Title: Voice of the Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, letter100
Prompt: 83, School
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

I don't know why I'm sitting here writing this. I seem to start a lot of my letters to you with those words, don't I? I feel strange writing to you when I'm here on the Tardis, instead of being a universe away from you, back home on Earth.

This is exactly where I want to be. I always felt so useless at the beginning of our relationship, when you were out there amongst the stars, and I was left behind, not knowing where you were or if I'd ever see you again. I hated that feeling.

I know you didn't want me to feel that way. I know that you thought you were doing what was best for me -- and at the time, I was still working for Torchwood, though I could have left at any time and I think Jack would always have understood.

In some ways, I think he wanted me to leave Torchwood to be with you on a permanent basis long before I did. He was the one who always pointed out to me that I was in just as much danger working with them and going out on missions as I would have been with you.

But you didn't want to see that -- and I know that you thought it was for my own good. You were only trying to protect me, and if I'd been in your place, I would probably have felt the same. I'd have wanted to protect you from any kind of harm at all costs.

That's all in the past now, over and done and behind us. I hate to keep bringing it up, but it was such a pivotal turning point of our relationship that sometimes I can't help dwelling on it, going over and over that point of our lives again in my mind.

I don't want to remember the fight between us that led to your leaving. And I don't want to think of how you must have felt to make you do something so desperate. I'm just glad that I found you, and that you still carried your love for me in your hearts.

I was so afraid of losing you, Doctor. All my life I'd dreamed of finding you, and all I could think at that time was that I finally had -- but that I was going to lose you forever if I didn't do something to bring you back to my side and keep you safe.

When I was a child in school, and then a young adult in university, I used to daydream about you when I was in classes and should have been paying attention. I thought more about the person I wanted to be with than I did about anything else in my life.

Even though I didn't know what that person would be like, I had this shadowy image in my mind. That's one of the reasons I took art classes in school -- I wanted to try to develop the talent I had for sketching, so I could bring that image to life and give it a face.

I failed in that. I never could quite put a face to that presence that was always there, in the back of my mind -- but I knew that someday, I would find that person. And I knew what they would be like when I found them. I was sure that I'd know them.

But the moment that our eyes first met, I knew. You were the one I'd been dreaming of all those years, the person in my mind who had always been with me. The person I was destined for, who my life would be tied to for all eternity.

I think you felt it too, even though you were more reluctant to admit it at first. But after you discovered that it was me behind those flowers and love notes, you realised that the two of us were meant to be, that the voice of our hearts spoke more loudly than any words ever could.

Those times when I was left behind on Earth because you were trying to keep me out of harm's way were some of the longest days and nights of my life. I wondered where you were and if you were all right -- and if you still loved me as much as I loved you.

Of course, I know that I shouldn't have had those thoughts. I'm ashamed of them now; having doubts wasn't worthy of you, or worthy of the relationship that we share. And I know that those doubts will never raise their heads again. I can promise you that.

I've been much more secure in our relationship ever since I've been here with you on a permanent basis. And in a way, I feel as though I'm back in school, learning about the universe in a way that I never could have done if I hadn't experienced it firsthand.

Though now, I don't have to dream about a shadowy presence in my mind, or feel frustrated that I can't see the face of the person who I know is meant to be my destiny. I have that man right here beside me, in my arms and in my heart.

What would I do without your presence in my life, Doctor? I suppose I'd still be on Earth, possibly with Torchwood, and possibly leading a life that had nothing to do with that. And I would still feel that terrible frustration, not knowing who or what I was destined for.

Or perhaps not. I think that we would have found each other even if I hadn't met you through Torchwood. What we share is too strong to have been kept apart; we would have come together in some way, I'm sure of it, regardless of how it happened.

I don't know if the way we met was fate, kismet, or just pure luck. But I do know that since that first moment our eyes met, I've known that you were all I wanted or needed. And I've known that you would be the centre of my universe.

I've no idea where the future is going to lead us. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, or next year. I don't know if I'll look back on the time I spent on Earth and feel nostalgic, or wonder what I would have done if we hadn't found each other.

All I know is that I've finally found my niche in life. I had thought that I was meant to be at Torchwood, but that didn't turn out to be the right path for me. I've discovered since I met you that there's only one thing I've always been meant to be.

Yours. Always. For eternity.

Eternally,

Your Ianto

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