Title: International Flirting Week
By: bahjcb
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: PG
Note: This story is not to be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form. Nor is anything said supposed to even infer that various countries flirt in different ways. Mainly, it was the only thing I could come up with when I saw this holiday on the calendar.
Summary: Like our favorite flirts could really leave this holiday alone!

***

International Flirting Week: 3rd Week of February

America

Derek immediately pulled out his phone and dialed Penelope. It was normal for Morgan to call Garcia when they had a question, but Hotch was surprised at Morgan's overwhelming eagerness to do so.

Before Penelope could even get through her hello, Derek asked, with what could only be described as a cheesy sort of charm, "Did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt?"

The team could hear Penelope's confusion as they listened to the bizarre conversation.

"When you fell down from heaven," Derek replied.

Penelope gave a snort of laughter before controlling herself enough to banter back, "Sexy, I'll tell you if you help me run a little experiment."

"You're on, mama!"

"Don't you want to know what I need help with?"

"Lay it on me, baby girl."

Emily and J.J. exchanged a look before quickly looking away so as to not start laughing.

"Well, I just bought a new kind of lipstick. It's supposed to stay on no matter how long you kiss. I wanted to see if there was truth in advertising."

Grinning, Derek replied, "As soon as we get back, I'm willing to help—as long as you're not too tired," he amended.

"Why would I be tired, handsome?" Penelope practically purred.

"Because you have been running through my thoughts all day!"

As Penelope gave Derek a delighted giggle, Rossi turned to Hotch and asked, "What's going on? They're worse than usual."

"It's International Flirting Week," Hotch replied, not taking his eyes off the file in front of him.

"So, they'll be like this all week?"

"I don't know. This is the first time they decided to celebrate it."

While Rossi tried to decide just what he thought about this new development, Penelope trilled, "You know, my chocolate love muffin, that if I had a nickel for every man I've met as handsome as you are, I'd have a whole five cents."

Laughing, Derek countered, "Is your name Gillett? Because you are the best a man can get!"

Hotch, evidently tired of the flirting and ready to get back to the case, said, "Morgan, get Garcia started on that search!"

"Yes, sir," Derek smartly replied before turning his attention back to Penelope. "Goddess, we need a little help over here."

"Challenge me, my hot chocolate goodness."

Hotch just rolled his eyes.

Side note: I ran an Internet search for Corny Pick-Up Lines. I wouldn't want to accidently claim ownership of those jewels!

***

France

"Bonjour, mon cher!" Penelope happily answered the phone.

"Bonjour," Derek replied with a laugh. "Ma déesse sexy."

As Penelope laughed delightedly Derek added, "I would have gone with 'Girl with the bedroom eyes' but that doesn't translate as well as goddess."

"Oh, ma décadence de chocolat…"

Laughing Derek interrupted, "Baby girl, while I love what your voulez coucher stuff does to me, I need English. Hotch is only a couple of seats from me."

Giggling, she replied, "What can I do for you hot stuff? The case is over, isn't it?"

"Yeah, we're on our way back," Derek replied, settling back in his seat. "Can't a man just call his baby girl and flirt with her? Especially this week."

"Sorry, sugar. Flirt away," Penelope commanded regally.

"Well, I did have an idea."

"Oh, tell me more!"

"We'll be getting in about 9:30. And I haven't seen my girl in person for almost two weeks now."

"Uh hum?"

"I have a Sauternes et Barsac at home just begging to be drunk."

"Bordeaux's gold, hum?" Penelope teased with interest.

"That's right," Derek said with a lazy grin that Penelope could practically hear across the phone lines.

"Do you have some cheese to go along with that wine?"

"Reblochon."

"How very French!"

"I've been planning for International Flirting Week for some time now."

"That's very sexy," Penelope purred.

Derek shivered in delight at her tone. "I'll also have some Salade de Fruits frais."

"Will there be any chocolate?"

"Baby girl, I thought I'd be enough for that sweet tooth of yours."

Grinning, Penelope quickly replied, "When do you want me there?"

"Ten? That will give me time to put the Salade de Fruits Frais together."

"I'll be there with bells on."

Suddenly much more serious, and just slightly awkward sounding—at least for a man like Derek Morgan, he added, "I was thinking we could watch a movie while we eat. Like…ah… Nelly et Monsieur Arnaud or Marius et Jeannette. I also checked out Mayerling. According to reviewers, it's considered 'one of the greatest of cinematic love stories,'" Derek informed Penelope like a man who has spent way too much time trying to make the night perfect.

Grinning at all the effort Derek was going to Penelope interrupted, "Mon coeur, I will see you at your apartment at ten. D'accord?"

"Oui, baby girl. See you at ten. And you better be wearing those bells you mentioned!"

