Title: Beauty of a diffrent kind
By: Demented
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Reid/Morgan
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds (sighs) please enjoy!
Warnings: WiP, includles a Mary Sue character
Spoilers: some references to The Fisher King 1&2 also Profiler, Profiled
Rating: PG
Summary: He knows he shouldn't feel the way he did but he just couldn't help himself.

***

He knows he shouldn't feel the way he did but he just couldn't help himself. He knew he shouldn't be thinking it was adorable when Reid looked confused about something that he couldn't completely get. He knew he shouldn't want to kiss Reid senseless when he started chewing his lip in concentration, or when he would shyly smile or blush at something. He knew he shouldn't feel jealous when he saw other people touch or smile at Reid besides him. He knew he shouldn't feel jealous when Reid would smile that rare beautiful smile at others. He knew he shouldn't be jealous when others make Reid laugh so care-free and so warmly. He knew he shouldn't want to wrap Reid up in his arms to protect the genius from the horrors they see everyday, he knew he shouldn't want to be by Reid's side all the time. He also knew that he shouldn't melt and feel so warm when Reid's smiles or laughs was were directed at him. But even though he knew he shouldn't he always did in the end.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Today was not a good day that was all Morgan could think as he continued to fill out the never-ending pile of paper work in front of him. His hand had cramped up and started aching awhile ago. He sighed he loved his job knowing what he did saved a lot of people and he felt it was doing a lot of good for those who needed justice but when the excitement and the case ended then that was when Morgan started disliking it. He decided to stop writing giving his aching hand a rest flexing his hand trying to bring some feeling back to it. as he leaned back taking a short break his treacherous mind decided to torment him some more as much as he didn't want to think of the dream he had last night he knew that it would be a wasted effort. He could still remember it all in sharp detail, he could still remember how his dream Reid had looked writing and moaning wantonly begging and pleading for his touch. How beautiful he looked with his pale skin flushed with arousal, how his lips looked so tempting swollen and bruised from his heated kisses. He remembered how he responded to his touches and how he moaned and screamed his name in pleasure as he slowly entered his hot, tight virgin body. How he felt as he pounded into his sweet body, how he looked and felt as he was brought over to the edge of sweet nerve shattering bliss as he came his white milky seeds splattering his chest making him look so wanton his body tightening bringing him over the edge with him. How he felt as he spent his seeds inside him claiming him as his.

Morgan groaned feeling himself achingly hard from those thoughts; he shook his head and took deep breaths willing away his erection. After a few minutes he felt his hard on start to disappear. Morgan sighed and shook his head trying to rid himself of the headache he could feel coming there seemed to be no end to the torment. He glared at the large pile of paperwork that was in front of him seemingly mocking him. He leaned back on his chair trying to stretch out his tired muscles and hope that will help his growing headache. He glared at the pile once again hoping that it would catch on fire to no avail he sighed again and gave up after the infuriating paperwork wouldn't suddenly burst into flames.

He turned around in his chair and stood up and almost fell right back down when he came face to face with the one person he was trying to get his mind off of. But there he was wearing brown corduroys, a white long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a gray sweater vest, gray sneakers, and one purple with yellow stripped sock, and a gray and white sock. His long light brown hair was falling messily into his face and he was wearing his glasses that gave him a cute and boyish look to him. Reid smiled at him slightly, a light blush gracing his pale cheeks as he tucked a strand of his hair behind his ears shyly, looking at him through his long eyelashes.

"Sorry Morgan, I didn't mean to startle you I was just coming over to ask you if.....if you know might want to go out to lunch with us?" Reid asked stammering slightly as he bit his lip and shuffled from foot to foot , and wringing his hands nervousness and unease showing clearly in his demeanor. Morgan cocked his head to the side to look at the clock and just now realizing that it was time for lunch. He looked back at Reid wondering why he was so nervous before he realized that Reid was always nervous when asking people out to go to lunch with him, also he probably thought that he was interrupting him in the middle of his work.

