasn't even your real name. What did I know? Nothing! Except that you were good in bed and it's not like I'm the only one that's ever found that out!" Ianto realized that the person he was yelling at couldn't hear him, was probably halfway across the galaxy and who knew in what time, but he didn't care. He continued to vent his anger and frustration, but beating up a defenseless pillow didn't soothe the hurt inside of him. Tears were streaming down his face and his voice was growing hoarse from yelling. Finally, he hugged Jack's pillow to his face and cried himself to sleep.

The next day, he got up, showered, dressed in one of his extra suits that was hanging in Jack's closet and went upstairs to get things ready for when the rest of the team came into work. Gwen was the first one to show up. Ianto brought her a cup of coffee and set it next to her on the desk.

"Ianto, are you ok?" she asked.

"I'm fine, Gwen."

"How can you be fine, Ianto? I'm not fine, and I know there was something between you two, so you must be even more upset than the rest of us." Sometime's Gwen's insight scared him. "Do you have any idea where he could be?"

"No, I don't," he lied. "It was just casual between us and the captain was never one to talk about himself much." There was no sense in hiding that he'd been having an affair with their boss. The kiss Jack had given him before he left kind of made it impossible to deny a physical relationship between them.

"But..." Gwen started.

Ianto cut her off, "Look, I really don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"Ok. I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk to someone, I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Gwen."

Fortunately Owen showed up, and Ianto was spared anymore of Gwen's sympathy. Who would've thought he'd ever be glad to see Owen?

"Oi, Teaboy! You got any coffee ready yet?"

"Of course I do, Owen. I know what you're like in the morning, bloody impossible without your caffeine fix." Owen looked surprised at the younger man's sarcasm. When Ianto brought his cup of coffee over, Owen looked up and actually said thank you.

Tosh came in a few minutes later and the team gathered into the conference room to discuss what to do without Jack there.

Gwen started off, "Should we try to find Jack?" she asked.

"No." Everyone was surprised when Ianto spoke up.

"Why not?" Tosh asked.

"I did some looking around last night after you all left. Jack wasn't kidnapped, he left of his own free will. And we all know the captain well enough to know that if he'd wanted us to know where he was going, he would've left us some hint."

Everyone nodded at that.

"Ok, so what do we do?" For some reason the others were all looking at Ianto for answers.

"We carry on with our jobs. The rift doesn't go away just because Captain Jack Harkness swans off on a lark." His bitterness seeped through. "Owen, you've got the most seniority, you should lead the team."

"Uh-uh, no way are you pawning that off on me. I don't do paperwork, I don't work well with others and the last time I thought I was in charge, I almost destroyed the fucking world." Ianto was surprised that Owen would so readily admit his faults. He looked across the table at Gwen and Tosh. Tosh silently shook her head.

"Gwen? You have the best relationship with the local police. That would come in handy."

"I think you're the best qualified, Ianto. You know this place inside and out."

"No. I'll help you out, but I don't have enough field experience to lead you guys. So, are we agreed? Gwen will lead the team?" Ianto asked.

Everyone nodded their acceptance of this plan, Gwen looking a bit daunted at the prospect.

"Since Jack lived here, we never had to worry about leaving the Hub unattended. Now that he's gone, I think we should have someone here at all times to monitor things." Gwen suggested, looking around the table.

"I'll stay at night. I'm here most of the time anyway." Ianto offered.

"Ok, then. I guess we should get to work."


A few days later a call came in from the Prime Minister's office, requesting the team to investigate some strange activity in the Himalayas. Ianto took the team to the airport and made his way back to the Hub. Harold Saxon had requested the entire team, but they hadn't wanted to leave the Hub unattended, so Ianto had been left behind. They wouldn't be able to keep in touch with him, so he turned off the comm system and locked down the Hub to simulate the appearance that they were all gone.

The strain of keeping up appearances to the rest of the team had been taking a toll on Ianto's nerves. They'd gotten closer since Jack left, but he still didn't want them to know how hard he was taking Jack's disappearence. He alternated between bleak despair and rage. When the rage descended, he went down to the basement and used the shooting range, taking out his anger on the inoffensive targets. More often though, it was despair that he felt. He holed himself up in Jack's room, reliving all the times he'd spent there with his captain. But everything was cold and empty now, and he often woke with tears on his face, calling out Jack's name. He stopped monitoring what was going on in the world outside the Hub. The alarms would sound if there was a serious problem, but nothing was happening to keep his mind off of his own private pain.
At least that's what he thought until the day before the team was due back.

He'd started to come out of the depression he'd been wallowing in and decided to see what had been happening so he could update the team when they got back. The first story he read was that the Prime Minister, Harold Saxon, was dead. Apparently after killing the American President. Reading back a little further, he was surprised to see that an alien race had contacted Saxon, but had disappeared shortly before the Prime Minister was shot. That surprise was nothing compared to the shock he'd felt when he saw the news report showing Jack, the Doctor and someone named Martha Jones on the top of the government's most wanted list. He couldn't find much more information than that, not even why they'd been wanted. Angry at himself for missing the chance to connect with Jack, he decided it was best if the team didn't know anything about it and deleted the relevant files from the databases.

