Title: Home
By: snoozie2105
Pairing: JJ/Rossi
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: As ever, I do not have any claims to CM or its characters.
Summary: JJ gets an interesting offer ... what does it mean for her and Rossi?***
Jennifer Jareau sighed and rubbed her tired eyes after she read for about the thousandth time the email she had received from Detective Mac Taylor of the NYPD Crime Lab.
She hadn't applied for the position of communications director, hadn't even known it was open. Detective Taylor simply said he'd heard good things about her and seen her give a few press conferences, and now that the position was available, he was, as he put it, "interested in talking about the possibility" of her coming to work for him. He could fly to Quantico to meet her, or he could arrange for her to fly to New York and spend the day with him and his CSIs, whichever she preferred.
Wow, she said to herself as she leaned back in her desk chair. What to do, what to do? Of course she was flattered, and honored, but she loved the team, loved the BAU. As crazy as it might sound to the uninitiated, they were family. Reid was like a little brother, Morgan an older brother, Pen and Emily sisters, and Hotch, well, he was just Hotch. The BAU had felt like home from her very first day on the job.
But an opportunity like this didn't come along every day, and she had to admit it did stir her interest. A top position on an elite, high-profile CSI team. A new city. A new beginning. A new life away from David Rossi.
She shook her head at the last thought, wondering why she even considered him. For God's sake, Jareau, she admonished herself. Get a hold of yourself. You're a 33-year-old woman, not a schoolgirl.
She didn't know if she would go so far as to say she and Rossi were officially an item, but they had been seeing each other for weeks, and she was starting to feel like he might be stringing her along. They both were cautious, and they both agreed that their relationship or whatever they were calling it was not something they needed or wanted to share with the team. Not only was Rossi was a senior agent, and JJ a young agent making a name for herself, as demonstrated by the email she had received from Detective Taylor, but it was rumored that he was the reason most of the rules regarding fraternization between agents existed, and a known fact that he had three ex-wives.
Their differences were an unspoken source of tension between them, and just when JJ thought they should at least try to talk, he distracted her with a sweet gesture or a passionate kiss. It was as if he had a sixth sense about her, and even as the thought warmed her, it left her cold. If he knew what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth, he had to know the trouble he was causing her, didn't he?
It was with that cold settling in the pit of her stomach that she fired off a reply to Detective Taylor's email. The team was on stand down this week – would Friday be okay for her visit to New York?
***
Waiting in JJ's inbox the next morning was a reply from Detective Taylor. So he's an early riser too, she thought with a smile.Friday would be great, he said; he would meet her at the airport, take her to the lab and show her around, and then take her out for coffee to talk about the position and any questions she might have. Just as she sent the email to confirm Friday Rossi appeared at her door.
"Knock, knock," he said as he walked into her office.
"Hey," she greeted him, adding "Have a seat" under her breath as she checked her sent folder to make sure her message had gone through.
His hearing was better than a dog's. "You okay this morning?"
"Yes," she replied tightly. "I am fine this this morning."
Women. He'd never understand them; he'd barely said hello and already his name was mud. The profiler in him noticed that JJ's movements were quick, almost nervous, and her brow was furrowed. Something was definitely up. But the man in him said that if he wanted her to say yes to blowing off work Friday and spending a long weekend with him – and he did – he'd better not press her. He'd been thinking it was about time they have a serious talk, and, hopefully, move their relationship forward. God knew he'd analyzed it from every possible angle; no matter how he looked at the situation, he always arrived at the simple conclusion that she was the last woman he would ever want, the last woman he would ever love.
She could feel his dark chocolate eyes on her, and she softened. He hadn't done anything, and while that was part of her problem, she couldn't very well place all the blame on him. "I'm sorry," she relented with a sigh. "For a week that was supposed to be relatively quiet, this is turning out to be anything but."
"Want to talk about it?"
"No, I'm fine – just thinking about everything I need to do before we return to active duty next week. What's going on with you?"
"Nothing much. Thought I'd see if you have plans for Friday and the weekend."
