Title: The Vita Brevis Series
Author: Clarity
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Note: This series was the first I ever wrote for Torchwood, so a bit ropey around the edges (it was originally meant to have 3 parts but ballooned a little).
Summary: AU. After the events of "Cyberwoman", Jack decides to make a move on Ianto. However the energy keeping him immortal causes some unexpected problems along the way.

***

Carpe Diem

"And just for a second there, I felt so... alive."

Right. Only I didn"t quite mean what Gwen thought I meant.

That second time cyberbitch hit me with the whammy I really thought my days were up. I thought, "Jack, you sonofabitch, you"re going to die you cocky bastard". There"s nothing quite like the sensation of blood rip-roaring into your brain twice the speed of light, making your head feel like it"s going to explode before it all goes blissfully, or not so blissfully sometimes, dark.

It went darker than it ever had before this time. Too dark for my liking.

And when I woke up, I welcomed every ounce of pain that meant I was living again. Holy shit, I couldn"t believe it. I never felt my heart thud so heavy in my chest, or the crisp air open my lungs so fast.

Before I knew it I had Ianto in my arms.

Quiet, efficient, relentlessly passive Ianto Jones, the man who had caused this whole mess; who had nearly cost me my life and still could. I knew I should have just hated him. Strangled him. Shaken him and told him what he"d done. Crushed him for his betrayal.

But instead, I kissed him.

I kissed him.

He wasn"t dead. Or even unconscious really. I could hear a faint moan beginning to sound in the back of his throat as he came around long before I pressed my lips to his. I wasn"t passing on my energy to keep him alive. I just... wanted to kiss him.

It was crazy.

Yes, Gwen. Just for a second there, I felt so... alive.

Because he kissed back. And he didn"t want to let go.

The look he gave me when we broke apart was so open and sweet, had we not been in a life or death situation, I know I would have tore every last piece of that expensive tailormade suit off and had him right there; had it lasted longer than an mere instant, before his memory returned and venomous hatred stole it right away.

I didn"t think I"d ever see that look directed at me again.

But here"s the kicker; I didn"t know what to expect when he told Tosh he wasn"t going to leave Torchwood. She kind of implied he was going to stay just because he had nowhere else to go. I believed that right up until the point when he returned to the institute.

The first thing he did was look straight up at me. He didn"t even seem to notice Gwen standing beside me, unwittingly privy to a little secret she"d never ever figure out.

There was a question in his eyes.

And I felt a little thud in my chest.

I gave him a slight nod, and in it I tried to say so much. Yes, I understood why you did it. Yes, one day I will forgive. Yes, Ianto, I felt it too.

Ianto, we shared something of ourselves we didn"t mean to share in that naked moment. You showed me the depths of love you are capable of feeling; that I will never be worthy of perhaps. And I shared the moment I came alive again with you. After months of living like some undead thing, I suddenly realised I was not who I used to be; not the man who would seize every moment of life and drink it down, but one resigned and going through the montions instead of living. I remembered the man I was before I became, as you so aptly put it, a monster.

I wasn"t always so cold.

His eyes dim and all too soon emptiness sweeps over them. He turns away from me and somehow I just know he heard me completely. He knows what happened to us. And he doesn"t want to remember it.

You can"t hide from this, Ianto. And you know what? I"m not even going to try to. I"m not that guy who never takes a chance and forgets that life is just a big ol" poker game anyway. Not anymore I"m not.

Every time I die, I feel a bit of myself slipping away never to return. I have imagined death breathing down my neck for too long now. No more. I"m not going to let my life slip away piece by piece like this. I"m going to reach out and enjoy what I have left of it no matter what.

I have a pretty good idea of how to do that, as well.

Carpe diem, Mr. Jones, carpe diem.

Our day is coming up pretty soon. Just you wait and see.

***

Memento Mori

"Hey Ianto."

There it is. That little shudder he always gets whenever I catch him alone. His back straightens like someone just strapped him to a ruler and an impassive mask fixes onto his face.

"Sir?"

I know he hates me coming down here, into this little hive of alien junk he likes to roam around when Toshiko isn"t on the prowl for new toys to play with. Seems like the only place in this whole facility he hasn"t cleaned and dusted to within an inch of its life. Not strange, until you realise he spends most of his time down here.

"Just came to confirm you"re still breathing."

He gives me a small wince of a smile. I can tell he"d like nothing more than for me to disappear off the face of the earth right now; anything but come any closer to him.

So of course, I move closer. He can"t ignore me if I"m getting into his personal space after all. "How you been?"

I"ve been watching him very closely the last few weeks and he seems to be getting better. I think in his heart of hearts, he realised the moment she started killing people that he had lost Lisa. He didn"t want to accept it at first. Now I sense he"s beginning to make peace with what happened.

Doesn"t mean he"s all that happy though. He"s sleepwalking and I"ve seen no sign of him pushing past that as yet.

Time for a wakeup call I think.

"What are you up to down here?"

"Am I needed upstairs, sir? Would you like a round of coffee?"

Damn, there was definitely some accusation in there somewhere, even if it didn"t sound anything but resigned. Or maybe I imagined it. Hell it would probably be deserved if there were. I guess I did take him for granted before. Though to be fair it"s not like he ever asked for anything else or complained. He kept himself hidden from us so it"s his fault we didn"t know him. Not ours. Not mine.