Morgan mentally shook his head but smiled at Reid hoping to ease some of the very unnecessary unease the younger man was feeling, He stood up stretching his back and groaned as he felt his back pop back in place, he straighten himself he looked down at the younger man grinning. "Well let's go pretty boy lead the way." Morgan said with a wave towards the door silently telling Reid to go first. Reid looked at him for a second before giving Morgan one of his sweet, shy smiles and just like every other time he saw that smile Morgan felt a rush of warmth and his insides melt as he gave an answering smile to the young genius. Maybe today wasn't going to be such a bad day after all.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Morgan smiled humming some nameless tune as he walked into his house hour's later feeling lighter then he had in days he smiled as he was greeted by Clooney. Morgan couldn't help but be in a good mood after all he just spent the day being able to talk to Reid more today at lunch even if he had to have Reid's attention off of him for a little while as they talked with the others. His smile grew as he remembered how comfortable everyone was and he loved how Reid had started blushing when he called him 'pretty boy', he couldn't help it he called it like he saw it Reid was pretty well more beautiful then pretty to him. Morgan grinned as he pet the large dog's head enjoying the soft feeling of his fur and watching his dog lap up the attention with enthusiasm. Morgan moved to his room changing into something comfortable, he was wearing a black shirt and loose pants ready to lie in front of the TV relaxing. He lied there flipping through the stations trying to find something interesting on to watch. He finally settled for a football game relaxing and sipping on the bottle of beer he snagged from the fridge earlier as he was getting into the game his mind suddenly decided to go to Reid like it always seemed to do lately.

He started thinking on how he realized what his feelings for Reid really where. He knew he cared about Reid deeply at first before the dreams started happening he thought that it was just brotherly concern because Reid was just so young and vulnerable. But after awhile his feelings started changing and growing deeper and stronger it wasn't until they went to confront the Fisher King that he realized how deeply he felt for the young genius. He remembered how his heart nearly stopped when Reid gave his gun to the SWAT officer and walked unarmed to face Randall Garner he remembered how he felt a bolt of pure ice cold terror run through his body when he heard Reid yell and then he heard the explosion and how the only thing running through his mind was that Reid better be ok. When he saw Reid on the ground his pants burning he started fearing the worst and when he saw Reid move he thought that the relief would crush him. When he pulled Reid up with Hotch's help he remembered how nice it was to hold Reid, it wasn't until he went home later on that he was hit suddenly with a revelation of his feelings for Reid. He was in love with Reid. He was in love with Dr. Spencer Reid boy-genius, Reid with his long shaggy brown hair, innocent brown eyes, awkward grace and weird mismatch socks and shy attitude.

He, Derek Morgan was in love with Spencer Reid at first he couldn't believe it tried to deny it but no matter how much he tried he couldn't deny it he was in love with Spencer Reid. He was in love with another man, not that it bothered him he had been with a few men over the years he knew he liked the feeling of a hard muscular body beneath him as well as the soft curves of a women. At first he tried to deny it because of what happened to him as a child but eventually he accepted it as a part of who he was. Now the only problem he faced was how was he going to tell Reid how he felt if Reid even swung that way he didn't know and Reid might not even like him he seemed to like women. The way he acted with that actress Lila Archer was a pretty good bet that he liked women but maybe he liked men too? He just didn't know he decided to put an end to his thoughts and just go to bed he still had to go to  work tomorrow he thought that maybe then things would get better. But he didn't realize how wrong he was things wouldn't be better for a long time.

***

Spencer looked out the window silently watching people go about their day unaware of his silent watching. He wondered what they were thinking going about their day normally blissfully unaware of the horrors of the world. He envied them right now because when they closed their eyes they weren't seeing images of victims of cases long since passed. They didn't relive almost being blown up by a maniac, they didn't relive they didn't see all the blood and the victims frozen expressionless faces. They didn't remember how it felt to be beaten, they didn't have to choose who lived or died. They didn't wake up in the middle of the night in the grips of a nightmare remembering dying and being unable to do anything. They didn't remember standing in that cold graveyard digging their own grave with a psycho standing over them pointing a gun at them. They weren't forced to kill in a desperate situation they didn't realize how cruel and sick humanity truly was.

They weren't feeling an encumbrance amount of guilt and self-loathing as they tried to stop themselves from giving into the almost irresistible temptation of Dilaudid. They didn't feel like they were close to reaching a breaking point soon. They didn't feel the walls closing in on them they didn't feel as if there was no one in the world who understood them. They didn't feel as weak as he did every time he grabbed a needle and inject themselves with the drug just for a few moments of sweet release from the stress of everything. Spencer pulled his long legs around himself trying not to break down and sob his heart out it would do him no good to just completely break down he had to be strong. He wouldn't let himself be weak and helpless he was strong he wasn't weak.