His voice was smooth, expression neutral, preventing her from gaining any clues as to what he had in mind. "Why?" she asked suspiciously.
"I thought we might drive down to that winery in Fredericksburg you've been wanting to visit, then hunker down at Little Creek."
She groaned inwardly and busied herself neatening up some papers on her desk. Perfect timing, Rossi. "I, uh, I was planning to take a personal day Friday."
"So that means you're free?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, David, I'm sorry," she said firmly. She couldn't change her plans now that she'd emailed Detective Taylor. "I'm not."
This was unusual, unusual indeed – as long as they'd been seeing each other, she'd never said no to making plans, and hadn't she just said she was going to take the day off? "Everything okay?"
"Fine." She dismissed his concern with a wave of her hand. "Just need a day to myself to take care of some things. I should be done by the evening, though, and free Saturday and Sunday. Do you mind terribly?" She gave him a hopeful look and batted her eyelashes for good measure.
"How can I say I do when you look at me like that?" he chuckled as he rose from his seat. Before he exited, he turned around to give her a wink and a mischievous grin. "Oh, don't forget to bring your appetite – I'll cook supper for you."
***
Eight o'clock Friday morning found JJ in the air on the way to New York. It was a short flight but she had packed her laptop in her carry-on anyway, thinking she might make a dent in her email.
It quickly became apparent, however, that she would not be able to concentrate. Her mind wandered to Rossi, as it usually did at quiet moments like this. She knew he was at the office – probably had been for at least an hour, maybe longer – and she could picture him sitting at his desk, reading a file, a cup of strong black coffee within easy reach, posture relaxed, though his mind would be going a hundred miles an hour.
Enigma. That would be the word she would use to describe him. He could be completely focused on whatever he happened to be doing at the moment, yet totally aware of whatever else was going on around him. He could be tough; he could be gentle. He could be stern; he could be jocular. He could take; he could give. The latter she had discovered the very first night they'd spent together, and even now, on an airplane contemplating a new job and a new life, she felt a shiver run up her spine. What would taking this position – if it were offered, she reminded herself – mean for them? Would he beg her to stay? Would he let her go without a fight? She honestly couldn't say.
The pilot's announcement that the plane would be landing at La Guardia in approximately five minutes brought her back to the here and now. There was no time to think about Rossi. It was time to meet Mac Taylor.
~*~
JJ had been right and wrong – Rossi was at the office, but he wasn't working. He was missing the beautiful young media liaison who had made herself as necessary to him, professionally and personally, as the air he breathed. If she were here, they might have arrived together, most of their nights having been spent at her condo or at Little Creek lately. If they hadn't spent the night together, he'd be moseying down the hall to her office to say good morning, or she would have already reached his office, two cups of coffee in hand, a bright smile on her face. He sometimes wondered if he were deluding himself by thinking he might be the reason for that smile.
It was time for them to have a talk about their future. So many times he'd sensed she wanted to, but he hadn't been ready and headed her off. But now he was ready. This weekend. When she arrived at Little Creek Friday evening, he would pour her a glass of ridiculously expensive vintage Amarone and send her upstairs for a luxurious bubble bath while he prepared a romantic meal. After supper, when they had settled themselves in front of the fireplace, he would finally say the words he'd been so afraid of but wanted to shout from the rooftops for everyone to hear. I love you. I want to be with you. Forever. And later, he would carry her upstairs to his bedroom – no, their bedroom – and demonstrate, over and over again, lest there be any doubt, just how serious he was.
As if just being in her space would make him feel closer to her, he decided to walk down the hall to her office, but the sudden ringing of the phone on his desk stopped him. "Rossi," he answered quickly, thinking it might be Jennifer.
The caller hesitated. "David Rossi?"
"Yes," he replied, waiting for the person on the other end of the line to identify himself.
"I'll be damned," the caller laughed. "Rossi, it's Mac – Mac Taylor."
"Mac!" Rossi exclaimed. "Long time, no see, man. What's going on?"
"Working my ass off up here in New York."
"Tell me about it," Rossi groaned. "We're busier than ever here."
