TITLE: Twilight of Rest
AUTHOR: Demon Faith
PAIRING: Jack/Ianto
GENRE: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort
SPOILERS: All of Season 1, specifics for 12 and 13. Speculation about Who#3.
RATING: FRT (Fan Rating Teen)
SUMMARY: A fight, a fall, a storm - will Jack and Ianto survive to repair their relationship?
NOTES: I've had this plot stuck in my head for a while now, because we need more Jack/Ianto hurt/comfort!
This is set sometime in Season 2.

Title from Yeats' 'He Bids His Beloved Be At Peace':

Beloved, let your eyes half close, and your heart beat
Over my heart, and your hair fall over my breast,
Drowning love's lonely hour in deep twilight of rest

***

They stood at the edge of the woods, waiting.

Ianto shifted from foot to foot, Jack's coat wringing in his hands. He'd demanded to be left, alone, facing something unknown in the darkness because everyone else could die. And he couldn't. He was Jack bloody Harkness and he couldn't die, so that excused him throwing himself into every danger imaginable.

After Jack had vanished, just as they were all adjusting to the fact that he wasn't actually dead, still breathing, still living, they had held their emergency meeting and quietly panicked. Jack was their leader and they were directionless, drifting, confused. There had been signs of a struggle, certainly, but no one had heard anything, Jack hadn't called out. Where had he gone?

And then Gwen had mentioned "the right kind of doctor". Ianto's blood had run cold and he had, stuttering, explained some of the events at Torchwood One and the role of the mysterious Doctor and his blue box with its strange groaning sound as it disappeared This is what Gwen had heard. This was the explanation for Jack's disappearance.

It had taken three months for him to come back. During that time, Ianto had realised, with a deep pain in his heart, that Jack had left him. Jack had run away to find the man he loved and Ianto had been left, the teaboy, the part-time shag. Owen hadn't even insulted him for weeks, proving that he looked as bad as he felt.

Jack returned. There had been a little flicker of hope residing in Ianto's heart, a hope that murmured reassurance - once Jack had seen his Doctor, it would all be out of his system and then he could move on. He would come back to Ianto, and kiss him so tenderly, before taking him to bed and giving over a tiny piece of his heart.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Now it had been five months and he hadn't even seen Jack alone. The man threw himself into work, barely speaking beyond a terse command or a harsh criticism. Recklessly, he risked his life again and again, wearing his anger and bitterness like a cloak, a shield against the world. Ianto didn't have a chance at breaking in and he was both worried and terrified by this twisted form of the man he loved.

Ianto shivered and drew Jack's coat closer to him. There were all standing in the lights of the SUV, watching the trees for the least sign of movement, ears straining for any sound. He had no idea how long they'd been standing there; though the stopwatch was running silently in his pocket, he dare not look at it.

There was a snarl, vicious and dark, and the sound of something hitting a tree, before gunshots - one, two, three. Then, silence.

Ianto dropped the coat and ran.

"IANTO!"

He ignored Gwen, branches smacking against his face as he ran flat out, determined to reach the clearing where they'd left Jack, heartbeats clamouring to outpace the rhythm of his feet on the ground. The full moon gilded everything in white and he could see, see so clearly, Jack's mauled body on the ground and the beast collapsed beside.

Ianto hovered over Jack, unsure where he could touch, before simply caressing his grimy, blood-streaked face. Dead again.

Sitting down hard on the cold ground, Ianto waited.

~

Jack inhaled and coughed.

"Took your time, didn't you?"

Twisting his stiff neck, he saw Ianto sitting with his back to him, poking the earth with a stick. He lay still for a moment, his mind slotting everything back into place and then he sat up and tried not to sway.

"I told you to go back."

"I did. And then I came here."

"I can take care of myself. I'm immortal, Ianto. I don't need you to patch me up or kiss it better. I'm fine on my own."

Jack struggled to his feet and started to fall. Ianto gripped his arm and hauled him up, meeting his eyes squarely. Behind the frustration and the confusion, Jack could still see love. His stomach turned over and he felt suddenly sick.

