Title: Get Closer
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3 20_est_relships
Prompt: 10, Hope
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Spencer asked softly, setting his teacup down on the coffee table and looking over at Hotch. "I mean, it hasn't been that long since ...." His voice trailed off and he looked down; he didn't want to say the name that hovered in the air.

"It hasn't been long since Foyet raped me. I know," Aaron told him, sighing and shaking his head. "But we can't keep using that excuse to keep from getting closer, Spencer. We've both decided that we want to make this relationship work."

"It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before, even if we didn't do anything," Spencer mused, keeping his gaze focused on Aaron. "I just didn't think you'd be ready to do that again so soon. If you want to back down, I'll understand. I'm not going to push you."

Aaron shook his head, his gaze finally meeting Spencer's. "No, Spencer. I want to do this. I need to be close to someone -- and I want that someone to be you." His voice shook slightly as he added, "I'm kind of nervous about it, I'll admit. But I need this."

Spencer nodded slowly, still looking unconvinced. He regarded Aaron with a frown, wondering if he should try to dissuade the other man from the course of action he'd decided on. But he knew that once Hotch had made up his mind about something, changing it was nearly impossible.

"What's the matter, Spencer?" Aaron asked, his voice trembling slightly. "Don't you want to stay here tonight?" Spencer could hear the uncertainty in his voice; all he'd have to do was make up some excuse not to stay, and Aaron would accept it.

And if he did that, then there would be a gulf opening in their relationship that they might not be able to bridge, he told himself with an inward sigh. He didn't want to push Aaron even further away, when the other man was making such an attempt to keep them close.

Still, he wasn't sure that this was the right thing for them to do. It was so soon after the whole incident with Foyet that he was sure Aaron still had some trepidation about being so physically close to another man, even if that man was himself.

But if he didn't stay tonight, then Aaron might feel that he was no longer wanted because of what had been done to him -- when nothing could be further from the truth. He had no choice but to stay, and hope that they were making the right decision.

"Of course I want to stay," Spencer answered, reaching out to take Aaron's hand. "I'm just worried about you. It's so soon after the whole thing with Foyet, and --" He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want you to feel like you're being pushed into anything."

Aaron shook his head, a slight smile on his lips. "This is my decision, Spencer," he said, his tone strong and clear, the tone of the man that Spencer was used to dealing with when they were working. "I made it of my own free will. I haven't been pushed into it."

Spencer nodded, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. This was the Hotch he was used to; the man who could make up his mind about anything that was troubling him within a few seconds and take decisive action. This was more like the man he knew.

Hotch had changed so much in the time since Foyet's attack, and that change was more pronounced in his personal life than at work. Spencer couldn't fail to notice how the other man seemed to withdraw into himself when the two of them were alone.

He knew that Aaron still trusted him, but he also knew that the experience he'd been through had made him more cautious than he'd ever been. He had put up protective barriers around himself, barriers that he didn't know how to break down when they weren't needed.

"Come on," Aaron said softly, getting to his feet and holding out a hand to Spencer. "Let's go to bed." His dark gaze met the younger man's, and Spencer could read all of the emotions that, for a few fleeting seconds, were laid bare to his appraisal.

Aaron needed him. Maybe not in a physical way, not in the same way that he'd been needed before all of this had happened, but in an emotional sense. And they could work their way to the physical. It might take a while, but Spencer was willing to be patient.

He nodded, getting to his feet and taking Aaron's hand. He was surprised to feel the other man's firm grip; it took him a moment to realize that Aaron was grasping his hand tightly because he was nervous. He'd never encountered this kind of attitude in Hotch before.

Spencer squeezed the older man's hand, giving him a reassuring smile. He wished that he could think of something to say, something that would ease Aaron's obvious tension and break what had become an awkward silence. But no words came to his tongue.

Following Hotch to the bedroom, Spencer felt more awkward than ever. Should he simply start taking off his clothes, or would that make Hotch feel threatened? He should probably just let the other man suggest getting ready for bed, he decided, not sure how to proceed.

Aaron reached for the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it over his head and tossing it onto a chair near the bed. Without looking at Spencer, he began to unbutton his belt, then unzip his jeans -- and Spencer could see that his hands were shaking a little.

Deciding that it would be best to follow the other man's lead, Spencer began stripping out of his clothes, stopping when he was down to his boxers and t-shirt. Aaron was already sliding under the covers, and Spencer was uncomfortably aware that he wasn't wearing pajamas.

Normally, this would have aroused him rather than bothered him, but the last thing Spencer wanted was to make the other man uncomfortable in any way. And he wasn't sure that having another man beside him in bed when he was nearly naked was going to ease Aaron's nerves.

But what could he do except get under the covers beside the other man? Moving over to the bed, Spencer cautiously slid under the covers and turned over onto his side to slide one arm protectively around Aaron's slim waist, hoping that wasn't going too far.

Aaron didn't seem to be moving away from him; Spencer took that as a sign that he could snuggle closer to the other man. He was encouraged by the fact that Aaron seemed to be relaxing in his arms, rather than tensing as Spencer had expected him to.

"It's okay, Spencer," Aaron whispered, startling the younger man with his words. "You can touch me. I'm not going to have some sudden flashback to Foyet. He didn't take me from behind, so it's not like my body is going to react to you being there."

Spencer let out the breath he'd been holding, feeling more relaxed himself at Hotch's words. "I was kind of worried about that," he admitted, tightening his arm around the other man's waist. "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable about me being behind you."

Aaron shook his head, and Spencer could almost hear the smile in his voice. "Don't worry about it. I know it's you -- I know your touch. To tell the truth, I'd been a little worried about this, too -- but it's not at all uncomfortable for me."

"Then we should both try to get some sleep," Spencer told him softly, closing his eyes. "We've got the weekend ahead of us, so the sooner we get some rest, the sooner it'll be tomorrow and we can spend some time together without being around everybody else."

Aaron nodded, placing his own hand over Spencer's where it rested on his bare chest. "Sooner or later, they'll have to know about us," he said softly, sighing. "If they don't know already. I have a feeling that they do, they're just being discreet and not saying anything."

"That's a bridge we can cross when we come to it," Spencer murmured, bending his head to brush his lips against Aaron's bare shoulder. He'd expected the soft, gentle kiss to make the other man tense up a bit, but to his surprise, it didn't.

"The rest of the team is going to know it when we get closer physically," Hotch told him, twining his long, slender fingers through Spencer's. "It's not like we can hide it from them, you know. They're good at picking up on body language and things like that."

"I think they'll be happy for us," Spencer said with a smile. "I wouldn't even be surprised if they already knew how I feel about you." He brushed another kiss against Aaron's shoulder, whispering as he did so. "Get some sleep, and we'll talk about it more over the weekend."

"Good night, Spencer," Aaron whispered, sounding sleepy. "I'll see you in the morning." He didn't sound like a man who was tense or on edge; he actually sounded happy, almost relieved. Spencer could only that it was because of his presence.

"Good night, Hotch," he whispered back, raising his hand to stroke the other man's hair. He lay there long after Aaron had fallen asleep, wondering just where this turn of their relationship was going to take them -- and how Hotch would react to them becoming even closer.

***