The two men spent a few minutes catching up, then Mac got down to business. "Listen, as good as it is to talk to you, I was actually calling JJ."
"Why? You want to talk to her about a case?"
"No, there's no case. I just need her cell number, and I thought I might get it from her voicemail."
"She's 419," Rossi corrected him. "I'm 418. What's up?"
Mac shook his head. Some things never changed. The day David Rossi stopped asking questions would be the day the sun stopped rising. "I was supposed to pick her up at La Guardia, but it turns out I'll be about thirty minutes late. I wanted to let her know."
Rossi nearly dropped the phone. "You're meeting her at the airport?"
"Yeah. She's spending the day with us at the crime lab."
"She never said anything about going to New York ...." Rossi's voice trailed off.
"I don't expect she would have," Mac offered, in an attempt to downplay Rossi's obvious surprise, hoping he hadn't given JJ away. "I'm just gonna show her what we do up here. Can you give me her number?"
"Sure," Rossi replied absentmindedly, then rattled off the digits he could dial as fast as his speed dial could. He and Mac ended their chat with a promise to get together soon, but the instant Rossi disconnected, he felt anger flare up in him. Why did Jennifer not tell him she was going today? Was she hiding something?
***
As soon as JJ stepped off the plane, she turned on her Blackberry. Would there ever be a day when electronic devices would not interfere with an airplane's takeoff and landing controls?
She had a message from Detective Taylor. "Hi, JJ, it's Mac. I got pulled into a meeting and I'm going to be about thirty minutes late to meet you, but I will be there at your terminal. Hope the delay isn't an inconvenience. See you soon!"
She also had a message from Rossi, left two minutes after the one from Detective Taylor. "Hey, you, it's me. Just wanted to check in, tell you that I'm looking forward to tonight and the weekend. Call me when you start for Little Creek. I'll turn the lights on for you."
At least he doesn't know where I'll be coming from, she said to herself, feeling both dishonest and relieved.
This time when she turned on her laptop, she was able to focus and reply to a few emails. She only looked up when she heard a voice say, "Jennifer Jareau?"
"Yes?" she asked, smiling at the well-dressed, handsome man standing in front of her.
"Mac Taylor – pleased to finally meet you in person," he said as he returned her smile and shook her hand.
"I'm happy to meet you, too, Detective," JJ replied, standing. "Thanks for inviting me up for the day."
"I should thank you for agreeing to come. There's no better way to get an idea of what you would be doing, in my opinion. But do me a favor and call me Mac. Ready to roll?"
Once they were in Mac's Avalanche and driving toward the crime lab, he apologized again for being late. "I needed your cell number so you wouldn't think I had forgotten to come collect you, so I called the BAU," he explained. "I hope that was okay."
"No one knew I was coming up here, so as long as you talked to someone who is not a member of the team, I should be safe," she chuckled.
"Actually I talked to David Rossi. I had the last number of your extension wrong and got him instead."
JJ felt the color drain from her face. "David Rossi?" she repeated, looking over at Mac.
"Yeah – we've known each other for years."
"What did you tell him?"
"Nothing, really – just that you were going to see how we operate at the crime lab," Mac assured her. "One, I figured you hadn't told anyone you were flying to New York and why, and two, I didn't think he needed to know."
"You're right – on both counts," she replied with a certainly she didn't feel. There would be questions, and she knew it.
~*~
The day passed quickly for JJ. Much to her surprise, once she and Mac arrived at the crime lab, thoughts of Rossi and the BAU left her. There was so much to see, so much to process. Not only were the CSIs trying to get into the heads of their perpetrators, but they were conducting all sorts of complicated tests and experiments. The energy was palpable.
"So ... what did you think?" Mac asked when they settled themselves at a table for two in a small coffee shop down the street from the lab.
"I think it's a very different place than the BAU," JJ answered honestly, "but just as impressive in its own way."
"Any chance you'd be interested in joining our circus?" he asked with a grin.
