Title: I'm Already Gone
By: QueenSeance
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: NC-17
Series: 1) Catamite
Summary: After Hotch falls ill, Reid is there to nurse him back to health. For once, he's the strong one, but when Hotch begins to have doubts about their relationship, how can that strength last?
Author's Note/Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, any part of it. I do this for no profit. Do not bother suing me; I literally don't have a penny to my name. Thank God for sugar daddies... Kidding.

***

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing," - George Bernard Shaw

Hotch woke up to Reid sitting on the bed, the boy reading from a book. He looked as though he hadn't slept since Hotch had gotten home from the hospital. And more than likely, he hadn't. "Spencer?" He groaned.

"You're awake," he replied, and put the book down. Concern was etched on his face.

"Yes... May I have a glass of water?"

Reid nodded and poured him some; a cup and pitcher were near the bed. Hotch drank it down and reflected on what had happened over the past few days.

Hotch had felt feverish when they were leaving Taos. They'd just wrapped a case in the New Mexico town, and he'd felt quite fatigued. He assumed that the fever had to do with how hot it was in the south west, and he was grateful to be heading back to the East Coast. By the time they'd arrived back in Virginia, he knew he was sick. He'd thought a few days of bed rest would be a luxury; they turned out to be a necessity. His temperature spiked at the BAU, and Hotch had fainted in his own office.

When he awoke in the emergency room, he'd been ordered to stay home and rest for the remainder of the week. "This virus has been making the rounds," the nurse said. "It's a pretty bad flu in older people, knocks them on their ass. I'd listen to the doctor and stay home if I were you, sir." Of course he'd been teased about the old comment.

The entire team had been there, including Reid, who was a quiet presence in the background. When the ER doctor had asked who would be taking care of Hotch, Reid was actually selected by his coworkers. "He'll do it," said Morgan. "Pretty boy can watch you. He's probably the only one who can outsmart you and keep you from working." That had earned a laugh from the others; Reid had simply smiled and pursed his lips together.

And there they were, Reid obviously sleep deprived while Hotch had been in and out of consciousness for days. But it was clear the boy had taken care of him the entire time. Good care from what Hotch could tell. He was clean, as were his pajamas and sheets, and there were several over the counter medications along with the water on Hotch's night stand.

"You didn't have to do this, Spencer. What if you get sick?"

"I'm fine. Most people are actually highly infectious when their fever is at its peak. Since yours had already started to cool by the time you were in the hospital, my chances of being infected where pretty low. Even if I had caught it, it wouldn't have made me nearly as sick as it was making you. According to what I found on the virus it usually- -"

Hotch held up a hand. "That's enough."

"Sorry. But I'm fine, and you're looking better too."

"Thank you, for taking care of me."

"You'd do the same for me."

It was those words that changed everything between SSA Aaron Hotchner and Dr. Spencer Reid.

The next evening, when they were both certain Hotch was up to it, they decided to have a date night at Reid's flat. Hotch was feeling much better now, and Reid was delighted by the idea of the two of them having a real date. They didn't go out together in case someone spotted them; they weren't affectionate in any way at work for the same reason. When they were alone together, most of their time was spent in bed. It had been two months since San Francisco, and this would be their first actual date.

Hotch had chosen to order carry out. He had selected an Italian place nearby; they got chicken and mushroom linguine that was delicious along with salad and bread. He'd also picked up a bottle of red wine to go with the meal. Reid had helped him set the table, and they sat down to dinner. Reid was babbling again, this time about the history of pasta.

"Did you know the actual origins of pasta are a mystery? There have been several noodle-like dishes since ancient times. There's also that story about how Marco Polo brought pasta to Italy from his travels in China, but that's phony. It was created to get Americans to eat the stuff. More than likely it was introduced to the Sicilians in the 600s by the Arabs who conquered them."

"Always with the random facts, thank you Reid," said Hotch. Reid blushed and looked abashed, and the senior agent offered a small smile and asked, "How's your dinner?"

