Title: Forget That Day
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 4
Prompt: 10, Country
Author's Note: Spoilers for Countrycide.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Ianto peered out of the door of the Tardis, a frown marring his brow as he looked around. The wilds of the country weren't exactly his favorite place, not after what had happened to him on one of his first missions with the Torchwood team. It made him uncomfortable to be here.

He shouldn't think about things like that, he told himself, trying to shake off his apprehension. This was a very different situation than the one he'd been in at that point in time -- there were no cannibals here who intended to make a meal out of him, no one to hold a knife to his throat and threaten his life.

That had happened quite a while ago, long before the advent of the Doctor in his life, even before his relationship with Jack had started. It wasn't something that should still haunt his dreams at times, and certainly not something that he should still fear.

But there was a part of him that still shrank from that memory, and probably always would. And being here in the countryside, even on a bright, sunny day, didn't help him to feel any more secure.

Of course, he was with the Doctor -- his mate, the love of his life. Nothing was going to happen to him, not with the Time Lord around -- and he certainly wasn't going to let anything happen to his lover, either, Ianto thought, raising a hand to shade his eyes as he looked around for the Doctor.

There he was, striding across the field the Tardis was sitting in, his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face. He looked completely at ease here -- as he himself should be, Ianto thought with a sigh of resignation. Perhaps it was time he told the Doctor about this particular fear in his life ....

He didn't know just why he hadn't been able to bring himself to talk about this with the Gallifreyan. He might already know; he could have gotten the information from Jack quite easily, or he could have even managed to reach into Ianto's mind when he'd least expected it. But the Doctor wouldn't do that .... would he?

No, never, Ianto chided himself, annoyed at that little voice in his mind for daring to think of the Doctor in that way. The Time Lord would never do anything so invasive; he'd promised Ianto that he would never pry into his mind in any way, unless it was absolutely necessary, and the young man believed him.

Besides, the Doctor would have no reason to do that. It wasn't as though he wanted to keep anything in his life from his lover; but this was something that was, well, a bit embarrassing to talk about. An irrational fear of cannibals, being held prisoner in a strange place, ending up as someone's dinner ....

Ianto could feel a shiver traversing through his body, and he raised his hands to rub his arms, feeling chilled in spite of the warmth of the day. Just being in such an uninhabited place could do that to him these days.

He should have gotten over this fear long ago, he chastised himself, leaning against the door of the Tardis and trying to look nonchalant. It was in the past, and it certainly wasn't likely to happen again. He needed to push that fear away, put it out of his thoughts for good.

But it wasn't that easy. This field .... it looked so much like the place where the team had planned to set up their campsite. The place where Gwen and Owen had made that first grisly discovery, that discovery that had led to so much more ....

Ianto closed his eyes, fighting back a wave of panic that threatened to wash over him. He didn't want to leave the safety of the Tardis, didn't want to go walking around in that field. This place brought that long, terrifying night back to him in crystal-clear detail, burned it indelibly into his memory.

"Ianto?" The Doctor's voice, next to him, sounding worried; a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Ianto, what's wrong?" The Time Lord's words were soft, concerned, the question not so much a query as an opening for Ianto to tell his lover whatever was on his mind.

"This .... this place." Ianto waved a hand towards the open space in front of the Tardis, not wanting to look out at it. "It .... reminds me of something that happened the first time I went out with the team. I've never talked to you about it, but it was .... frightening. Something I don't much care to remember."

"You don't have to talk about it, if you'd prefer not to," the Doctor said softly, slipping an arm around the young man's waist and leading him back into the Tardis, closing the door behind them. "I can look into your mind and see it, if that would be easier. Or you can tell me, love."

Ianto shook his head, knowing that he wouldn't be able to find the words if he tried to talk about the experience. "Go ahead. You would probably understand it more easily if you took it from my mind -- I don't know if I can quite explain how I felt while all this was happening. I don't even know if I can explain how I feel about it now -- not in a way that would make sense, at any rate."

"It's all right, love." The Doctor led him to the couch against one wall of the control room, sitting down and pulling Ianto down beside him. "I'm here, Ianto. Nothing is going to happen to you, all right, sweetheart? You're safe here. You know that."

Ianto nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself. "I know. That's why .... why I didn't want to leave the Tardis. I feel safe here. I know that nothing can harm me as long as I'm here. Though you know that if anything had seemed threatening to you, I would have run to your rescue."