JJ returned his smile, then sighed and stared into her latte. "I-I don't know," she said hesitantly. "The BAU feels like home, but I guess when you start getting too comfortable in one place, it may be time to move on to another. Know what I mean?"
"Of course. You'd be doing a lot of what you do for the BAU, but not traveling nearly as much."
"I have to admit that actually getting to go to my own place whenever we call it a day would be nice," she laughed.
"I thought you'd say that. But just think about it. I'll be in touch next week, once we've finished meeting with candidates. Personally, I think you're just the person we need here."
~*~
True to her word, JJ called Rossi when her plane landed and she was on the road to Little Creek. He answered on the first ring, and she smiled to herself – he'd been waiting for her call.
"Hello?"
"Hey! I'm in the car, and headed your way. I should be there in an hour or so, depending on traffic, but if it looks like I'll be later, I'll call back."
"That's fine – don't rush," he replied. "How was your day?"
"Good," she replied. "Very good."
That did not sit well with Rossi, knowing what he did, and he tamped down the anger that he'd so far managed to control. "I hope you'll tell me all about when you get here. We're having baked ziti."
JJ smiled again in spite of her anxiety. "Mmm. Can't wait to dig in. See you in a bit, okay?"
"Okay. Be careful, babe."
***
When he hung up the phone, Rossi poured himself a large Scotch and sat down at his kitchen table to wonder again why JJ wouldn't tell him she'd been to New York. Was it possible that she and Mac had something going on? The last time he had really talked to Mac, Mac said that he'd been seeing an insurance agent and was genuinely very happy for the first time since he lost Claire.
It didn't seem likely, but it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. Rossi had to admit that there was a lot to like about Mac Taylor. He had left behind a distinguished career in the Marines to move on to a very successful career with the NYPD. He was level-headed. He dependable. He was smart. And, Rossi conceded, he was a good-looking man.
As Rossi drained his Scotch and got up to pour another, he knew without a doubt that he would get his answers, even if he had to turn his superior interrogation skills on JJ. He didn't want to, but if that's what it took, interrogate he would.
~*~
Rossi was waiting at the door for JJ when she arrived at Little Creek, his desire to kiss her senseless taking momentary precedence over his curiosity. When they parted, he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. "I'm glad you're here."
"Me too," she whispered, trying to catch her breath. "Supper ready?"
"Almost. I was going to send you upstairs to relax in the bathtub while I finish, but if you went up there, I think I'd have to go too."
JJ laughed out loud and smacked his arm. "Tempting as it sounds," she said, laying one final kiss to his chin, "I think we ought to eat. You've been slaving away, and I'm getting hungry."
"Okay," Rossi pouted. "Go on and sit down. I'll bring you a glass of wine."
After a delicious and unhurried meal, when they had cleaned up the kitchen as much as they were going to and retired to the overstuffed, oversized couch in front of the fireplace, Rossi decided it was time to make his move. He couldn't wait any longer. "I missed you today. The office was boring without you."
It didn't escape his notice that JJ swallowed hard and had trouble meeting his eyes. "Morgan and Reid didn't keep you entertained?"
"No – not if you call listening to Morgan decide who to go out with this weekend and Reid trying to explain why he loves 'em and leaves 'em entertaining. But never mind them – I want to hear about you."
"About me?" she asked as she snuggled up to him and laid her head on his chest. "I can think of infinitely more interesting topics of conversation, more interesting things to do ...."
She was not going to make this easy for him, that much he knew, but it was hard not to play along. "You can?"
"Uh huh."
"Like what?"
"Like this ..." Her lips made a path up his neck to his cheek, and her fingers sought the buttons of his soft flannel shirt.
That did it; as much as he enjoyed her ministrations, and was tempted to let her carry him away on a wave of passion, his mind would not be quieted until he was satisfied that there were no secrets between them. "Jennifer," he said abruptly, and more forcefully than he intended as he grabbed her hands, which had made quick work of the buttons on his shirt and moved down to his belt, "stop."
"Stop what?" she asked, confused. "I thought you wanted to – "
"I did!" he almost shouted. "I do! But don't try to distract me. Not now. Why didn't you tell me you were going to New York to see Mac Taylor?"
