Title: Bittersweet
By: Stacy L.A. Stronach
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG
Word Count: 732
Spoilers: Nothing specific.
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anyone herein. They belong to CBS and others. No infringement is intended and I am SO not making money off these guys.
Sequel: to Sweeter
Series: Reflection
A/N: Sequeal to Sweeter, precedes Bitter.
Summary: Hotch considers Spencer.

***

Hermann Hesse once wrote: "Love isn't there to make us happy. I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure."

Aaron Hotchner wakes quickly as he usually does in the morning. Glancing at the bedside clock, he sees that it is only four a.m. He sighs; one of the disadvantages of travelling all over the country is the different time zones. At home, it'd be five and he'd be out of bed and beginning his day.

He feels his lover stir in the bed next to him. Turning on his side, Aaron slides an arm around Spencer Reid's prone form; the younger man sighs and wriggles closer to Aaron's warmth. Spencer is lying on his stomach, face turned toward Aaron, and he looks so young that Aaron feels guilty, like he's lured some underage teen into a relationship. Aaron closes his eyes, he knows that Spencer is an adult and that he chose to come into this relationship.

He rubs his hand softly over the smooth, pale skin of Spencer's back. He loves it when they have cases that take them away over night. It's the only time they can spend the night together, the only time Aaron can have Spencer's lithe body wrapped around him all night. When they're home, Aaron manages an hour here or there to be with Spencer and it never seems to be enough.

Opening his eyes, Aaron stares at Spencer, at the man he loves so very much. More than he ever loved his wife. Even so, or perhaps, because of that, Hotch has been careful not to promise things to Spencer. Things like being together forever or that he'll leave Haley. Sometimes he thinks he's protecting Spencer, other times, he knows it's cowardice. Spencer huffs a sigh and rolls over, his arm going around Aaron, his legs tangling with Aaron's. He wraps one arm around Spencer, holding him close and kisses the top of his head.

Aaron wonders, not for the first time, why Spencer doesn't leave him. Because, sometimes, when they're at Spencer's place and he's climbing out of Spencer's bed so he can get home to Haley, Aaron thinks he sees it in Spencer's eyes, thinks that maybe this time will be the time Spencer tells him not to come back. It hasn't happened yet...and Aaron isn't sure what he'll do if the day ever comes. He doesn't think he can live without Spencer in his life, but he's afraid of leaving the safety and sameness of his marriage to Haley. Fear of doing the wrong thing, of the unknown, keeps him in limbo, unable to move or to change things.

He wonders, too, if Haley knows something is going on and if she knows he's cheating on her. Aaron's been careful but he worries that no matter how careful he is, she'll find out and leave him. He loves her but hasn't been in love with her since before Jack was born. One of the reasons he agreed to their having a child was his hope that it would bring him closer to his wife. He wouldn't give up Jack for the world...but Haley? Most days he knows that he'd choose Spencer in heartbeat.

Aaron hates the situation even though he knows that he's the one to blame for it. If he was a stronger person, he would never have slept with Spencer in the first place. He shuts his eyes at the thought; truly, he doesn't regret this relationship with Spencer, he just regrets the situation it's put him in; him and Haley and Spencer. If he was a braver person, Aaron would have left Haley once he realised just how he felt about his lover. He knows it would painful for him but it would be even moreso for Haley. He wishes there was an easy solution to this but he knows there is not.

Tired of his thoughts and unable to distract himself, Aaron rolls Spencer over so that he's on top of the younger man, who's starting to stir a little. He starts kissing Spencer, his tongue playing along his lips, and Aaron can feel the moment when Spencer wakes. His body tenses as his brain processes what is happening to him. A contented murmur and Spencer slides his arms around Aaron's waist, pulling him closer.

As Spencer becomes more aware and starts responding to him, Aaron is able to stop thinking about his problems and to think only of the body of the man beneath him. This man whom he loves.

~~**the end**~~

***

Next story in series - Bitter.