"When you come back, you're disorientated. You can't stand properly and you still hurt from your wounds. But if you're such a big man, Jack," Ianto pushed him away, "make your own way home."

The figure stalked away into the night, as Jack stood panting, trying to support his own bodyweight as the ghost of a man tried to hold him up, the warmth he'd left a palpable presence in the air. As his strength returned, he remembered that Ianto wasn't immortal and could get easily lost, find the river or another monster in the dark... Jack jogged after him, gasping through the pain.

A cry in the night, and Jack sped up, flat out running and then skidding to a halt in front of a deep pit. A hunter's trap? He peered into the depths and saw a mass of sticks and leaves carpeting the bottom, with a motionless figure sprawled over them.

"Ianto? IANTO! Can you hear me?"

There was no reaction and Jack's heart stopped. Without a second thought, he grasped at the side of the pit before sliding down into the darkness. He tumbled over and into the centre, watching Ianto bathed in moonlight. Carefully, with terror, he placed two fingers to his neck. Pulse.

With gentle fingers, he felt around Ianto's neck and decided everything was intact. Letting out a sigh of relief, he tried shaking his shoulder.

"Ianto! Wake up, Ianto!"

His face was slack and pale, and he was freezing in the night air. Jack carefully turned him over and then drew him up into his arms. Resting his back against the dirt, Jack stared up at the gaping hole above him and considered his options. He wasn't entirely sure he could climb out by himself, let alone with Ianto over his shoulder, so that was out of the question. Reaching for his earpiece, he found it absent and frowned. He must have lost it somewhere. He took Ianto's instead, looked at its shattered state, and threw it into the corner. Useless.

He wondered how long it would take before the team disobeyed his orders and came after them. Would that time be increased or decreased by the fact that Ianto had followed him? Decreased, perhaps, because they actually still liked Ianto, but perhaps increased if they thought the pair of them were arguing out their relationship, if one could call it that. Who knew?

It started to rain, the harsh rain that only Glamorgan could provide. Jack huddled them both closer to the wall, but water soon started streaming over the rim and he was forced to move them into the open. He looked straight up at the moon and wondered if this would be a good time to scream.

~

"Do you think we should try contacting them?"

Tosh looked anxiously between Gwen and Owen, who then looked at each other.

"But what if they're...you know..." Owen made vague, uncomfortable motions and Gwen squinted at his hands.

"Felling trees?" she suggested and Owen rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just saying that we don't want to interrupt."

Gwen looked up as a raindrop fell plop on her nose. The heavens opened and she was drenched in seconds, running to the SUV for her raincoat and umbrella. She chucked the other supplies to Tosh and Owen before reaching for her earpiece.

"Jack? Ianto? Are you okay?"

There was a strange buzzing in her earpiece but nothing else.

"Jack? Can you hear me? Ianto?" Still nothing. She turned to the others.

"Can we track them?"

"Only if they have their earpieces on them. And if they're not replying..."

Tosh shrugged her shoulders helplessly. Gwen bit her lip.

"Well, it gives us a place to start, doesn't it?"

She marched back to the car, ignoring Owen's "Who put her in charge anyway?".

~

Ianto stirred and shifted slightly in his arms. Jack peered anxiously at his face.

"Wakey, wakey, Ianto - time to make the coffee..."

One eye cracked open and regarded him for a moment. "Make your own bloody coffee," he mumbled and then the eye closed.

"Oh, no, you're not falling asleep again. You have to stay awake a little longer."

"I'm wet," Ianto muttered, and then both eyes opened, hazily focussing on him.

"Yes, it's raining. You fell," Jack said simply, and Ianto moved his neck to survey the empire of dirt.

"How...romantic. Where are the candles?" Ianto tried to pull himself up, but just collapsed back into Jack's arms.

"Take it easy! You've hit your head, might have broken something - just lie still!"

"Y's, S'r," Ianto mumbled, eyes falling closed again and Jack shook his shoulders.

"Stay awake! I don't need you in a coma."

"Huh." Angry, bitter look. "Maybe you'd kiss me then."

Jack let go of his shoulder abruptly, as if physically stung. Kiss. A kiss to wake the dead, to bring Ianto back to him, because he couldn't die in a puddle, even if he was a traitor, even if had kept secrets, even if...

