Title: Closer
Authour: prettychemistry
Rated: FRM/ Soft R
Pairing: Emily/Reid
Disclaimer: Not affiliated with CM.
Warnings: het, angst, drug use
Summary: Based on the Nine Inch Nails song of the same name - Closer [Explicit]. (If you aren't old enough to know that song, you probably aren't old enough to read this ficlet.) Basically: What if quitting dilaudid wasn't as easy as canon made it seem?.

***

He's kissing her before she can even get the door closed. His hands slide up under her sweater - they're cold as ice, and she shifts away from them.

"Reid, what -" His eyes are red, he looks like he hasn't eaten or slept in about a year. "God. Spencer."

He shakes his head. He shrugs off his jacket, pushes up his sleeves so she can see his inner arms. She is not too respectful of his feelings to inspect them - no fresh tracks. She volunteered at a methadone clinic one summer in college - she knows how to tell.

"I'm not high, or drunk, or anything at all except - except upset, and hyper-caffeinated and horny and in love with you. Okay?" he almost begs, leaning into her warmth.

She touches his face, pulls him in close and wraps her arms around him. "Okay, Spencer. I believe you. Okay. Let's go to bed."

The way he hugs her then makes her want to cry.

~~

He warms up fast once they're under the blankets, which is nice because his hands are all over her. He's frantic and tense - he doesn't want her touching him too much. He's in his own world - there are gears turning in his mind she could never comprehend and she is the chalkboard on which he needs to write his ideas down if he's going to make sense of them. What are the formulas he's sketching as he mouths the underside of her breast, crooks two fingers just inside her?

She will never know.

She draws him up, claims his mouth in a long kiss. She tries to tell him that he's safe with her, that it's going to be all right, all the things she'll never say to him out loud, because they would sound like lies.

She guides him into her. This is honest.

~~

Afterward, he strokes her hair, holds her like she's so important.

"The closer I can get to you, the more I feel like - like I can do it. I can stay clean, I can... be good enough for you. Someday."

She doesn't say anything. She hopes it's true, but after the last relapse, she won't hold her breath. She can be what he needs, even if he's never ready to reciprocate.

At least for now, the hope is enough.

***