The rest of the team came back the next day and life settled into a pattern. Ianto started going out on missions with the team and working closely with Gwen on the day to day business of running Torchwood. Even his relationship with Owen settled into an easy truce. Only when he was alone at night in Jack's bed, did he allow himself to dwell on how much he still missed the man and wished he'd come back home.
____________________________

"And it feels like
Heaven’s so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you’ve gone away "

The song ended and Jack looked up at the Doctor. "I never realized how much he knew about you." Jack said.

"Did you ever ask him?" the Doctor asked gently.

Jack's eyes clouded over with regret as he replied, "It never even occured to me."

***

Jack looked back down at the letter as the next song started to play...

"I don't wanna hear about it anymore
It's a shame I've got to live without you anymore
There's a fire in my heart
A pounding in my brain
It's driving me crazy"


When you came back, I wasn't sure what to think. You were looking at me when you said 'I came back for you. For all of you.', but then later I saw you talking to Gwen on the CCTV and you told her something similar. Then Captain John showed up and you asked me out on a date. I was so confused, but I desperately wanted to believe that you felt something for me. You'd hurt me so bad, but you were so sincere. So I accepted....
________________________

Captain Jack Harkness was nervous. It was a novel sensation, but not one he really cared for. Tonight was his date with Ianto and he wanted everything to be perfect. He'd thought about this so much during the year on the Valiant, how nice it would be to spend some time with the young man away from the office. Unfortunately, he had no idea where to go on their date. Dinner, yes..but where? A pub? No, too casual. He'd finally decided on one of Cardiff's nicer restaurants and made reservations. Dinner would only take so long though, then what? Dancing? A movie? What did people in this day and age do on dates? He decided to bring in outside help and looked at the team members below...Tosh? No, she never talked about going out. Owen? Jack laughed to himself, that'll be the day. He called Gwen up to his office.

"Yes, Jack?"

"I have a problem that I need your help with." Jack began. "You go out on dates with Rhys, right?"

Gwen looked confused, but nodded. "Do you have a date, Jack?" Her voice incredulous.

"Ummm, yeah, I do. I have dinner reservations, but...." this was awkward.

"You want to know what to do after dinner." Gwen smiled.

Jack looked sheepish. "Yes, I just...it's been so long since I took anyone on a date, and I want it to be special."

Gwen gave him a knowing look, "Ianto?" She asked.

"Yes. Do you have any ideas on what he'd like to do? I know you guys worked closely together while I was away." The hopeful look on his face made Gwen laugh. Who knew that Jack Harkness could be so anxious about such a simple thing as a date?

"Well, we mainly talked about work, but he did let slip once that he liked old movies."

"Gwen, I've been around since movie theatres were first invented...what exactly do you mean by 'old movies'?" Jack ran an exasperated hand through his hair. "Give me a timeframe to work with here. Please?"

"1940's, 50's maybe early 60's? There was some classic movie festival a few weeks ago that he was going on about. Cary Grant or Audrey Hepburn? Something like that anyway." She took pity on the man in front of her. "I'll check and see what's playing, shall I? When is your date?"

"Tonight."

Walking back to her desk, she brought up the movie theatre times on her computer screen. Finally finding one that sounded perfect, she emailed Jack the time and place that it was playing. Then she asked him what he was going to wear.

"Gwen!!" Jack's voice rang through the Hub. "Get back up here, right now!"

She walked back into his office, grinning.

"What do you mean 'what am I going to wear'?" he demanded.

"Well, I was just wondering if you were going to wear you're regular type of outfit or if you had anything more...." her voice trailed off.

"More what?" His eyes were narrowed in suspicion.

"Modern?"

He stood up, grabbing her hand and dragging her down into his room under his office. She was laughing breathlessly as he threw open his closet.

"Find something."

She browsed through the clothes hanging there and finally decided on a nice pair of black trousers and a black waistcoat. There was even a suit jacket that matched the rest of the outfit.

"Wear a blue shirt, it brings out the color in your eyes."


Later that evening, Jack was standing on Ianto's doorstep. When the door opened, he offered Ianto the long-stemmed red rose he was holding. He enjoyed the slight blush on the younger man's cheeks and when Ianto looked up with a smile, Jack nearly lost himself in the happiness shining out of the soft blue eyes.

"Shall we go?" he asked, offering Ianto his arm.

The young man laughed and turned to shut and lock the door before placing his hand on Jack's arm.

Jack held the car door open for Ianto, then got in behind the wheel and drove to the restaurant.

He'd chosen the Bayside Brasserie on the Mermaid Quay, close to the bay. They were seated immediately and Jack ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon.

Ianto raised an eyebrow and asked, "Are we celebrating something, Sir?"

"Ianto...." he drew out the syllables in the name, giving the younger man a teasing stern look.

"Jaa-ack..." Ianto drew his name out the same way. "Are we celebrating?"

"Yep. We're celebrating you saying yes to a date!"

Ianto's blue eyes went serious when he said softly, "All you ever had to do was ask."

