Title: Where You Want To Be
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 20_est_relships
Prompt: 17, Home
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Ianto sighed, looking around at his flat and trying to see it through the Doctor's eyes. Was this a place that the Time Lord would want to spend most of his time? It was hard to tell; his flat was so different from the Tardis.

The Tardis was what the Doctor was used to, and Ianto wanted the Time Lord to feel as much at home as possible here. Of course, he could never look at it as being his home -- Gallifrey would always be that -- but Ianto wanted him to be comfortable and at ease.

But it was so damned hard to know what sort of ambiance would do that. He couldn't make this place seem like the Tardis -- the ship was an entity unto herself, and he wouldn't dream of trying to duplicate her in any way.

He knew that the Doctor enjoyed being in this flat; the Time Lord had said so before. But he didn't feel as though it was somehow quite right.

His glance moved around the living room, alighting on the comfortable, if worn, couch and easy chairs, the television and stereo, the two bookcases filled with books. It looked like a place that was lived in, a cosy place to come home to.

Did it feel like that to his lover? Ianto was almost afraid to ask him; he didn't want the Doctor to feel that he was pressured into saying that he was comfortable here if he wasn't. Even though the other man had said he liked the flat, Ianto still felt that there was something missing.

How did he manage to fix that when he couldn't even figure out just what that missing ingredient was? He couldn't ask the Doctor; that would be admitting to the Time Lord that he felt his home was somehow inadequate.

Heaving a sigh, Ianto sank down onto the couch. He shouldn't be feeling this way about the home that he'd put together and been comfortable in for the past few years. There was nothing wrong with it, not really. He was just feeling apprehensive and jittery.

He had no reason for that, he told himself sternly. Just because his flat wasn't exactly like his ship, or what he had known on Gallifrey, that didn't mean the Doctor would reject it. Hadn't he already said that he liked being here?

So, what was he feeling so unsettled about? Maybe it was because the differences between the Doctor and himself seemed more marked lately.

Of course it was going to be difficult bridging the gap between human and Gallifreyan. They weren't ever going to be in accord on everything; their lives had been too different. He couldn't expect that. But so far, they seemed to have done a decent job of adapting.

He couldn't help comparing himself with the people who'd been in the Doctor's past. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he was even feeling a bit jealous of them. After all, at one time, they'd been some of the most important people in his lover's life.

Sighing again, he slumped down in the chair, staring sightlessly at the small fireplace in front of him. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he wasn't worried about himself and his flat at all. It was just .... jealousy, plain and simple.

That was ridiculous. He shouldn't be feeling that way. The Doctor had chosen to be with him; the people who'd been his companions in the past, no matter how he'd felt about them at one time, were part of the past, not the present.

But what if any of them decided to show up out of the blue? Would the Doctor leave him to be with one of them? It was always possible, Ianto thought, his teeth sinking into his lower lip hard enough for him to make a sound of pain. Anything could happen.

That was one thing he'd learned with the Doctor -- to never discount any possibilities. There was no telling what turn fate might take.

He wanted to make a home for them, but the Doctor really didn't have a home, other than the Tardis. He was a traveler, a wanderer. He woudn't want to stay in one place, settle down with a lover. At least, Ianto didn't think he would.

Who would want to give up a life like the one the Time Lord had to live a more settled existence? It seemed like the most exciting life possible to Ianto, to travel in time and space, to see all these different places and never have to live in a mundane world.

Of course, the Doctor didn't think like that, he told himself. He'd lived that sort of life for so long that maybe he was ready for something different, something more stable. No, that was wishful thinking on his part. The Doctor would never stop traveling.

Besides, he couldn't, could he? He was a Time Lord. He had responsibilities -- not only to the part of the world that Earth represented, but to the entire galaxy. And he wasn't confined to just this minute part of time. He was .... infinite.

"Damn!" Ianto raised a hand to his mouth, bringing his forefinger away stained with blood. He'd bitten so deeply into his lip that he'd drawn blood; that was what he got for sitting here thinking about things that he couldn't change.

As though the single word had somehow drawn him into the living room, the Doctor appeared at the entrance to the hallway leading to their bedroom, looking anxious.

"It's very rare that I hear you curse, Ianto," he said, his voice almost reproving. "Either something's happened at Torchwood -- which I doubt, since there was no phone call that I could hear -- or you have something on your mind that you need to talk about."

"Neither. I just bit my lip," Ianto explained, hoping that the Time Lord wouldn't want to discuss what was on his mind. He wasn't sure that he could put his feelings into words; and if he tried, he would only become more confused about those feelings.

The Doctor sat down on the couch next to him, turning towards Ianto and taking the young man's hand in his own. "Ianto, I know something's wrong. You forget how well I know you. I can sense when you need to talk. So .... talk."

Ianto swallowed, clearing his throat, not quite knowing where to begin. Maybe he should just take the proverbial bull by the horns and say what was on his mind -- if he could figure out how to do that. "I've been thinking about this flat ...." he began cautiously, not looking at the Doctor.

The Time Lord nodded, curling his long legs up under him as though he was settling himself down for a long chat. "What about the flat?" He looked around, a small smile on his lips, seeming to take in his surroundings in a glance.

"I was wondering if this .... is where you want to be." Oh no, that didn't sound right, Ianto thought to himself, groaning inwardly. He really wasn't good at expressing himself.

"Ianto." The Doctor squeezed Ianto's hand gently, his voice soft and husky when he spoke. "You know I'm not the kind of man who's ever going to settle down. I can't stay in one place. That's just .... who I am. Who I've always been."

"So you're saying that this isn't somewhere you want to be, or a place that you feel you belong in." Ianto's voice was flat, expressionless. He should have known better than to ask. He'd been right. The Doctor wasn't comfortable or happy here.

"Give me a chance to finish what I was saying, love." The Doctor held up one thin hand, shaking his head. "I love it here. This place feels more like home to me than any other place outside of the Tardis I've spent time in. Ianto, I look at this flat as my home."

"Y-you do?" Ianto looked up, his eyes widening. "I thought ...." His voice trailed off, a blush suffusing his cheeks. His words had made it all too obvious what he'd thought.

"Of course I do," the Doctor said softly, moving closer to Ianto on the couch. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be, Ianto. This place makes me feel .... safe. As though I have a haven that I can go to when everything feels as though it's too much to cope with."

Ianto pulled the Doctor into his arms, closing his eyes and resting his cheek against the Time Lord's soft hair. "Thank you for saying that," he murmured, his voice choked with emotion. "I was thinking that this was inadequate. That I couldn't make you happy."

"I've never been as happy in my life as I am when I'm with you," the Doctor told him, his voice a little muffled due to his face being pressed against Ianto's shoulder. "Don't ever think that I"m not happy with you, Ianto. Nothing could be further from the truth."

Ianto could feel his heart soaring, the black cloud of gloom that had been pressing down on him lifting as though it had never been there. He'd been wrong about so much.

And it was past time to start making amends for being wrong. Disentangling himself from the Time Lord, Ianto stood up, then quickly bent down to slide his arms around the Doctor, lifting the slender man into his arms and heading for the bedroom.

"I think we have to start working on making this place even more of a home," he said in answer to the Doctor's questioning look. "And I've got some very definite ideas about how to do that."

"Oh, I think that I might be able to help you add to those ideas," the Doctor said with a devilish grin as Ianto deposited him on their bed. "The exchange of ideas is always a good thing, don't you think? We'll both learn something about each other."

Ianto couldn't hold back his own grin; he was sure that they would spend the next few hours learning quite a lot.

***