"No Ianto. No coffee." If I sound irritated, it"s because I am. "I just wanted to talk to you. See how you"re feeling."

"Thank you, sir. I"m fine.

He turns away. Talk about the cold shoulder.

"Ianto." I grab him by the arm and turn him back round to me. "Talk. Now."

For just a second, he looks shocked. He pulls his arm out of my grasp and smooths down his suit. "You asked me how I was feeling? I don"t feel like talking. Now, if you"ll excuse me sir, I..."

This time I don"t let him turn away. I grab him by the shoulders and push him backwards into a chair in the corner. I grab the desk chair and roll it right in front of him so I"m blocking all routes of escape.

Now he"s looking pretty uncomfortable. "What is this about, sir?"

"For a start, why do you call me "sir”?"

"Why? Well... because... you"re in charge."

I shrug and lean back in my chair. "I didn"t ask you to call me that. Nobody else here ever asked you to call them that. Why do you do it?"

Stumped, he shakes his head, frowning. "I... I suppose it"s force of habit, s... Um..."

"Normally people do that as a mark of respect. But I get the sense you don"t exactly like me, let alone respect me."

"I... well I..."

Part of me feels sorry for him, the way he"s struggling. Another part of me finds it a bit of a turn on.

"After all I"m a monster, right? Can"t sleep, can"t die, can"t be trusted with your secrets."

Ianto tucks his chin down and looks very grim. He gives up floundering and just seems to shut me out.

"You"re gonna wait "til I"m in trouble one day then hang me out to dry? Your words not mine. So why do you call me sir if you hate me so much? Why are you still working here?"

Still no response.

"I can wait all day for an answer." I fold my arms and make myself comfortable in exaggerated fashion. "Come on, what are you doing here, Ianto? Waiting for revenge?"

"Certainly not. This is my job and I have no reason not to do it," he says, his tone angry yet very much restrained. "Contrary to popular belief in certain quarters, you are not the centre of the universe and I"m not here either because of, or despite of, you."

I think he expected me to back off or at least look perturbed. The smile that breaks out on my face clearly surprises him. I can"t help but start laughing.

"What? What is it?"

"Oh nothing. I just never knew you were so gutsy, is all," I chuckle and slap him on the knee. "I like it."

His hand unclenches and clenches again as though he was unconsciously about to brush down his trouser knee but caught himself first.

"I do like you, whatever you think of me. What you did..."

He winces and I feel strangely gratified he has the good grace at least for that.

"... was unforgivable. You betrayed us all and could have got us killed. But I know why you did it. To answer that question you asked and I never answered, yes I do know what it"s like to be in love."

When his eyes reach out to mine and grow a little misty I know we"re finally on the same wavelength.

"You spend time with someone. Get to know them. Make memories. Laugh at their inadequacies; their little quirks. You tell them everything you could never tell anybody else. You yell and shout at them and do it knowing they won"t leave you whatever you say. When you hold them you feel at peace." I lean in closer. He looks utterly mesmerised. "I never told you, I"m sorry about what happened to Lisa."

"Thank you, sir," he whispers, but his voice cracks and it ends up barely audible.

"I don"t want to see you get eaten up forever over it. Life"s too short." I can"t help the little sigh which escapes me. "I guess what I"m saying is, I want to help."

"Help?"

"As in, I want to be there for you. Not in the employer sense. I want to know you better."

He frowns and shakes his head, not understanding. I put my hand on his hand. He doesn"t flinch.

"I like you. A lot. Are you getting me?"

Blank. Jeez, he"s still not connecting the dots. And his IQ was what, again?

Time for a demonstration. I roll my eyes and stand up, sending my chair rolling away to the other side of the room. I plant a hand on the side of his chair, lean right in over him, tilt his chin up with the other and kiss him.

I can taste coffee on his lips. Still taking too many sugars I see.

At first the resistance is minimal, then he struggles. Before I know it he"s leapt up onto his feet and is pushing me away.

I trip back over some cables and hit the floor hard, Ianto toppling over as well and landing square on top of me.

"Well I wasn"t going to go this far just yet but..." I wheeze, wrapping my legs right around him.

Anger flashes through his eyes and he tries to resist, to pull away. I grab him by the lapels and fling him aside onto the floor, rolling us both over so that now I"m on top of him. "Ah back on top. Just where I like to be." I can"t help myself.

"Get off me!" He fights, boy does he fight, but there"s no way I"m letting him go like this. I"m having way too much fun. And I know his body is beginning to react even if he mind is determined not to.

God I feel alive.

I always wanted to just pop off one of the buttons on his perfectly starched shirts. Just to see how much it bothers him not looking so perfect. The trouble is picking one.

After some considerable thought, staring at that heaving chest, I decide on the third from top. I have to tear it off with my teeth, since my hands are engaged in holding him down.

"What are you doing?!"

Oh... go on, just one more. I take the one just below it and nuzzle the shirt open.

His chest is almost perfectly smooth, with just the barest hint of hair. I find a nipple and dare to lash it with my tongue.

"Please..." he gasps, breathlessly. I can feel the resistance melting away.

"Please what? Please yes, or please no?"

"Please... no." He had to fight to get that out, I can tell.