Jack nodded once in acknowledgement of that statement, regret showing in his dark blue eyes. Ianto's hand reached across the table to squeeze Jack's fingers, giving him a small smile of forgiveness.

The champagne arrived and when their glasses were full, Jack raised his in a toast. "To new beginnings," he said softly.

Ianto's glass clinked against his, "To new beginnings," he agreed.

Jack made a conscious effort to keep the dinner conversation away from work, drawing Ianto out about his childhood and university days. He shared memories from his younger days, too, opening up some about his past. It felt good to relax and talk about small things. Just get to know each other.

After dinner was over, Ianto was surprised when Jack drove to the movie theatre. When he saw what was playing, he looked at Jack with a teasing sparkle in his eyes.

"If you tell me that you actually knew Cary Grant, I'm going to make you take me home right now."

"No, I never knew Cary Grant. I spent the 40's fighting the German's in WWII, not swanning around Hollywood." Jack laughed.

"Ok, good. Because 'Charade' is one of my all-time favorite movies and I'd hate to have to be jealous everytime I watched it!"

Jack bought the tickets and they entered the darkened movie theatre, choosing seats close to the back in the middle of the row. As the opening credits began, Jack felt Ianto's slender fingers entwine with his. He glanced over at the younger man and smiled, keeping Ianto's fingers cradled gently in his warm hand.

They both enjoyed the movie tremendously and spent the car ride back to Ianto's flat discussing finer details of the movie.

"So, Cary Grant or Audrey Hepburn?" Jack asked.

Ianto rolled his eyes, but then he laughed and admitted, "Both. Audrey had such an ethereal beauty and I've always had a thing for older men." He darted a teasing look at Jack.

Jack threw back his head and laughed at that.

Pulling back up in front of Ianto's, Jack got out and held the car door open for Ianto. They walked up to the front door and Jack was suddenly nervous again. It had been a good evening, but how would it end? Would Ianto invite him in? Was it too soon?

Ianto turned when they reached the door and caught the slight look of nervousness on the other man's face. Reaching out, he pulled Jack to him and kissed the him. Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto and deepened the kiss. Moments passed in a haze of passion. When they broke apart, Ianto looked into Jack's eyes and asked, "Do you want to come in?"

"Yes, I do, but I don't want to push too fast, Ianto." Jack replied.

"It's not too fast, Jack. I need for you to help me forget the pain of the past few weeks. Stay with me tonight. Please." Ianto's soft words were like acid on Jack's conscience, but he couldn't deny the younger man's plea, or his own need to reconnect with his lover. He nodded and followed the young man through the doorway.
__________________________

Back in the present, Jack wondered how they'd gotten from that first beautiful evening together to this.

"Can you take me high enough
Won't you fly me over (won't you fly me over) yesterday
Can you take me high enough
It's never over..."

***

Jack took a deep breath and looked over at the Doctor, "Our first date..." he laughed."I was so nervous about it."

"You, Jack? Nervous about a date?"

"Hey, it was important to me. And it was beautiful. I just don't know how things went so wrong, why he would do this."

"I think that's why he left you this letter, Jack. To tell you how he felt."

Jack looked down at the letter in his hands and sighed. Then he pushed play on the CD player again, listening to the opening guitar notes and violins....

"I feel it everyday it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?"

He looked down at the letter in his hands, dreading what he was going to read....

Jack, I fell so hard for you. I told myself that I was going to take it slow and make sure that you felt the same way. Sometimes I even convinced myself that you did feel the same, but you never said anything. And there were other moments when you seemed to care for someone else more than for me. I ended up feeling like your second choice, because you couldn't have your first choice. I wanted to get away, but I couldn't bring myself to leave....
_______________________________

"You should see his manners in bed...or so I've heard..."

Ianto's heart sank a little. He and Gwen had gotten closer while Jack had been gone and he knew that Jack and Gwen were good friends, but was there something more between them? Ianto shoved the doubts out of his mind, he had to believe that Jack wouldn't string him along like that.

"Oh they are, I remember this one time..."

"Ahem!" Jack gave them both a look.

Ianto and Gwen just looked at each other and smiled. Teasing the boss was something they both enjoyed doing, and they were good at it.

Later, after Beth was gone, Jack and Ianto were in the Hub alone together.

"So you question my interrogation methods do you?" Jack asked in mock seriousness.

Ianto convulsed into giggles, "Oh, c'mon, Jack. 'What do you think of my boots?' isn't exactly on the standard list of interrogation questions."

"Yeah, well, you and Gwen commenting about my manners in bed wasn't exactly the most professional thing either." Jack groused, not noticing when the teasing light faded from Ianto's eyes. "Are you staying tonight?"

"No, I need to go home and get some rest. I'm exhausted," was the subdued reply.

Jack looked at the younger man, noticing the shadows in his eyes. "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow." He watched as Ianto walked away, wondering if everything was ok. "Ianto, I...."

"Yes, Jack?" he asked, when the older man's voice trailed away.

"Nothing. Go home."


