Title: Always Believed in You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Spencer Reid/Ethan Delacroix
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Spoilers for the Criminal Minds episode "Jones". I've also taken the liberty of creating a last name for Ethan, as his last name wasn't revealed on the show.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Spencer Reid or Ethan Delacroix, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Spencer sighed as he rested his head back against the padded seat in the booth he'd let himself slide into at his favorite café, closing his eyes. He'd had a long week; the BAU had just gotten back from working a case, and he wanted nothing more than to relax.

He didn't particularly want to go home; he was tired of always going back to an empty apartment. He usually didn't mind being alone; it had been a long time since he'd felt the need for company on his personal time. But that was changing lately.

He'd been out on a few casual dates recently, but none of the women he'd taken out to dinner had appealed to him in any way than as casual friends. He had no idea why he'd asked them out -- no, scratch that, he told himself, a wry smile crossing his features.

He had asked those women out so he would feel less alone, less like some freak of nature who was always alone. His colleagues in the BAU had gotten used to him being a lone wolf, but he couldn't help feeling that they still considered him strange in his isolation.

There had only been one woman he'd been really attracted to, and now, when he looked at any picture of Lila that he came across in a glossy magazine, he wondered if that attraction had only been infatuation. He felt nothing for her now -- not desire, not friendship, nothing.

The only person he had truly cared for had disappeared from his life years ago, when the two of them had started their training at Quantico. But Ethan had left after one day, disappearing to New Orleans, keeping in touch for only a short time.

When he'd seen Ethan again, only a few years ago, he had wanted more than anything to tell the other man how he felt -- how he had always felt. But something had held him back; it had been too long since they'd seen each other, too long to bridge the gap between them.

It was too late for shared confidences, especially ones of that order. For all he knew, Ethan was straight, with no interest whatsoever in men. He had never thought so when they were in high school, but then, Ethan had always kept his emotions close to the vest.

Ethan had never been the kind of guy who could be easily read; Spencer had always felt that as close as they were, he'd never really known Ethan's heart. It had always been a closed door, one that Ethan had guarded carefully. No one ever seemed to get through.

Spencer had given up trying a long time ago. As much as he'd wanted Ethan, as much as he'd wanted them to be more than friends, he had never gathered the courage to reach out. He'd been too afraid of the rejection that he was positive he would face.

He hadn't wanted to lose Ethan as a friend. And yet, after that first day at Quantico, he'd lost him anyway, in more ways than one. He hadn't had Ethan there by his side, to talk to, to hang out with, just to be there when he'd needed a friend in his life.

Spencer sighed softly, still not opening his eyes. He didn't blame Ethan for leaving; he'd done what he had to do for his own happiness, and Spencer loved him enough to let him go. But it still hurt to know that there had been a barrier erected between them for so long.

He didn't realize that someone had slid onto the seat opposite him until he heard a voice; that voice made him open his eyes, his head jerking up, his eyes widening in shock. No. It couldn't be. This was a dream; he couldn't be hearing that soft, sexy voice.

"Hey." Ethan smiled as he studied Spencer across the table; his dark eyes focused on the young man. "I know this is probably a surprise. Maybe I should've called first, but I didn't know if you'd be home and I didn't want to bug you if you were working."

"So how did you find me?" Spencer asked, keeping his voice soft. He was surprised that he could actually speak; he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his pulse racing. Seeing Ethan here, in DC, was the last thing he'd expected.

"Waited until you came out of the building I know your office is in," Ethan told him, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the padded booth. "Then followed you here. You're still in the habit of having coffee every morning, huh?"

"What are you doing in DC?" Spencer still couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that the man he'd just been thinking about, the man he'd always wanted, was sitting here in front of him, in the flesh. It felt surreal, dreamlike; it almost seemed like he was hallucinating.

But Ethan wasn't a dream, and he wasn't some hallucination brought on by tiredness. He was here, he was real; for some reason, he'd shown up in DC and wanted to see him. "Ethan, what's going on?" He said up straighter, blinking, trying to arrange his thoughts.

"You asked me when you were in New Orleans a few years ago why I quit the FBI training on the first day," Ethan told him, his voice subdued, his gaze shifting away from Spencer's to look out of the window. "I never did give you an answer. I thought it was about time I did."

"No, you didn't," Spencer said softly, a sudden thought occurring to him. "Ethan, are you okay? I mean .... you're not ...." He swallowed hard, unable to go on. He didn't want to hear what Ethan was going to say, not if it was some kind of horrible news.

"Relax, Spencer. I'm not dying or anything like that." Ethan laughed softly as he shook his head, reaching across the table to take Spencer's hand in his own. "Nothing like that. I just .... I thought it was about time I said something I've been wanting to say for years."

"And what would that be?" Spencer could almost feel his heart skip a beat; his breath caught in his throat, choking back any other words he might have said. He had no idea what Ethan was about to say, but suddenly, he knew it was something he'd wanted to hear for a long time.