"No?" Very slowly I release his hands. He doesn"t move though, so I lean right over and show him exactly why Captain Jack"s kisses are famed throughout the galaxy. I give him the full-on tongue-whirling teeth-tingling special, all the while rubbing my thigh slowly up and down against the hardness I can feel fighting the seams of his pants.

He pulls away eventually but only to gasp for air.

Wow. That one nearly beat the life-affirming liplock-de-force I gave him a few weeks ago. Nearly.

There is definitely potential in this situation.

Which makes it all the harder to stop. But then, the gentleman did say no, and I"m not one to take advantage.

"In two hours, everybody will have gone home. I"ll be in the shooting range. Meet me there. You don"t show, we"ll never talk of this again, I promise." I can"t help but give him one last kiss just in case. "So I suggest you be punctual. This is a one time offer."

I get up and leave without so much as looking back at him. The choice is entirely in his hands now.

Let no one ever accuse me of not taking my chances...

***

Quid Pro Quo

The first thing I notice is that Ianto has actually changed his shirt. I thought he might.

My eyes stray to my watch. Two hours to the minute.

The man"s a marvel.

"I have a question for you," he says, voice sounding far more confident than I sense he is; the product of practise I suspect. "You wanted to know why I stayed. Now I want to know why you let me."

Slowly I put the gun I had been oiling down on the desk and wipe my hands clean on a rag.

"Was it because... because of this?"

I snort. "Would you believe me if I said it was just because you make good coffee?"

"I"m not sure I know what to believe to be honest, sir."

"Lose the "sir”, Ianto."

"I"d rather not for now." His whole body language is defensive. Constricted almost. Hell, he"s wound up so tight I"m surprised he can still breathe.

That"s something I"m going to have smooth out. No matter. We"ll have all night for that if I get my way.

"So what is this about, sir?"

"I would have thought that was pretty obvious."

No use playing clueless now. He knew full well what this was and he still chose to walk through the door. I gave him a choice. There"s so way out now. Either he stays and we thrash out this weird dynamic that"s been bouncing between us these last few weeks or he cuts and runs and I get blue balls. No prizes for guessing which option I favour.

I"ve been so damned worked up these last few hours I don"t think I"ve hit one damn target right. Though I did take out a crotch or two of the cardboard cut-outs. No idea why.

"I uh... I don"t mean to be rude but... I"m not interested."

"Like hell you"re not." I know that came out sounding pretty cocky; couldn"t be helped. "Either that or you just happened to be carrying a pretty big banana in your pants pocket earlier."

He blushes and looks down at his feet, scuffling them a little. "Okay. Then it"s the timing. It"s not right."

"No I think this is the perfect time. For both of us." And seriously, I can"t take this much longer. I"ve kept my distance for two weeks out of respect. But every man has his limits. "Ianto, I know you"re capable of great depths of emotion and loyalty. I wouldn"t ask you to ever give that up... give her up, if you don"t want to." I shrug and try to look completely unassuming. "I"m not asking for some Hollywood romance here. No love. Just friendship.... with a little extra thrown in." Or a lot extra thrown in perhaps.

His eyebrows climb practically up into his hairline.

"What can I say? I can"t resist a man in a suit."

"Surely what you have in mind necessitates a distinct lack of that particular attire." He smiles a little and I feel incredibly relieved.

"Damn, you"re right. That could be an issue. Maybe if you take it off I"ll be able to judge properly."

"And if I take off the suit and you discover you"re not interested?"

"I think that"s a risk we need to be prepared to take."

I step forwards and undo his tie, stripping it away with flair. He stops me before I can go for the shirt.

"I won"t pull off any buttons," I promise with a wink.

"No, it"s just... well it"s a bit cold in here. And besides..." he nods up towards the CCTV camera.

"Good point. Actually, that"s what I asked you down here for."

"To film it? Or do you just want me to check the boiler, sir?"

Oh but what that cheeky little smile does to me. I mean, it always had an effect before when we were just acquaintances getting the job done; when I never really considered him as anything but part of the furniture. There was just no good reason to take much notice, especially considering how hectic life was in the early days of setting up this operation.

Now I"m noticing. Oh boy am I noticing.

"Not exactly." Actually, it would be fun giving a show for the camera... perhaps another time. "I have another reason for asking you down here." I reach under the table and pick up a torch hung underneath it. "Follow me."

I flick it on and begin down the dark tunnel we use for the shooting range, glancing back briefly to check that he is following. He walks in a way that never seems to make a sound; one day I"m going to ask him how he does that.

"I was under the impression that this old train tunnel is sealed off," he whispers, nervously.

"It is." Before he can ask anything else I stop and dazzle him with the light. "Goes for nearly half a mile but there is no way out. I checked it out myself."

"So where are we going?"

Moving along again I direct the torch light along the wall. "Ianto, I"d like to share a secret with you. Something I"d like to keep just between you and me."

"Oh?"

Ah ha. There it is; I could probably find it with my eyes closed I"ve been down here so often. I shine my light on the door concealed in the side of the concrete wall for a moment to allow him to see before opening it up. The creak it makes echoes all down the tunnel. "Welcome to Captain Jack"s private boudoir. RSVP essential. Black tie... or not."

He looks like Alice landing in wonderland as he steps inside. I close the door behind us and flick on the old lights.

"What is this place?" he asks, incredulously.

