Title: Take the Pain Away
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 20_est_relships
Prompt: 6, Pain
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Ianto sat in a chair by the bed he shared with the Doctor on the Tardis, curled up into a ball. He almost didn't dare to look towards the bed; he was terrified of what he might see there, afraid that the face would have changed, that the same man wasn't lying there.

All he'd been able to do in the last few hours was sit here and pray that the Doctor wasn't going to regenerate, that he'd managed to help the Time Lord enough to renew his strength and keep him in this body. If he hadn't, then he would have lost everything.

Oh, the Doctor was technically still the same man. But his body would be different -- and there was no way to tell if his feeling for Ianto would remain the same once he himself had changed.

He might still feel a strong pull of friendship; he might even still be just as much in love with Ianto as he was now. Maybe those emotions wouldn't change. But there was always the possibility that his personality would be radically different.

Ianto didn't want a different man. He wanted his Doctor, the man he'd fallen in love with. He wanted the same face, the same body, the same personality. The Doctor wouldn't be the same man to him if any of those things changed.

He'd been almost sure that the Doctor was going to die before he'd managed to get the other man back to the ship. The Time Lord's body had been limp and unmoving in his arms, his face almost going grey by the time Ianto was staggered through the Tardis door.

But as he'd carried the Doctor quickly down the corridor to their bed, the Time Lord had seemed to revive a bit, even opening his eyes and mumbling to Ianto to get him into bed and let him rest, and that being in the Tardis would help him.

Ianto swallowed hard, knowing that he had to look over at the man in the bed, to make sure that he was all right. He had to reassure himself of that.

He raised his eyes, fixing them on the pale face turned towards him. To his relief, the Doctor seemed to have regained his color; though he was pale, there was no sign of the grey cast that had crept up under his skin before Ianto had gotten him here.

Relief flooded through him, almost making him cry out. He wasn't losing the man he loved. That face was still the same; the Doctor hadn't changed. Ianto raised a trembling hand to his face, wiping away the few tears that had started to trickle down his cheeks.

The pain he'd felt at the mere prospect of losing the Doctor was unbearable. It had seemed to swamp him completely, taking him over as nothing else ever had. Without the Doctor in his life, he had nothing -- he was nothing.

At least, in his own mind he was nothing without his lover. He knew that the Doctor didn't feel that way, and neither did the people he'd worked with in Torchwood. To them, he was a valued person in his own right, and he knew that he should feel more self-worth.

But his life was so wrapped up with the Doctor that he didn't know what he would do if something were to happen to the Time Lord. He couldn't conceive of a life without this man.

Ianto sighed softly, feeling his heart finally begin to stop its rapid fluttering and settle down to a more sedate pace. The pain that had gripped it was receding, leaving him breathless and weak. But at least he was calmer, knowing that the Doctor hadn't regenerated.

He would still have the man he loved by his side. Now, all he would have to do was to wait for the Time Lord to regain his strength, to help him through this period of weakness in any way he could. And he was certainly more than willing to do that.

His eyes remained fixed on the Doctor's face; it was impossible for him to look away. He'd never seen anything so beautiful as the features of the man he loved, even though the Doctor was still pale and unmoving. But Ianto could see that his color was getting better with each passing moment.

If there had been a crisis, it was past. He breathed another sigh of relief, feeling weak and dizzy. Now that the pain was receding, he could sit back and look at it critically, wondering just what he would do if he was suddenly set adrift.

He could go back to Earth, obviously. Take up the reins of his old life -- and try to forget the fact that he had lost his soul mate, that he would never be whole again.

Ianto pushed the thought aside firmly, forcing it out of his mind. He didn't need to muse on that eventuality. Not now. It wasn't going to happen. The Doctor was safe here in the ship, and they had gotten away from that planet.

Getting away from the Cybermen who'd attacked them hadn't been easy, but at least they'd both managed to make it out of there alive. Ianto could only hope that there hadn't been any permanent damage done to the Time Lord; he would find out when the Doctor awakened.

Another gripping spasm of pain shot through him at the thought of what could have happened; just the idea of losing the man he loved could make him feel faint and weak, all of his confidence and will to go on draining away.

Without thinking, Ianto reached out to take the Doctor's thin hand in his own, entwining their fingers and squeezing gently.

He was surprised when those dark eyes opened, and the Doctor's long, slender fingers curled around his own. They merely looked into each other's eyes for long moments, their locked gazes saying everything that they couldn't put into words.

He didn't need words with the Doctor, Ianto thought to himself, his heart swelling in his chest. This man knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Their connection was so strong that nothing was needed for them to communicate but their emotions.

When the Doctor finally spoke, Ianto felt weak with relief at hearing his words. The voice was the same, just weak and a little hoarse. "Ianto, don't worry about me. I'll be all right. I was protected from the main force of that Cyberman's blast."

"I know you were," he whispered, "but my heart almost stopped when I saw you go down. I wanted to rush to you, but you'd told me to stay where I was."

"And it's well that you did." The Doctor nodded, wincing and raising a hand to his head as he did so. "I wouldn't give you some kind of direct order, Ianto. You're my partner, not my subordinate. But if you hadn't obeyed me, then neither of us would have gotten out of there."

Ianto had to agree with the Doctor, albeit reluctantly. "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, not coming to your rescue right away. But I trust you completely, Doctor. I knew that you wouldn't put our lives at risk, even though it seemed like you were."

"I would never risk your life, not for any reason," the Doctor told him, his tone grave. "You mean far too much to me, Ianto. I shouldn't even have taken you out there with me -- but you're also my companion, as well as my lover. I don't feel that it's fair to leave you out of anything."

"If I hadn't been with you, then you could have died," Ianto whispered, his voice shaking. "It's a good thing I was there, Doctor. I've never put all that much value on myself -- but in this case, I'm glad that I could do some good by getting you back here."

"I felt your pain, love," the Doctor murmured, his dark gaze still fixed on Ianto's face. "I can still feel it now. Don't worry, please. I'll be all right."

"Not worrying about you is almost impossible for me to do," Ianto said, forcing a laugh. "But if you insist, I'll try my best not to. Though I don't think I'll quite succeed with that. After all, trouble does seem to be attracted to you, beloved."

The Doctor chuckled at those words, wincing again. "It hurts my head to laugh," he grumbled, moving over on the bed so that Ianto could join him. "But I think that being in your arms can take the pain away, if you don't mind indulging me."

"Oh, I think that's easily accomplished," Ianto said softly, kicking off his shoes and rising from the chair. As he slipped under the covers next to the Doctor, he pushed all of the painful thoughts and images away from him, hoping that they would stay buried -- at least for a while.

***