Title: You Raise Me Up
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, substituted for 1, letter100
Prompt: 94 - Ecstasy, substituted for 88 - Movie Night
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
My dearest Ianto,
How many times can I tell you how much I love you, and how happy you've made me during the time that we've been together? I may seem to say that quite a lot, but that's only because it's the truth, and because it's a sentiment that bears repeating.
Since that night I first found out that you were the person leaving me those love notes and flowers in the Tardis, I've felt a connection to you that's been stronger than desire, stronger than love. I don't have a word for it. I doubt there's a word in any language for what I feel.
I think that I may even have felt it before I knew that you were the person leaving me those tokens of romance. I didn't want to admit it to myself at the time, even though I'd been told that you and Jack were no longer involved with each other.
A part of me felt so terribly guilty, as though if I expressed any interest in being with you, that I would take you away from everything you'd ever known or wanted to know. I couldn't convince myself that you could possibly have any interest whatsoever in me.
That's ridiculous, isn't it? Considering how strong our attraction has been right from the beginning, you'd think that I would have been able to feel in my hearts that what I thought wasn't true. I should have had some inkling that you were just as attracted to me as I was to you.
It didn't take us long to find the beginnings of ecstasy together, did it? I didn't realise when we first met how perfectly suited we would be; I'd thought that it would take us time to find each other's rhythms and settle into being a couple.
But that wasn't so. After our first night together, it was as though I'd known you all my life, as though I was literally made to fit with you. That was when I first began to realise that you were the man I've always been meant for, from the moment of my birth.
It didn't matter that you were born literally centuries after me. It didn't matter that you're human, and that our time together will obviously be limited by our dissimliar life spans. The only thing that mattered was that after centuries of searching, I'd finally, finally found you.
I couldn't believe that it was possible at first. Of all the people I've known in my life, in my different bodies, and of all the different species of beings that I could have fallen in love with, it didn't seem to be quite right that I should bond with a human.
But after the first time you made love to me, I knew that you were the only person I would ever want to share my life with. I knew that you were the one I was meant to be bonded to, from that first kiss in front of the fire, the first time you touched me with such desire.
I'd never known such ecstasy in anyone's arms before. I know that you were worried over whether the two of us would mesh, but there was no such problem. It was all perfect from the very beginning; I wouldn't change a moment that we shared on that first night.
Before I met you, I wouldn't have thought that it was possible to feel so much. When you held me and made love to me, it was almost as though my soul was reachign out to you just as much as my body was. That had never happened to me before.
I knew then that you would be the man who I chose to bond with. I didn't know when it would happen, but I had never been so sure about anything in my entire life. And that faith in what we share has never died, even though I'll admit that it's wavered a bit at times.
Neither of us likes to bring up that short period of our lives when I stupidly gave myself to the Master because I thought that I'd lost you. I'll admit that my faith in us suffered a terrible blow during those days, but I never gave up on us completely.
There was still a little spark somewhere deep within me, a part of me that knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that I would feel that ecstasy I'd known in your arms again. My hearts knew that you would find me, even when my mind had given up hope.
I still feel a bit guilty about having let that hope diminish. I should never have done that; I should always have known that no matter what happened, you would find me. But that part of our lives is over and done. It's behind us, and I shouldn't dwell on it.
If I were to find myself in a similar situation now, I know that I would never let myself give up on that spark of hope. That incident was unfortunate, but it's made us so much stronger. And it brought the two of us together irrevocably.
There's no pulling away from each other now, Ianto, not in any way. We're bound together, bonded for eternity. And I will never regret that, not for a second, in this world or in any other that we might journey through in our life together.
I would never have believed that it was possible to find such ecstasy in a lover's arms as I've found with you; and not only that, but having you by my side makes every day of my life so much brighter, so filled with happiness that there are times when I almost want to cry.
Don't take that in the wrong way. You don't make me unhappy in any way, sweetheart. You never could. No, any tears that I shed from thinking about the two of us are tears of joy. I've never cried from happiness before, but there's a first time for everything.
You make me happier than I've ever been, Ianto, happier than I ever could have dreamed of being. When I was growing up on Gallifrey, I always dreamed that I would find the sort of relationship we share, but in my hearts, I didn't think it would happen to me.
I felt that the love I dreamed of would always elude me -- and unfortunately, I let others convince me that I'd never find that love. I spent far too much of my life dreaming of a fulfillment that I thought would never be something I could reach out and touch.
And then you came into my life and changed everything for me. I had long since given up on finding the person who I would want to bond with -- and then I looked into your eyes. At that moment, something in me realised that I'd finally found what I'd spent several lifetimes searching for.
Does that sound too melodramatic? Maybe it does -- but nonetheless, it's true. And every day that we've been together since that first meeting, our bond has only grown stronger and the love I feel for you has become more and more tangible.
You've taken me to the stars and beyond, Ianto. You raise me up to heights that I never would have thought imaginable. I hope that we'll keep feeling that ecstasy with each other for a long time to come, with no end in sight.
Eternally your
Doctor***
- Main Torchwood slash page
- New stories page
- Jack/Ianto stories
- Ianto/Owen stories
- Other pairings stories - ie threesomes
- F/F stories
- Gen stories
- Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
- Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
- Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)