He sighed suddenly feeling bitter he was getting better at lying to himself. He stood up on slightly unsteady feet feeling as if a light breeze will knock him over. He shook his heads knowing that he should probably make himself something to eat seeing as how he hadn't really eaten much lately. He started for the kitchen but his body wouldn't completely cooperate with him, he was too tired to make the long trip all the way to the kitchen instead he collapsed on the couch letting the sweet darkness take over. When he opened his eyes he felt much better then he had in days he looked towards his antique clock startled to find he had slept for over twenty hours he hadn't realized that he had been that tired. As he sluggishly registered that fact he realized that his bladder was demanding release, he slowly struggled to his feet stumbling towards the bathroom. After he took care of his business and was walking to his kitchen noticing that he had a few messages on his answering machine. 

Spencer stared at the blinking red light for a moment before starting to play the recordings surprised that there were over nineteen messages. One was for a new product, another from the sanitarium about an update on his mother's condition, and all of the rest were from the team asking how he was and why wasn't he returning any of their calls. Spencer felt a warm feeling run through him partly because of their concern but mostly because he noticed that Morgan had left him seven of the messages. He couldn't help him self feel warmed at Morgan's obvious concern over him. He knew it was stupid to feel like that because Morgan was always worried about someone from the team but he couldn't help but think he worried about him a little more. He knew it was insane to think like that about Morgan but like always when the older man was concerned his thoughts just didn't stay logical.

He looked around his apartment once again taking in the familiar settings that he has become comfortable in. his large antique grandfather clock sat against a wall it's nearly silent gentle ticking feeling the quiet room. His bookshelf full of books, movies, and CD's, models of projects he used to work on as a kid. His old furniture some of it pieces of furniture from his childhood home that he could not bare to leave behind. He continued to scan the room wondering for a few moments if he should reorganize a few things around give himself something to do. His thoughts quickly left that train of thought when he found himself looking at the scarce few photos he had resting on the mantle on the wall. He stood and walked across the room staring at the photos he had smiling slightly as he found a picture of the team before Elle left.

Hotch stood to the side kind of out of the picture but still close enough to almost seem like he was guarding everyone a small grin gracing his face. Gideon stood near Hotch but also close to everyone else a small smile on his face with his arms crossed. JJ stood next to Elle both looking at the camera with smiles on their faces. Garcia and Morgan stood side by side with Morgan's arm around her shoulder grinning for everyone to see, and there he was trying to stand off to the side away from the camera but he couldn't. Morgan had clasped a hand on his shoulder and pulled him near him not letting him try and fade into the back he had a smile on his face relishing the warmth that the contact gave him. He felt a slight pain as he remembered Elle he still felt guilty over not telling anybody about how close Elle was to breaking, that he wouldn't say anything when he found her drinking in the middle of the day in the room. He shook his head and looked at the other photos trying to banish his depressing thoughts his eyes moved to the next photo of the team as it was now.

They didn't look quite as comfortable and friendly as they did in the first photo but they were still trying to get used to the new dynamics of the team. Hotch still stood to the side a grin on his face, Gideon standing near him and everyone else sort of like a bridge. JJ stood next to Garcia both smiling, Morgan stood behind them with Spencer next to him his arm around his shoulder and they were both grinning. Emily stood to the side looking kind of out of place in the small group. He looked at the next picture a familiar ache in his chest at the sight. It was of when he was younger before his mom's illness started showing. They were sitting on a bench next to each other she was reading him a book her arms around him as he leaned into her embrace. The wind blowing her long blonde hair gently to the side mixing with his shorter brown hair. His glasses reflecting light from the sun. They both had smiles on their faces obviously they were happy back then before things got complicated.