He needed no excuses. He hadn't even thought it through. Just a kiss, an impulsive kiss than had caused Ianto to splutter against his lips, look shocked, confused.

Thirty days later, Ianto had brought him his coffee, shut the door and kissed him. Jack had dropped his pen straight into the mug.

And then that last kiss, when he'd looked at his Ianto, always so unsure what was appropriate, whether he should shake his boss' hand to welcome him home. Jack had gathered him up into his arms and Ianto had clung to him, breathing heavily into his shoulder. And then Jack had placed his hands gently on his face and kissed him, a message - In time, Ianto Jones, I could love you.

Ianto was the last person he had kissed. Last...anyone. Flying with the Doctor had been thrilling, exciting, but, ultimately, the Time Lord simply didn't want him around. Jack supposed it all reminded them too much of Rose and what they'd lost in her, but that last argument, the one that had the Doctor all but push him out of the Tardis door, had left him dead inside.

I don't know why I came back for you, Captain. You're nothing but a face.

A face. The Doctor's parting words and he couldn't even bring himself to bestow a compliment. Just another face, another trip, another little jaunt for the Doctor and his new, improved companion - and Jack was cast out like so much rubbish.

He's gone back to the Hub then, full of hatred for the Doctor, the man he thought he'd loved. All that was in ashes now. Jack couldn't even bear to look at Ianto, a reminder of the love he could have had but had so callously thrown away to join the Doctor. He hadn't even said goodbye. Jack didn't know how Ianto could bear to look at him.

"Forget it, Ianto. Just try to rest."

There was dark, real pain in those deep eyes and Jack had to look away. Momentary hurt now would spare him the pain later. It all made sense in Jack's head, a sick kind of sense that fitted in with world Torchwood forced them to live in.

"Forget it?" he echoed softly. "You can't treat me like a bad dream that'll just go away, Jack! I'm a person! I...I was your lover! And I thought I was your friend."

He wouldn't make this easy. Ianto still wanted to save Jack, to bring him back from the brink Jack had sailed across long ago. Jack had to force him to let go before he was dragged down into the twisted darkness where Jack resided. There would never be room for two - Jack simply wouldn't allow it. Not another tragedy hanging round his neck like a noose, ready for him to trip and fall...

"I think you mistook my passing interest for affection," he said coldly and then looked away. He dare not glance back, waiting until the small hitches of breath had died away and he could pretend he hadn't made Ianto cry. Again. What had he done to deserve this devotion? Whatever it was, he had to undo it before Ianto was beyond help. This was a good first step.

He had to keep telling himself that, so he wouldn't look back, wouldn't cry, wouldn't kiss it all better. If he could convince himself this was for the best, he could save Ianto. That was what was important. He was immortal now, a traveller, a conman, a bastard. He couldn't bind Ianto to him, get involved in whatever Ianto thought they'd have together, because he was Jack Harkness, universal lover, accessible to all for a quick fling and then vanishing into the night, for his next conquest or two or three. Damn the consequences, damn their hearts, damn it all to Hell because as long as he was enjoying the ride, who cared about the little people left in his wake?

Little people like that man in his arms. The man who loved him. The man he'd left.

Why should this time be any different? He'd moved on, gone to seek a new adventure with an old love, a love who'd moved on and that was fine, wasn't it? Because that's exactly what Jack did all the time and...god, did it really hurt this much, like that stupid glowing hand had torn out its heart and left him to die? Is this what he did to people as he wove his spell amongst the stars? He was a monster! Ianto was better off without him.

"Anytime you...want to stop thinking and...talk to me, that would be...fine."

Jack's eyes slowly focussed on Ianto, who was staring up at him wistfully. "Talk?"

"You miss him, don't you?"

No. This was the last thing he needed - Ianto feeling sorry for him, pitying him. He wasn't the innocent in this; it was just some huge karmic reward for all the hearts he'd broken and he'd have to swallow it.

"Ianto...that's...please..."

"I understand, you know. You don't have to pretend with me."

