Title: Tarnished Armor
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 12, 50episodes
Prompt: 3, Knight
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

Jack propped himself up on one elbow, gazing down at the man sleeping next to him. A soft smile spread over his face as he watched the Doctor sleep, reaching out one hand to smooth back a stray lock of hair from his lover's forehead.

He loved watching the Doctor sleep. There was something so unguarded and innocent about the Time Lord when he was deep in slumber; it was as though a wall that he kept carefully erected around him at all times was finally allowed to come down.

Jack knew that the Doctor didn't hide much of himself from his lover, but there were still secrets that he was sure the Doctor kept. He didn't want to pry into those secrets; if the Doctor wanted them to be brought to the surface, then he would do so when he was ready.

What secrets were locked inside that beautiful mind that was sleeping so peacefully on the pillow beside him? Jack could only wonder at that; he wanted to plumb the depths fo those secrets, but he was willing to wait until the Doctor chose to let him inside.

For now, he would be content to lie here and watch his lover sleep; there was something about the peace in the Doctor's expression that made his soul feel quiet and calm, as well. Even if the other man wasn't wrapped in his arms, he was right here, safe and sound in their bed.

How many times had he laid alone in his bed at the Hub, looking up at the ceiling and wishing that he was out here in the stars with the Doctor? How many times had he cursed himself for making the biggest mistake of life by letting this man go?

Too many to count, he told himself, closing his eyes for a moment and feeling grateful that he wasn't in that position any more. He had felt so guilty all those nights, wishing that he'd been man enough to stay with the Doctor instead of walking out on him.

He'd tried to tell himself that he was doing the right thing, doing what he wanted to do by taking over the leadership of Torchwood. But he hadn't been honest with himself; he'd been running from emotions that were too strong for him to deal with at the time.

He had been terrified of the fact that he loved the Doctor. He'd never felt that way about anyone before; he had been in love, but never with that kind of intensity. And it had frightened him to the core of his being, made him feel small and helpless.

So how had he coped? By turning his back on the Doctor, by being the villain of their relationship instead of the white knight in shining armor that he'd so desperately wanted to be for this man. He had let himself act against his better judgment, ignoring all that his heart was telling him to do.

Jack sighed softly, a mere whisper of sound. Some white knight he was, he thought ruefully, wishing more than ever that he'd had more courage when he'd first been with the Doctor. He hadn't been afraid to face any terrifying situation, but love was something he couldn't deal with.

Love would have opened his heart, forced him to admit to softer feelings than he wanted anyone to know he possessed. So he had tried to shove those feelings away, and when they'd become too strong for him to do that, he'd done the only thing he could think of to do.

He'd turned his back and walked away from the man he loved -- and he'd left his heart behind him. All he had wanted to do from the moment he walked out of the Tardis was to turn around and go back, to take the Time Lord into his arms again, but he'd been too proud for that.

Instead, he had condemned them both to far too much time apart; even though he'd had other lovers in the time that they'd been away from each other, none of them had ever lived up to the Doctor. No one else had been able to touch him in that way.

He had been fond of Ianto; he had even loved the young man, in a way. But Ianto had always known that there was someone else, someone who would always own Jack's heart -- and when he had seen the two of them together, he must have known who that someone was.

His relationship with Ianto had actually ended well, with no recriminations on either side and a friendship that he could say was still strong. But then, Ianto hadn't been the person who owned his heart, the one who he would always regret walking away from.

It had been easy to maintain an easy friendship with someone who had been a lover when they weren't the lover who meant everything to him. It had been much, much harder to see the Doctor once in a while and to pretend that they were only friends.

How could he ever call this man "just" a friend? Jack smiled again as he studied the Time Lord's face, so soft and vulnerable in sleep. This man would never be "just" anything to him. The Doctor would always own him, heart, body and soul, until time itself ceased to exist.

Maybe he had been a white knight to some people in his life, but this was the person who he'd wanted to view him in that light -- and he knew that the Doctor never would. The Time Lord would always see him just as he was, with all of his attendant flaws and weaknesses.

That was a good thing, really, Jack told himself. If the Doctor had some romanticized view of him, he would never be able to be quite sure if the Time Lord loved him for what he truly was -- or what the Doctor wanted him to be. He would always have that bit of doubt in his mind.

The Doctor saw him for exactly who he was -- he'd seen all of the bad sides, the grumpiness, the angry side of him. They'd had their share of fights; the Doctor knew all of the bad that came along with the good, and yet the Time Lord still loved him.

He had thought that he wanted to be the Doctor's white knight in shining armor, Jack thought with another wry smile. That had been the role he'd cast himself in from the start. But it seemed as though the tables were turned, and that was what the Time Lord was to him.

This man had been his white knight ever since they'd met again unexpectedly, when he'd literally thrown himself onto the Tardis and hurtled through space and time. The Doctor had been there for him in every way that he could imagine -- and he'd repaid that love with abandonment.

He was surprised that the Time Lord could stand to be around him now -- if he had been in the Doctor's shoes, he probably wouldn't have been able to forgive that kind of betrayal. And that was just what it had been, Jack told himself, wincing at the thought.

The Doctor's greatest fear was being alone -- and Jack had walked out on him without a backward glance, leaving him in that state for a much longer time than he should have had to deal with. How could he have been so thoughtless, so stupid?

He was making up for it now. And he would keep making up for it through all of eternity, until they were both old and grey and time itself came to an end. He would still be here, still by the Doctor's side, still loving this man through all of their lives together.

Sometimes it was hard to believe that the Doctor still had such an incredible love for him; this man had welcomed him back with open arms, and even though he might be a little hesitant about giving Jack his complete trust, the immortal could understand that.

He was slowly proving to the Doctor that he could be trusted; even though his armor had grown tarnished, Jack was slowly and carefully polishing it until he could present himself as the Doctor's white knight, the man who would sweep him away into a fairytale romance.

Jack couldn't help but smile at the thought of himself in that role; at one time, it had seemed like the only one he'd wanted to play, but now, he was happy just being the man who the Doctor loved -- and the man who would love the Doctor forever.

He might not have done such a great job of being a white knight for his lover in the past, Jack told himself, settling back against the pillows and sliding his arms around the Doctor's waist. But he was doing his best to be one now -- even if his armor was still a little tarnished.

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