Title: Gone
By: boho-beata
Pairing: Reid/Hotch, past Reid/Morgan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He was perfect for Spencer, he was Derek Morgan, he was gone.

He was all that Spencer wanted and everything he needed. He was tender and loving, strong and tough; he was someone Spencer could lean on and know that he wouldn't be let down. He held him tight on the nights where Spencer couldn't get warm and helped him cool down whenever he got worked up. He'd listen to everything Spencer with an open mind and would even put in his two cents every now and then.

He was perfect for Spencer, he was Derek Morgan, he was gone.

He had been gone... for two years now; shot, in the line of duty, the way he wanted to die... but not this soon, not this sudden, not this life-changing for Spencer.

For a year, Spencer was enclosed in his own shell, only speaking when spoken to, never meeting anyone's eyes, always red-eyed and tired... like he'd spent the night crying, which he had most likely done.

For the next year, Spencer turned back to the drugs... the drugs that Morgan had helped him stop using... the only thing that made Spencer go back to the times when Morgan was still with him. It may have only been in his mind, but it was there... and so was Morgan.

He'd relish those few moments that he could hide and feel good, between cases, after work, anytime he was alone for more than half an hour. He'd replay them in his mind, scene after scene, word after word, touch after touch, kiss after kiss.

It hurt so much to come back to reality that he contemplated suicide more than once in a while... but it hurt even more to think of leaving the only family he had left and making them relive Morgan's death, so he held onto what he had left and kept living as an empty shell.

Now, he has tears trailing down his cheeks and rain pouring down on him; it blurred his view of the gravestone in front of him... Morgan's gravestone.

He's standing on Morgan's casket... Morgan's decayed body... Morgan's dead spirit. He cries more at those thoughts and lets out a choked sob.

He had never accepted it, he was never going to. No one could replace Morgan, no one at all... not even..

"Spence, we should go," Hotch comes up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"I know," Spencer turns into Hotch, who wipes the tears away gently with his thumbs.

"Come on, I'll start the car," He murmurs and kisses his forehead before walking away, leaving Spencer with one last moment alone.

He drops the single red rose he'd been holding and wiped at his eyes. He started walking away, but looked back one more to whisper an inaudible promise:

I'll always love you.