Title: Things I’ve Learned From Watching Torchwood
Author: emeraldsage85
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: I was going through plot summaries on Wikipedia because I have no life and came up with this. It's meant be funny but I'm not sure it actually is.
Disclaimer: I don't make any money from this. Torchwood belongs to RTD and the BBC.
Summary: Things I've learned from the show. Meant to be sort of humorous.

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1.If you see something that doesn’t look human, it’s probably not. Run!

2.Do not drink anything Jack has given you.

3.Don’t have sex with random people unless you want to become a pile of ash.

4.If you don’t know what it does, don’t push the button!

5.If it looks cute it’s probably evil underneath.

6.If you start puking up rose petals you’re done for.

7.Never get out of your car in the middle of the night on a deserted road.

8.Don’t open strange fridges. You never know what you might find inside.

9.Don’t let random people give you gifts, even if they are really cool bits of alien technology.

10.When an object needs a name, ask Ianto.

11.Selling your alien object on eBay can only lead to trouble.

12.No need to take a calculator when you’re shopping. Just take Ianto!

13.When setting up a fake business, go with something that’s not even plausible. (Because so many people like eating jellied eels!)

14.Grapes are a nice present for someone who’s in the hospital.

15.Retcon can fix all relationship issues.

16.Never trust creepy looking older men, even if they can show you the future.

17.All problems with time can always be traced back to one specific location.

18.Just because Jack looks dead (and has been for several days) doesn’t mean he is.

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