"Good." But Reid seemed to be having some trouble using his spoon to help him twirl the pasta onto his fork. It was quite reminiscent of the chopsticks incident and it made Hotch smile. He was struck by how adorable Reid was when he did things like that.

They finished dinner in silence, and Reid volunteered to do the dishes. As he cleared away the leftover pasta into plastic containers, Hotch watched him and sat on the couch. He sipped his wine and tried to think of how to break the news to Reid. The doctor was cheerfully cleaning up, but it took him a bit longer than expected. By the time he'd finished, Hotch had finished his second glass of wine, and felt that there was probably no time like the present.

"I have something I need to talk with you about," Hotch told was seated on the couch by this time and he quirked an eyebrow at his lover. He turned towards him however.

"I'm listening."He took both of Reid's hands in his, the sincere and trusting look in the younger profiler's eyes making Hotch feel a pang of guilt for what he was about to do.

"We've had a wonderful time, these past two months. But we can't keep doing this. We... No, I have to end it."

Reid stared at Hotch for a moment, and a weak laugh fluttered from his throat. "You're not serious." But seeing the elder wasn't laughing, his own face fell. "You are serious."

"I'm sorry Spencer. This has been inappropriate from the beginning. But the longer this goes on, the more attached you'll get, and the more complicated things will become for both of us. This must stop." Hotch let go of his hands.

"So this didn't mean anything to you?"

"It did, but it didn't mean to me what it meant to you."

Reid looked as though he were going to cry, or as though someone had punched him in the stomach. He suddenly launched himself at Hotch, though his slender form barely caused any kind of impact. He kissed him, but it wasn't an attack, it was sheer desperation. Hotch pushed him away, but Reid tried again, so he shoved the skinny doctor away. He shoved so hard he accidentally knocked Reid to the floor.

"Oh God Reid, I'm so sorry," Hotch began, but Reid shook his head vigorously and crawled away from him.

"You used me!" His voice was a whimper, but there was anger mixed in with the anguish.

"I suppose I did."

Reid got to his feet, he was crying now. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself. "It's not true..."

"It's over, Reid. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but we're over."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I did, by starting this in the first place."

"What do I do now?"

"Get over it, move on," he was being cold now, not intentionally cruel but he was just the same. Hotch got up from the couch. "I'd better go. Just take the weekend, Monday too if you need the time. I'll see you back at work next week. If... You decide to transfer to another team, I'll understand."

Hotch left the apartment, grabbing his jacket on the way. He heard Reid wail when he closed the door, but he didn't turn back. It nearly broke his heart to hear that sound, but Hotch truly thought this was the best thing for both of them. It wasn't for the reasons he'd give Reid, of course. He wasn't that heartless no matter what anyone believed.

'It'll be better for him this way, if he thinks I was only interested in sex. He'll build me up as a villain in his mind, eventually come to the correct conclusion that I'm to blame, and he'll move on,' he thought.

When he reached his own home, something he found in the kitchen made him feel even worse. On the table were three books, and there was a note addressed to him on top.

Dear Aaron,

My mother used to read these to me when I was younger. I hope they'll keep you entertained and in bed where you're supposed to be. Knowing you, you'll kick me out and send me home for sleep as soon as you can. So do me a favor and rest. There's soup in the fridge for you if you get hungry. Don't worry, I didn't cook it myself. See you tomorrow.

Spencer.

"He must have put this here before we left," he muttered to himself. The guilt he felt was palpable now, especially with how empty the house was now. Instead of reading the books or reaching for anything else, he grabbed another bottle of wine and a glass. Hotch went to his home office.

He remained there for the rest of the evening and long into the night. When he finished the bottle off, he dragged himself upstairs. It was only in that state of drunkenness that he realized what he'd done. And that he'd made a horrible mistake. "It'll be fine on Monday," he told himself.