The worse thing was that it was true. Ianto did know what he was feeling - he'd lost Lisa and everyone he knew at Torchwood One, and who knew what lurked in that highly classified history? Jack didn't even want to dwell on that other thing.

"Ianto...this isn't..."

With an almighty roar, the ground trembled around them and Jack hauled Ianto close to him. He staggered to his feet, still reeling from his fight with the Mooncalf and awaited the next catastrophe that chose to barge into his life.

A river appeared above them.

Suddenly, they were afloat and Jack was holding onto Ianto, striving to keep their heads above water but they kept going under and Jack felt Ianto slipping from his grip. He hugged him close and pushed them both up to the surface, but it was turbulent and down they went again. This was it then. He was going to die again, with Ianto, fragile mortal Ianto, and that would be it.

But then, under the water, Jack watched Ianto struggle, fighting death, clawing off her dark hands and living. Something in him broke and with the last of his strength, he pushed them up again and drew in fresh air. He heard Ianto gasp and rejoiced in the simple life of it, breathing in and out, in and out, in and out.

And then he noticed the bars.

"Jack...what?" Ianto choked, pointing weakly at the dark sky obscured by metal bars and the stream of water pouring through them.

"So, a trap then," Jack said, vowing to personally hunt down the bastard who'd built this and tear him limb from limb.

They were about three quarters of the way up the pit now and with the rate the water was still running, they could've been out in about half an hour. As it was, they'd be pressed up against the dark metal, once more gasping for air. Life just wasn't fair.

"What are we going to do, Jack?"

He sounded frightened, but Jack tried not to think about that, just held onto him and tried to think clearly.

"The others will be here soon. Can you swim?"

"Yes...they'll come, Jack?"

"They'll come, Ianto."

~

Gwen let go of her tree, shaking slightly as she sunk into the soft mud.

"What was that?" she said and Owen just shook his head. Tosh gathered words.

"I think...the river burst its banks. We have to...find them."

Gwen nodded. Tosh frowned.

"Jack's tracker has moved, but Ianto's is in the same place. Where is he? Up a tree?"

They all automatically looked up. An owl looked back. Owen sighed heavily.

"We have no idea what we're doing! They could be anywhere and the wood's full of bloody river!"

"We can't leave them, Owen!" Gwen said, shocked at the thought. Tosh just stared.

"I know, I know!" he said, holding up his hands. "We'll just keep looking."

They trudged on.

~

He was tired and his head hurt. The water was cold and he shivered in Jack's grip, sure he was bruising and bleeding and...dying. He wondered when Jack would finally give in.

"The mechanism must be in this wall," Jack said, scrabbling at it with his free hand.

"And then what?" Ianto said softly. "This place is full of water."

Jack stopped a minute and then cursed under his breath. "Damn."

Ianto touched his cheek gently. "Don't worry. They'll be here."

He knew that he'd hit his head pretty hard, but he could swear that Jack was looking at him funny. He put it down to the concussion and just clung limply to Jack's shirt, trying to remember what warm felt like that. It might have something to do with the colour red.

"I wish I had your faith, Ianto," Jack said bitterly and, without thinking at all, Ianto kissed him. It was brief, chaste, a brushing of cold lips that could never have been sexy. And yet Jack had started to smile.

"Thank you," he said, then his face turned serious. "But you can't do that again."

Ianto frowned. "Why...why not?"

Jack sighed, and then coughed. The water was probably full of bacteria and spores - they'd be laid up for weeks. Well, he would; Jack would just shake it off like he outgrew lovers, tossing them aside like a broken umbrella. Ianto didn't want to be an umbrella.

"I'm a monster."

Ianto squinted at him. "Look human to me."

A laugh then, but it was short-lived and subdued. "No, Ianto, inside. Inside, I'm a monster, a creature with no heart or a care or..."

"Oh, bullshit, Jack," Ianto said, losing all patience. "I've seen you care, I've seen you love - don't give me another bloody ruse. I thought I'd earned more than that."

Jack stared at him. Ianto was too tired to keep up this argument and so leaned his head against Jack's shoulder and let his eyes fall closed.

"Ianto, don't fall asleep."