She wished she could say she was surprised, but she wasn't, and despite that fact, she thought his accusatory tone was uncalled for. "I don't think that's any of your business," she replied testily, sitting up.
"Any of my business? The way I see it, babe, anything that concerns you is my business!"
"Since when did you decide that, Rossi?"
He could tell she was pissed; she called him Rossi. But even though this wasn't how he planned to tell her he had fallen truly, madly, deeply in love with her, he realized he had to give her what he asked of her – honesty. "Since I fell in love with you."
His words stopped her cold. "Since you what?"
"Since I fell in love with you. There! I said it! Not how I wanted to, but how I had to." When she didn't answer, but simply stood there looking at him, he kept going, knowing full well he was treading on dangerous ground. "Tell me – do you and Mac have something going on?"
"What?" Her blue eyes flashed with anger. "David Rossi, how in the hell can you tell me you love me and then turn right around and accuse me of having something going on with Mac? You're the only man in my life – have been for a while, though I must admit I was starting to wonder just how you felt about me."
"I just told you! Now you know. Now you tell me why you went to New York!"
"I'll tell you why!" she spat. "I went to New York because Mac contacted me about a job with the crime lab. I went to meet him and see what I'd be getting into. Are you happy now?"
You've done it now, asshole, he said to himself as her explanation sank in, and he blew out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "A job?"
"Yes," she nodded. "I went to see him about a job, not spend a day in a hotel that charges by the hour with a man I hardly know!"
"Jennifer, I'm sorry," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I talked to Mac this morning, and he said you were visiting, and when you didn't tell me, I had to ask. I had to know. It was driving me crazy, babe. I'm sorry. Come here." He held out his arms. "Let me make it right."
She was on her feet, putting on her shoes. "No, sir, sorry doesn't cut it, and you can't make me forget what you said by taking me to bed. I'm more bothered by the fact that you accused me of having a fling with Mac than insisting on finding out why I went to New York. You could've said a million things, but no, you had to say that. Why couldn't you have just trusted me? I was going to tell you, but I haven't been formally offered the job, and I wasn't going to cross that bridge until I came to it!"
By this time she was in the kitchen, grabbing her coat from the hook by the door and slinging her purse and weekend bag over her shoulder. "I'm sorry, but I can't deal with you now, Rossi, and I'm sure as hell not going to stay here. Have a nice weekend."
And with that, she was gone, leaving him to curse himself for letting the best thing that had ever happened to him walk out on him, taking his heart with her. As he watched her car disappear down the long driveway, he realized he'd never felt more lost or lonely in his entire life.
***
The ringing of her cell phone woke JJ Saturday morning. She had arrived at her condo at eleven and spent what little was left of the night and part of the early morning pacing the floor, berating Rossi and herself, until about four-thirty, when she finally fell asleep, too exhausted and angry and hurt to think anymore.
She opened one eye and looked at the display to make sure it wasn't Rossi. She couldn't talk to him, not yet. Seeing that it was Garcia, she decided to take the call.
"Hey, Pen," she answered sleepily.
"Morning, sunshine! Up and at 'em!"
"Wh-what time is it?" The effort that looking at the clock on the nightstand would require seemed like too much.
"Almost noon. Thought you might brave this wind and rain and join me for lunch and a trip to the mall, but I'm guessing from the sound of your voice that you're not up for much of anything."
"And you would be right."
Garcia recognized the despair in her friend's voice. "What's up, gum drop?"
"Nothing. Just had a long day and a late night."
"Don't lie to me, Jayje. You can hide a lot of things from a lot of people, but you can't hide anything from me."
JJ sighed as she rolled over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She should not be here, alone. She should be at Little Creek, with Rossi in his big, warm bed, listening to the rain on the tin roof. "I'm sorry, Pen," JJ finally replied, fighting tears. "Could-could you come over? I need a shoulder right now."
"Oh, angel, of course. Want me to bring lunch?"
"That'd be great. I'll unlock the door. Just let yourself in."