He looked at the next photo and couldn't help the sadness that came to his heart more strongly than the others. In the photo were to people standing side by side in front of some trees the light from the sun coming down casting a faint glow around the two. The first person looked to be around nineteen had short his shaggy shoulder length brown hair and glasses giving him a young and childish look to him. He stood tall over the second person; he was tall and lanky seeming to have an awkward grace to him. His wide brown eyes large and glowing with innocence and laughter, a bright smile on his face he was leaning against the second child obviously taking in comfort from the second person who had their arms around him in a caring embrace. The second person was shorter then the first looking to be around twenty-five her long light brown hair falling to the middle of her back, her light caramel skin contrasting against the others pale white skin. A wide smile on her lips and her bright hazel eyes showing gold in the light of the sun. She was curvy and seemed to posses a confident presence about her; she was resting her head on the first person's chest.

Spencer felt the sadness inside his heart grow as he looked at the photo they looked so happy back then like they didn't have a care in the world. But he knew that things weren't the same anymore and he couldn't help but mourn the lost of that little bit of comfort and security he had back then, but that ended more than four years ago. He picked up the photo gently tracing the face of his best friend letting a tear slip from his eyes to land on the photo unheeded.  He sighed and shook his head a sigh escaping his lips along with the name of his childhood friend that he no longer saw.

"Demona."

***

Tick tock tick tock

Morgan heaved a sigh as he stared at the slowly ticking clock realizing that it wasn't going to move any faster then it already was their was no hope that it would suddenly move ahead six hours no matter how he wished it would. He knew that it was ok to worry about a co-worker who was injured and put in a life or death situation but he also knew that his level of concern pretty much pushed past concern over a friend. He knew that what he felt was concern for someone he cared deeply about like that of a potential lover. Well maybe not potential because he still didn't know which way Reid swung, was he straight, gay, or Bi? It was a thought that kept him up another thought that even if he was gay or Bi was he even interested in him that way? He didn't know if Reid saw him as a friend or as a potential lover, he shook his head knowing now was not the time or place to be worrying about all of this.

His thoughts kept going back to Reid like they always did and he thought about how he missed the younger man, and every time he thought about the reason for his absents his blood ran cold and a swift and hot rush of anger would sweep through him before he had time to calm himself down. Every time he thought of what happened to Reid he just kept wishing that Tobias Hankle was still alive just so he could kill him. He knew that might make him a bad person but he couldn't really care because of what that bastard did to Reid was enough to make him hate him the fact that he killed all of those people just reinforced his thoughts of the man. He remembered watching along with the rest of the team next to him as Raphael, or Charles Hankle threaten to shoot Reid forcing him to play God with peoples lives. He remembered watching as he beat Reid and force him to commit his 'sins', how he forced him to chose which one of the team was to be Hankle's next victim.

He remembered how his heart has stopped beating, how he couldn't breathe and felt so cold when he saw Reid spasm on the floor then lay so still on the floor not even moving an inch. He remembered how relieved he was when Hankle revived Reid. He remembered how scared he was when he heard those gun shots in that cemetery praying beyond hope that they weren't too late that Hankle hadn't slain Reid when they were so close to getting him back. Relief had slammed hard into him when he saw Reid pull him self out of the dug grave gun still in his hand with Hankle dead at his feet. All he wanted to do was grab Reid and never let him go but he didn't think that was wise with everybody there not to mention he didn't think that Reid would appreciate him hugging him like that in front of everyone.

He sighed softly under his breathe knowing that if he kept thinking of what happened then he wasn't going to get any work done so with a new found determination he decided to try and concentrate on his work and get it done before the day was over. Then maybe after work he could swing by Reid's place to see if he wouldn't mind some company. Morgan had been working steadily for three hours before he decided that it was time for a break, as he walked back from the break room fresh coffee in hand did he notice something that caused him to stop short in wonder. There was Hotch and Gideon standing next to a extremely attractive women who looked like she would be a real sweet temptation if it wasn't for the fact he was already hung up over a certain nerdy and gorgeous boy genius that is.

The woman was slightly short looking to be around '5'5' looking up at the two men standing in front of her. Her long flowing dark brown hair with hints of red when the fluorescent lights hit it a certain way that fell to the small of her back. She had a body that many men and women would kill to posses; her outfit consists of a black shirt covered by a jacket suite that tried to conceal what looked to be a very ample chest. Black slacks slightly baggy and loose on her legs, and slightly hinted to nicely shaped hips and thighs, and gently hugged her round ass. Her dark attire complimented her almost flawless mocha colored skin. Her neck was slender and graceful leading to a stunning face. Small full pink lips, a straight and petite nose, full long dark lashes brushing on her cheeks as she closed her eyes for a second. On her left cheek was a small scare that did nothing to destroy her beauty, and when she turned and opened her eyes he saw a beautiful pair of hazel eyes.

