Title: Hero
By: TT92
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG
Pairing: gen
Disclaimer: Yeah, don't own the show/characters. Sad.
Summary: "I've always thought that heroes were these great saviors who would triumphantly waltz in save the day and barely break a sweat. They could always put others above themselves without even having to worry" Or so one would think.

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"A sudden bold and unexpected question doth many times surprise a man and lay him open." Sir Francis Bacon

A quiet calm occupied the bullpen. Hardly anyone was there to enjoy the momentary peace due to the late hour, save for two.

One of the two remaining lights suddenly flicked off and the echoes of the footsteps rippled the serenity. Almost as soon as they started they stopped and started again but in a different direction, towards the other light.

"You're still here." He stated, leaving no room for the words to be judged as an inquiry.

She barely looked up.

"Everything okay?"

"Fine."

Lie.

"You don't sound to sure JJ."

Her head tilted up maybe another fraction of an inch, or so he thought; it could just as well have been the eerie shadows dancing all around the office.

"No, really, I'm fine. Just tired."

"Then perhaps you should go home."

Finally her eyes greeted his.

"I just have to finish up a few things, then I will."

"JJ, I'm not trying to be pushy, but you weren't working when I walked in. This leads me to believe that maybe something else is going on, maybe with what happened-"

"Hotch, I'm fine."

Her words had the same effect as a large rock being thrown into a tranquil pond.

"I'm sorry if I offended you. I'll go home now."

A quick retreat.

"Wait! Hotch!"

The footsteps paused, and he turned around. She had rushed to her doorway.

"I'm sorry. I just…" She trailed off.

"JJ, I'm here to talk if you want to."

A moment of consideration. She nodded.

He met her in her office once again.

Silence crept between the two. Her hands fiddled with the various objects on the desk.

"JJ, about toda-"

"It feels so wrong."

"Excuse me?"

"I feel bad about what happened today."

A moment later he recovered.

"Why do you feel bad? You saved so many people."

"I know. Now I'm some great hero because I selflessly sacrificed my safety for so many others."

Her sarcasm tarnished the words.

"You don't think you are?"

"No." She admitted quietly.

"Why?"

"Maybe I'm naïve, but I've always thought that heroes were these great saviors who would triumphantly waltz in save the day and barely break a sweat. They could always put others above themselves without even having to worry."

She paused, and he swore he could see her eyes glisten just a little.

"If that's what it truly means to be a hero, then I am no hero."

"Let's see, you single handedly saved over 25 people from a gunman. You put yourself in between him and another hostage when he attempted to beat her. If anything, the guilt should be on us for not sending more officers with you to the press conference. I agree, you didn't waltz, but in my book, that's pretty heroic."

A tiny glint of laughter flickered across her eyes, but her melancholy outweighed the happiness so much that the corners of her mouth stayed put.

"I'm not. I… I almost didn't do it."

"You mean…"

"I came extremely close to letting him continue to beat her. I had no intention of jumping in and saving that woman. I kept thinking about how stupid it would be, and if anything happened to me what about Henry. I felt sick later when she came up to thank me and all I could think about was how I had nearly condemned her. What's worse is she's not the only one. Everyone saw the entire thing on the news. I've had calls all day from family, friends, even complete strangers telling me what a wonderful person I am and how brave I am."

"JJ-"

"Then I feel even worse because I'm an FBI agent. This shouldn't have fazed me; how many raids have we gone on? We're always in danger-"

"JJ stop. Did it ever occur to you that maybe everyone has been saying those things because they're true?"

"But Hotch, I almost-"

"Almost. You're right, you almost did the opposite because of a normal human reaction. Don't you think that we're always a little scared every time we go on a raid?"

"You never show it."

"You never see it. But there's always a voice in the back of my head that worries, about the team, myself, everything. But being the good guy in the end is doing what scares you even if it dangerous and you don't want to. You were in a hostage situation, and you could have shut down and let terrible things happen. Instead, you rose to the occasion, and talked down an unsub with no help. Your choice made all the difference today, and no matter how close you came to going the other way, the choice you made is what's important."

"You just want me to disregard the selfish thing I almost did?" She skeptically asked.

"JJ, the world is complicated enough of dealing with what does happen. We don't have time to think about what almost happens. We'd be a mess if we did."

She still looked unsure.

"I know that this probably isn't how you thought it would feel," he continued. "Most people think it's this amazing feeling when you get the bad guy and save the day. But it always feels at least a little bit wrong to be happy about shooting someone. Honestly though, it's probably better that way. You have nothing to be ashamed of; I'm very proud of you. You should be to."

She looked up, and he saw what he was waiting for, acceptance.

"A hero is one who does what he can. The others don't." Romain Rolland

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