Title: Widescreen
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, letter100
Prompt: 77, Movie
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

It's hard for me to believe that I've been away from my life on Earth for so long now. Close to a year. It doesn't seem possible; that life still feels as though it's a part of me in some ways, but in others, it gets further and further away with each passing day.

I'd always thought that I would regret losing the life I led with Torchwood. I thought I'd miss the exciting things that could happen, and being around people who I cared for. Even after I broke up with Jack, that wasn't enough to make me leave.

I suppose that in a way, I was addicted to what I was doing. That could have eventually gotten to the point where it did me more harm than good, and I'm glad you took me away from it before I could get myself any deeper into that life and started to feel that I couldn't leave it.

Of course, if it had come down to staying with Torchwood or staying with you -- there would have been no choice for me. I would always choose you, and I'm sure you know that. But maybe it's a good thing that I was told I needed to leave the team.

The choice to leave would have been so hard for me to make, so I'm glad that it was taken out of my hands. That way, it wasn't as hard as it could have been.

Of course, I had somewhere to go, and someone to be with who means much more to me than my life with Torchwood ever could have meant. And once you made the decision to have me with you all the time, there was no question of my staying there.

I wonder how much longer I would have lasted? You're right when you say that a lot of what I did with Torchwood was just as dangerous, if not more so in some situations, than being out here in the stars with you. I could have met my end there at any time.

I was lucky that I didn't. I think that fate must have been sparing me; and even though there were times when I bitterly resented being left behind at the Hub, in hindsight, that's something that I should have been grateful for, as it kept me out of the line of fire.

When I first joined Torchwood, I know that Jack didn't trust me to go out with the team. That was a thorn in my side for a very long time -- until I did begin to go out with them, and realized that I could indeed be more valuable by not being in the field.

It was unfortunate that my first foray into working in the field with the team was one that nearly got me killed. Not that it diminished my enthusiasm for what we were doing, but it made me less cautious than I probably should have been.

I adopted the attitude that whatever happened was inevitable, that I shouldn't take every precaution to protect myself. Which someone in that position should never do.

But at the time, it felt as though I wasn't living my life. None of what I was doing felt quite real. It was as though I was watching a movie, watching someone who only looked like me moving through my life without really connecting with it.

That's a very strange feeling, and one that I'd never dealt with before. Until that night, everything in my life had always seemed so visceral, so .... up close and personal. I'd never had any sort of a sense of being detached from everything that happened around me.

Neither way is a particularly good one. I went from being far too involved and emotional to being so detached that I took risks I shouldn't even have considered. I'm just lucky that the rest of the team was there to watch over me, and that I'm still here.

Again, I believe that's fate taking a hand in preserving me. I was meant for you, Doctor -- I was meant to be here in the Tardis with you, being your lover and your companion, keeping you safe. Being your soul mate for all eternity.

Even though you were born centuries before me, and you never knew of my existence until that fateful day that we met at the Hub, I believe that fate always intended for the two of us to bond. We wouldn't feel the way we do about each other if that wasn't true.

Now, I'm not just sitting back and watching a movie of someone who appears to be living my life. I'm right in the middle of that movie, living it, participating in it.

Only it's not a movie. It's my life -- a life that I share with you. That feeling of detachment is completely gone; not only am I really living, but I'm seeing everything around me in ways that I could never see it before.

You've opened my eyes to so much, Doctor. You've shown me places that I would never have dreamed existed, and given me experiences that I wouldn't have thought could possibly have been real. Until you, I would have written all of this off as a fairy tale.

But none of this is a fairy tale; it's not some wonderful dream, or words hidden between the covers of a science-fiction novel. It's the life that I share with you, the life that we're making together. And I'm loving every moment of it, every second that I'm with you.

The life we lead together might be a bit like a movie, playing out in widescreen in front of our eyes. But even though that life can sometimes be dangerous, I wouldn't change a thing about it. And I would never leave your side, or become detached from you in any way.

When I was with Torchwood, there were times when I almost felt that I was playing a role because I was so detached from the life I was living. With you, I'm right in the middle of that life -- living it with every fibre of my being, rather than watching from the sidelines.

Someone asked me once who I would choose to play myself if there was a movie made of my life. I don't remember what I said then, but now that I have you by my side, I wouldn't choose anyone to play this role but me -- for however long the cameras might be rolling.

Your loving

Ianto

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