He stood there in silence for a moment longer before moving back to his desk, his movement apparently attracted their attention because they turned and looked him. He raised a brow in a silent question when Hotch tilted his head slightly towards the meeting room he nodded and headed there noticing that the others where there too. He sat in his chair looking at the others to see if they knew what was going on when he was meet with similar confused and curious looks he knew that they were all clueless as to the sudden meeting. They only had to wait a moment longer before Hotch and Gideon entered the room with the mysterious women, they all looked to them silently asking what was going on. Hotch looked around at them while Gideon sat down at his chair looking at them quietly, and the women stood behind Hotch gazing at them inspecting them like a puzzle. When her gaze feel on him he saw a slightly aloof and warm look, that completely seemed contradictory to him before he could further puzzle the fact Hotch cleared his throat bringing their attention to him.

He smiled at them slightly reassuring them before he spoke in his normal calm cool voice.

"Everyone I would like to introduce to you our newest team member Demona Fang."

Morgan sat shocked he didn't think that they were getting a new team member when they already added Prentiss to their folds. He looked at everyone else and saw that they all had similar stunned looks on their faces as well; he turned back to Hotch hopping for an explanation. He saw that Hotch and Gideon where watching their reactions as well as Demona, though she seemed slightly amused and so did Gideon for that matter.

"What do you mean a new member Hotch?" He questioned curiosity coating his words as he looked at him for an answer.

"Miss. Fang has been assigned to our team for a trial run to see how she performs and to see if she is going to permently stay with us her resume and skills are highly qualified and we wanted to introduce you all to one another since she is officially joining us tomorrow morning." Hotch explained to them, behind him Morgan noticed that Demona seemed to shift slightly and her cheeks looked a little red. He realized that she was embarrassed by Hotch's small praise but seemed to be trying to hide it. After that Hotch suggested that we should take a break and become acquainted with each other, he wondered what Reid would think of their new teammate.

"So Demona what did you do before you joined us?" Garcia asked strands of her blonde her falling out of her messy bun, JJ was standing behind her leaning against the counter of the break room. Emily was starting up the coffee looking equally interested while he was sitting in one of the chairs at the table with his back to the team and looking at Demona from across the table. Demona looked at them for a second before smiling slightly her smile nothing more than a small curl of her lips upward.

"I worked with the police force in Vegas for awhile but for the last three years let's just say that I never want to repeat what happened during that time." She said her voice was soft slightly husky they could tell that it might be a tender topic for her and tried to decide the best way to approach it when she changed the topic.

"So if you don't mind me asking what are your names because Agent Hotchner didn't get around to exactly get around to that and what are you guys like if you don't mind me asking?"

"Of right sorry my name is Penelope Garcia nice to meet you I'm the Audio/Visual Technical Analyst but call me Garcia."

"Jennifer Jareau but just call me JJ please."

"Emily Prentiss"

"Derek Morgan"

"Nice to meet you all is this everyone on the team or is there more?" she asked a small smile on her face seeming more genuine then the curve of lips she did earlier.

"There is one more person but he is on medical leave from one of our latest cases." Morgan said softly.

Demona's eyebrows rose slightly her expression became sympathetic as she looked at them. "I'm sorry is your friend alright the injuries weren't too bad where they?" they could the gentle concern in her voice was genuine.

"Yes he's alright his injuries are healing fine and Reid should be back soon." As Morgan said this he noticed how her eyes widened at the mention of Reid's name and also noticed that she paled slightly.

"Reid. Spencer Reid?" She asked her expression shocked and she looked a little shaken up for a second before she straighten up and her expression cleared but you could see it in her eyes that she was still worried.

"Ya what do you know him?"

"Yes I know him I just didn't know he worked here and his injuries aren't very severe are they."

"No he should be back in another day or two. How do you know Reid?"

"I've known Reid for a long time but we lost touch a three years ago because of what I did during that time?"

"What did you do?"

"I did some undercover work and well let's say that it wasn't the best to keep in touch during that time." She softly told them her shoulders slightly dropped.