***

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never." - Charles Caleb Colton

Hotch wasn't completely sure what to expect when he returned to work on Monday, but certainly not what happened. He was at his desk when he saw Reid come in. There wasn't a spring in his step, but he didn't seem the least bit distressed about their break up. He was cordial to Hotch and his usual awkward self around the rest of the team. Hotch thought that perhaps he was recovering quickly. A sign of the strength no one suspected of the doctor.

The only person who thought that something might be wrong was Rossi. He'd known about the two of them from the minute the affair had started. He'd kept it to himself, as he'd felt it would be a good thing for Reid. Not to mention the two agents could have lost their jobs and been disgraced if they were discovered. But both of them, their body language was way off. He would have let it go and minded his own business, but there was something he noticed the next week that set off alarm bells.

Reid had a bruise on his cheek and a cut on his lip one day when he came into work. Morgan let out a low whistle when he saw it. "Damn kid, that looks pretty painful. What happened?"

"I got run over by a bike messenger. Surprisingly disastrous for a small vehicle." He offered a disarming smile, and aside from some ribbing from Morgan, the subject was dropped.

Hotch had noticed the injury as well, and seemed to be content to ignore it. That made Rossi more suspicious. So around mid-day, he confronted the doctor first. He found Reid in the break room. "Nasty cut you got there," he gestured to Reid's lip.

The young agent nodded, pursing his lips until they rolled in on themselves. "Apparently bike messengers don't mess around, especially when they're running late."

"Hotch do that to you?" Rossi asked, and Reid was so surprised he spit out the coffee he was drinking.

"How did you- -"

"I've had a few inner office romances myself, and I'm a profiler. It's like putting two and two together. Now answer my question. Did Hotch hurt you?"

Reid shook his head. "We're not um... Together. Anymore. He dumped me." His eyes were dull and empty as he said it, as though trying to disassociate himself from the unpleasant experience.

"Then who- -" Rossi was cut off.

"I don't have to tell you, it's my business." He abruptly left the room.

Rossi raised an eyebrow, and decided he should continue with his plan and talk to Hotch next. Something was wrong with Reid, and he hoped that Hotch may have an answer as to what it was.

It was towards the end of the day when Rossi stepped into Hotch's office. Hotch barely glanced up as he was still absorbed in paperwork. "Something on your mind, Dave?"

Rossi closed the door and sat in front of Hotch's desk, observing him for a moment. Finally he asked, "Are you and Reid still seeing each other?"

If Hotch was surprised that Rossi knew, he didn't show it. He didn't even look up as he replied, "Not socially, no."

"Did you hit him?"

That did make Hotch pause. His eyes met Rossi's and his brow creased with concern and perhaps a touch of anger. "Why would you think I hit him? I couldn't do such a thing, any more than I could hit my own son."

"I believe you; I just needed to rule you out."

"Reid had an accident; you don't need to profile either of us."

Rossi shook his head. "As Morgan would say, denial isn't just a river in Egypt. Someone hit that kid, and I'm damned sure it was intentional."

Hotch was frowning now. "What makes you say that?"

"Placement and shape of the injuries, it's indicative of someone punching the kid in the face. And more than once."

"I think you may be overreacting." He sighed and added, "I'm not blowing you off, but I don't think you're on the right track. Keep an eye on him though." And he went back to his paperwork.

Over the next few weeks, Reid didn't come to work with any more obvious injuries. But he'd started wearing only long sleeved shirts and sweaters. He refused to even roll up the cuffs on them. He was becoming secretive again, and defensively rude, like when he'd been on Dilaudid. He had trouble moving at times, as though he were sore all over.

Out in the field, he was distracted, and he didn't ramble as he usually did. He was lack luster, and even worse he wasn't reading anymore. Now it wasn't just Rossi, but Morgan, Prentiss, JJ and Garcia noticed as well. Everyone on the team was worried about their genius doctor. It was like watching a great light going out.

It certainly didn't escape Hotch's notice, so one afternoon he called Reid into his office.

