Title: Confession
By: Stacy L.A. Stronach
Pairing: Reid/Hotch
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: NC-17
psych_30Prompt: 06 Inferiority complex
10_cliche_ficsPrompt: I hate you. So much.
Word Count: 3126
Warnings: Spoilers for Jones
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anyone herein. They belong to CBS and others. No infringement is intended and I am SO not making money off these guys.
A/N: This isn't really a post ep fic, as it takes place during the ep, after Reid goes to visit Ethan.
Special thanks to nebula99 who helped clarify parts of the story for me when we talked about it in chat. *hugs* You rock! :D

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"Confession is good for the soul"—Scottish proverb

Oscar Wilde once said: "It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution"


The slamming of the hotel room door wakes Aaron Hotchner from his restless sleep. Instantly, his hand goes for the gun under his pillow, while he looks to see the source of the disturbance. His fingers slide off the butt of the gun as he realises that the intruder is his roommate, Spencer Reid. Normally, they don't share rooms but the hotel had been booked heavily and the team has had to double up. Glancing at the clock, Hotch sees that it's almost 2:30 a.m.

When the overhead light flares on, Hotch squints against the brightness. "Reid, what are you doing?" he asks as his eyes adjust to the light.

"Nothin'," Reid answers. He starts stripping off his clothes, until he's in nothing but his undershirt and boxer shorts, before getting into bed.

Hotch watches him, a frown creasing his face; he's shared with Reid before and normally, he wears PJs to bed. Reid picks up a book off the floor and begins reading it. "Can we please shut off the overhead light? I'd like to get some sleep."

"I want to read."

Reid's words are slightly slurred and Hotch realises that Reid is drunk. His frown deepens. Reid's behaviour since being kidnapped and tortured by Tobias Hankel has been off to an alarming degree. He'd had the mandatory psych counselling, which, of course, he passed with flying colours. Hotch had expected nothing less from him; Reid is a genius, used to employing manipulation tactics with unsubs, so tricking a psychiatrist hadn't been that difficult.

Hotch has tried giving Reid the room to deal with this, to let him come to terms with things on his own but it doesn't seem to be working. Reid has become surly, turning up late for work, drinking, and tonight, missing the plane with Morgan and Prentiss. He glances at Reid and decides that right now isn't the best time to address the issue.

"Can't you read with the lamp on?"

"No, it's not bright enough," Spencer replies without looking at Hotch.

Sighing, Hotch climbs out of bed. He walks over and sits at the desk, opening his laptop; if he can't sleep, he may as well get some work done. After about ten minutes, he realises that Reid is staring at him; glancing over his shoulder, he catches the younger man glaring at him. Realising that Hotch is looking at him, Reid lowers his eyes to his book.

Shrugging, Hotch turns back to his laptop. In the reflection on the screen, he can see that Reid is watching him again…Hotch turns his head just enough that he can see Reid out of the corner of his eye. Reid is glaring at him. Again, when Reid notices Hotch's regard, he lowers his eyes to his book.

Turning sideways on the chair, Hotch tilts his head and stares at Reid for a moment. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Reid says, surly. He turns a page in his book, almost ripping it with the force he uses.

Hotch raises an eyebrow. "Must be an awful lot of 'nothing' for you to be glaring at me like that. And for you to abuse that poor book like that."

Reid avoids looking at Hotch. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sighing, Hotch gets up from his chair, walking toward the bed. "I think you do. Your behaviour, lately, leaves a lot to be desired. You've been showing up late and when you do finally show up, you look like hell. You've had an attitude, a bad one and you've been nasty to Prentiss," Hotch pauses for a moment, staring at Reid, who won't even look at him. "I'm not expecting you to be best friends, but you've got to treat your colleagues with a bit more respect." Hotch stands at the foot of Reid's bed. "I've been trying to cut you some slack, but you've got to help me out here—"

Reid slams the book shut before tossing it on the floor, where it lands with a loud thud. "What? I have a bad few days and suddenly it's a crime? Everyone else seems to have them, even you! Nobody says anything to them!"