"I know that, love." The Doctor smiled, placing a hand on Ianto's cheek. "I'm going to reach into your mind, Ianto. Just try to stay relaxed, and let your defenses down. I promise, I won't go messing about in there. Just concentrate on whtever it is that's got you so tense."

The young man closed his eyes, willing himself to relax as the Doctor's soft fingertips rested on either side of his face. The Time Lord was so adept at what he was doing that Ianto didn't even realize when the other man slipped into his mind, their thoughts mingling.

After a few moments, the Doctor lowered his hands and opened his eyes. His face was pale, his hands trembling; he looked as shaken as Ianto felt.

"Are you all right?" Ianto asked anxiously, reaching for the Doctor's hand. He'd rarely ever seen the Time Lord look this disconcerted; it was hard to believe that something his lover had experienced in the past could have such a strong effect on him.

"I don't blame you for being afraid," the Doctor whispered, a shudder going through his slender frame. "I'd have been, too. Thank goodness for Jack and the others being there .... I could have lost you before I even knew you. That would have been the greatest tragedy of my life."

"The greatest?" Ianto asked, surprised at the Doctor's words. He'd thought that the tragedy of losing his home planet would qualify as the greatest sorrow the Time Lord had ever faced -- and it startled him to think that the Doctor would consider losing him an even greater loss than Gallifrey.

"Yes," the Doctor murmured, raising his dark gaze to Ianto's face. "If I lost you .... then I would lose everything, Ianto. I can't help thinking that there was more to that encounter in the forest with those -- those people than meets the eye. Maybe I'm paranoid -- but it seems too coincidental to me."

"You could be right." Ianto frowned, thinking back over everything that had led them to that farmhouse, the people there -- and the odd answer that Gwen had gotten from their leader. Somehow, it had all fallen together much too neatly when it was all over.

The Doctor shook his head, closing his eyes again. "I shouldn't have brought you here, Ianto. I'm sorry for that, love. Let's find somewhere that's a bit more to your liking, shall we?"

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't know," Ianto said softly, squeezing the Doctor's hand. "I should have told you about it -- but it always seemed like such an irrational, stupid fear. After all, it happened quite a while ago, and I should have learned to put it into the past by now."

The Doctor shook his head as he stood up, his hand still in Ianto's grasp. "No fear is irrational, Ianto. There's always a reason for that fear to be there -- and sometimes, the reason may not be something your conscious mind knows. I've found that out the hard way, too many times to count."

"I'd give anything to forget that day," Ianto whispered, swallowing hard. "It's one of the worst memories of my life -- and one that I wish I could just push aside. But I know that I can't, not until I work through it. I hope you'll bear with me until I can manage to do that, love. And forgive me for being such a baby about it. I should be past it by now."

"Of course I will," the Doctor said, his gaze holding Ianto's. "And there's nothing to forgive, Ianto. You're not being a baby. It took a lot of strength to get through that experience, and it takes even more strength to admit that you need to face that fear and work through it." His fingers tightened around Ianto's, his grasp strong and firm. "I'm proud of you for realizing that, sweetheart."

"It's going to take some time," Ianto told him, taking a deep breath and glancing towards the door of the ship again. "But I'll face that fear, Doctor. I swear, I will. As long as I have you beside me, I can face anything. Even the monsters that I've always been afraid of."

"I'll always be here to help you face anything. You know that," his lover whispered, nodding. "You don't even have to ask, Ianto. Whenever you need me, I'm here for you. And now, I think it's time we found some place that holds less fear for you, until you're ready to confront that fear. This isn't the right time. Not yet."

Ianto got to his feet, moving to the Tardis' console with the Doctor. He watched as the Time Lord punched in a few coordinates, then closed his eyes at the familiar feeling of space displacement when the ship shimmered into the timestream. It was comforting, that feeling. More so than he'd realized before.

"Where are we going?" he asked, sliding one arm around the Doctor's slim waist and pulling the other mann back against the warmth of his body. "Somewhere interesting, I hope?"

"It depends on what you call 'interesting,'" the Doctor told him, tilting his head back to look up at his young lover, a small smile curving his lips. "I thought we'd take a bit of a jaunt into the past. A few years back. To the mid-20th century, perhaps?"

"That sounds like as good a place as any," Ianto told him, his smile broadening. "As long as we're in the city -- and not somewhere out in the wilderness. I'd like to avoid the country as much as possible -- at least for the time being."

"Oh, I think I can assure you of that," the Doctor said, closing his eyes as Ianto lowered his head and their lips met.

They were so lost in each other that the kiss didn't end even when the Tardis landed with a slight thump and a dimming of the lights around them.

***