"Close the door," he commanded and Reid did as he was told. Seeing the boy up close made Hotch's stomach clench. The rings under his eyes were more pronounced, he was paler, not to mention thinner. Reid couldn't meet his eyes.

"What's been going on with you, Reid?"

He looked a bit sick, but said, "That's none of your concern... And that question is very inappropriate, sir." Reid's voice was hollow, like his eyes.

"It's my concern when it affects your work performance."

"My work performance is fine. There haven't been any complaints."

"Then let me put it another way." Hotch got up from his seat and moved around the desk so he was standing in front of Reid. He gripped the boy's shoulders and forced Reid to look at him. "Everyone is worried sick about you. You're everyone's little brother and they love you. When you're in pain, the entire team is in pain."

Reid finally met his gaze, but he wasn't at home. "Everyone except you, Agent Hotchner." He pulled away from the senior agent and added, "If that's really the way of things... I'll transfer, or resign. It's your call. But if I really am such a burden on everyone, I should probably go."

He stared at Reid in shock. Hotch thought this might be a possibility, but he'd never believed it would actually happen. "Reid..." He began, but the doctor shook his head.

"You said you would understand," he replied. "Oh um... I'll be leaving early, today. I know there are forms I need to fill out for the transfer but I'm feeling pretty sick." With that, Reid fled the room.

Hotch collapsed into a chair, unable to believe what had transpired. Reid had been cold, hurtful. That wasn't like him at all. Something was wrong, severely wrong. Hotch had known it as soon as he'd seen the boy's dead eyes. This only confirmed his suspicions, and Rossi's. And he couldn't leave it alone. It would probably bring about even more heartache for the both of them. But Hotch would find out what Reid was hiding, one way or another.

***

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better," - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Reid couldn't stay in his flat that night. It had been three days since he'd spoken to Hotch about the transfer, but neither seemed willing to step up and put the paperwork through. He'd been so upset by what had happened in Hotch's office. He didn't know why he'd said those horrible things to him, pretended like they'd never been intimate. He was in love with the man, desperately. But Hotch had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with him romantically. He thought back to the night Hotch had chucked him, while he got dressed for the evening.

He'd wandered the streets for an hour. His heart was broken, there was no denying it. Reid felt as though he'd been split open and his insides had been scooped out, soul and all. He hadn't been paying attention to where he was going until he found himself outside the bar. Deciding a drink probably wouldn't hurt, he went inside.

There he found that it was a gay bar, and the patrons were some of the roughest men Reid had ever seen inside such an establishment. They leered at him as he went to the bar, but he didn't pay them any mind. Instead he ordered a beer and sat down. It was, after all, difficult to be afraid when you no longer had a heart. Reid wondered if perhaps he secretly wanted trouble. And that was when he'd met Seth.

He was different from the others there. Reid could tell that right off. His long auburn hair was washed, he was clean shaven, and his dark clothes were somewhat stylish but not expensive. He smiled at Reid and said, "You look like you could use a friend."

Reid was at Seth's door before he knew it, and relief was clear on his face. Seth invited him in and asked, "Okay, what happened?"

"He just... He didn't love me, you were right."

"I didn't want to be, Spencer," Seth replied and settled with him on the couch. The agent wrapped his arms around the man. "I don't know that he's incapable of loving you, I can't read his mind. If he were though, I would like to think he'd have done much worse than leave you."

"True," said Reid. He looked lost and he muttered, "I need you tonight."

Seth petted his hair, and asked, "For what?"

"Pain. I need the pain."

He got up and led Reid into the other room. It wasn't a traditional bedroom, but was tricked out with many items of S&M paraphernalia. Cuffs, whips, the works. Seth ran his fingers over some chains on the wall, saying to Reid, "This will pass you know. Once you're working somewhere else and not forced to see him every day. You can heal properly, without my help."