"Reid—"

"Oh, sure, it's okay for Prentiss to say I can't do my job, to act like she knows me well enough to comment on MY behaviour, but I do one thing wrong and—"

"And we're talking about YOU not Prentiss!" Hotch can feel the anger building. He only wants to help Reid, but he's blocking him at every turn.

"Well, I don't want to talk about me!" Reid stands up and starts pacing the short space between the two beds. "I don't need to talk about myself, or anything else. Why can't you people just fucking leave me alone!"

Hotch closes his eyes for a moment, trying to keep his temper in check. He knew this wasn't a good time to approach Reid…but he has to do something. When he speaks, his voice is icy and low. "We've tried that, but it's obviously not working. And I will not leave you alone! There's something wrong—what can be so bad that you can't talk to me about it? What?"

"There's nothing wrong with ME!! Why can't you see that? I'm not some baby and I sure as fuck don't need therapy!" Reid is shouting now and he continues to pace, his arms moving as he talks.

Hotch walks toward Reid. "Watch your voice, Reid!" He reaches out, stopping Reid's pacing and stares at him. "No one's said you're a baby or anything about needing therapy--but there's something wrong and I'm NOT going to stand by and let things get out of hand, again! And I really don't care if you talk to me or to someone else, but you need to do something and soon!"

Reid can't meet Hotch's gaze and he mutters something under his breath.

Narrowing his eyes, Hotch leans in and says, "What did you just say?"

"You heard me," Reid says, finally raising his gaze to meet Hotch's. "Why don't you just. Fuck. Off!" He yells the last part and wrenches away from Hotch's grip.

Hotch reaches out, grabbing Reid by the shoulder again. "Don't you try and walk away from this and you will talk to me!"

Reid turns back and he swings his fist, connecting with the side of Hotch's face, near his mouth. Hotch's head goes back with the blow, but he doesn't loosen his grip on Reid.

In the moment it takes Hotch to recover, Reid freezes. Hotch can see the shock on his face and chuckles as he uses his other hand to rub at his face. "The next time you hit me? You'd better hope your blow at least knocks me down." His voice has gone icier than Reid's ever heard. He returns his other hand to Reid's shoulder, holding him tight.

Finally moving, Reid tries to get away from Hotch again, pushing against his chest. "Leave me alone!"

Hotch glares at Reid and grabbing him by his upper arms he shoves Reid against the wall between the two beds, hard enough to knock the breath out of him. "No, I won't leave you alone!"

"Fuck you, you don't know anything!"

Leaning in close, Hotch says, "No, I don't know anything because you won't talk to me! I've had it with you. You are going to fucking talk to me, if it's the last fucking thing that we do tonight!"

"Get off of me!" Reid shouts as Hotch uses his larger mass to keep him from moving, although Reid squirms against him, trying to get away. "Get off, you're hurting me!"

"Not as much as you're hurting yourself," Hotch says, staring at Reid. "I've got all night, Reid. You may as well talk to me."

Reid is still trying to free himself; he glares at Hotch, "And I've told you, there's nothing to fucking talk about!" he hisses. "Let me go!" He wants nothing more than to be away from Hotch, away from this room. The bruising grip on his arms and Hotch's body pressing against his own make it almost impossible for him to move; when he does, it is useless. When he feels his dick getting hard, Reid stills immediately; this is the last thing he needs right now. He closes his eyes for a moment, wondering why everything is so fucking messed up right now.

Reid opens his eyes again when he feels Hotch pushing against him harder than before.

"Talk to me, Reid," he says.

"Make me!" Reid says, squirming again, pushing his hard cock against Hotch. He sees Hotch's pupils flare at the contact.

Hotch's grip on his arms tightens as he says, "Grow up, stop acting like a spoiled child!"

Reid gasps when Hotch pushes back against him and he can feel the heat of Hotch's erection rubbing against his own through the thin cotton of their boxers.. "Fuck you," he manages to whisper, turning his head to the side, not looking at Hotch.