Ianto barely heard him, as the black swept over his mind.

~

"Ianto? Wake up! Wake up. Please."

There was no response. Jack sought for a pulse under his neck - faint, but there. He shifted him closer, running a dripping hand through that soaked, dark hair and looking up into the darkness. Despite the moon, the night was becoming oppressive and the water was still rising. He began to think his half an hour estimate had been generous. Very generous.

Minutes slipped away and he struggled to think, to cherish, to conjure up good times and beautiful Welsh vowels, but all he could see was Ianto's face twisted in anger: Make your own way home.

How could he tell him? What could he say that would mean what he felt, that called out softly I lied.

I lied, Ianto, when I said you meant nothing. That it was only a passing interest. You have to believe me. I don't know what I'd do if you couldn't. Please, Ianto - find it in your heart to forgive me. Can we start again?

He didn't stir.

Jack buried his face into the cold skin of his neck, breathing in what was left of his scent under murky river water, more pouring onto his head and him not caring.

"Ianto, please..."

Nothing, but shallow gasps of breath, flowing water. If Jack believed such things, he would have sworn he heard the footsteps of the Grim, seen the face of Death peering down at him, leering in the shadows. In truth, he heard nothing but the soft throbbing beneath his Ianto's skin, that little flicker of life that prevented Jack falling away.

The top of his head brushed the grating and he let out a sigh. There was no desperation, no panic - a gentle acceptance of yet more death, more loss. They said it was peaceful if you didn't struggle. He hadn't died by drowning yet. One more experience for the list...

No.

Ianto shifted slightly, a barely perceptible movement, but Jack was pressed in close and he felt it shiver over his skin, bringing warmth, bringing hope. He would fight. He would keep fighting. Jack wouldn't let Ianto fall away - they had fought before, they would keep fighting. Jack would give Ianto his last breath and know he'd given it his best shot.

What else could they do but hope?

Jack pulled Ianto up to his chest and tilted his head back, pressing his face gently against the bars. There'd be air for a few more seconds there, before the saturated ground couldn't take anymore and the water pooled over their upturned faces, gazing at the stars through the trees.

A deep pang burned in his chest, something familiar but ignored, a call he could barely recognise as of himself. Jack pressed his lips to the side of Ianto's jaw, closing his eyes.

"I love you, Ianto Jones."

The water rose. Jack thrust his face between the bars and gulped in air, savouring those moments with Ianto in his arms and the acuteness of death in his veins.

The water spilled over. Jack dragged Ianto into him one last time, pinching his nose and breathing into his mouth. My last breath is yours.

Quiet.

Still.

Over.

.

.

.

Suddenly, he was flying, surging upwards and thrown on the ground. He gasped for air, desperately dragging it into his starved lungs and blinking at the apparition of Gwen before his eyes.

"Wha....Ianto! IANTO!"

She took hold of his shoulders, soothing him as he jerked upright and craned his neck frantically. "Owen's got him, it's all alright, Jack, he's alright..."

He's alright.

"Good," he muttered, and let his eyes roll back into his head.

~

Warmth. His first thought was warmth. And not wet. Not dead.

Things were already looking up.

With effort, he opened his eyes. Ceiling. The Hub's ceiling to be more precise and that meant he was home. He blinked a few more times, waiting for his throbbing head to clear. Definite concussion. That will mean rest. He has never been a great fan of lying around.

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty's awake then."

Owen's voice was harsh in his ears and he cringed slightly, but the hands that carefully examined his head, his eyes, his mouth were gentle and Ianto was once more surprised. He turned his head slightly and he saw Jack curled up on a chair, smothered in blanket and with what appeared to be a hot water bottle resting over his chest. He looked alive but tired, drained.

"He should be in bed," Ianto said and then realised he'd said it out loud. Owen sighed.

"Yeah, wouldn't leave. Not that he can probably catch pneumonia but whatever. He thinks he's some kind of guardian angel."

It was Ianto's job to take care of Jack, watch to make sure he wasn't depressed, keep on top of everything, give support when it all got too much. He wasn't meant to be guarding Ianto - he had no debt to pay.