"I don't know, handsome. I just go a new red dress that I think you might like even better than bells."

"Goddess, I don't care if you wear a sweatshirt and jeans as long as I have you cuddled next to me on the couch by 10:15."

"Sexy," Penelope replied with a wide grin, "nothing could keep me away!"

***

Scotland

"Hello gorgeous," Penelope called as she strut into the bullpen with a covered dish that was emitting a strong and distinctive smell. "Aren't you looking braw today!"

As she set the dish on his desk, Derek crinkled his nose and replied, "Baby girl, what is this?"

"Haggis!" Setting herself down on the edge of his desk, Penelope added with a sexy whisper, "It's to thank you for last night's French supper."

Looking up at her in surprise, Derek exclaimed, "I thought you liked dinner last night!"

Pulling herself up angrily, Penelope snapped, "I'll have you know that it is very hard to make haggis, Derek Morgan."

"How do you know how to make haggis?"

Grinning at him with a cute blush covering her cheeks, she said, "My neighbor, Mrs. Henderson, is Scottish. She made me the haggis to thank me for fixing her computer."

Looking down at the dish, Derek asked, "Did you lose some of her files?"

Playfully swatting him, Penelope countered, "She was cooking some when I was fixing her computer. I told her it smelled good."

"You did?"

"I was being polite. A concept that is obviously foreign to you!"

Looking up at his baby girl, Derek's face broke into a wide grin.

"Well, me lass," he teased with a very bad Scottish accent. "I've always wanted to have sheep innards for breakfast."

Laughing Penelope replied, "I'm sure that it's been your life long dream."

"Aye, it has. But, you didn't have to go to so much trouble. I would have been happy with a wee kiss from me lass."

"Just a wee one, hum?" Penelope asked, leaned her head closer to Derek's.

"Aye, lass. Just a wee one," he breathed before closing the distance between them.

***

Greece

Spencer Reid never really understood the phrase "I could have died laughing" until now. Taking one look at his friend, Derek Morgan, and Reid couldn't stop laughing. It got so bad that he was actually crying and gasping as he tried to breathe.

Derek tried to glare, but he knew that his attire was what had brought Reid to knees with laughter and glaring at the younger man only seemed to make it worse. Reid would just laugh harder.

"Aren't you a bit chilled?" Reid gasped out. "It is February!"

As Reid dropped his head to his desk, shaking with laughter, Derek just crossed his arms across his partially exposed and muscular chest.

Despite the fact that it wasn't even forty degrees outside, Derek was wearing an indigo chiton—an ancient Greek tunic. The tunic came down to his knees and only went over his left shoulder, but left his powerfully built arms bare. A thick piece of cloth was draped around Derek's hips, tying the tunic at his waist. Instead of regular shoes, Derek was wearing leather, open-toe sandals.

"One day, Dr. Reid," Derek growled. "You will grow up and fall in love. Then you will find yourself doing idiotic things because she bats her big brown eyes at you and says, 'Please, baby, for me?' When that day comes, I hope you remember this day because I will take mocking to a whole new level!"

Reid just grinned unrepentantly at Derek. Looking past his friend, he said, "Here comes your heel, Achilles."

After rolling his eyes, Derek turned with a large grin gracing his features. Leaning forward for a quick kiss, he said, "Baby girl, you are Aphrodite in human form!"

Grinning, Penelope wrapped her arms around Derek to give him and gave him a lingering kiss.

Pulling back from their embrace, Derek took one of her hands and slowly twirled Penelope around. "Let me get a 360 view, goddess."

Penelope laughing, but obligingly turned to let Derek have a good look at her outfit.

Penelope's chiton was ankle-length and a deep red. Unlike Derek's, it was pinned up on both shoulders by large, matching, gold pins. She too wore leather sandals instead of traditional winter footwear.

Using the sash around her waist to pull her closer, Derek said, "I think you might just really be Aphrodite because I find you irresistible."

Wrapping her arms around Derek once more, Penelope replied, "The feeling is mutual, gorgeous. I like seeing a little leg."

Grinning at her comment, Derek leaned into kiss her once again when Reid teased, "So, are you two just going to dress up or are you going to do something else, too?"

Derek grumbled but Penelope turned to address their friend. Unwilling to let her out of his arms, Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled Penelope back against him.

"Well, cutie," she told Reid with a grin. "We're planning on getting take out from this Greek restaurant downtown. I want to try those stuffed grape leaves…"

"Dolmathes," Reid supplied.

"Right," Penelope agreed with a grin. "And we'll have a simple meze with olives and cheese…"

Leaning down to kiss her neck, Derek added, "And we'll have baklava for dessert."

"Um," was the only thing Penelope said as she moved her head to give Derek more access to her neck.

