Title: Feel It Again
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Zeke Barnes
Fandom: Criminal Minds/A Gifted Man
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Zeke Barnes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Zeke sighed as he closed the door of the clinic behind him, pulling at the doorknob to make sure that it was locked firmly. He'd only been working here for three months, but somehow, it felt like he spent a lifetime in this place every day that he was here.

Coming here was the best thing he'd ever done for himself, he thought as he shoved his hands into his pockets and headed down the street. He missed the Clinica Sanando and the people there, but it had been past time for him to move on.

This might not feel like home yet, but it would, he told himself. Washington, DC had been good to him so far. He'd found a nice apartment, a café and a bar that he liked to frequent, and he'd started to settle in to his work at the new clinic he was working at.

It was a lot like the place he'd left -- but he couldn't help thinking that it was a far better atmosphere for him to be in. There was no Anton there to distract him, no tug at his heart when Anton left for the day to go home to Christina and the life he led with her.

Now that he didn't have to be around Anton all day, he could keep the other man out of his thoughts -- at least most of the time, he told himself wryly. He had work to keep him busy, but that left the long, lonely nights to get through.

That was when it was hardest to keep memories of Anton from assailing him. It was ridiculous to still feel this way after he hadn't seen the man for three months; he should be able to keep his lost love out of his thoughts and start looking forward instead of back.

He wasn't going to sit at home and think about Anton tonight, he told himself firmly. It had been a long week, and he had the next day off. He was going out to the bar near his place, get a little tipsy, and then go home and hopefully fall into a dreamless sleep.

A gasp was torn from his throat as he turned the corner -- and ran directly into someone. Without thinking, Zeke put out a hand to steady himself, and found his hand caught in the other man's, an electric shock seeming to run through his body at the contact.

"Are you all right?" The man's voice was soft, low-pitched, its timbre sending a shiver through Zeke. He'd never heard a voice quite as sexy as that one; it turned his knees to water, made his head spin, and made him harden in places he'd rather not think about at the moment.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," he managed to murmur, taking a deep breath and wishing that he could get control of his voice. "S-sorry about that. Wasn't really looking where I was going. Too much on my mind," he added, facing the man and giving him an uncertain smile.

He had to stop himself from reaching out to touch that face, just to make sure that this man was real. To say that he was tall, dark and handsome might be trite, but he was all three. The face combined with the voice made Zeke want to melt into a puddle at his feet.

"I was heading to the bar down the street," the man told him, releasing Zeke's shoulder and taking a slow step back from him. "I'd like to buy you a drink to make up for barreling into you, if you're interested. It's only another couple of blocks. Do you know the place?"

Zeke nodded, his heart thumping in his chest at those words. By some stroke of fate, this gorgeous man had been going to the same place he'd been headed towards; maybe they would have met at the bar tonight even if they hadn't run into each other here.

"All right then," the other man said with a smile, turning back in the direction they'd both been heading when they had collided. After a moment, he turned to Zeke, holding out a hand, looking a bit embarrassed. "I'm forgetting my manners. I'm Aaron. Aaron Hotchner."

"Zeke Barnes," he responded, holding out his hand again. It was enveloped in a firm grasp -- and this time, he knew that Aaron felt the sparks that seemed to burst forth at their contact. The other man's eyes widened, a gasp coming from his throat.

There was something between them, something that neither of them could deny even if they couldn't quite put it into words. It was there in the air between them, surrounding them, almost palpable. Zeke was sure that he could reach out and touch it if he tried.

If he squinted, he was sure that he'd be able to see the attraction that flowed between them, a shimmering cloud that seemed to envelop the two of them and shut out the rest of the world. He hadn't felt this since .... since the first time he'd seen Anton.

The realization took his breath away -- and almost made him want to turn and run. He hadn't moved here to DC to find himself caught up in yet another hopeless infatuation with someone he could never have. He didn't need that kind of heartache in his life again.

But this time, it didn't have to be like that, he told himself. He could feel the attraction between himself and Aaron -- and the way this man looked at him, he was almost positive that Aaron felt it as well, and that the attraction was just as immediate and potent for him.

He hadn't wanted to feel it again, this attraction that made his senses reel and gave him the sensation of falling. But it was happening nonetheless, and he only had two choices -- either to run away from that feeling, or embrace it wholeheartedly.

This wasn't what he wanted, Zeke told himself. Or was it? He was lonely; he had to admit that. He wanted someone in his life, even if it wasn't someone he loved as passionately and desperately as he'd loved Anton. That only came along once in a lifetime.

He didn't want to feel it again, that kind of hopeless desire that could never be assuaged. The next time he got involved with someone, he wanted those emotions to be returned; he wanted to be with someone who loved him just as much.

Was this the man? Was Aaron the person he was meant to be with, the man of his dreams, the man who could replace Anton in his heart and make him forget the hopelessness of falling in love with someone who would never feel the same way about him?

Zeke didn't know if that was the case, but there was something about Aaron that drew him irrevocably to the other man; he could no more have turned down that invitation for a drink than he could have stopped breathing. For better or worse, he had committed himself.

"Do you live around here?" Aaron asked, his voice soft, but his tone interested. It was obvious that he wanted to know more about Zeke; his tone was more than merely an acquaintance making small talk. He wanted to know the answer to his question.

Zeke nodded, letting out a pent-up breath as he did. "Yeah, just a few blocks away," he told Aaron, falling into step beside the other man as they walked along. "I work at the free clinic just a couple of blocks that way," he added, waving a hand to indicate the direction he'd come from.

Aaron nodded, his smile warm and friendly. "I know the place. I have friends who've gotten medical care there, even though I've never been there personally," he said softly. "So, you're a doctor? What brings you to a free clinic rather than one of the big hospitals?"

"Because people need places like the clinic," Zeke answered, the words pouring out before he could stop himself from speaking too quickly. "I feel like I'm doing some good in the world by working there. And I need the distraction of working a lot."

"I need that a lot lately myself," Aaron said, his voice very soft. Zeke almost had to strain to hear his next words. "It's hard being alone when I'm not used to it. And being able to bury myself in work alleviates that loneliness, at least some of the time."

"I know exactly how you feel," Zeke told him, his heart pounding so hard he could swear that Aaron could hear each pronounced beat. "But I can't say that I'm not used to being alone," he added, wishing even as the words came out that he hadn't spoken them aloud.

Aaron reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together in a move that surprised Zeke. He hadn't expected this man to hold his hand; somehow, Aaron didn't seem the type for that. But appearances could be deceiving, as he very well knew.

He had to take things as they came, and not build this up to be anything more than a friendly drink. Even though there had been definite sparks between them, it didn't mean that anything else would happen. He had to take whatever happened one step at a time.

Maybe this wasn't the best thing for him to do; it would be too easy to feel those overwhelming emotions again, to replace the love he'd lost with yet another unattainable object of desire. But he'd already fallen hard; he didn't see that he had any recourse but to keep going.

When Aaron squeezed his hand and smiled at him, Zeke was sure he could feel his heart melting. He was going to let himself feel it again, even if it wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do. He would deal with the consequences later; for now, he was going to enjoy this night and whatever it might bring.

***