Ianto was his normal self when he got in to work the next day, so Jack dismissed his concern. Soon it would be time for Tommy's yearly wake up call, hopefully it would all go well and they'd have some down time for he and Ianto to spend together. Maybe they could go on another date.

The rift had other ideas.

"His own time. Would you go back to yours? If you could?"

"Why, would you miss me?"

"Yep."

"I left home a long time ago. I don't know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn't matter anymore."

"I..uh..know you get lonely."

"Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would've known if I just stayed where I was." He looked up into the soft blue eyes looking down at him. "I wouldn't change that for the world."

Ianto reached out and pulled Jack close, kissing him passionately. Jack stood up and drew the young man into his arms, deepening the kiss. Ianto's hands pushed the grey braces off of Jack's shoulders and reached down to untuck the shirt and undershirt, slipping inside to caress the taut skin above Jack's trousers. The captain gasped at the feel of his lover's hands on his bare skin. He removed Ianto's jacket and draped it across the back of the chair he'd been sitting in.

"Come with me," Jack whispered.

Ianto allowed himself to be led down into Jack's sleeping area, where they quickly undressed each other. Hands caressing and lips trailing across exposed skin. Gasping, they both sank down onto the bed. Jack drew Ianto underneath him, leaning down to kiss the soft mouth, his tongue plunging inside to explore, his fingers working their magic down Ianto's lean body.

The Welshman was busy too, running his hands down Jack's back to cup his butt and pull his hips forward so hard, aching flesh met hard, aching flesh. He turned so the older man was beneath him, giving Ianto control of their lovemaking. He reached for the lube and quickly prepared Jack and himself before thrusting deep into his lover's body.

"Oh, God, Ianto, yes!" Jack gasped. His hands on Ianto's hips, urging him faster.

His lover's gasps and moans spurred Ianto on and he reached down to grasp Jack's cock in his hand, urging Jack to lose the control Ianto had already lost. They moved in time, one with the other, the passion rising until at last they reached the pinnacle together and fell through to the other side.

Lying, wrapped in Jack's arms, Ianto was falling asleep. Just before his eyes drifted close, he whispered, "I love you, Jack."

"Ianto, I....." Jack's voice trailed off as he realized the younger man was already asleep.


The weeks passed. Gwen's fiance, Rhys, discovered what they actually did. Jack allowed him to keep the knowledge rather than retcon him and risk losing Gwen from the team, making Ianto wonder again about the relationship between the two. He tried to distance himself, but everytime he did, Jack managed to bring him back in. The whole team lost two days of their memories, not knowing what had happened. But Ianto began to have recurring dreams where Gwen told Jack that she loved him. His emotions were in a constant state of confusion. One minute he was sure Jack loved him, the next thinking it was Gwen the man loved and that he was just using Ianto to fill his time. Even when Gwen and Rhys got married, Ianto had watched Jack on the dance floor, lost in Gwen's eyes. When Ianto cut in to dance with Jack, he felt like Jack's mind was still dancing with Gwen.

Jack noticed that Ianto was sometimes distant with him, but he couldn't figure out why. After that one declaration of love, Ianto hadn't said it ever again. Jack was head over heels in love with Ianto, but he was afraid to tell him. Afraid that something would happen to the younger man and he'd lose another person he loved before their time. So he stayed silent....
__________________________

Jack was crying again. "I should've told him I loved him, but I was so afraid."

"I know, Jack." the Doctor said. "I've been there, too. And it's one of the biggest regrets of my life that I didn't say the words when I had the chance."

The song ended....

"Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to"

***

Jack's tears continued to fall as the guitars and heavy drumbeat of the next song started. The lyrics started....

"Well if you wanted honesty,
that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go,
it's better off this way..."

He continued to read the letter through his tears....

Do you remember when I came down with the flu, Jack? You were so worried and you came over to take care of me. Having your undivided attention outside sex was such a novel experience. Then I got a concussion fighting with that weevil, and you took care of me again. It wasn't a concious decision, but I was so desperate for your attention that I started taking crazy risks out on missions....hoping I'd get injured...just so you'd take care of me again.....I didn't realize what was happening until you talked to me about it.
__________________________

"Why won't you be at work today, Ianto?" Jack asked.

"I've got the flu, Jack. I feel like shit and I don't want to spread this to the girls. Owen can make the coffee now you know. You don't need me there." Ianto sighed.

"We may not need you here if you're sick, but it sounds like you need me there." Jack chuckled. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

Hanging up the telephone, Jack put on his coat and called down to the team, "Ianto's sick, I'm heading over to his place. Call me if the world's about to end!"

"Ok, Jack. Tell Ianto to feel better soon." Gwen replied.

"Yeah, tell him we'll miss him until he's better." Tosh said.

"He's sick? You want me to come with you and see if there's anything I can do for him?" Owen asked.

"Thanks, Owen. I'll call you if I think he needs a doctor." Jack headed out the door.


Ten minutes later, he was knocking on Ianto's door. He heard a voice telling him to come in, so he opened it and walked inside. Ianto was sitting on the couch, the phone cradled on his shoulder.

