Title: Connection
By: NidrianRuuthane
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: CM not mine. :P
Note: Oneshot. Can be read as companion to "Dark" or as a stand-alone. Hotch centric. Introspective Pseudo-Drabble.
Summary: "Only, he doesn't think God hears him. God won't ever hear him, this man of iron that never smiles." Oneshot. Companion to Dark. Hotchcentric. Introspective.

***

He sits there, by himself, watching the phone, praying that it will ring when he knows that it won't. He knows that he wouldn't call him, confide in him and why should he?

He isn't the father figure.

He isn't like a brother.

He is the boss and that is all he has ever been.

All he ever will be.

He hears a faint cry upstairs and he know it must be the baby and few minutes later it stops with a murmur and he knows that it must be his wife. He knows that he should go upstairs, go to sleep, and yet for some reason he can't tear his eyes away from the phone. It's just sitting there on the table, bland and plain.

It doesn't move, it doesn't speak, it doesn't ring.

For once.

His phone always speaks at the worst of times and now when he actually wants to hear someone's voice on the other end, that someone does not call.

And why should he?

The den is illuminated by the faint warm light of the desk lamp and he is so tempted to just reach over and click it off, to sit in the dark - to feel the dark as he is sure another is.

But he cannot.

He cannot immerse himself in the darkness because he is afraid. He is afraid that he will not understand and then he will be completely lost for words. He already has trouble finding the right words. Where does the Profiler stop and the Man begin? Where does the Man stop and the Friend begin? What is he to so many other? Who is he?

At least now, with the fragile light, he can pretend to understand.

Pretend.

You are what you pretend to be, so be careful what you pretend to be.

God, why him? He wants to ask the dim light that scares away the darkness.

God, why him?

Hasn't he suffered enough?

Hasn't he had enough pain?

Only, he doesn't think God hears him. God won't ever hear him, this man of iron that never smiles.

If he would just call, if he could just answer the phone…

And then it rings so suddenly and so shrilly that he thinks he must be dreaming. He sees the ID and he answers as fast as he can, fearful that the connection will end before it even connects.

Hello? He says.

There is no answer.

There is silence.

He thinks maybe he hears a breath, maybe two and he starts to speak again, not even knowing the words he says but then, it's broken.

The connection ends with a dial tone.

But he knows as he sets the phone down, slowly, sadly, that the connection was never made. That there was a reaching out by the other, but their voices didn't reach to the middle.

They didn't connect.

I cannot save him, he thinks.

Why can I not save him?

But the night yields no answer and the dark will not answer his pleas, so he goes up the stairs to his bedroom, to sleep beside his wife and wait.

He lays down and waits.

He waits for the morning.

Because in the morning, everything seems better - the answer will be there.

At least that's what he tells himself, as he drifts into an uneasy slumber, dreaming of tortured young men and phone calls where no one can hear the words because the static is so loud….

***