Hotch chuckles and says, his voice low and silky, "If that's what you want, Spencer." Leaning in, Hotch kisses his neck before nipping it sharply and at the same time pushing his cock even harder against Reid's.

Reid tries to move away but it's a half-hearted attempt and all he can do is wiggle his hips, his dick sliding against Hotch's. He keeps his head turned and his eyes close when he feels Hotch licking a trail up the side of his neck.

"If you don't want this, tell me now," Hotch whispers in his ear and it makes Reid shudder. He's still pissed off at Hotch but he doesn't want him to stop, he wants this, god help him, but he does.

He manages to look at Hotch who is staring at him, brown eyes unreadable. When Hotch leans in to kiss him, Reid lets him; he doesn't kiss him back at first but does open his mouth to him. He moans when Hotch pushes his tongue into his mouth and his hips push forward again before he responds to Hotch's kiss.

Hotch moans and his hands move to slide beneath Reid's undershirt, pushing it up slowly. Reid grabs Hotch by the shoulders, wanting him even closer and he moans at the feel of Hotch's hands on his body; it's like fire, burning his skin.

They break their kiss long enough for Hotch to pull Reid's undershirt off of him. Reid reaches out and just as quickly strips Hotch of his undershirt, before pulling Hotch against him again, kissing him while his hands stroke Hotch's arms and shoulders, down over his back before sliding them under his boxers, cupping his ass. Reid grinds his cock against Hotch's and they both moan into the kiss.

Hotch drags his mouth away from Reid's and starts kissing and nipping at his neck. Reid leans his head back against the wall, his eyes closed and he's panting now. He wonders, briefly if he should stop this but then he feels Hotch's hand grasping his cock through his boxer shorts and all Reid can think of is how fucking good it feels. He groans and thrusts against Hotch's hand. Pushing Hotch's boxers down, Reid slides one hand around his hip before he starts stroking Hotch's cock, hard and fast.

Gasping, Hotch bites the skin at the base of Reid's neck, sucking on it, leaving a mark. "Mine," he hisses before moving back from Reid a little. Reid gasps and opens his eyes, staring at Hotch, watching him.

With an almost feral smile, Hotch drops to his knees, at the same time pulling Reid's boxers down. He grasps the base of Reid's cock in his hand and leaning forward, licks the head of his cock before sliding his mouth over the end of it. Reid groans, his hands grabbing Hotch's head, fingers twisting in the short hair, and he pushes his cock into Hotch's mouth. He starts fucking Hotch's mouth and Hotch lets him, taking the abuse.

Hotch slides his hand off Reid's hip and starts caressing his balls. Reid moans, panting as his hips thrust even harder, pushing his cock further into Hotch's mouth. Hotch moves his head back so he won't gag, still sucking on Reid's cock. It doesn't take long and Reid is coming; his head falls back, hitting the wall and he shouts his release, his come spurting down Hotch's throat.

Swallowing, Hotch licks Reid's softening cock clean before standing up. He grunts in surprise when Reid pulls him close, one hand behind his neck, pulling Hotch to him for a kiss, even as Reid's other hand wraps around his cock, stroking Hotch fast and rough. Hotch moans as they kiss; short, sharp kisses, lips barely touching, tongues swiping out to taste.

Pushing his body even closer to Reid's, Hotch knows he's close. He takes Reid's mouth in a possessive, tongue filled kiss and Reid's hand speeds up, stroking him even faster.

Hotch shudders as his orgasm claims him and he moans into their kiss. He pulls his mouth off of Reid's leaning his forehead against Reid's, closing his eyes as he catches his breath.

When he opens his eyes, Reid still has his eyes closed and his body is starting to shake.

"Reid…Spencer…" Hotch begins, but Reid's legs seem to give out on him and Hotch catches him, holding him up. "Let's get you into bed," he whispers, wrapping an arm around Reid and leading him over to his bed. He helps Reid get settled before turning on the bedside lamp. "I'll be right back," he says, walking over to turn off the light.