"I think it must have a storage room for railway workers once before this tunnel was deactivated. Took a bit of renovating of course to get it looking a bit more homely." There is a note of pride in my voice, I know. I have done a lot of work in here in through all of the long nights where sleep has been a distant prospect. I built shelves for all of the books I have collected, assembled the kingsize bed myself and installed a shower by connecting it to the old sink pipes. This is my sanctuary, and for some reason I"m not sure I entirely understand, I want him to see it. All of it.

"This is incredible. There must be hundreds of books..."

"I like to catch up on my reading at night." I shrug and grab him by the hand to lead him around. On my desk there is a lot of 1940s junk I picked up along the way, which seems to intrigue him a little. I lead him around the bed at the centre of the room and to the large glass shower fixed to side wall. That intrigues him even more.

"Does this work?"

"Oh yeah. I had a little trouble getting the water pressure right but once that was fixed, perfect. Just the thing to start the day; a nice big powershower to myself."

"Always just to yourself, sir?" There is a definite sparkle in his eyes as he says that.

"Usually. Though I wouldn"t mind breaking that particular tradition. By the way, weren"t we talking about getting rid of that suit earlier?"

"I believe we were."

"Hmm. Seems like things are really coming together."

He starts to take off his jacket and looks a little awkward doing it under my gaze. So I step forwards and capture him in a kiss, melting him instantly. Gently, very gently, I slip his jacket off for him and undo the buttons on his shirt on by one. My fingers dance across his bare skin and make him shiver. A moan escapes him and seems to pass directly into me. If I"d have known he was this responsive I would have made a move on him a long time ago.

I kiss his neck as I make a start on the belt area. I love how is leaning into me, just willing me to take him. Don"t worry Ianto, I will. I will. Sooner rather than later if you keep making those little throaty sounds.

"I don"t... don"t love you," he suddenly gasps, throwing me off my rhythm a little because I wasn"t expecting it. "I just... I..."

"It"s okay to..." a quick kiss on the shoulder, "... need companionship." One on the collarbone. No wait, two - I like it here. "Affection. Some fun."

"I don"t usually... do this. So fast, I mean."

"Trust me, fast has its advantages." I prove it by sticking my tongue down his throat. Then I step back and pull my shirt off over my shoulders. "Why don"t you hop in the shower and get the water nice and warm," I say, continuing to undress.

Tentatively he pulls off his shoes and socks and steps out of his pants. I have to smile as he takes a moment to pick them up and fold them neatly before moving to the shower.

I drink in the sight of him. Definitely getting my seal of approval. He"s tall and lean, with legs that just seem to go on and on. His skin is flushed and rosy pink; flawless and glistening. I can say nothing against his proportions in any area.

My pants are getting tight just watching him test the water.

Seems so long since I had anyone wandering around naked for my benefit. Man, just what have I been doing all this time? I"ve definitely lost something of myself lately. I must have been crazy not to notice such a hot young thing in my immediate stratosphere far sooner.

With the last remnants of my clothes cast away, I step into the shower and press right against his naked backside under the pretext of reaching for the soap. I hear the breath hitch in his throat even over the water pounding over us. His breathing goes crazy as he realises I don"t intend to use the soap on me and start to sud him down instead. Reaching around him I dare to plaster us together, and then I rub the soap all over his chest and his perfectly flat stomach with one hand and clean it away with the other. Ianto"s hands press against the glass in front of us and squeak as he pushes them upwards, tension in his shoulders.

"How long as it been since you last had sex?" I ask quietly before nibbling his earlobe.

"T-two nights before the battle for Torchwood one."

"With a guy?" I add before putting the soap aside and reaching for the shampoo.

"Years," he breathes. "Four or five years, sir."

The title which was annoying me before is now serving as a bit of a turn on. Not that I"d ever admit that. "Do you want...?"

"Yes," he answers immediately. There is not even a hint of hesitation in his tone.

It"s all the encouragement I need. Next thing Ianto knows he"s receiving a very thorough examination with the aid of a little shampoo, and things start to move very fast. The kisses I am planting on his shoulder gradually turn to bites as he lets me touch him and prepare him and then suddenly I find myself sliding home right into heaven. I reach around, hand still coated in shampoo, and stroke his straining dick in rhythm with my movements.

I can"t believe I forgot the sheer bliss of this. Ianto"s breathy words of encouragement seem to thunder in my ears and the now steaming water cascading over us is setting every nerve in my body alight. If his enthusiastic responses are anything to go by he is flying with the angels. I"m not far behind either.

God I love his sleek, lean body. His masculine scent. His cute little smile. His sense of humour. His ridiculous clean-freakery. Right now there is not a single thing about Ianto Jones I don"t like. All I want to do is hold him close and make him scream my name. Especially if he manages to suffix it with the "sir” title again.

This is definite meaning of life stuff.

I hold him off completion for as long as I can, amused by the little moans of disappointment every time I tighten my grip and hold him still for a moment to ward off our finale. Then, when the time is right and I"m almost on the edge as well, I finally release him from his torment and the contractions inside him cause an explosion of light behind my eyes.

The first thing I see when I return to this earthy plain is the big bite mark on his shoulder. I kiss it better in apology before reaching over to turn off the water.

Ianto is still shaking; holding onto the shower fixture to keep upright. I"m flattered really that I have had such an effect on him.

