Title: You've Stolen Something From Me, Mr Jones
By: heather-rawriee
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: character death
Author's Notes: *sob*
Summary: A letter from Jack to Ianto. Spoilers for CoE, Day 4. Yes, that scene.

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Dear Ianto,

I need to tell you something
I am so, so sorry
Life just isn't the same without

Oh Christ, I don't know where to begin. I don't even know why I'm writing this - for closure I guess. These last ten months without you have been the worst of my life, and when you've had a life as long as mine, that's got to be bad. Everyday is like a constant headache, a stomach ache that just won't go away. You've stolen something from me, Mr Jones, and there's no way of getting it back. Nothing seems right anymore. Even writing this is hard.

I ran away.

I know what you're thinking, but trust me, I had my reasons. I needed to escape; everything reminded me of you. The smell of coffee made me want to throw up; Welsh accents made me want to scream. I went a bit crazy, I know. I thought I could find the Doctor and make him bring you back. No such luck. He wouldn't have done it anyway - he's like that. Gwen kept telling me it wasn't my fault, but of course it was. I was the one who challenged that godforsaken creature.

Speaking of Gwen, she had her baby. A little boy - he has a Rhys like quality about him but the lucky kid defiantly has his mothers beautiful green eyes. Gwen asked me to be godfather but I declined. I think Rhys was happy about that. They've named him Charlie. Well, actually his full name is Charles Ianto Owen Williams. Sweet, huh?

Would you have loved kids? I image you'd make a great dad. Had you picked out names already? I can just see you now, spoiling your little girl. She'd have your personality. Your son would have your looks - what a little heartbreaker, eh? But none of that can happen now.

The real reason I'm writing this is to say I'm sorry. There were so many things you wanted to do. Do you remember that list we made? It was a quiet night. We had pizza and beer and we were bored, so Gwen thought up the idea to write down the top ten things we wanted to do before we died. Only Owen changed it to ‘the top ten things we wanted to do while we were still alive' because that sounded a lot less pessimistic. Well those lists burned along with everything else that was sitting in the Hub on the day of the explosion and nothing on them had been ticked off. You wanted to learn how to play the guitar; you wanted to visit Australia; you wanted to go hand gliding. You wanted to reach 30. You didn't even make it to 26. Only the good die young.

And that always seems to happen. You, Steven, Tosh, Owen, Suzie… young lives barely lived. Are you with them now? Tosh and Owen. Are they looking after you? I like to imagine that you're all together, watching over us; that you haven't actually left us.

I've just realised. You told me you loved me and I don't think I replied. I just assumed you weren't going to die. Oh my God, did I ever tell you I loved you? I don't think I did. Well, Ianto Jones: I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. But it's just too late, isn't it? It's always too late.

I'm going to have to stop there before I start sobbing. Seriously, Ianto, this hole in my heart that you've left me is tearing me apart. I need you back before I loose my bloody mind.

I love you.

I need you.

I miss you.

Yours forever,
Jack x

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Jack Harkness places the letter under a small rock in front of the gravestone, to stop it from blowing away. He stands up, brushing his knees.

"Please forgive me," he whispers, before turning on his heels and walking away. And never looking back. Walk away from the past - just don't forget it.

In loving memory of
Ianto Jones
1983 - 2009
Aged 25 years
"You died a heroic warrior. May we never forget that."

***