"You should tell him to go home," Ianto said softly, and Owen snorted.

"Ianto, mate, everyone's tried to make him leave. Guess he's still got the hots for you."

Owen wandered away and Ianto simply continued to stare until finally, he joined Jack in sleep.

~

For four days, Ianto had been holed up in his quarters, coughing up his lungs and drinking Gwen's substandard coffee. His whole chest burned and his headache wouldn't leave, leaving him to twist his bruised and aching body round and round in the bed. This was not his idea of rest - this was a unique and terrible form of torture.

And Jack was avoiding him.

Whilst the others all dropped in with food, gossip and medication, Jack was nowhere to be seen. They all reassured him that Jack was fine, well, sitting at his desk, but it was what they didn't say that concerned him. No comments about inappropriate innuendo, flirting, smiling, laughing - he had instantly reverted to the miserable figure that the Doctor had dumped on their doorstep, and Ianto couldn't do a thing about it.

He was becoming less and less certain about what had happened in the pit. He remembered falling, holding close, something about monsters and a kiss. There was a very clear and concrete memory of a kiss, but he was beginning to think he'd imagined it. You didn't kiss someone and then ignore them - unless Jack really hated him. What had he done? And how on earth would he find out, if Jack wouldn't talk to him?

The door opened and Tosh walked in with a sandwich. He couldn't even muster a smile.

"I'm not hungry," he said.

Tosh blinked at him. "Ianto, you have to eat. Owen says..."

"I don't care what Owen says," he said dully, and curled up.

She hesitated in the doorway but she could see that he was serious. With a bemused nod, she backed out of the room with the sandwich. Ianto watched her go and then returned to his melancholy.

~

He didn't look up.

"I'm busy," he said tersely.

"Ianto's not eating."

"Why not?" Jack said, tightly.

"I think he's miserable because you're not speaking to him."

"I am speaking to him," Jack said automatically, then stopped himself and sighed. He looked up at Tosh and then sat back in his chair. "Tell him I'm busy."

"If you want me to, I will. But that won't solve anything."

Jack twirled his pen between his fingers, trying not to think. "He has to eat at some point."

He jumped as she slammed her palms on his desk. "Or you could just go and see him," she said, flatly.

There was silence for a moment or two before he looked back at the papers on his desk.

"I have work to do," he said stiffly, and that was that.

~

They sat around the conference table, prodding their sweet and sour but not really eating.

"Has he had anything yet?" Gwen asked, worry in her eyes.

"Nothing," Owen growled, pushing away his carton in anger. "He's being an idiot. Harkness is never going to break."

"But he must know that!" Tosh said, desperate now. Ianto looked sicker now than he had when they'd pulled him out...and she didn't want to think about that.

"He's relying on some human part of him that doesn't actually exist," Owen muttered darkly, reclaiming his food and stuffing some in his mouth.

"What can we do?" Gwen said, looking between them. "There has to be something!"

Tosh thought for a moment and then smiled. "Well, there's something..."

~

Jack walked into his office and found Tosh, Gwen and Owen standing in front of his desk.

"...did I call you here?" he said with a moment of confusion. They said nothing, looking between each other expectantly before Owen threw up his hands and stepped forward.

"Go and see Ianto. Now."

Jack scowled. "Oh no, not more of this. Go back to work."

He started tidying the mess of papers on his desk but then realised that they hadn't actually left.

"We're not going to work," Tosh said slowly. "Not until you talk to Ianto."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding! You can't..."

They were serious. He met each of their eyes and realised that they weren't moving. With a sharp stab of fear, he realised he had to face Ianto.

"Please, Jack," said Gwen, eyes open and concerned. "We're worried about him."

He tried not to think about that, as he circled the desk, shooting them all looks of betrayal. Tosh wordlessly handed him a mug of what looked like soup, and he took it, making his way slowly into the depths of the Hub.

They'd bullied him, all of them, and he had relented. Now, he stood at Ianto's door and he had to explain. Why had he stayed away? Why had he done any of it? He couldn't make sense of his own existence, let alone adding the complication of Ianto's. What could he say? How could he explain?