"Definitely better without the suit," I whisper, and he chuckles breathlessly.

***

Lux et Veritas

"I have another secret, sir."

It takes a few seconds for that to register, I"m so mesmerised by how cute Ianto looks with his hair all damp and messed up. My first reaction when I realise what he"s said is to tense up. "What? What is it?" I very nearly — to the point of having to bite my lip — ask him if he"s got a cyber-boyfriend in the basement as well.

His expression is very serious and I find that unsettling.

"Since you have been kind enough to show me your private sanctuary away from the others..."

"With excursion tours of the shower, the desk and this nice big bouncy bed..." I add, but his face remains set as stone. Not even a smirk. Just a look of worry.

"... I think it"s only fair I tell you everything."

"What?"

He gulps and takes a deep breath, apparently keeping me in suspense on purpose. "This may come as a bit of a surprise but...I only wear suits because you like them."

His smile completely disarms me and the relief that he was kidding around swiftly follows. "How"s that any secret?!"

"Because it says something about how long I"ve... I"ve been thinking of... well. I showed up in a suit the first day at T-3 because I wasn"t really sure what to expect, and since I was always compelled to wear one at T-1 it made sense. That day you couldn"t keep your hands off me... kept saying how good I looked and how much you liked my suit.."

"Really? I don"t remember that." I get distracted by a lock of hair stuck to his temple and brush it tenderly away. I can"t hardly believe how much I"m enjoying the sensation of just lying here on half top of him, his leg legs tangled with mine. The little tender touches to his face and hair are just coming naturally. I feel amazingly content right now.

"So I ended up wearing one the next day, and the habit took hold." He grins. "Now you know all my deepest darkest secrets."

"I"m certainly seeing a whole new side to you, that"s for sure."

"Of course I still know little of your secrets."

I open my mouth to fob him off but before I can say a word he grabs me by the shoulder, pulls me down and kisses me. When it ends I"ve forgotten completely what we were even talking about. Who needs memory loss pills when you"ve got Ianto Jones around?

"It"s alright, sir. I don"t need to know. There"s only one thing I want from you."

My half-melted brain doesn"t quite fathom until he takes hold of my hand and runs it down his stomach and onto his rock hard cock.

"Again? Are you serious?" Not that I"ve never done it four times in one night before. I just didn"t expect him to be such a little energiser bunny. Quite the education I"m getting here.

"I can"t explain it. I"m not normally so..."

"Turned on?" I shrug and shoot him a vain smile. Hell, it"s not easy being gorgeous, but it sure is worth it when things like this happen.

Ianto"s arms hook around mine and he practically throws me over onto my back, climbing around right on top of me. I"m already half hard by the time he bites into my neck and begins to rub slowly, oh so blissfully slowly, up against me. I break landspeed records for getting harder than a lead pipe feeling him do that.

There is no question what he wants, or that I"m the man to give it to him. Ianto grabs firm hold of my dick and guides it back into the body it"s spent probably a good few hours having the time of its life in already. He"s still slick and I just slide straight in. No official invite needed.

My hands settle onto his hips and I want to thrust, but he seems intent on doing all of the work. He practically holds me down as he begins to move, head thrown back in the air, his hands holding my hands in place while he undulates and heaves.

I surrender to him. It just feels too damned good not to. He"s a hypnotic sight in the dim bunker lights; all rosy flesh radiating heat and shining with well earned perspiration. One of his hands snaps back and he begins to stroke his cock, feverishly, sending more than just a few shock waves right through me.

Who"d have thought it? Captain Jack Harkness, man of a thousand conquests, reduced to an inarticulate wreck of three slurred words — yessss, s"good and ohmygodyesyesyes — by the most innocuous, innocent looking young man I ever set my sights on. It"s almost too good; friction beyond sanity-retaining levels. Part of me wants to escape, or slow down at least. The rest can do nothing but let him take me wherever he wants to go.

Even my vision seems to be blurring as spots of light and colour seem to fly around us. Only when I"m nearly there, and he is completely unstoppable, do I realise that he"s glowing.

For real. He"s actually glowing.

Ohhh shit...

Then Ianto screams and comes all over my chest and I have no choice but to drive my hips up, pushing as far in as it is possible to go, and spill. The sudden rush of adrenalin makes my orgasm incredible; the stuff that multiples are made of. I jerk up and up, pushing, completely losing all control.

I have to fight myself to stop. Something has clearly gone terribly wrong here. He"s glowing. That"s not normal.

That"s only supposed to happen when I kiss somebody; when I need to share a little of the curse with them, and even then when I need to share a lot of it. Never ever before has it ever happened during sex. Never.

Ianto doesn"t move for quite a while, head still thrown back, his chest heaving, his face completely blissed out. He looks a million miles away. I watch as the glow slowly dissipates and he slumps over me, offering a sloppy kiss.

"You were glowing," I say, stupidly.

"Mmmm." He rolls over and snuggles into my side.

"No really, you were..."

I look over and see that he is falling asleep already. So I lie back and try to figure it out; thinking back to every liaison I"ve ever had since that moment I woke up on a Space Station in the middle of nowhere and realised I had been dead, and somehow I wasn"t anymore.

This really has never happened before. Then again, I haven"t gone for an all-night-wonder since then either...I wonder if it might just be a product of going four times in a row.