The whole time Seth was talking, Reid had been undressing until the doctor was left only in his underwear. The reason for the long sleeved shirts was quite obvious now that he was half naked. His arms, torso, and legs were decorated in bruises. They were in various stages of healing, and when Seth finished his circuit around the room, he took the sight of Reid in. He made a 'tsk' sound as he looked him over. "I can't go as hard as you'd like tonight, I don't like the look of some of these."

"There aren't any broken bones and I'm not bleeding internally," said Reid.

"And I'd like to keep it that way, okay? Besides, I don't think its just pain you need this time. I think you need release."

Reid blushed at that and mumbled, "You know our deal..."

"No penetration, I know. Stand against the wall, Spencer," he ordered and Reid complied. Once in position, Seth attached manacles to his wrists and a chain to the cuffs. He used a pulley system so that Reid's arms were securely above his head. He locked the doctor in place, and made sure the boy couldn't escape. "And use the safe word this time. It's 'mercy', all right?"

"Okay."

"How do you want it?"

"Just... Hit me. No crops, no whips, use me as your punching bag and hit me."

"As you wish." Seth punched Reid in the stomach. The boy whined, but didn't protest as Seth continued. He punched and kicked Reid several times but the agent didn't cry out, instead he wept. He did feel as though he deserved the pain, and in a way it made him feel better.

But when the relief began to fade, and it was all pain, he finally cried out, "Mercy!" Seth stopped immediately. He ran his fingers gently over Reid's torso, and poked at the injuries. He was checking the damage done to the skinny man.

"Okay, that's it" said Seth. "No more for at least a week. You need time to heal."

Reid whimpered at that. "But I need- -"

"I know. Look, I know how much you're hurting right now, on the inside. But I don't want you to end up crippled or worse, dead. So we have to take a break for a while from this. You can still visit me, but your body needs to heal."

Seth unlocked Reid from his bonds, and the doctor nearly fell when his hands were free. Seth caught him, and cradled Reid in his arms. He smiled a bit and placed him on a small bed in the room. He stroked Reid's hair, and said, "You do need release."

Reid nodded. "Please."

"All right." Seth's hand crept down the profiler's chest and under the waistband of his boxers. He gasped as Seth took hold of his cock. The other man stroked Reid slowly at first, until the boy was fully aroused.

"More," he groaned.

Seth shifted positions, and he dragged Reid's underwear down his legs, exposing his hardened sex. He didn't hesitate; he took the doctor into his mouth. He pinned Reid's hips to the bed; Seth didn't want for the younger man to have to work for the climax he needed. Instead he used his practiced and talented mouth.

Reid was flushed, and unsure of what to do with himself. He was moaning constantly, and it wasn't long before he cried, "I'm coming!" Seth's pace quickened and Reid's orgasm spilled into his mouth. Seth swallowed it down, and when he'd milked the doctor of his passion, he pulled back. He licked his lips and told him, "You should go home, get some sleep."

"Just let me lay here for a bit," said Reid and Seth chuckled.

"Come on you, I'll get you there." He cleaned the boy up, dressed him, and took him home. Reid was still shaky, but he let himself into his apartment. "Thank you," he said to Seth.

"No problem. Just rest and heal. I'll see you next week." With that, Seth left.

Reid closed the door, locked it, and collapsed onto his couch. He was drifting in his thoughts, and in and out of consciousness. He would have fallen asleep all together if he hadn't been woken by the sound of the front door closing. His eyes snapped open, but he was frozen in fear. He heard heavy footsteps approaching, and Hotch appeared. He looked down sadly at Reid. "Why have you been doing this to yourself?"

***

"What are you talking about?" Reid asked, trying to play dumb.

"Don't do that Reid. I followed you tonight," he replied.

"How dare you!" Reid yelled as he got to his feet. "You were spying on me?"

"Yes, I did, and yes I was. Saying I was worried about you is an understatement. Now I want you to explain this to me."

