Title: Stolen Waters Are Sweet
By: marag
Pairing: mild Jack/Ianto & Jack/everyone
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the BBC. I just fantasize about them.
Summary: Crossover with Stargate SG-1--Torchwood? Meet SG-1. SG-1? Put down your guns, please.
Notes: Medie (who once held the official title of "Evil Plot Bunny Breeder") said "Torchwood likes to appropriate alien technology at random, the SGC once found itself in a bit of trouble with its alien allies because of humans appropriating alien technology at random. I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. Muwahahahaha!"

***

Hands on his hips, Jack surveyed the scene. Gorgeous blonde woman with a strange haircut? Check. Tall guy whose muscles screamed out to be mapped and a knit cap? Check. Not one but two gorgeous guys in fatigues? Check. Guns in every hand? Check.

Hmm. Given his life, that didn't seem to narrow it down to excellent dream or sad reality. He mentally shrugged. "So, how'd you get into our base anyway?"

"Where's the device you stole?" the gorgeous guy in front repeated, sounding even less patient.

"We prefer to say 'appropriated for safety reasons,'" Ianto said, sounding much too amused. Okay, that meant this was probably not one of those good dreams then. Damn.

The blonde's mouth twitched just a tiny bit and the other gorgeous guy took a hand off his gun to cough. Jack relaxed, since those were hardly the signs of stone-cold killers. (And he would know.)

"Look," Jack said, holding his hands carefully away from his own gun, "why don't you put those down and we can talk about this, government agency to military, like reasonable people." Without turning, he continued. "And Ianto, don't ask when I became reasonable, or I'll have to spank you."

"Promises, promises."

The blonde nearly choked and the guy who'd coughed gave up and lowered his gun, grinning. "C'mon, Cam, we were warned about Captain Harkness, so don't look so surprised," he said.

"May I ask who warned you about me?" Jack asked.

"Everyone," all four said.

Jack shrugged. "What can I say? I'm predictable, I suppose."

The leader lowered his gun and the other followed. "So this is Torchwood?"

"In all its subterranean glory," Ianto said.
"I'm Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell," the group's leader said. "And we really need that device."

Jack ignored him. "Obviously you know I'm Captain Jack Harkness. And the lovely gentleman behind me is Ianto Jones. And you are?"

"Daniel Jackson," said the other gorgeous man.

"Lt. Col. Samantha Carter," said the blonde.

"I am known as Murray," said the tall man.

"Murray. Right." Jack tilted his head. "If you say so. In any case, I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances."

"The device, Captain Harkness?" Mitchell said, starting to sound a bit desperate.

Jackson absently patted him on the shoulder. "We're getting there. I'm fairly sure the Asgard won't actually invade over a lost phase integrator."

Jack shrugged and waved them toward the conference room. "Alien invasion? We had one of those last Tuesday. Ianto, get the rest of the team in here. I hate being outnumbered."

-end-

***