Title: Character
By: nancy
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Natural Born Killer
Summary: Hotch has some trouble dealing with his demons.

It wasn’t difficult to find where Hotch had gone to ground, well, not for Jason anyhow. Most people wouldn’t be able to track him down, but Jason knew the younger agent like the back of his hand. Better really. Hotch was predictable in his need to make sure that innocence and goodness still existed in the world, after such a hideous case. And since he wouldn’t want to bring any of the case anywhere near his own family, he went to ground somewhere that was an adequate substitute.

Sitting beside Hotch on the park bench, Jason didn’t say anything, waiting for the other man to speak first. They’d been through this before and would again. Given the nature of their profession, it was inevitable that Hotch’s past would gut him in the form of other people’s crimes time and again. Jason hated that this was so, but knew there was no swaying Hotch from his duty. What he considered a calling, really.

The children playing on the swings, and see-saws, and monkey-bars, were soothing. The happiness on their faces. The way they shouted and ran, instead of walked. How they pushed and cut in line, argued at the top of their lungs. It was innocence at its best; unrestrained, unashamed, and full of life.

“I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard, this time,” Hotch finally admitted.

Jason nodded and waited, knowing there would be more.

Shifting restlessly on the bench, Hotch continued, “It could have been me, Gideon. I could so easily have turned into that kind of monster. I had all the makings of a serial killer, so why aren’t I one?”

Jason thought about it for a long moment, trying to find an answer that wouldn’t make light of the sincere struggle that Hotch dealt with, every day. “Have you ever heard of William Carleton?”

Hotch shook his head, canting his body towards Jason to give his attention.

“He was, among many things, an Irish novelist, and a teacher,” Jason told him. “He led a varied life, struggled with poverty, starvation, finding his place in the world. All the usual things.”

A faint smile surfaced on Hotch’s face as he got the joke, and he nodded for Jason to continue.

“He once said, ‘The strength of a man is to be measured by the power of the feelings he subdues not by the power of those which subdue him.’ You’re a good man, Hotch, a strong one. You’ve got some unholy demons trying to take over, but you put them down every day. It’s part and parcel of who you are, no matter how that came to be, and I thank God for it,” Jason finished firmly.

“Thought you were an atheist,” Hotch teased lightly, some of the horror finally retreating from the darkness of his eyes.

Jason chuckled warmly. “Some days are better than others.”

They were silent for a while, watching the children, and then Hotch asked softly, “What if one of the demons overwhelms me, Gideon? What if...what if I lose the fight one day?”

Resting an arm along the back of the bench, Jason gripped Hotch’s shoulder and said, “Then I’ll be here to help you drive it back. All you have to do is ask, Aaron.”

Hotch nodded, sighing slowly as he relaxed, just a little.

It wasn’t much in the way of comfort, but it was the best that Jason could do.