He couldn't argue with him, much as he wanted to. And it wasn't just because he was still in love with Hotch. Reid felt that on some level, he owed him an explanation.

"I'll tell you... If you tell me the real reason you dumped me."

Hotch blinked and was silent for a moment. "I told you why."

"Don't, don't start with that again. I know you Hotch. If you were that worried about our careers you wouldn't have started this in the first place. I know that there's another reason, and I want to hear it."

He seemed to be thinking about it, and then he sat down on the couch. He gestured for Reid to sit with him and told him, "I will, if you tell me why you're doing this to yourself."

Reid sat down as well, as far away on the couch from Hotch as he could manage. He wanted to be held as he confessed, but it would be more painful than standing alone. "It started the night you left. I met Seth at this bar..."

Over many rounds they talked, and Reid ended up spilling his guts to the complete stranger. About how he'd fallen in love with a man at work, that they'd been together, but now it was all over and he didn't know what to do. "I feel so lost," he told the other man; Reid was crying now.

Seth put an arm around the doctor and said, "I know what you need." He paid for the last round, and took Reid back to his place. That was when Seth had explained the rules. "I'm a healer, just not in a traditional way in my off time. Though I think my colleagues at the hospital would be horrified by what I do with my nights. I take people like you and give them what they want. Punishment. You feel like this break up is your fault, correct?"

Reid nodded.

"Then I will punish you for it, and you'll move on once you've made your penance. I won't just be hurting you though; I'll be your shoulder to cry on as you go through the process. And give you the physical pleasure you need when you need it. But this isn't a relationship, we're not dating and I will never love you in the way you need it. This is unusual, undoubtedly. And you can turn away whenever you please. But do you want to?"The doctor shook his head."Do you agree to the terms?"

He didn't even need to think about it. "Yes."

"Good. Then let's get started."

The room was deathly quiet for several minutes. Reid was hunched in on himself, and Hotch seemed to be worlds away. Neither seemed willing to break the silence. It was hard to say what either was thinking, as Hotch's face was a blank mask and Reid's didn't betray anything either.

"You started this... Because of me?" Hotch asked.

"Because I was numb without you. At first, anyway. Then the real anguish started and I wanted the physical pain to match the mental pain. And... It was my fault."

Hotch put his head in his hands and said, "God what have I done?" It looked as though he were going to cry. "It wasn't your fault Spencer. Not at all. I am so sorry."

Reid stared at him, surprise was quite clear con his face. "But if it wasn't my fault, why did you break up with me? We were happy, weren't we? It was so sudden."

"Yes, and I promised you an explanation." Hotch seemed to be preparing himself, and he continued on. "You remember when I fell ill, and you took care of me?"

"Of course."

"It was when I thanked you, you remember what you said?"

"I said, 'You'd do the same for me'."

Hotch nodded. "I've always looked out for you, and protected you when I could. When I heard you say that, I asked myself if I would do that for you. And I told myself that I couldn't." Reid was staring at him now, as Hotch turned to him. He seemed somewhat ashamed as he continued. "I lied to myself, because I was afraid if I admitted how much I would do for you and why, I'd have to admit the truth."

"Which is?" Reid asked, gulping a bit. He wasn't sure he was ready for the answer but he needed to know.

"That I loved you. I still love you, Spencer Reid. After everything fell apart with Haley, I didn't' want to take the chance of falling in love again. And I thought that, maybe if you thought I was using you, that you'd find someone else. Someone better."

"Hotch... How could you think that?" Reid asked. "Why would you think there's someone better than you?"

Hotch couldn't help but chuckle at that. "You're so young, Spencer. I'm older, I have a son. I'm not a match for you intellectually, and I'm not as compassionate as you are either. I'd always thought I was a bit beneath you."

Reid was still for a moment, but then practically tackled Hotch when he hugged him. "No, no... Aaron, there's no one else. You're not beneath me. I'd always thought the opposite was true, actually."