He begins to snore lightly into my shoulder, one arm curled over my chest and a leg pinning both of mine down.

No sense in waking him, I decide. Even if this is the first time I"ve found myself going hard at it with a human lightbulb, I can"t see how it could possibly have harmed him. The energy, whatever it is; it heals, it doesn"t harm.

I quickly wipe myself down with some tissues and pull the sheets up over us; pressing right up against him and curling my fingers into his hair. He groans as I roll him into my arms and then sighs, contentedly. I find myself answering with the very same sigh.

I doubt I"ll be able to sleep properly anytime soon. Never seem to be able to get much sleep anymore. Either way I"m happy to just hold him and watch him sleep.

Although, I am feeling a bit sleepy actually. Just a little bit...

***

Ad Hominem

I wake up to an empty bed at four minutes past eight.

For a minute there I have to wonder if I have just had some kind of vivid dream.

Then the heavy masculine smell of sex hits me and a sated grin spreads across my face. I don"t mind if Ianto has escaped during the night. I got laid and I slept more than two hours for once. This is the stuff of bliss, I tell ya.

God it feels good to be alive. I may bitch and whine about the pesky immortality gig but hey, sometimes I have days like this, and I know it"s worth all the pain it causes as everybody grows old and dies around me. Just about.

I hop into the shower, unable to get the grin off my face. Somehow I just know the visualisations of Ianto wrapped in my arms, getting fucked to oblivion and loving every second of it, are never going to go away. And hell, why not? Good memories can be hard to come by so I might as well keep the ones I treasure close. I"ll be dining out on this one for a while, I can tell.

I get out pretty sharpish and stretch out good and proper before throwing on some clothes. My dick feels a little raw this morning. I"d forgotten how good that feels; to have ever little rub of fabric acting as a reminder that the night was not wasted.

As usual I start the day with a little shooting practise. Then I wander up to the main hub. Tosh is already there tapping away at her computer, and Owen and Gwen are sitting around in the social area finishing off some cold pizza. I take a seat and grab the last slice.

"Hey, we flipped for that. It was mine!" Owen bitches and Gwen laughs. I make a show of really enjoying the pizza, even if it does taste like cardboard dipped in cheese. "You"re in a good mood this morning," he adds, as though it"s an accusation. "What"s up?"

"Nothing. Can"t I just happen to be in a good mood?"

Their cynical expressions would seem to suggest not.

The sound of clattering crockery being carried down the steps on a tray makes me turn, and I see Ianto. It takes a lot of willpower not to let him see the smile he"s put on my face. Gotta force it down.

He goes to Tosh first and she takes a cup with a mumbled thanks, and then he comes over to us. All straight laced and suited up again I see. It"s strange to realise how much he bottles himself up in those clothes.

As he passes a cup to Gwen, she frowns. "Are you alright, Ianto?" she asks.

Only then do I notice that his hands are shaking a bit, making the cups tinkle on the tray. The frown passes on to me.

"Yes," he replies, cheerfully. "Just a bit tired. I just didn"t get much sleep."

"Oh really? Why is that?" I ask, sarcastically.

"A cock kept me up all night," he replies.

I manage to inhale half of my coffee up my nose. He waited until I was swallowing to say that, I just know it.

"They crow very loudly all night when they sense a potential mate in the area," he adds, perfectly composed, making all innocent eyes at me.

Owen sniggers to himself, apparently thinking he"s the only one to get the double entendre.

Damn it, I"ve completely ruined this shirt. Before I know it, Ianto has taken out a handkerchief and is dabbing at the stain. "You should take that off, sir," he says, huskily. He"s so close I can feel his breath on my cheek. "If you wouldn"t mind, you should come with me to the utility room and we can try and salvage it."

His pupils are so dilated they"re straight up black. Intrigued, I give him a curt nod and follow him up to the upper deck. He takes me aside into the kitchenette he inhabits and kicks the door closed behind me. It doesn"t quite close, leaving a few inches free.

Suddenly he"s all over me. I don"t even have time to take a breath before he nearly sucks my tongue right out of my mouth. My shirt is pulled off over my head hurriedly and his fingers tussle with the button and zipper of my pants. "Ianto..." I gasp, intending to tell him to slow the hell down.

"Shhhh, we don"t have much time. We need to be quiet."

Quiet is right. Hell if one of the others gets to the right angle they"d see absolutely everything. Alarm at this fact makes me push him off. "This isn"t a good idea," I say. "One of them could come up here." Even closing the door would be useless since it has a glass window in the top.

"Don"t care."

There go my pants. "Ianto I don"t think..." I protest weakly.

"Shut up!" he snaps. I"ve never heard him speak like that before, not to me, not to anybody. I"m not sure if I like it or not.

Is he playing some sort of dom game here? I don"t get it.

His hands claw down my chest and the boxers are stripped down to. Teeth brush promisingly against the tip of my dick, then he gives me an utterly filthy little smile before launching in and swallowing me whole.

I can"t help it. I howl. I wasn"t expecting that!

Ianto freezes right on the spot.

"Jack?" Gwen calls. "Everything okay?"

I"m still too surprised to yell back.

Ianto gets up from his knees and hurriedly yanks my pants back up. I damn near bellow out again he is so rough pushing away my poor sensitised cock, which doesn"t know whether it"s supposed to be coming or going right now.