"Hey, Eros and Psyche," J.J. teased as she walked over to the group. "You're at a place of work."

Glancing up, Derek replied, "We're giving Reid a show."

Laughing, Penelope turned and playfully slapped Derek's arm. "My chocolate Apollo, don't say that." Giving him a wicked grin she added, "Or other people will want to watch us perform."

Before Derek could reply—or kiss Penelope again, J.J. interrupted, saying, "Sorry guys. We've got a case. Hotch wants us in the conference room."

Groaning, Derek laced his fingers through Penelope's and led the group to down the hall.

Hearing the last four agents come in, Rossi glanced up and then looked back down at the file in front of him. Shaking his head, Rossi looked back up and stared at Morgan and Garcia as they found seats around the table.

"What are you wearing?" Rossi exclaimed.

Hotch, not missing a beat, replied, "It's Greek day. They're wearing chitons. We don't need to know more than that."

And with that, Hotch started the meeting.

Penelope looked up upon hearing a knock on the door-frame to her office. There stood Derek looking very apologetic and once again dressed in street clothes.

"Goddess, I'm sorry…"

"Hot stuff," she interrupted with a grin. "When I fell in love with you I knew you might have to take off at a moment's notice. It's like being in love with Superman," Penelope added with an impish look.

Chuckling, Derek removed the space between them and pulled his girl into his arms before kissing her thoroughly.

"I'll always come back to you, my Lois Lane."

Brushing her hand along his cheek, Penelope said, "And when you get back this time, we can try that baklava and dolmathes."

Taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the palm, Derek whispered, "I love you, baby girl."

"I love you, too, handsome. Now get out of here before you miss your plane."

With a smile and one last kiss, Derek was gone.

Sighing, Penelope got back to work and hoped that this case wouldn't last long. Already she missed her man of action and he hadn't even been gone an entire minute!

***

Sweden

Coming back to her office after a quick bathroom break, Penelope was surprised to hear music playing.

Look at her face, it's a wonderful face
And it means something special to me

Listening to the words Penelope smiled and walked forward to her desk to find a small, rectangular cake covered with green marzipan, coated with powdered sugar, and decorated with a pink marzipan rose. Picking up the card next to the cake, Penelope saw Derek's confident handwriting.

Look at the way that she smiles when she sees me
How lucky can one fellow be?

Hey Princess,

This is a Swedish Prinsesstårta or "Princess cake." Under the marzipan is sponge cake, whipped cream, and custard. I've been assured it's delicious. You don't know how much I miss you baby.

Love, Derek

She's just my kind of girl, she makes me feel fine
Who could ever believe that she would be mine?

Setting the card aside, Penelope picked up her phone and quickly dialed an oh so familiar number.

"Talk to me, beautiful," Derek answered with a grin.

Smiling in response, though Derek couldn't see her, Penelope teased, "So, I'm only a princess? I thought I rated at least a queen."

Laughing, Derek replied, "You're a goddess, woman, and the queen of my heart. How's that?"

"Just so long as you acknowledge my greatness."

"Baby girl, I worship the ground you tread on."

"Derek Morgan, you flirt."

"Takes one to know one, baby."

She's just my kind of girl, without her I'm blue
And if she ever leaves me what could I do, what could I do?

Giggling, Penelope changed the topic. "I never thought of you as an ABBA fan, handsome."

"You were the one to pick Sweden, baby girl," Derek teased back. "I just found a song that vaguely matched the country."

"We pulled countries out of a hat, angelfish."

"But it was your turn, Mama," Derek insisted.

And when we go for a walk in the park
And she holds me and squeezes my hand

"How's Clooney? Is he taking good care of you?"

Smiling, Penelope leaned back in her seat before answering. "He's taking very good care of me, handsome. Though we both miss you like crazy."

"I miss you, too, baby," Derek said softly and sincerely.

"How's the case going? Do you need me to look up anything?"

"No, to the second. Good, to the first. We might be able to wrap this up sometime tonight."

"Want me to wait up for you?"

Derek considered this for a moment before replying, "No, go on ahead to bed, baby girl. I don't know how late I might be. I'll stop by in the morning."

"I'll be waiting for you, Derek," Penelope assured him.

We'll go on walkin' for hours and talkin'
About all the things that we plan

The song was She's My Kind Of Girl by ABBA. I picked Sweden just so I could use an ABBA song!

***

The Weekend

Shuffling to the door, Penelope sleepily push some lose hair behind one ear. Hearing whoever was outside her door at this ungodly hour, start to pound on the door once again, Penelope yelled, "Hold your horses. I'm coming."

Clooney, who was happily following her to the door, bark sternly.

Looking down at the enthusiastic dog, Penelope smiled and patted his head.

"You tell 'em, Cloon!"