Hotch stroked Reid's hair, his heart swelling now that the younger man was in his arms again. "Please... Forgive me."

"Will you take me back?" Reid asked, an uncertain tremble in his voice.

"Of course," and Hotch kissed his chestnut tresses.

"I love you, Aaron. Please don't leave me. I'm lost without you." Reid was crying now, and Hotch sat back a bit. He wiped the tears from the doctor's face and smiled.

"No, I won't make that mistake again."

"I forgive you, if you forgive me."

"You have nothing to apologize for. I understand." Hotch kissed Reid, sealing them together once again. Reid felt as though his heart would burst with joy. This was all he'd ever wanted, and he was the happiest he'd been in his entire life.

Reid went to see Seth the next week, for what he knew would be the last time. When he arrived at the apartment, Seth was dressed in scrubs and drinking coffee. "What can I do for you this fine day? But try to make it fast, I need to get to the hospital. They're short on nurses at the ER again."

Reid had his hands in his pockets, but he looked much better already. There was more of a healthy glow about him, and he was smiling. "I've just come to say good bye."

"Oh?" Seth raised an eyebrow. "What's changed?"

"He came to see me last week. He... Told me he loves me."

Seth grinned. "That's wonderful! Oh I'm so happy for you." He hugged Reid. "So everything's back to normal?"

"No, but we're getting there. So I won't be coming by anymore."

"Perfectly understandable. But call me sometime, let me know how everything's going with you two." Seth gathered his things for work, but Reid held up a hand to stop him for a moment.

"You will keep this to yourself, right?"

"Of course. But even if I wanted to tell someone, I couldn't. You never told me where you work, or even what your boyfriend's name is. There were never enough details for me to get you two in trouble." He winked and said, "Good luck to both of you. Of all the times I was wrong, this is definitely the best."

***

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love - Albert Einstein

They were nude, and lying in bed, having spent most of the day there. For weeks, they'd been rebuilding trust on both sides. Reid had to heal, and show Hotch he hadn't gone from an addiction to pain killers to an addiction to pain. Hotch on the other hand demonstrated to Reid that he wasn't about to leave him again. Or hurt him like he had done before.

The two had been talking for hours, and Hotch tucked Reid's curls behind his ear. "I did want to talk to you about something though."

Reid looked apprehensive, but nodded, "Okay."

"I have an idea," he said, squeezing Reid's hand. "You still have a lot to learn, and obviously so do I. We've been intimate in about the same way each time we've been together. I'd like to try something new."

"Which is?"

"This," he rolled so that Reid was suddenly on top of him.

Reid got the gist of it almost immediately, surprise clear on his face. "Are you sure? What if I hurt you?"

"I trust you Spencer," Hotch replied and kissed his lips. "It's okay, and..." He smirked a little as he cupped Reid's genitals. "We need this."

Reid shuddered at the gentle touch, still unsure of himself. But he knew Hotch was right. And he wanted this too. He tentatively kissed Hotch, his own hand following suit with his boyfriend's. He palmed Hotch, rubbing him to hardness. Hotch in turn was stroking Reid.

The two shared more kisses, quietly panting as they further aroused each other. Reid kissed down Hotch's throat, giving him a small love bite on his collar bone. He muttered to him, "God, Aaron... I want to please you. Tell me what to do."

That made him chuckle. "I'm not exactly a text book you can memorize Spencer." Hotch pulled him in for yet another kiss. "I'll help you, as obviously I know what I like. But you have to try."

"Okay okay," Reid replied. He kissed further down, his lips lingering on one of Hotch's nipples. He sucked on the hardened nub, Reid's fingers toying with the other.

Hotch gasped softly, "Yes, that's it Spencer, keep going..." It ended in a soft grunt. Reid's touches were delicate, as he was quite new to this. In the past, Hotch had shown him what seemed to be the endless pleasures of being the more submissive partner. Now, he felt the thrill of being the one to touch, to tease, and to be responsible for the delicious sounds coming from Hotch. It brought a smile to his face and his confidence grew the more his superior moaned.