"It's just the stomach flu, Owen," his voice filled with frustration. "No, tell Gwen and Tosh that they do not need to bring me any soup. I'd just throw it up anyway." He shot Jack a dirty look. "Look, Owen, Jack's here now. If I need anything, I'll let him know. OK? Yes, I'm sure. Goodbye."

Jack raised an eyebrow in question as he took off his coat.
"You had to tell the whole team?" Ianto questioned.

"I had to tell them where I was going didn't I? Otherwise they just would've followed me over here." Jack laughed.

"You could've told them you were coming over for a shag. Now they're all going to start sending me home remedies and calling every five minutes to see how I am." He grumbled.

"Boy, who would've thought the calm, cool and collected Ianto Jones would be such a grump when he's sick!" Jack smirked.

"Bite me, Jack. I fucking hate being si...." Ianto broke off the sentance and ran towards the bathroom.

Jack followed to where he was bent over the toilet being noisily sick. Grabbing a washcloth, he ran it under cold water and gently bathed the back of Ianto's neck, running a hand up and down his back to sooth him. When Ianto was done being ill for the time being, Jack filled a glass with water and gave it to him to rinse the taste out of his mouth.

"C'mon, let's get you tucked into bed." Jack sheparded the younger man back to the bedroom. "You're burning up, do you have a thermometer?"

"I already took my temperature. It's 39c. And before you ask, yes I took something for it. Although I doubt I managed to keep any of it down just now."

Jack got Ianto settled into the bed and then went back to the bathroom to see what was in the medicine cabinet. He shook his head when he saw that it was fully stocked. Trust Ianto to be prepared for anything. He grabbed the over-the-counter nausea medication and then headed out to the kitchen to get a spoon. When he walked back into the bedroom, he laughed to see Ianto sitting up against the pillows, arms crossed and a mutinous expression on his face.

"You look like a little kid rebelling against taking his medicine." Jack laughed.

Ianto just glared at him and Jack laughed again, walking over to the bed and pouring out a spoonful of the liquid.
"Are you going to take this without argument, or am I going to have to force feed it to you?"

"Sorry, Jack. I'll take it. I just really hate being sick." Ianto relaxed a bit, taking the spoon and downing the medicine.

"That's ok. You're kind of cute when you're acting like a two-year old." Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, Ianto, when did this start?" Jack asked.

"Last night. I've barely had any sleep."

"Ok, settle down and try to get some rest." Jack ordered.

"Oh, Sir, yes, Sir." Ianto retorted. But he snuggled down in the pillows and turned on his side to try and go to sleep. "Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Would you....would you hold me? I always sleep better when I'm in your arms." His voice was hesitant and a little shy.

Jack immediately kicked off his shoes and went around to the other side of the bed, crawling in and settling Ianto in his arms.

"Now shush, and go to sleep." Jack kissed the top of his head.

Ianto snuggled into Jack's side and started to relax.
"Jack...thank you for coming."


A couple of days later, Ianto was better and back at work. For once, the rift had cooperated and Jack had been able to stay the entire time and take care of him. It had felt so nice to have Jack all to himself, even though he had been sick. Maybe he should be ill more often, if that was the result.

A week later they were out hunting a rogue weevil and in the course of capturing it, Ianto had been thrown against a wall and knocked unconcious. When he woke up, he found himself in Jack's bed, Owen examining him and Jack standing worriedly by. Owen said he had a slight concussion and needed bed rest and peace and quiet.

"He shouldn't be alone, Jack. Do you want me to stay and monitor him?" Owen asked.

"No, that's my job," said Jack.

"Ok, call me if anything changes."

"I will, Owen. Thanks. Oh and tell Tosh and Gwen to go home early would you? You take off too. In fact, take the next couple of days off, all of you. I don't want to move him if I don't have to so let's keep this place as quiet as possible for him. I'll call you guys if we need anything." Jack looked affectionately down at the young man on the bed and Ianto just looked up in astonishment.

"If that's what you want, Boss." Owen left the room and went to let the women know that Ianto was ok and they could all go home for the next few days.

When they heard the door shut behind the rest of the team, Jack sat next to Ianto on the bed.

"How are you feeling, Ianto?" He asked.

"Head hurts," was the mumbled reply.

Jack kicked his shoes off and stripped down to a t-shirt and his boxers. He carefully climbed into the bed and arranged it so he was sitting against the wall with Ianto's head on his stomach.

"Get some rest, Ianto. I'll have to wake you up every couple of hours to make sure you know who you are, but I'll be nice about it, I promise."

The next couple of days passed quietly. Just Ianto and Jack. And Owen, when he came in to examine Ianto and make sure the young man was healing ok.


Jack knew that Ianto could hold his own on missions, but he still worried when the younger man started taking unnecessary risks while out with the team.

"Ianto, could I talk to you for a minute?" he asked when Ianto set his morning coffee on the desk.

"What's up, Jack?" the young man smiled, leaning against the desk.

"I'm worried about you." Jack's tone was serious. "When we're out on missions, you seem to be taking a lot of risks. Rushing in headlong, leaving yourself open to attack. What's wrong, Ianto?"

Ianto was quiet for a moment, staring at his hands.
Jack prodded, "Ianto?"