He grabs the stained shirt he pulled off, throws it in the sink and begins rubbing it with soap.

The door swings open a bit and Gwen pokes her head inside. "You alright?"

Fuck, I knew how to talk a few minutes ago. "Yeah, yeah, sure," is all I manage.

"He hit his head on the cupboard door when I opened it." Ianto lies, smiling. Bastard! "If you don"t mind my saying so, sir, you"re being a bit of a baby about it."

Gwen snakes her head, grinning. "If you"re feeling up to some fieldwork, Tosh is picking up some strange weather activity spiking up and we"ve intercepted a call to the police. Not sure if what was described was alien but it looks fishy."

"Right." Come on Jack, this is not the first time someone has dropped to their knees for you. Just because it was so unexpected is no excuse to act churlish. Got to get it together. "I could do with a stroll. I"ll just go find some more clothes and we"ll go take a look."

Ten minutes later we"re ready to get going. Ianto is still up on the top level, leaning on the railings watching us leave. I can"t quite place the expression on his face — almost wistful - but I give him a little nod before following the others out.

***

Well that seems like a bit of a wasted trip. Didn"t seem to be much in the way of alien activity, though Tosh says she"ll keep monitoring the area. I don"t get the sense that this was anything other than some lost tourists getting spooked by a scarecrow in a storm.

For some reason Ianto kept calling me.

First time he asked how long we were going to be. Second time he tried to get me to give the team a slip and meet him somewhere, getting seriously annoyed when I refused. I was pissed off about that; I do have a job to do here after all, and he of all people should know the importance of not slacking off.

The third time he called I didn"t bother to answer.

I"m feeling really dubious about this whole thing now. Is Ianto some kind of closet stalker? I mean, I"ve known him a while now - granted not properly until very recently - but he really never struck me as the type of guy capable of that. At least, I don"t think so.

I feel a little odd going back to the Hub but there"s no avoiding it. Methinks he and I are going to have to sit down and have a long chat. Man, this isn"t how this day was supposed to turn out at all.

All suspicion and dread drains away when we step inside the Hub and he"s lying on the floor like a ragdoll dropped in an awkward position, jacket half off for some reason.

Too stunned to do anything, it is left to Gwen and Owen to haul him onto the chairs. Owen immediately goes into Doctor mode and starts to check him over, sounding off a whole bunch of vital stats that mean nothing to me except that they"re probably not good.

Ianto is half awake, eyelids fluttering, his whole body shaking and his clothes wet through with perspiration.

I stand aside as long as I can take it, then I push Owen aside and lean over him, shaking him a little. "Ianto. Can you hear me? What happened?"

He cringes back, blinking too much, grimacing. "Don"t feel too good, sir," he says, hoarsely.

"You don"t look too good." Unthinkingly I brush away some hairs stuck to his forehead and he smiles. Can"t help but do it somehow. Apparently, if that electric bolt of fear which went through me is anything to go by, I care for him more than I realised.

His hand catches onto my neck and I can feel him try to pull me down towards him. "Please, I need...I need..."

"What?"

"I need you," he gasps, and looks thoroughly pained.

Owen interrupts asking questions about narcotics and drugs ingestion. Because, damn it all, apparently there is no sign of flu or illness; his symptoms look like classic cold turkeying to the good Doctor Harper. And he should know, he helped a lot of people through that shit in formative days before he was brought into Torchwood.

Then it all hits me. Addiction? Could it be...

No that"s ridiculous.

Then again, I have been told being on the receiving end of one of my lifeforce giving kisses is quite a buzz. Knocks some people right out for no other reason that it is so powerful in fact.

Presumably, although I didn"t realise it was possible at the time, I can also give it sex. And I accidently gave Ianto ten times the dose anybody else has ever had last night. Hell, he even ended up glowing himself. And come to think of it, his behaviour today - dangermousing in the tea room and then practically demanding I return to give him more - fits the profile of addiction perfectly.

I let him pull me down and start to kiss him, willing the power out of me and into him. I have no idea if this is the right thing to do, but I have to stop him hurting somehow.

The eyes of the rest of the team burn on the back of my neck as they stare at me. I understand why, since I haven"t exactly stopped to explain, but I don"t care.

The effect is near immediate. A little strength returns to Ianto and he starts to hold on tight, deepening the kiss as much as he is able to. I break away only when I feel sure I"ve given him everything I can.

Ianto collapses back down, trying to catch his breath. He no longer looks so sick now. All of the colour has returned to his cheeks and he looks strangely blissful. That confirms my suspicions.

He has an addiction alright. And that addiction is to me.

The question is, what the hell am I going to do about it...?

***

Sub Rosa

The look Ianto is giving me is killing me. It"s so sweet and trusting, like my presence is the cure to all the ills of the world.

But it"s not real. He"s just high. On me.

At least I think that"s why he"s being so relaxed. Then again, he"s been alright for the past few hours; just a little weak. I"m hoping that means that it"s wearing off.

I explained the situation to him and he seemed to understand. He even suggested we keep it under our hats, which suits me fine. I don"t really want to have to explain it all to the others; they"re already beginning to suspect something is going on between us. Gwen especially. When she gets wind of any kind of mystery or secret she doesn"t rest until she"s figured it out. Whatever deduction she has reached thus far has her thinking that this is all my fault. Which is hugely unfair.