~*~
When Penelope Garcia arrived an hour later, she could see that JJ was not well. Far from it. She sat on her couch in an old pair of pajama pants and Pitt soccer t-shirt, her hair mussed, her face pale and eyes red, a box of Kleenex at her side.
"Oh, sugar, what has happened to have you in such a pitiful state?" Garcia asked as she put the bag of Chinese take-out down on the coffee table and wrapped her arms around JJ.
For five solid minutes, all JJ did was cry. She hadn't been able to the night before, but now she couldn't stop. "It's okay," Garcia soothed, rubbing her back. "Let it out. You'll feel better."
Once JJ calmed down, she told Garcia the whole story, from the very beginning with Rossi to her trip to New York to her argument with Rossi. "So I think you can see why I'm so upset," she concluded, hiccuping.
"Sure can. I would ask you why you didn't let me, your bestest and most trusted friend in the universe, in on your little secrets – Rossi and this potential new job – but you don't need the third degree again. Rossi seems to have done a good enough job of that."
"He sure did," JJ snorted. "Why, Pen? Why couldn't he have just trusted me?"
Garcia sighed; she and Rossi had their differences, but deep down, she respected him, and knew that whatever he did, he usually had a good reason for it. "I don't know, Jayje ... maybe he's afraid."
"Afraid?"
"Well, yeah – think about it. He's ready to tell you that he loves you, but you drop a bomb on him."
"But still, Pen," JJ replied, "that doesn't explain why he said what he did."
Garcia sighed; this was a toughie, and as much as she hated to play Devil's advocate, she felt she had to. She could sort of understand where Rossi was coming from. "Try this on for size, hon – he can't get the answers he wants from you, so he freaks, he says things he doesn't mean to get a reaction."
JJ looked at Garcia disbelievingly. "You're taking his side! You're supposed to be my best friend!"
"I am not taking his side, and I am your best friend," Garcia replied seriously, giving JJ's hand a squeeze. "I'm just trying to help you get another perspective. You have every right to be upset with him, but Jayje, when you love someone, you have to be honest and open with him, good or bad."
"I never said I love – "
Garcia raised a hand to cut off JJ's protest. "You didn't have to tell me you love him," she said softly. "It's obvious."
"What if I get offered the job in New York? What if I take it? What then?"
"I'll be racking up a hell of a lot of frequent flyer miles to come see you," Garcia laughed as she tucked a strand of hair behind JJ's ear. "Hon, you know that's not for me to say. It's for you and Rossi to decide. Now what do you say we get some food in you?"
~*~
While JJ was crying on Garcia, Rossi was out hunting. It was his favorite pastime, and it never failed to center him.
But on this occasion, as he sat in his duck blind, the faithful Mudgie by his side, just waiting for the perfect shot, he knew he wouldn't have any peace until he made things right with JJ. He had picked up his phone several times to call, yet it put it down each time, knowing that he was the last person she wanted to hear from now. She'd just ignore his calls.
Not even the break-ups of his three marriages made him feel this bad. It was as if he knew they were destined to crash and burn as soon as he'd said "I do," and by the time the end came, he was more than ready to call it quits and move on. This time, though, he felt cheated, like he had lost the best, most important person he'd ever known before he'd even had her.
As he remembered the wrath on her face and the pain in her voice, he knew that apologizing for his stupidity would be difficult, as it should be. He couldn't turn back time and take back what he'd said, but he'd do whatever it took to win her back.
***
The rest of the weekend crawled by, and Monday morning meant leaving the safety of her condo and facing Rossi for the first time since Friday night. As JJ stepped off the elevator into BAU headquarters, she was relieved to see that the lights in his office were off.
Once she had her coffee, she sequestered herself in her office, the blinds closed, the door shut. She hoped it would give the team, Rossi especially, a not-so-subtle hint that she was not accepting visitors. But who was she kidding? Rossi was not one to take hints of any kind. He had proven that time and time again. She vowed that if he so much as looked at her, she would give him a message he would not mistake, or soon forget: If you value your life, David Rossi, you will leave me the hell alone.