"Hmmm Reid never mentioned you before did he knew about your undercover work?"

"No I thought it was the best that he didn't know so he wouldn't worry so much because I didn't know how long the assignment was going to be."

"Ah so really how long have you known Reid?"

They watched as her face soften and her eyes took a warm look making them glow brightly as nostalgia took her to what seemed like pleasant memories. "I've known Spencer since he was 8. I lived down the street from him and we went to school together."

"Wow you knew him when he was that young what was he like? What did he look like?" Garcia excitedly enquired.

"He was shy and a bit timid and that didn't change as we grew up though." She softly laughed as she remembered something funny. "Also for what he looked like is well here I have a picture from back then." As she reached for her wallet everyone clamored close for a look, she took out a photo covered in a protective plastic sheet. In the photo they saw a younger version of Demona a little rounder then she is now her hair shorter and wild coming to her shoulders she was wearing dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt she had her arms around a much shorter and younger looking Reid. His long and shaggy hair looking the same he was wearing geeky and nerdy clothes his glasses slightly large on his young face. He appeared to look the same as he did but looked so much happier then he did now he realized that he looked like an adorable nerdy kid cute.

"Awww! He looks so cute like a little geeky nerd so adorable!" Garcia exclaimed in delight. He looked around and noticed that the others agreed with her sentiments. Demona smiled and the look on her face was becoming more open and warmer every second like some wall was coming down. He wondered what this new teammate will reveal about Reid and if she might tell them about Reid when he was younger.

***

Spencer sleepily opened his eyes at the sound of one off his neighbors upstairs making a ruckus he gave an unhappy grunt at being woken up and leaned over to grab his glasses off the table so he could see the alarm clock. A surprised sound gave from his throat when he realized that it was almost 5:30 p.m. He hadn't thought that he had slept that late and that long, he sighed thinking all this sleeping was really going to mess up his sleeping schedule now. with a heavy sigh he sat up and climbed out of his bed he looked around taking in his plainly decorated room the a Queen sized bed with white sheets and black comforter nestled against the wall with a plain brown end table. The digital clock and lamp on top of it, his closet across from the bed and his bathroom by the door, a bookshelf squeezed in their as well.

He gave a sigh as he stripped off his clothes throwing them in the hamper and walking into the bathroom as he turned on the shower waiting for it to heat up he looked in the mirror frowning at what he saw. He had bags under his eyes despite the amount of sleep he has been getting lately, his hair was in wild disarray, he had light scruff on his face from not shaving and his skin appeared paler and more gaunt than normal. In all appearance he looked like hell. He turned sighed and climbed in the shower enjoying the hot warm spray of the water beating down his body. As he started washing his body his mind started wandering to an all too familiar and exhausted topic or rather person. Derek Morgan. His colleague, friend, and object of his unrequited lust and love.

He sighed thinking how he really should stop thinking about something he will never have and start trying to get himself over Morgan before he did something he really regretted like blurting out how he feels about the older man. He remembered how his feelings of admiration and friendship slowly started changing into something more until one day it just hit him that he was in love with Derek. He went over the word in his head repeatedly love he never fully knew what that word meant because he never had the chance to see love completely for himself. As he was growing he saw his parents together but when his mom's illness and his dad's distance start to change everything and he thought that their relationship wasn't the best to use. He never really seen a love before he knew he loved his mother but that wasn't the same.

He also loved Demona but not the way he loved Morgan, he loved Demona like a sister/mother/best friend/protector he loved her deeply but not the way he felt about Morgan. Slowly over time he just gave up trying to analyze his feelings about it and just tried to shelve it in a space in his mind where it couldn't hurt him anymore. But gradually over time he realized that he wouldn't be able to completely ignore his feelings forever and that eventually he would have to deal with them. But he didn't want to have to deal with his feelings for Derek too soon when he was still trying to deal with all the other things going on in his life right now. He sighed and tried to relax and enjoy the rest of his shower.

Spencer finally turned off the water when it started to become much cooler then he would have liked, as he started drying off he thought of what was going to happen when he went back into work. Would his friends look at him differently, would they all wonder when he was going to snap, would they think that he wasn't ready to go back into the field? Maybe they wouldn't think those things but Spencer thought about those things all the time while he was lying in his apartment going over the events in Tobias Hankel's little hunting shack. He really hated his eidetic memory he couldn't stop remembering things that are better left forgotten.