Opening the door, Penelope said, "You had better…" Seeing who was on the other side of the door, however, Penelope cut herself off and launched into Derek's waiting arms.

After indulging in a welcome home kiss, she pulled back just enough to ask, "Handsome, did you just get in?"

"Almost. I stopped by my apartment first," Derek replied as he held up his bag.

Scowling, Penelope looked at the luggage and said, "We already have another case!"

"No," he assured her before kissing his girl's temple.

Looking up into Derek's dark eyes, she asked, "Then why did you bring a change of clothes?"

"International Flirting Week isn't over yet, baby girl."

Smiling, Penelope shook her head. "Sorry, hotness, the holidays ended yesterday."

"Really," Derek replied between kisses, "because I was fairly certain Saturday and Sunday were part of the week."

"So, what country are we going to celebrate?"

After pulling back from a long kiss, Derek replied, "How about Vegas?"

Patting his cheek, Penelope replied, "I know you're sleep deprived, handsome, so I won't hold it against you that you just said a city instead of a country."

"No," Derek corrected with a grin. "I don't want to celebrate it. I want to visit it."

"Sudden desire to see the good doctor's hometown?"

"No. Sudden desire to marry you before anything else can come up!"

Puling back so she could gaze into his eyes, Penelope replied, "That's real romantic, sugar."

Laughing, Derek gave her another kiss. "How about this, woman? I love you more than anything or anyone in this world. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you elope with me? I already have plane tickets," he added as an extra incentive.

"I don't know…" Penelope worried. "Wouldn't your mother be upset that she wasn't invited to our wedding?"

"My mother will be so happy I finally asked you to marry me that she won't care how we did it as long as we promise to eventually give her grandchildren," Derek replied with a sure grin. "Besides, if I know J.J. and Emily, they'll throw a party and we won't even have to miss having a reception."

Shaking her head, Penelope pressed a light to Derek's lips before pulling out of his arms. Turning to the dog next to her, who was wagging his tail a mile a minute, Penelope said, "Come on, Clooney, we have to go pack."

Throwing a saucy grin over her shoulder, Penelope added, "If you help us handsome, we'll be able to leave that much sooner."

Stepping into the apartment and shutting the door, Derek replied, "Where do you keep your suitcase?"

Derek Morgan pried open one eye and tried to decide what it was that woke him up. He soon became distracted, however, by movement next to him. Looking down, Derek smiled as he saw his wife snuggled against his chest.

Deciding to go back to sleep and prolong the morning a bit more, Derek heard the noise again and realized why he was awake—relatively speaking.

Trying to not disturb Penelope, Derek didn't move his torso as he reached out to grab the ringing phone. Flipping it open, Derek barked as best as he could while whispering, "Morgan!"

There was an odd silence before the voice on the other end of the line repeated, "Morgan?"

"What do you want, Rossi?" Derek asked as Penelope snuggled closer to him.

"I was trying to reach Garcia."

"She's asleep," Derek informed the other man matter-of-factly. "She can help you when we get back Monday."

"Today is Monday," Rossi replied. This was the oddest conversation he had ever had with Agent Morgan.

"Oh…then she'll help you when we get back Tuesday."

"Where are you?" Rossi asked before Derek could hang up the phone.

Rolling his eyes and wanting to go back to sleep and cuddling his bride, Derek snapped, "On our honeymoon." And with that, Derek quickly ended the call before Rossi could say anything more.

After turning the phone off so as to not be interrupted again, Derek tossed the phone back on the bedside table. Kissing his wife's forehead, Derek settled back down and went back to sleep.

It would be some time before either Morgan got out of bed and only then because Clooney had to go for a walk.

Rossi stared at the phone in his hand almost as if he looked at it long enough it would make his world seem normal again. As he was contemplating what he should do now, Hotch walked into the office.

"Have you found Garcia?"

"She's on her honeymoon with Morgan," Rossi replied, his voice still tinged with disbelief. He knew the two agents flirted, but he never figured they were this serious.

Hotch nodded and started to walk out the door. Stopping suddenly, he turned around and stared at Rossi.

"Excuse me?"

"Morgan and Garcia eloped."

Seeing Hotch so off-kilter made Rossi feel better and he started to smile.

"They eloped?"

"That's what Morgan told me when I called Garcia's cell."

Rubbing a hand down his face in frustration, Hotch muttered, "Why couldn't they just ask for time off like normal people?" Sighing, he added, "I'll just let them announce it when they get back. I don't want to lose two days of work while the team plans them a party."

As Hotch walked off mumbling about problem team members, Rossi leaned back in his chair and wondered what he should buy the couple for a wedding gift. Maybe something Greek. They seemed to really like that country, Rossi decided with a nod. He would go shopping after work.

***