The soup was getting cold. With a deep breath, Jack pushed open Ianto's door. It took him a moment to see the figure in the bed, pale skin lost again white sheets. He looked so...still.

Leaping forward, Jack shoved the mug on the table before shaking Ianto's shoulders sharply. With a rough gasp, the dark eyes flew open and hazily met his, before his whole body seized with coughing. Jack held him against him, the sense memory of the last time flooding his body until he was himself shaking. Ianto eventually quietened, collapsing against him and sucking in pained breaths.

"Jack..." he murmured and Jack picked up the mug again, gently pressing it against his lips.

"Sip it slowly," he said and Ianto obeyed, a ghostly smile playing on his face.

"You came," he whispered and Jack's heart stopped for a moment, the wonder and affection in that voice shutting him down and laying him out.

"Shut up and drink, Ianto," he said roughly, but Ianto was still smiling as the broth passed his lips. He finished about two-thirds before pushing it aside and Jack set it down again. They remained in silence for a while, Jack perched on the bed with Ianto pressed against him. It almost felt like home.

"You've been avoiding me," Ianto said, sleepily and Jack swallowed hard.

"I...I was busy," he said, knowing how stupid that sounded. Ianto sighed.

"I thought I...told you...to...stop...lying..." Ianto wheezed, another coughing fit blooming in his throat and Jack could only support him, wondering if he would break from the violent, wracking sounds inside.

"Breathe, relax," Jack said, rubbing his back and trying not to panic. The harsh coughing subsided and Ianto feel against him, exhausted.

"I should have been here," he heard himself say. "You needed me and I should have been here."

"You...busy..." Ianto bit out and Jack closed his eyes against the lies.

"I wasn't busy, Ianto," he confessed softly. "I was afraid."

Dark, hazy eyes looked at him quizzically and he attempted to drag out the thoughts he'd been ignoring.

"I've...god, how do I say this? I've been hurt, Ianto. So, I flirt, I kiss, I...dance, but I don't do relationships."

Ianto opened his mouth to speak but Jack waved his hand, taking a deep breath.

"Please, you have to believe me, this isn't easy. It's never easy. But...I don't see...there's nothing..."

"You don't want...this."

His voice was perfectly level, rational, reasonable - perfectly Ianto. Jack wanted to shout and scream and shake him...but he wouldn't do that. He needed him to be stable. One of them had to be.

"I...can't."

The silence lined the room and Jack knew he had to leave. Carefully, he pulled away from Ianto and turned away, the door handle at his fingertips.

"Feel better, Ianto," he mumbled, a line of water running straight down his cheek.

"Jack?" Ianto rasped and he had to face him, he owed him that.

Ianto was smiling, shy and unsure and Jack's heart leapt in his chest, a heart thought black, now quavering in anticipation.

"We could start again."

A jump. "Start again?"

Wider smile. "You know, a walk in the Bay, catch a film, Indian on City Road. And then you can leave me at the door with a kiss, and I'll live like that. I'll...wait."

There was sincerity in his eyes, there was hope and Jack didn't know how to react, how to find a way to keep that smile on Ianto's face all the days of his life.

He was Captain Jack Harkness. He'd find a way!

"I'd...like that."

That smile was worth everything.

~

They crowded around the monitor, Gwen and Owen leaning over Tosh's shoulders as she fiddled with the focus on the camera.

"There!" she yelled, pointing at the screen. Gwen shrieked and Owen rolled his eyes, trying to look disinterested as he leaned closer.

"Bloody hell, they're holding hands!" he muttered and the others leaned in too, trying not to grin.

"I think it's sweet," Gwen said and Tosh nodded. Owen rolled his eyes again for emphasis.

"Guess the drinks are on Mr Negativity!" Tosh said, poking Owen in the ribs. He made a pretence of being hurt and then grabbed his coat. Tosh shut down the monitor, humming to herself, remembering the folder she'd stumbled upon secreted deep in Jack's hub.

/backup-mail.

So innocuous. So beautiful.

She'd only opened one. She'd only needed to read it once.

How many ways can I say this? Isn't one enough?

I love you, Ianto.

One day, I'll send this. Promise.

One day.

***