Title: The Problem
Author: Stolendreams
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Sadly. I'm a broke student. All I own is this computer I'm writing on and over half of that was paid for by the university.
Authors Note: Crack!fic people. Don't say you weren't warned. The plot bunnies have all been put into rehab since this was written.
Summary: Owen has a bad morning. Pure and utter crack!fic.

***

The problem really, Owen decides, is not that he thought it was just a sheep, nor that he let it wander into the hub without a second thought, it's not even the fact that he tied it up to Tosh's desk while he waited for someone else to come in and take care of it. The problem really is that Myfanwy is also under the impression that it is a sheep.

Really, the fact that it breathed fire at her when she tried to eat it should have suggested to her that maybe it wasn't a sheep. But then she's a dinosaur, sheep and dinosaurs are not supposed to exist at the same time. And maybe she just thinks this sheep is a little different to the ones she's met outside. Ianto's been trying for months to teach her that sheep are not food, he's not going to be impressed when he finds out that she still hasn't learnt that lesson. On the bright side the breathing fire and the ridiculously sharp teeth this sheep seems to posses might put her off the things for life, if only she'd stop trying to eat it.

The sensible thing to do at this point would be to phone someone, Jack for example, or the RSPCA. Anyone who might have some kind of idea what to do with a fire breathing, alarmingly sharp teeth possessing, sheep. Only Owen is currently stuck on the opposite side of the hub to any phones, plus he's standing on a table. He could make a run for it, but he really doesn't want to draw attention to himself. Myfanwy is getting less and less happy with every moment that passes, and just because the sheep was perfectly happy to let him tie it to a desk earlier, doesn't mean it won't try to set him on fire now.

Myfanwy takes another swoop at the sheep, passing so close over Owen's head that he has to duck to avoid being hit by one of the massive wings. The sheep snaps its jaws at the dinosaur's neck, just missing by inches. A sheep breathing fire is one thing, Owen decides, but last time he checked they were herbivores, what the bloody hell is it doing with teeth like that? The sound of the invisible lift moving has never been so welcome. There's only one person who uses it, Jack. He's barely descended part of the way underground when Myfanwy swoops past him with a cry of confusion, clearly hoping he'll explain to her what's going on with the sheep.

"What the...?" Jack stops, catching sight of Owen. "What's wrong with the dinosaur and why are you on a table?"

"Jack, please tell me you've got your gun," Owen wishes he didn't sound quite so hysterical right now.

"I'm not shooting the dinosaur, Owen."

"Not the dinosaur, the sheep!" Owen points at the, suddenly innocent looking, sheep. It's still watching Myfanwy, who is circling above its head, clearly trying to decide how to best approach the problem of a sheep that fights back.

"What?" Jack asks, the lift has finally reached the bottom and he steps in the direction of the sheep.

"No! Don't go near it!" Owen exclaims.

Jack looks as though he is about to ask if Owen has been messing with drugs of some kind, when Myfanwy decides to give it another go. Jack jumps backwards sharply as the sheep shoots a burst of flame in the dinosaur's direction, judging by her cry its aim is getting more accurate.

"You let a fire breathing sheep in here?" Jack asks, incredulously.

"Well it wasn't breathing fire when I found it standing in reception, was it!" Owen complains. "And that isn't really the point, would you shoot the bloody thing before it sets fire to something more than Tosh's paperwork."

It seems to take forever for Jack to decide to stop staring at the sheep and actually shoot it. Owen only climbs down from the table when he's sure it's dead. As soon as he's totally certain he grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out the small tower of flames that was once Tosh's paperwork

"Let me get this straight," Jack says, watching him. "You found a sheep in our reception area, and so you just led it down here and tied it to Tosh's desk?"

"Yes," he says.

"And then when it started breathing fire, the best plan you could come up with was to stand on a table and wait to be rescued?"

***