"I left because I couldn't deal with feeling like you'd slip away from me," Ethan said, his voice very soft, looking down at the table as he spoke. "We'd always been so close, and I was scared of losing you. I didn't think you'd .... want to keep being close."

"I did," Spencer whispered, his fingers tightening around Ethan's, swallowing back the lump that had begun to form in his throat. "I needed you, Ethan. There was nobody else I wanted around me. I kind of pushed everybody away you left. I'm still doing that."

"I pushed you away," Ethan whispered, finally looking up at Spencer. "I ran away from the one person I really loved -- because I was scared. I was terrified that you'd find somebody else. We were going out into the big bad world, and I couldn't stand the thought of losing you."

"You wouldn't have lost me." Spencer could barely get the words out; his heart felt as though it had migrated up into his throat, choking him, keeping the words from being spoken. "Ethan, are you saying that you're here for me? That you want to be with me?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Ethan's gaze didn't waver from Spencer's; his words were coming faster now, as though he had to get them out. "I've always believed in you, Spencer. I just didn't believe in myself enough. I didn't believe in us. I didn't believe that you'd want me."

"I always have," Spencer told him, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I wanted you all through high school, Ethan. Every time I looked at you, I wondered what it would be like to kiss you, and to hold you. To have you feel the same way about me as I did about you."

"If I had known you felt that way about me, I might not have spent all these years away from you," Ethan told him, sounding as choked up as Spencer felt. Then he shook his head, smiling ruefully. "Who am I kidding? I wasn't cut out for the FBI, and I knew it."

"You've been happy with your music all these years, haven't you?" Spencer asked, the words flying out without waiting for an affirmative response from Ethan. "I know you have. So what's changed, Ethan? Did something happen to make you re-evaluate the decision you made?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Ethan took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few moments before opening them again and looking Spencer in the eye. "I decided that I couldn't stay away from the person I've always loved. I've left New Orleans, Spencer. I'm living here now."

Spencer blinked, stunned into silence. Ethan had come here for him? He'd left the life in New Orleans that he'd seemed so happy with, abandoning his music and the life he'd built for himself, to take the chance that Spencer would want him?

"Don't think that I didn't set a lot of things up before I came here," Ethan told him, smiling again. "I've got a job in a piano bar. I think it's probably a lot better than what I was doing in New Orleans -- the people there seem really enthusiastic about my music. It's a good gig."

"So .... you're here to stay?" Spencer still couldn't get over what Ethan had told him; the words were going around in his head, making him feel dizzy. "Where are you staying? Are you in a hotel, or did you find a place yet? I can help you with that, if you need me to."

"I'm staying in a hotel," Ethan told him, raising his brows in question. "I meant to go out looking for an apartment tomorrow -- if you want to help with that, it'd be great. You know the best places to live in this city that aren't too expensive better than I do."

"I want you to stay with me," Spencer said softly, not taking his gaze from Ethan's face. "I want to go to that hotel, get your stuff, and have you settled in my place tonight. It's two bedrooms, so I'll have room. And tomorrow we can look for a place. If that's okay with you."

He almost couldn't believe that this was him; he was taking the lead, being assertive, much more so than he'd ever been to do in any arena other than that of his job. What was it about being here with Ethan, hearing the words this man had said, that had brought out this side of him?

"It's more than okay," Ethan murmured, his fingers tightening around Spencer's. "I was kind of hoping you would say that. We've got a lot to catch up on, Spencer. And a lot of unresolved feelings that we need to talk about. I'd say it's about time we got started."

"I always believed in you too, Ethan," Spencer whispered, not wanting to let go of the other man's hand, even though he knew that it was time for them to get up and leave the café. "No matter what you chose to do, I knew you'd be amazing at it."

"I wish I'd believed more in what we felt for each other," Ethan answered, his voice as low and husky as Spencer's was. "We've wasted a lot of time, Spencer. I hope that me being here now can make up for all of that time. I'm going to try my best to do that."

"I could have reached out to you, but I didn't," Spencer said, giving Ethan a small smile. "I wish now that I had. I think I'd have understood what I felt for you a lot sooner if I had. We've both wasted a lot of time, Ethan, but we'll make up for it. All of it. I promise."

Ethan squeezed his hand in answer before letting go, sliding out of the booth and getting to his feet, waiting for Spencer to get up as well. When Spencer stood up, he reached for Ethan's hand, leading the other man to the door as though he'd been doing so for years.

Somehow, being with Ethan like this felt .... natural. Would it continue to feel that way? Spencer didn't know, but he could feel his heart surging with hope; when he looked around him as they emerged onto the sidewalk, the world seemed brighter, more cheerful, full of hope for the future.

He didn't know where they were going, or how long it might take them to get there. But he and Ethan had taken a huge step forward today -- no, more like a gigantic leap, he told himself with a smile. And he would always believe in the strength of what they shared, from this day forward.

***