"Nothing's wrong, Jack. I'm okay, trust me."
____________________

Back in the present, Jack's tears continued to fall. "How did I not see what was going on with him?" he asked the Doctor.

"So many times, Jack, we just see what we want to see, especially when it's someone we love."

The song ended...

"I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)"

***

Jack was beyond speech now. Silent tears continued to fall as the next song started to play....

"I close my eyes
only for a moment
and the moment's gone
all my dreams
pass before my eyes a curiosity..."

After our talk that day, I realized what I had been doing. Realized that I'd been stupid and destructive and reckless. I felt like my world was closing in around me. So I detached, just watching life go by. I could feel you reaching out to me, and I tried to respond, but there was just nothing left inside of me to give....
________________________


Jack watched as Ianto delivered the morning coffees, waiting for him to make his way to Jack's office. He smiled up at the young Welshman, hoping to see an answering smile. The lips smiled, but the eyes remained blank.

"Ianto, is everything ok?" he asked.

"Of course, Sir, why wouldn't it be?" was the reply.

"I don't know. There's something different about you, like you're a million miles away from me." Jack was really worried now, it had been months since Ianto had called him 'Sir'.

"Just tired, I guess. I haven't been sleeping much lately."

Ianto hadn't been staying with him, so Jack didn't know if this was the truth or not.

"Why don't we take the day off, Ianto? Go for a walk, or something...just get away for awhile."

"If you'd like to, Jack." The dispirited tone of voice tugged at Jack's heart.

Grabbing his coat, he took the other man's hand and walked out of his office. Tosh was the only one in sight at the moment.

"Tosh, Ianto and I are going to take off for the rest of the day. Call us if anything happens."

She nodded, her concerned eyes following the two out the door. The previous evening, she, Gwen and Owen had all talked to Jack about their concerns over Ianto. He hadn't been himself lately and they were all worried.


Walking down the pier, Jack kept Ianto's hand in his, the younger man just walking by his side like he was asleep. They got to the end of the pier and leaned against the railing, Ianto staring out over the water and Jack staring at him.

"I used to stand out here and listen to the seabirds crying on the wind. It's such a lonely sound." It was almost like Ianto was talking to himself, his voice was so low. "Sunset was my favorite time, the sky all lit up with bright oranges and reds."

"I remember, Ianto. We danced out here once, at the end of the day." Jack ached for the hapiness he'd felt that day. He wasn't sure what had gone wrong between them, he only knew that something had and the sadness he felt from Ianto was killing him.

"Dance with me now, Jack." Ianto's soft blue eyes were focused on Jack's face.

Jack smiled at the request. "Ok, give me a second, I'll arrange us some music." He pressed his earpiece and spoke, "Tosh, could you do me a favor? Could you pipe some music into Ianto and my earpieces? We want to dance. Something soft...maybe a little Glenn Miller? Thanks, you're a love."

The song started to play and Jack brought Ianto into his arms, moving slowly in time to the music. Ianto's eyes were closed, his head resting on Jack's shoulder. They were getting strange looks from the other people on the pier, but Jack didn't care. His Ianto was in his arms and all was right with his world again. He didn't even care that Tosh was probably watching them on the CCTV feed.
When the song ended, he lifted Ianto's head and kissed him softly on the lips, relishing the return kiss he received. They broke apart and Ianto's eyes were slightly moist, like he was on the verge of tears. Jack blinked and the moment passed.


They were walking hand in hand past the neighborhood shops when Jack saw something that gave him an idea.

"Let's have a picnic!" He suggested.

Ianto gave him a strange look, but shrugged. "If you want to, Jack. It's a nice day for it at least."

They walked into the store and bought the ready-made picnic lunch Jack had seen in the window. They also bought a bottle of wine and large blanket to sit on.

Carrying their purchases, they walked the couple of blocks to a small park, spread out the blanket and set out the food. As they ate, Jack was glad to see a little bit of life come back to Ianto's eyes. After the meal, Ianto insisted on getting up and shaking the crumbs off the blanket, then they sat back down. Ianto stretched out and laid his head in Jack's lap, just resting quietly. Jack idly ran his fingers through Ianto's hair and it wasn't long before the young man fell asleep. Sitting and watching his love sleep, Jack relished the peace and quiet. Content just sitting there in the sunshine, Jack realized that he could see himself doing this for the rest of his life, if Ianto was by his side. A shadow crossed his face when he reminded himself that wasn't possible, but then he decided he didn't care, he'd take what time he was given. Ianto woke up a couple of hours later and looked up, love shining out of his beautiful blue eyes. Jack blinked and the moment passed.


They made their way back to Ianto's flat. It had been a beautiful day and neither one wanted it to end. Standing in the bedroom, they melted into each other, kissing and caressing. Rediscovering all the tastes and textures each loved best about the other. Their clothes disappeard and they fell onto the bed, straining to get closer, to absorb the other into their very being. They touched and teased and caressed until, finally, Jack pressed Ianto back into the pillows and claimed him as his own. Their labored breathing filled the room as their passion built and intensified and then released. Collapsing together, Jack felt himself slipping down into sleep. His last thought was 'Tomorrow. I'll tell him tomorrow.'
___________________

"Why did I wait?" Jack sobbed. "I shouldn't have waited, I should've told him everything I was feeling."