By strength of will JJ was able to read her email, and, after she had determined that there were no new cases appropriate for the BAU, she decided to help Hotch with his reading of cold case files. The only problem with that, though, was that she would have to leave her office and walk past Rossi's on her way to Hotch's to get the files. It was either hide all day or get out and about, which she knew had to happen sooner or later. Might as well get it over with.
She walked briskly and purposefully, nodding to Morgan, Reid and Emily, but ignoring everything and everyone else. Though his door was closed, she could hear Rossi on the phone and briefly wondered who he was talking to but just as quickly told herself that she didn't care. Unlike some people, she would not stick her nose where it wasn't wanted.
On her return trip through the bullpen, her arms loaded down with files, she did allow herself a quick glance through his window. He was still on the phone, and he clearly was not a happy man. He didn't need to gesture wildly, as he sometimes did when he was upset, or yell, as he sometimes did when he was mad. She could see it in the set of his jaw, in the rigidity of his posture, in the firm grip in which he held the phone. Part of her wanted to go to him, but the other part, the part that was still hurt, told her to walk on.
~*~
If JJ had known that Rossi was talking to Mac Taylor, she would've been pissed. Beyond pissed. But she didn't, Rossi told himself, and if he had his way about it, she'd never know.
"Have you made a decision yet?" Rossi asked once pleasantries had been exchanged.
"A decision?"
"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. I want to know if you plan on offering JJ that job she saw you about."
"You don't beat around the bush, do you, Rossi?" Mac chuckled, evading the question. "You're just as determined now as you've always been."
"You're damn right, I am – especially when it comes to information I want."
Years of knowing David Rossi told Mac he had to pose his next question carefully. "Be honest with me. Why are you so desperate to find out if I'm going to offer JJ this job? How would it affect you? The FBI is just crawling with smart, eager young people who would cut off their right arm to work with the BAU."
Rossi was silent as he considered the question. Mac Taylor was one of his oldest friends; he could level with him. "I love her."
Mac hesitated before answering. "You what?"
"You heard me. I love her."
"Come on, Rossi – I know you. You just don't want her to leave the BAU. You're being selfish, and you're grasping at straws!"
"I do love her, Mac!" Rossi cried. "I'm a different man now. It sounds crazy, I know, but I fell for her the moment I met her."
"I vaguely recall you telling me that when you married number two."
"If you're going to give me hell, I'm going to hang up right now, okay?" Rossi replied angrily. "Listen ... it's like this ...before I found out that you wanted to steal her away from us, from me, I had made up my mind to just put my heart on my sleeve. We had it out Friday night when I made her tell me why she'd been to New York. She made it abundantly clear that she does not want me prying into her life."
"And you're not doing that now?" Mac asked skeptically.
Rossi sighed heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "No ... yes ... oh, hell, I don't know."
"Let me give you a piece of advice, man. JJ is not a woman to mess around with. I got that from just spending a day with her. You should've known that. You should've been up front with her the second you felt yourself falling for her."
"I agree. You're right. And now I'm paying for it."
"Do you think she would've even entertained my offer if she doubted you had true feelings for her?"
"No," Rossi replied quickly, firmly.
"You sound pretty sure of yourself."
"I am, Mac – I'm positive."
"And what do you think she'll say when I offer her the job?"
"That," Rossi said slowly, noticing that Mac said when, not if, "that I don't know. I've fucked up, and I'll move heaven and earth to make it right."
"I believe you," Mac replied, "but I won't lie to you. She's the frontrunner. She's the one we want. She will be given the chance to take the position. I'd be thrilled to have her come to New York and work for me, but, ultimately, it's up to her. If she knew we just had this conversation, she'd never forgive either one of us."
"How well I know," Rossi muttered. "This is my last chance. I don't want to lose it. She's-she's everything to me, Mac."
"Rossi, you old fool – don't tell me, tell her. Her hand is on the door; she's on her way out. Now hang up the damn phone and go talk to her!"
