Title: The Higher You Climb
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Spencer Reid/Ethan Delacroix
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Spencer Reid or Ethan Delacroix, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Ethan leaned his forehead against the cold glass of the windowpane, staring down at the street outside. He had felt so safe here in DC until yesterday, until he was sure that he'd seen a face he remembered all too well from New Orleans. A face that had followed him here.

It was the holiday season; he didn't want to think about whatever problems might have followed him here from New Orleans. He didn't want to talk about that Spencer, at least not now; he wanted to enjoy their time together over the holidays, not spoil it.

Eventually, he would have to tell Spencer that he had a stalker, that he was certain the man who had been following him in New Orleans had somehow found out where he was going. He'd thought he had covered his tracks, but apparently he hadn't done a good enough job of it.

It might be far too easy to track him becaues of his name, which wasn't exactly something common and everyday -- especially if someone had seen him playing at the piano bar in DC who might have been through New Orleans at some point. That was one possibility.

Or maybe this person had followed him all along, without him knowing it. Maybe they had known every step he took, from the time he'd left New Orleans until he'd reconnected with Spencer here in DC. Maybe he was being watched even now. He had no way of knowing.

Ethan pushed those thoughts firmly from his mind, slamming a door on them and refusing to think about them any more. He would tell Spencer -- but he wanted to wait until after the holidays. He wanted to have some undisturbed private time with his boyfriend.

He smiled as he heard Spencer in the kitchen, apparently making coffee. He had the night off from the piano bar he usually played at; New Year's Eve was prime time for business, but his kind of music wouldn't be as universally accepted as something that was more modern.

So he had his wish -- two days and nights of time with the man he loved, time for them to make love and just luxuriate in each other's presence. That was something they didn't get to enjoy often enough, in Ethan's opinion, since Spencer spent so much time away on cases.

They'd had a few days together at Christmas, and then Spencer had to leave for a case in Florida. But he'd gotten back yesterday, so they could have their New Year's Eve together -- and Ethan hoped that those two days would be devoid of worries for them both.

He didn't turn around as he heard Spencer come into the living room; he merely stood there with his forehead against the sliding glass door that led out onto the balcony. He loved looking out at the city at night; it almost looked like a fairyland, with all of the twinkling Christmas lights.

"I hope you don't mind staying in for New Year's," Spencer said, sounding apologetic. "I'm not much on going out, but if you want to, I guess we could." He moved to stand behind Ethan, handing him a mug of coffee. "I'd just rather spend my time here with you."

"That sounds great to me," Ethan said, giving Spencer a soft smile as he took the coffee mug from him. "I was just thinking that we don't get to spend enough time alone together. Any time that we can have to ourselves is something I"m going to treasure."

"I just worry that you're going to get tired of me," Spencer murmured, slipping an arm around Ethan's waist as they both gazed out at the twinkling lights of the city around them. "I'm gone so much that I worry you'll find somebody who can be with you more."

Ethan turned his head to look at Spencer, a small frown between his brows. "Don't ever think that," he said, shaking his head. "Spencer, I knew when I came here that I wasn't going to be with you all the time. I know what kind of job you have. I can deal with that."

"I guess I'm just scared of losing you, now that we've found each other again," Spencer said softly, his gaze meeting Ethan's. "I fell so hard for you when we were younger, that now I"m afraid to let you lift me up to the heights because I'm so scared of falling again."

"And the higher you climb, the further you fall," Ethan murrmured with a nod. "I can understand why you're scared about it, Spencer, but you don't have anything to worry about. I'm not going anywhere. And I"m not going to let you fall. Trust me on that."

"I used to think that I never got involved with anybody because I just hadn't met the right person, or because I was afraid that anyone I let myself care about would let me fall," Spencer confessed, his voice very soft and a little hesitant. "But the truth is, I was just waiting for you."

"I spent a lot of time thinking about you and regretting that I hadn't told you how I felt when we were a lot younger," Ethan told him, sighing softly. "But we've already been over this, Spencer. The past is the past, and we need to move forward. It's the future that matters."

"We're both going to climb higher than we've ever been," Spencer said, his words strong and firm despite the slight hesitation that was still in his voice. "I'm still scared of falling, but I know that if I do, you'll be there to catch me before I hit the ground."

"Always," Ethan whispered, raising a hand to trace the outline of Spencer's lips with a gentle fingertip. "I just wish that I could have been there before whenever you've felt like you were falling. I promise that the future will be different, Spencer. We've got a lot of time to make up for."

"I want to spend the rest of our lives making up for that lost time," Spencer murmured, his breath soft and warm against Ethan's cheek. "I know we can't be together every moment of every day, but I want to make the time we do have together the best we've ever spent."

"Every second I'm with you is the best time I've ever had in my life," Ethan told him, his lips curving in a soft smile. "I've climbed higher since I found you again that I ever could have with anybody else. I don't even want to think about being with another person. You're it for me, babe."

Spencer blushed at Ethan's words, ducking his head as though he didn't know what to say. Ethan laughed softly, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's cheek. He loved seeing Spencer like this, at a loss for words, overwhelmed by his emotions.

"Hey, if I"m getting too flowery, tell me and I"ll cool it," he told his boyfriend, taking a sip of his coffee. "I guess I just tend to get a little poetic when I'm talking about my feelings. I've kept them under wraps for so long, they need to come out as much as they can now."

"I'm just not used to getting compliments," Spencer told him, his voice so soft that Ethan almost couldn't hear him. "And I'm not used to being in love, either. But I like the feeling. And I'm pretty sure that I"m going to like it a lot more the longer we're together."

Ethan nodded, sliding his free arm around Spencer's waist to draw his boyfriend close against him. "I'm not used to being in love and having the person I love right here with me," he said softly. "I'm used to loving you from afar. I'm just glad I don't have to do that any more."

"Even though I'm gone a lot because of work, that doesn't mean that we're not together," Spencer told him, his voice soft and husky. "I'm always with you, Ethan. Now that I've found you again, you're always a part of my heart and soul. I think you always were."

"I've always loved you, and I always will," Ethan answered, his voice a mere whisper. "In this new year, and all the years to come, and all the years since I've known you. I've always loved you, and I've always been yours. Even if we were going in opposite directions for a while."

"But now we're both headed in the same direction, and I don't think we're ever going to lose each other again," Spencer told him with a smile, his arm tightening around Ethan's waist. "Neither one of us is going to be crazy enough to let go of each other again."

Ethan nodded, holding back a sigh as he stared out at the view of the city outside their apartment. He had no idea what the future held, but he hoped that Spencer was right and they would spend it together. He couldn't bear to think of being parted from the man he loved ever again.

He wasn't going to tell Spencer about the problem that might have followed him here from New Orleans, at least not until the holidays were over. He didn't want anything to spoil their precious time together, and there was no need to make his boyfriend worry unduly.

Even though they had managed to find each other again and were together now, life obviously wasn't going to be smooth sailing for them, Ethan thought to himself. The higher they climbed, the further they would have to fall -- but luckily, they would always be there to catch each other.

***