Reid slithered down Hotch's body, hands on his thighs as he spread them. He kissed the head of the older man's dick, and then took Hotch into his mouth. Reid sucked slowly at first, Hotch's breath hitching in his chest.

Hotch slid his fingers into the boy's messy curls, crying, "God, yes Spencer!" Encouraged, Reid sucked harder. Hotch barely had the presence of mind to grab the lube he'd hidden under the pillow. Of course the boy wasn't an expert, but just that it was Reid's mouth around him was enough o drive Hotch insane. His cock twitched as he glanced down, the sight was breathtaking. "Spencer, please..."

It was so unusual to hear Hotch pleading, almost unheard of. Reid felt his stomach tighten at the sound of it. He pulled his mouth free from Hotch's phallus, and licked his swollen lips. Hotch passed him the lube and the boy took it silently. Reid bit his lower lip, insecurity striking him once again. He carefully coated his fingers, and asked in a shaky voice, "Spread your legs wider, please?"

Hotch did as Reid asked, then reached out and cupped the boy's face, pulling him closer. They kissed in a tangle of tongues; a bit sloppy as they were both addled with passion, love, and now hope. Hope that they could make it work. When they broke apart, Hotch whispered, "Please Spencer, I need it... I need you."

That gave the younger agent the confidence he needed to continue. As Reid worked that first finger inside of Hotch, it was pretty clear his boss was in no way used to this. When Hotch's inner muscles tightened, Reid asked worriedly, "Are you okay?"

Hotch nodded quickly. "Yes just... Been a while. Keep going." Reid understood, managing to slip the second finger in easily as Hotch relaxed. He wriggled them, tickling Hotch's prostate and causing the senior agent to cry out in a mixture of surprise and delight. Now Hotch was the one writhing, and to be safe Reid pushed a third finger. "Spencer! Oh Christ, I need you now or I'll come!"

Reid withdrew his fingers, and lubed himself up. His dick was so hard by now that it was sensitive to the lightest touch and leaking pre-come. His now slightly sticky hands spread Hotch wide, grabbing his ass to lift him. And then Reid thrust into him with one swift motion.

It did hurt, but mostly due to the fact Hotch hadn't been with a man like this for many years. He held his breath, head tilted back and eyes wide. Reid gasped the sensation of being inside Hotch nearly overwhelming. But when he saw the look on the man's face he nearly had a heart attack. "Oh shit... Aaron! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I-" He was about to pull out but Hotch stopped him.

He wrapped his legs around Reid's waist and growled, "Don't you dare! Just, wait a moment, let me adjust." It still amazed Hotch how large the boy was. He wasn't obscenely or porno big, but for someone as slim as Reid, his cock was quite thick. They lay that way for what seemed like ages, then the older man nodded and whispered, "Okay."

The boy started at a slow but steady pace, finding it hard to control himself. At first he fumbled a bit; but Hotch angles his hips upwards, directing my by placing his hands on Reid's lower back and helping him to shift around. Quickly, Reid's timidity and awkwardness were out the window and he increased the rhythm.

Soon, the doctor was pounding into Hotch, making his boss grunt and growl. He could feel how close they both were, and Reid reached almost blindly for Hotch's dick. By this time, he'd located the other man's prostate, and was hitting it with each stroke. When he grasped Hotch's erection and jacked him, Hotch actually screamed. "Coming, Spencer, I'm coming!" There was a loud moan from him, and he shot off in Reid's hand, sinking his teeth into the boy's shoulder.

This was too much for Reid, and he whimpered as he followed Hotch into orgasm. He came hard, riding down the climax as his seed spilled into Hotch. He then collapsed on top of the older man, gasping for breath. Neither spoke, they were both exhausted but satiated. And they didn't need to speak. It had been perfect, and was the start of a new chapter in their lives.

The End.

***

Next story in series - Birthday Boy.