On his way back, Hotch kicks Reid's satchel over. "Ow, damn it!" Looking down, he sees two vials roll out of the bag and Hotch feels his stomach drop. He picks them up and stares at them for a moment; neither one has been used, but still, the fact that Spencer has them at all….

Hotch walks slowly back to the bed and sits down. "Spencer?" he asks, holding up the vials. He sees the fear in Reid's eyes and it breaks his heart.

"I…I've never taken any of it, I swear!"

Hotch stares at him for a few moments and nods his head. "I believe you, but I can't ignore this, you know that? You'll have to submit to a drug test when we get back. And get rid of those in the morning."

To Hotch's surprise, Reid looks almost relieved. "I know, I'm scheduled for one at the end of the week anyway…but I promise you, I didn't take it!"

"Then why do you have it?" Hotch asks, setting the vials on the nightstand. He gets under the covers next to Reid, who turns away from Hotch.

"Tobias knew I was weak. I needed to prove I wasn't…I almost took it, so many times, but I didn't," Spencer says, so quiet that Hotch almost doesn't hear him. "I'm sorry."

Reaching out, Hotch encourages Spencer to turn over and he wraps his arms around him, holding him close. "Oh, Spencer," he whispers against the side of Spencer's face, kissing him gently. "I know you didn't take it. You're not weak."

"I am weak! And I'm selfish!" Spencer says, pushing at Hotch's chest and moving away from him. "If you knew what I was really like you wouldn't want to touch me, wouldn't want to work with me, you'd despise me!" He's almost crying and he rolls over to get out of the bed.

Hotch gently grabs his arm. "Don't run away. I could never despise you, Spencer." he says, pulling an unresisting Spencer back into his arms. He lies on his side, his back to Hotch. Brushing the hair away from Spencer's face, Hotch presses soft kisses on his cheek and his neck, while his hands stroke over Spencer's trembling body, trying to calm him.

"No, you don't know…what I did to her! I was selfish and I sent her away! The day after I turned 18—I was so tired of fighting with her about her meds and everything else. I wanted a life. I didn't honour my mother—I put her away! How can you say I'm not selfish?"

"She was sick, she needed more help than you could give her. You did what you had to do—and you should never have been put in the position of having to do that. You're not selfish—if you were? You wouldn't be agonising over this— "

"He was right. I broke the commandments; I deserve what happened to me!" Spencer's shoulders shake as he begins to cry. "I deserved it!"

Hotch holds Spencer close and presses his mouth next to his ear. "Listen to me, Spencer. You did nothing wrong—you didn't deserve any of what happened to you. You're not religious but even if you were, the God and Jesus that I know would never consider getting your mother the help she needed as being disobedient or dishonourable. You did it because you love your mother and you wanted her to get the help you couldn't give her."

Spencer turns over, still crying but he stares at Hotch. "But you all saw me like…that with…." he trails off, closing his eyes.

Feeling the tears burning in his eyes, Hotch pulls Spencer back into his arms. "None of us thinks you're weak, no one. After you…when Hankel gave you CPR and you came back, you were able to tell me where you were. You held on til we got to you. You're anything but weak, Spencer. You're one of the strongest people I know," Hotch says.

Spencer doesn't say anything, he just presses his face against Hotch's shoulder, sniffling, and moving closer to the warm comfort of Hotch's body, wrapping his arms around the older man. After a few minutes, he says, "I'm so fucked up right now."

Hotch strokes Spencer's hair before cupping his face in a hand and tilting Spencer's face so he can see him. "That's okay. You know I'm here to help you, don't you?"

"Yeah," Spencer replies, his voice low and rough. "I just don't know what to do…and I hate that, so much."

"I know," Hotch says gently. He leans in and kisses Spencer softly on the lips. "We can talk more about this tomor—later today, okay? Why don't you try and get some sleep. Do you want the lamp left on?"

"Yes, please," Reid replies. He moves as close to Hotch as he can. "I…thanks," he whispers sleepily, cheek pressed against Hotch's shoulder. "Don't let go of me."

Holding him close, Hotch replies, "You're welcome, and I won't let go…ever."

~~**the end**~~

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