Even if it is true.

"It wasn"t until after the third time," Ianto tells me, quietly, reaching for my hand. "When we just lay there, all hot and tangled, and you were kissing me for what felt like hours. That"s when I started feeling this amazing buzz like nothing I"ve ever experienced. That must be when it got too much."

I sit down beside the bed he"s been laid down on, still letting him hold onto my hand.

"I woke up feeling pretty amazing. Was going to wake you up for some more but you looked so peaceful...and I know you don"t always sleep to well so...Anyway, the feeling that I couldn"t be without...without it...that started a few hours after I woke up this morning." His cheeks flush a little. "I knew it was stupid to try to - you know - in the utility room. It was just so exciting..."

"You don"t have to explain," I tell him.

"I know. But I am sorry."

"You"re sorry? What for? This is my fault." I sigh and remove the flannel from his forehead. I dip it in the bowl of cold water by the bed, squeeze it out and then put it back in place. "I never meant for this to happen."

"You couldn"t have known. Besides...it"s not so bad." A naughty little smile curls the corners of his lips. "This just means I"m going to need another session or two with you in that nice big bed."

The thought damned near turns my stomach now, and I inadvertently snap my hand away. "No way, Ianto. Never again..."

"I didn"t mean it like that, sir," he says, quickly. "I just meant kissing. That has the same effect. You need to wean me off...you." A very worried expression takes him over. "Jack...please tell me this doesn"t mean you"d never...we"ll never...?"

"How can we if this is going to happen?!" I snap, springing to my feet and pacing the room. My mind is racing. "If the team hadn"t have returned here when we did..."

"Owen said it wasn"t life threatening. I was just weak and I fainted. That"s all. It"s okay."

"No it"s not!" Okay, I realise I"m freaking out a bit now but I just can"t seem to quit it. I like sex. No wait, that"s a terrible understatement; I fucking love it. And all this time I could have been putting any one of the people I"ve had since the energy got inside me in danger?! This is the worst thing that could ever possibly have happened to me!

"I was just overdosed. I doubt it"s permanent." Next thing I know he"s on his feet and behind me, a hand resting gently on my shoulder. "I feel much better already. It must have been just a short term side effect. Look, just tell me this. You can control giving out this energy, right?"

"Normally," I reply gruffly.

"That means this only happened because you didn"t know it could be passed on that way. Now you know, you"ll be able to stop it from happening."

Yeah that kind of makes sense I guess. Some of the tension evaporates from my shoulders as I begin to think it through. The underlying logic of what he is saying gets through the haze of panic that was setting in and helps me calm down a little.

"I liked what we did, sir." His hands run down my back and settle on my hips. "Liked it a lot."

"So did I," I admit, almost at a whisper.

He turns me gently around and gives me a short, gentle kiss. When he pulls back, he is frowning, eyes widening.

"What?"

"I felt something weird."

"Huh? What like?"

"Like...it"s hard to explain. Like there was something in the middle of my body trying to force its way out of me when I kissed you." He steps back, looking for all the world to see like he"s had a revelation. "Is that what you feel like, with the energy I mean?"

"Actually yes..." Slow dawning realisation passes through me.

Both of us begin to grin at each other, stupidly. It seems obvious now that I think about it.

"How do you, you know, push it out?" he asks.

"I just will it and it goes."

His long fingers take hold of my lapels and he pulls me close. "Worth a try, wouldn"t you say?"

I nod and grab him, wrapping my arms right the way around and pulling him close. We meet in a duelling war of lips and tongues, practically throwing each other around the room. I pick him up and his long legs wrap around me with oh so much promise.

My head starts to feel light and an explosion of something makes every cell in my body shimmer with delight. I realise what it was; Ianto has managed to send the energy trapped in him back into me. Holy shit, that was borderline orgasmic. I see now why he got so addicted. Wow.

My world reduces right down to the sensations passing through me and the warm body in my arms. I slam him back against the wall and undulate my hips ruthlessly against him, making him wraps his legs around me and hold on even tighter, breathing heavily and moaning with every thrust. Shit, I feel like I"ve never been this hard and hot in all my life.

I push and grunt and thrust and hold him so tight I"m probably going to leave bruises. When I come it"s like shooting right across the universe and back again; incredible and huge. I barely even hear his voice gasping as he comes too, my ears are in such a state of vacuum.

Spent, I carry him over to the bed and lay him down. He"s utterly boneless and I"m not surprised. The cute little smile he gives me invites a kiss, and I am happy to oblige.

"You"d be so easy to love," I whisper when I break away, without hardly realising it. I cringe, realising that, yes, I managed to say that out loud. Damn it, the things that slip out in a post-orgasmic state of euphoria.

Ianto just smiles. "You only want me for my Welsh vowels, sir."

I give him a light peck on the forehead, apparently unable to stay away from him, and force myself to step back. "Get some sleep."

He nods and settles down. I stay for a moment to cover him over and then leave, intending to go make a change of underwear before the stickiness gets uncomfortable.

I"m surprised to see Gwen halfway down the corridor, walking away at a pace. "Gwen," I call. The blush on her cheeks I see as she turns around tells me everything I need to know. It makes me chuckle.

Like I say, Gwen just can"t resist cracking mysteries.

***