He walked into his bedroom just putting on some sweat pants and a large t-shirt that was almost a little too big for him. He was just about to get up and make him something to eat when he heard his door bell ring. For a moment he just stared at the door  wondering who could possibly coming to visit him when it rang for a second time, he looked at the old grandfather clock he had wedged in a corner surprised that it was 7:30 already he hadn't realized how long he had been in the shower for. He looked back at the door when this time accompanied with the ringing was a some knocking as well, he wondered if he could just ignore it but he knew that if it was the team they would be worried and most likely break down the door to see what was wrong.

With a sigh Spencer opened the door greeted with the sight of his friends and teammates on the other side of the door just like he knew they were. He stared at them for a moment before sighing and opening the door further in a silent invitation as he walked towards the kitchen. As he reached the kitchen he called out to them without turning around looking for something to eat.

"What are you guys doing over here?" He asked straight to the point as he opened his cabinet doors making a mental grocery list of all the things he needs to pick up next time.

"We came to see how you were doing since you won't answer the phone." Derek said from somewhere in the living room.

"I didn't mean to not answer the phone I just haven't heard it ringing and it doesn't matter much now I am going back to work tomorrow so I could have just talked to you in person then." He said.

"That's true but still you should have called we were worried and besides we needed to tell you some news." Hotch said.

"What news?"

"We have a new team member and we would like you to meet each other so we won't have any problems at work tomorrow." Jason replied.

"We have a new team member why?"

"Just to see how the new agent will work."

"Ok so when do I meet this new team member?"

"Now"

"What?" Spencer asked confused when he finally turned around to look at his friends when his eyes moved around the room his heart stopped and his breath let him in a rush when his eyes landed on a familiar and missed figure one e had not seen in over four years.

"Demona?" He asked softly, almost afraid that if he spoke her name too loud she would disappear like a figment of his imagination that had been thinking of his friend. Demona gave him a small smile that was almost hesitant that was not something usually belonged in describing his friend.

"Hey Spencer." She said letting her eyes run over the features of her friend noting every difference and change from the last time she had seen him four years ago back on the campus of the university his heart breaking along with hers as she walked away with little explanation and no contact what so ever in over four years.

He was frozen not knowing what to do as he tried to process the fact that his friend was back in the flesh in his apartment, he was also trying to deal with the feelings that came rising up at the sight of her. His anger and resentment at her leaving without a explanation, the hurt of her not contacting him in four years seemingly not caring what he was doing or if he was ok. The longing for her comforts like back when he was a kid when she would hug him and sing to him when he was scared and frightened and the love he felt for her that he would always feel because she was his protector, his rock for so many years. All the emotions were battling with each other to win the dominant position in his heart he didn't know which one he wanted to win he was at such a loss as to what to do.

Demona looked at her friend with apprehensive eyes wondering what he was going to do, her heart breaking when she read all of the emotions running across his expressive brown eyes that she always had been so good at reading. She saw the anger, the hurt, and the resentment in his eyes and she silently wept at the thought of him hating her. She felt a little stirring of hope in her heart when she saw the love and longing in his eyes maybe just maybe there was a chance that they would be alright that she would have her friend back after being away from him for so long, not being able to protect him and comfort him. It took all her willpower not to pull him in her arms and hug him half too death and let him have the break down he obviously needed so much right now. But she held back  not knowing if her comfort would be rejected she waited with baited breath for him to make the first move praying desperately that she would have her friend, her little brother back in her arms again where she could protect him like she used to when he was younger.

As their starring contest was taking place the team was all watching trying to decide if they should stay or leave to give the two friends some time alone to talk without them there to make things harder for the two. When they realized neither of them we're going to move Hotch cleared his throat slightly to get their attention.

"Well it seems like you two have a lot to discuss so we are going to leave you two alone to talk things out well see you both tomorrow good night." With that Hotch walked to the door and left with the others following his example each sneaking a small glance back at the two still frozen in the middle of the living room not breaking eye contact what so ever. In their minds they each said a small prayer that the two would be able to work things out. The door closed with a soft click that echoed in the still and quiet air. Leaving the two people alone wondering what was going to happen and when the other was going to make the first move.

***