Title: We've Only Just Begun
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, 20_est_relships
Prompt: 9, Comfort
Author's Note: Set after the events of 100.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

It was over.

They'd caught Foyet. He was dead, killed by Hotch's own hands. Some people might have thought that beating him to death was going too far, stepping over the line -- but the the BAU team, Hotch's murderous rage hadn't come as a surprise.

After what he himself had suffered at Foyet's hands, no one on the team blamed him for what he'd done. They all silently admitted that they would have reacted the same way in his place -- and they closed ranks around him, trying to protect him as much as possible.

Of course, they hadn't been able to protect him from Strauss' probing -- but she seemed to have softened a bit towards the man she'd spent such a long time persecuting. She'd exonerated him from all culpability, which no one had expected her to do.

Yes, it was over. But the hardest part was just beginning.

All these thoughts went through Spencer's head as he gazed out at the back lawn of the house Hotch had shared with his wife and son; he was the only person who had stayed after the funeral, wanting to be here for his boyfriend in case he was needed.

Hotch was putting Jack to bed, and Spencer hoped that the child wouldn't awaken with bad dreams. He and Hotch needed to talk, and even though it had been an emotionally exhausting day for the other man, Spencer knew they needed to put their priorities in order.

His boyfriend was still reeling over the murder of his ex-wife; Spencer didn't want to intrude on his private grief, but he didn't want the other man to be alone, either. He'd thought it best that he stay here, no matter what anyone else might have thought of that arrangement.

Spencer was sure that the rest of the team knew that he and Hotch were involved; there had been too many loving looks between them, too many words said that could be taken the wrong way. But the team had kept quiet about it, not mentioning the relationship aloud.

The team hadn't betrayed them to Strauss, either. Spencer had waited for that to happen; his nerves had been stretched to the breaking point, his own voice taut with anxiety when Strauss had questioned him. But they'd come through that trial by fire virtually unscathed.

Now the two of them had to discuss their future, and where their relationship was going. Now that the funeral was over, Hotch had to bury the past and look toward his future, both with the BAU and in the personal sphere.

The thought frightened Spencer more than he could say.

What would he do if Hotch decided to leave the BAU? In some ways, it might make their relationship easier; they wouldn't have to keep it under wraps, hiding the true nature of their feelings from Strauss and anyone else who might make trouble for them.

But not being able to work with Hotch would make his days empty at the core; he couldn't imagine being a part of the BAU if Hotch wasn't there. The heart would have gone out of the team, and Spencer couldn't see himself continuing with them if that one singular element was missing.

He looked up as Hotch entered the room, smiling tentatively as the other man sank onto the couch next to him. "Everything okay?" he asked softly, reaching for his boyfriend's hand and twining their fingers together. "Jack seemed pretty tired."

"He was," Hotch answered with a sigh. "He understands that his mom is gone, but I don't think he's quite grasped the fact that she isn't coming back. I don't know how to get that across to him. Maybe it's best that I don't try, at least for now."

'He's a smart little kid," Spencer said, feeling his way uncertainly, unsure of what to say. "I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. It's been a confusing time for him, and he's got a lot to come to terms with. So do you."

Hotch nodded, his gaze meeting Spencer's. "We all do," he said quietly, squeezing the younger man's hand. "You and me, especially. I don't know what I'd do without you here, Spencer. You've made all of this bearable. I couldn't have made it through on my own."

Spencer's heart leaped at the other man's words; maybe Hotch was ready to talk about their future, after all. He had thought that he would have to be the one to bring it up, but the other man seemed as though he wanted to look forward as much as Spencer did.

"We need to figure out where we're going from here."

Spencer blinked at the suddenness of Hotch's words; he hadn't expected his boyfriend to approach the subject of their future together so bluntly. But Hotch had never been one to beat around the bush; he should have known that the other man would tackle things head-on.

"If you're not ready to talk about it --" Spencer began, but Hotch was shaking his head, looking firm and resolute. He apparently wanted to get everything resolved between them; Spencer didn't blame him. After all that had happened, he needed something concrete to hold on to.

"No, we need to have things settled." His voice was soft, quiet, but it resounded in the still air of the room. "I want to spend more time with you, Spencer. I mean, away from work. After all that's happened, I've come to the conclusion that life is too short for us to hide our feelings."

Spencer nodded, feeling the knot that had gathered in his stomach start to loosen. He'd been worried that Hotch would say they needed time away from each other, time for him to adjust, but he didn't seem to think anything of the sort.

"What about the rest of the team?" Spencer asked, hating to bring up that problem, but feeling that he had to. "Are we going to be more open about our relationship so they won't have to keep skirting around the subject? It's not like they don't already know."

"They've known for a while," Hotch said dryly, nodding. "I don't think we have anything to tell that they wouldn't already be aware of. I just .... I don't want to have the same regrets with you that I had with Haley. I don't want to feel that we weren't together enough."

Spencer swallowed hard, tears coming to his eyes.

"I'm not going to leave you the way she did," he said softly, turning to face Hotch. "I'm going to be right here with you. It doesn't matter to me that you work a lot, because I'm there with you, too. You can't compare our relationship to what you had with her."

"You're right," Hotch said softly, his gaze not wavering from Spencer's face. "The two are like night and day. I loved her -- but that love had faded a lot over the years. I was still fond of her, but I don't think I ever loved the way I love you."

"There's nothing for us to talk about, then," Spencer told him, his tone firm and decisive. "I'm staying right here, Hotch. You don't have to worry about me going anywhere. I'm not. I'm here for the long haul, no matter what might happen."

"Don't make promises that you might not be able to keep, Spencer," Hotch warned him, frowning slightly. "In our line of work, you never know what could come up. But let's not think about that now. We've already had enough death around us for one day."

"I'll do my best to keep that promise," Spencer said, managing to keep his voice from trembling. "I just need you to promise me the same thing. That you're going to always be there. I know you've made that promise before -- but I hope you can make it again."

"I can," Hotch told him, squeezing the younger man's hand again. "And I hope that I'll do a better job of keeping it this time." He reached out with his free hand to stroke Spencer's hair, before leaning forward to brush his lips against the younger man's mouth.

One chapter of their lives together had finished; they were closing the door on it, looking ahead to their future. Hotch might not have said the words that Spencer needed to hear, but he knew that his lover felt those words in his heart. He didn't need to say them aloud.

Nothing was over, Spencer told himself as he savored the gentleness of that kiss. Only one chapter was done with; they had closed the book on it, and they were already in the process of writing the next chapter of their lives, one that he hoped would lead them into a happy future.

Only the first part was over. The rest of their lives had only just begun.

***