Title: Wanting and Needing
Author: Stolendreams
Pairing: Owen/Ianto, some Jack/Ianto, hints of Owen/Tosh
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Sadly. I'm a broke student. All I own is this computer I'm writing on and over half of that was paid for by the university.
Spoilers: Spoilers for the whole of the first season.
AN: This fic has been sitting on my hard drive since about two or three weeks after End Of Days was first shown in the UK. It's been through many revisions since then. Beta-ed by estsilvara at LJ. Thanks to Shaz as usual.
Summary: Post End of Days. Ianto and Owen try to cope.

***

Nobody notices, but then Ianto isn't surprised really. Nobody noticed he was hiding Lisa in the basement for months, why would they notice this? Jack's gone and all they care about now is getting him back; they're not going to notice anything that isn't directly connected to that.

It's been going on since two weeks after Jack disappeared and they both know it won't last. Ianto wants Jack and Owen wants, well, Ianto isn't sure what Owen wants, but whatever it is, it isn't Ianto. He wants Jack back too, of course, but not in the way Ianto does.

Gwen gets to go home to Rhys. Ianto or Owen pushes her out of the door every evening or else she'd probably stay, staring at the CCTV, waiting for Jack to suddenly appear. She comes back the next morning more relaxed and ready to start looking again. When it all gets to be too much she has a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold her, someone who loves her.

Tosh has her own ways of coping. She's taken charge in Jack's absence. It was never discussed; it just made the most sense. She spends her days talking to the police, the government, UNIT, everyone and anyone, telling them Jack's taken a leave of absence and left her in charge. At first they're nervous, understandably, but before long the reports are flooding back in to them and she co-ordinates everything with an ease that surprises everyone. At night though Owen takes over, sends her home and makes her promise to get some sleep before she comes back.

It's Ianto and Owen who are left. He has no one to go home to, and neither does Owen; they have no programs to run, no bright ideas on how to find Jack. The first time it happens they're drunk. They argue over something stupid and suddenly Owen has Ianto pinned against the wall. For a while they just stare at each other and then Owen leans in and kisses Ianto. It's violent and desperate and as far from romantic or loving as it's possible to get, exactly what Ianto needs. The next morning they find themselves hung over and naked in one of the cells. Their clothes are strewn all over the place and the Weevil in the opposite cell is staring at them a little too intently for Ianto's comfort. They get dressed, tidy up and don't speak about it.

Two days later, they spend four hours running around the Welsh countryside chasing reports of a man in period military clothing that turn out to be some lunatic under the impression that Wales, and specifically Pontyberem, is about to be invaded by the Americans. Afterwards, Ianto finds himself pinning Owen against the wall, his hands undoing Owen's belt. This time Owen falls asleep on the sofa and Ianto takes himself quietly home.

Ianto is always careful. He tidies up first, the erases the CCTV footage, he even replaces the gaps with looped footage. But most of the time he thinks he's wasting his time. Gwen and Tosh are too wrapped up in the search.

"I'm sorry," Owen says one day, without any warning.

"Sorry for what?" he asks, wondering if this means it is over. If Owen has found whatever it is he wanted.

"For what I said, you know, the day you shot me," Owen says.

"You mean the day you opened the rift," Ianto shoots back, his voice harsh suddenly, because the sight of Jack lying dead in the morgue is an image that he will never be able to forget.

"Yeah," Owen says, not even arguing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it."

"You were right though, weren't you," Ianto says, and turns away. Owen never brings it up again.

"I'm not sorry," Ianto says the next time, running his finger over Owen's bullet wound.

"Didn't think you were," Owen replies.

"I'm glad I aimed for your shoulder though," he adds, watching Owen's face for a reaction. There's a moment of consideration and then Owen nods and smirks.

"Yeah, well, if you'd killed me you'd be shagging the weevil about now. They're not half as much fun."

Three months after he disappeared, Jack walks in the door. It's Tosh who sees him first; she squeals and promptly drops the mug of coffee she is holding. Ianto's annoyance lasts roughly a tenth of a second, because when he sees what made her drop the cup, nothing else matters. Jack stands in the doorway, looking exactly the same as he did three months ago. His hands are shoved in his pockets and when he grins at them, he looks as though he just popped out for a minute.

"Miss me?" he asks, grinning wider.

Tosh launches herself at him, almost knocking him off his feet.

"You selfish bastard," Ianto can hear her saying, half laughing, half crying. "We missed you."

Jack kisses her forehead, murmurs some words that Ianto can't make out and then releases her. Gwen is already there, next in line.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asks, clutching him just as tightly as Tosh did only moments ago. Again Ianto can't hear Jack's reply, but when he lets her go she's laughing.

Owen and Ianto have both hung back; it's Owen who makes the first move. Behind Jack, Tosh and Gwen are hugging each other, both laughing and crying at the same time, both happy. Owen glances once at Ianto before he steps up to Jack. For a moment there's silence and Ianto is reminded of the day Jack came back to life. Only this time it's not Owen who needs the forgiveness. Jack opens his mouth to say something, but never gets that far. Owen's fist crashes into his jaw with so little warning that he has no time to block it and is knocked off his feet. There's a stunned silence, then Owen reaches out a hand and pulls Jack to his feet.

"Don't ever pull something like that again," there's an edge to Owen's voice that says he isn't joking, that if Jack ever does it again he'll do more than just punch him. But there's a waver there too that somehow makes it more of a plea than an order. Jack just opens his arms and hugs Owen in response.

Ianto can't move, not even after Jack has let go of Owen and turned to look for him. His tight grip on the desk is the only thing keeping him upright, his knees are threatening to give way at any moment. Jack is back, the one thing he's been waiting for, and he has no idea how to react. Jack left. Jack left for three months without a thought for Ianto or anyone else, and now he walks in the door like nothing happened. Then the decision to move is taken away from him because Jack is coming towards him instead.

For a moment they stand there face to face, Ianto unsure of what to say or do.

"Ianto," Jack says, his voice low.

"You left." He hadn't meant to say that. Hadn't meant to sound so pathetic and needy, but it was too late to do anything about it.

Jack reaches for him, pulling Ianto against him, even as Ianto struggles. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

It's the apology that does it, and he stops fighting and instead clings to Jack, feeling one of Jack's hands slide up to stroke his hair in a familiar gesture that he thought he might never feel again.

"Oh God. God. Oh God," he whispers.

"No, still just Jack. Although, you're not the first person to make that mistake. Of course, I'm not sure you're thinking of the same kind of god as she was," comes the reply.

He grins and turns to kiss Jack, forgetting Owen, forgetting the last three months, forgetting everything except the taste of Jack's mouth and the feel of his arms around him.

When they break apart he remembers and turns to look for Owen. There are no words between them; Owen simply nods and he replies in kind. Ianto can't help noticing the way Owen slides his arm around Tosh's shoulders, or the way she leans just a little closer to him than normal. He thinks maybe Jack coming back gave them both what they needed.

***