The Doctor knew there was no answer, so he remained quiet as the song ended....

"And all your money
won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
all we are is dust in the wind
dust in the wind
everything is dust in the wind"

***

Jack's brokenhearted sobs drowned out the beginning of the last song on the CD....

"Baby, I get so scared inside and I don't really understand
Is it love that's on my mind or is it fantasy?
Heaven, is in the palm of my hand and it's waiting here for you..."

His tear filled eyes could barely read the last few lines on the page in front of him.....

Thank you, Jack, for today. It made it easier for me to say goodbye. I'm so sorry, Jack, but I can't live like this anymore. I just have nothing left inside of me. I've been in so much pain for so long, Canary Wharf, Lisa, loving you and not knowing if you loved me too. Desperate for any little sign or crumb of affection. You helped me through so much over the past couple of years, but you can't help me with this.
Goodbye, Jack.
Ianto
_______________________

Jack woke up to an empty bed. He tasted tears on his lips and wondered why.

"Ianto?" His voice echoed through the empty flat. He swung his legs out of the bed and stood up, walking through the apartment, desperate to find the man he loved. There was no one there.

He dressed quickly and ran to the Hub. The tourist office was open, so maybe Ianto had just left for work without waking him up. As the huge rolling door opened, the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted out. He closed his eyes in relief. Ianto was here. Of course, so was the rest of the team. Not the place he'd wanted to declare his love, but he couldn't wait another minute.

"Tosh, have you seen Ianto?" he asked, bypassing his office.

"Hmmm? Yeah, he was here a little while ago. I'm not sure where he is now, though. Check with Owen."

Striding hurriedly over to the autopsy area, Jack saw Owen working on dissecting another dead weevil.

"Owen, have you seen Ianto?"

"Yeah, he was here a few minutes ago. Said he was checking supplies for an order or something. Why? Didn't you two come in together this morning?"

Ignoring the doctor's nosy question, Jack continued looking for the young Welshman. Half an hour later, there was still no sign of him. Jack was almost panicking. Going back to Tosh's workstation, he asked her to check the CCTV video.

"Wish I could, Jack, but we've been having problems with it all morning. It's almost like someone's planted a virus or something in the feed, but the only one besides me that would know how to do that would be....Ianto." Her suddenly frightened eyes looked into Jack's, seeing the panic.

"Oh, God, we have to find him. Owen, Gwen, come over here please!" Jack called the other two. "We need to find Ianto, right now. You all know that he's been acting strange lately. I thought, yesterday, that we'd gotten past it, but now I'm not so sure. It appears that he found a way to disable the internal cameras, so we can't track him. We'll have to search every part of this building for him. Owen, you said he was checking supplies, what exactly was he looking at?" Jack was starting to be afraid that something was very, very wrong and not liking where his thoughts were straying.

Tosh and Gwen set off to start looking through the Hub while Jack and Owen made their way to the medical bay.

"This is the cabinet he was looking through, Jack. It's where I keep all the narcotics....shit." Owen looked over at Jack. "You don't think...." his voice trailed off at the anguish on the captain's face.

"Is anything missing?" Jack's voice was strained.

Owen checked the inventory log, closing his eyes when he saw what was missing. "Jack, the bottle of morphine is gone. So is one of the syringes." Jack's face went white, the pain in his eyes so intense that Owen had to turn away.

"Find him."


They searched for an hour, the archives, the cells, the locker room, even Myfanwy's lair...there was no sign of Ianto anywhere.

"Jack...." Gwen said haltingly, "have you checked your sleeping area?"

Jack didn't say anything, just turned and ran to his office, throwing open the entrance to his private place and stumbling down the ladder. The rest of the team was hot on his heels.

Ianto was lying on the bed, turned on his side with his hands curled underneath his cheek. Jack approached him quietly, hoping that his love was only asleep. He reached out and stroked the soft cheek gently, recoiling at the coldness. His eyes noted the empty bottle on the small table and the used syringe on the floor. Owen brushed past him and checked for a pulse. Slowly, he looked up and shook his head. There were twin sobs from Tosh and Gwen as they realized that their friend was dead. Owen closed his eyes in sorrow.

Jack sank to his knees beside the bed, gathering the lifeless body into his arms. Deep, wracking sobs worked their way up his throat as he gently kissed the closed eyelids.

In between sobs, the team heard Jack murmmering the same words over and over again. "Too late, too late, too late..."

"Too late for what, Jack?" Gwen asked softly.

Tear drenched blue eyes looked up and said, "To tell him I loved him. Oh, God, how much I loved him."

He buried his face in the curve of Ianto's neck and gave himself up to the grief.
________________________

The last song was ending....

"If I close my eyes forever
Would it all remain unchanged?
If I close my eyes forever
would it all remain the same?"

Jack was sobbing, heartbroken, into the Doctor's shoulder.

"It's all my fault," he sobbed. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. If I'd just been braver...." His words trailed off into an anguished wail.

"It's not supposed to be like this!" he shouted.

***

Jack's heartbroken sobs had quieted, but tears were still streaming down his face.

"Jack, when did you first know that you were in love with Ianto?" the Doctor asked.

"He was the reason I came back after the year that never was." came the subdued reply.

"Ok, c'mon then, we've got work to do."

"What? No, I can't leave...I can't leave him here..." Jack was confused at the Doctor's attitude.

"We have to go, Jack. There's someone you need to talk to." The Doctor urged.

"Who do I need to talk to? Ianto is dead. And he's the only one I want to talk to." Anger was beginning to underlay the grief in his voice.

"You need to talk to yourself, Jack. Because you're right, this wasn't supposed to happen."

Feeling a glimmer of hope, Jack allowed himself to be led over to the TARDIS standing in the middle of the Hub.
_________________________________

"Ok, now, when you left Martha and I that day, you headed back here. What did you do? Did you run into anyone?" The Doctor was firing up the engines.

"I came straight back here to the office. The team was out somewhere, so I was all alone."

"Good, we'll just have to travel in time then. Here we go!"

After a short, bumpy ride, the TARDIS came to a stop. The Doctor opened the door and heard a familiar voice call out, "Doctor? What? Couldn't live without me, huh?"

Motioning the grief stricken Jack to stay inside, the Doctor stepped out and replied, "Actually, Jack, I'm here to help you. There's someone inside that needs to talk to you."

"Who?" Jack asked as he walked down the steps from his office.

"You." Said the Doctor, ushering him inside the blue police box.

Jack stopped short in surprise when he saw the other version of himself, tired and grief stricken, across the room. "Doctor?"

"Jack, you're a former time agent, so you both know all the risks of crossing your own time-line. Listen to him. It's important or we wouldn't be here." The Doctor walked out and left the two versions of Jack alone in the TARDIS.

He wandered around the Hub, looking at interesting artifacts and biding his time while the two Jack's talked. He paused for a while to play with the Pteradactyl. Finally, the door to the TARDIS opened and the Jack from this timeline walked out. He had a sober look on his face and was promising the other Jack to take care of it. The Doctor walked back over and looked at him. Jack just nodded and walked past, processing the information his future self had given him. The Doctor entered the blue door and knew everything was going to be ok as the Jack from the future slowly faded away.
____________________________________________

"I found my Doctor." Jack smiled.

"Are you going back to him?" Ianto asked.

"No, I'm not. I finally realized that I belong here, in this place, in this time, with this team...and with you, Ianto."

********************************************

Ianto convulsed into giggles, "Oh, c'mon, Jack. 'What do you think of my boots?' isn't exactly on the standard list of interrogation questions."

"Yeah, well, you and Gwen commenting about my lack of manners in bed wasn't exactly the most professional thing either. What on earth have you been telling her? I know you guys are close, but..." Jack shook his head, looking at the younger man, "Will you stay tonight?"

The teasing light in Ianto's eyes brightened, "Just us, in this room, for as long as it takes?"

Growling, Jack chased Ianto up into his office, their laughter trailing behind them.
********************************************

Lying, wrapped in Jack's arms, Ianto was falling asleep.

Just before his eyes drifted close, he heard Jack whisper, "I love you, Ianto."

"What did you say?!" Ianto turned to look at Jack in surprise.

"I said I love you, Ianto Jones. I am in love with you."

Ianto's eyes softened as he saw the truth of the statement in his lover's eyes. "I love you too, Jack, so much."

As their lips met in a passionate, loving kiss, they both felt like they had finally found a home.

********************************************

Gwen was a little disappointed that neither Jack nor Ianto had come to dance with the bride this evening. But watching them on the dance floor, lost in each other's eyes, she just smiled and turned back to her Rhys.

********************************************

"You are not going into work today, Ianto Jones. You're sick and you're going to stay right here and let me take care of you for once!"

********************************************

Ianto woke up to find Jack staring down at him with love shining out of his eyes. "Sorry I drifted off like that. A picnic was a nice idea, Jack. What made you think of it?"

"I had something I wanted to ask you." Jack smiled.

"What?" Ianto laughed a little at the nervous look on his lover's face. Jack hadn't looked this nervous since the night he'd come back from travelling with the Doctor and had asked Ianto out for their first real date.

Jack shifted a little to pull a small box out of his trouser pocket, "Ianto Jones, will you marry me?" He opened the box to reveal the two gold bands inside, smiling as he saw the love and joy infuse Ianto's eyes.

"Yes, Jack. Yes, I will marry you!" Ianto replied, before pulling him close for a passionate kiss.
_________________________________

The Doctor slipped back through the door to the party he'd abruptly left, looking up at the happy couple that were toasting each other with glasses of champagne, matching gold bands twinkling in the light. The pair stood up to take their place on the dance floor for the first dance and, as the opening piano notes played, Jack caught the Doctor's eyes and mouthed 'Thank you' before pulling Ianto close and blocking out everything else.

"Baby, you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven...


fin.

***

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