***
Rossi barged into JJ's office and slammed the door behind him. "Rossi," she said calmly, noting with a great degree of satisfaction that he looked like hell. "What can I do for you?"
"Don't ask a question you don't want an answer to," he warned, his voice low and serious. "Because I can come up with several things off the top of my head you can do for me."
His gaze was so intense she had to look away. "Perhaps I shouldn't have been so civil. Perhaps I should've told you to leave, without so much as a pleasant greeting, as soon as you entered!"
"Listen," he said as he planted himself firmly in front of her desk, "we need to talk. And don't tell me you don't want to. I am not budging until we have it out."
JJ got to her feet and put her hands on her hips, her stance telling him that she was just as resolute as he was. "Don't, Rossi – I am not going to become grist for the office gossip mill!"
"We can walk right out of here and go somewhere private."
She refused. "There's nothing you could say that I could possibly want to hear."
"Why do you insist on being so difficult, Jennifer?" he asked softly.
"Difficult?" she laughed derisively. "Funny question for you to ask, don't you think? I learned from you!"
"From me?!"
"Yes, you, David Rossi. Now if you'll excuse me," she said coldly, "I have a busy afternoon ahead. Don't let the door hit you on your way out."
~*~
As soon Rossi left, JJ collapsed in her desk chair and buried her face in her hands. She hadn't wanted to lose it like that, hadn't wanted to let him see her so upset again. She'd always prided herself on being in control in any situation. And she was. Except for when the situation involved the man she loved.
Oh, David, she sighed to herself. How did we get here? Where do we go from here?
~*~
Rossi had to get away, had to get out of the BAU for fresh air and sunshine. He couldn't think clearly about anything with JJ just down the hall. It was either go back and finish what they'd started, or throw her over his shoulder, carry her out to his SUV, put her in the passenger's seat and drive her home to Little Creek where she'd have no means of escape. As appealing as the latter option was, he wouldn't put it past her to charge him with abduction.
As he walked, no destination in mind, he thought it ironic that this latest argument with JJ was the first argument he'd ever walked away from. He never backed down. He always prevailed. She might have been successful in putting him off this time, but she wouldn't be the next.
~*~
Tuesday came and went with no further run-ins with Rossi, but just before JJ was to meet Pen and Emily for lunch Wednesday, the secretary buzzed her and said Mac Taylor was on line two.
"Mac, hello," she said brightly.
"Hi, JJ. Thanks for talking my call. Do you have a few minutes?"
"Of course."
"I met with the commissioner this morning, and my CSIs, and I'm happy to say that we'd be pleased and honored to have you work with us. We know you'll be a valuable asset."
She felt the air leave her lungs as she listened to his offer. "JJ?" he prompted when she didn't say anything. "Are you there?"
"Y-yes, Mac, I'm here," she replied. "I'm just, ah, overwhelmed. This seems to be happening so fast."
Mac knew she had to be thinking about Rossi. "You don't have to say yes or no now. This is a big decision. Take a week, think it ov – "
"No," she broke in. "I don't need to think it over. I'll take the job."
***
During her time with the BAU, JJ had gotten as good as one could get at sharing difficult news with family and friends of victims and the media, but telling Pen and Emily about her impending departure was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. Pen wasn't surprised, having heard about JJ's latest blow up with Rossi soon after it happened, and Emily, just like the true friend she was, shed both sad and happy tears over her veggie lasagna, but promised not to say a word to anyone until JJ could give Hotch her notice.
Her first stop after lunch was Hotch's office to do just that. She had to tell him so he could start looking for her replacement and help her make her announcement to the team. It wouldn't be easy, that was for sure, and she would need his support.
"JJ, come in," Hotch greeted her. "What can I do for you?"
"Well, for starters," she tried to joke, though her voice was wavering, "not be so nice to me."
He shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't understand. You're not making sense."
It's like ripping off a Band-Aid, she told herself. Do it quick, get it over with, and it'll hurt less. "I'm leaving the BAU," she said in a rush.
"Come again?" he asked, looking as if he wasn't sure he'd heard right.
"I just accepted a job with the NYPD. At the crime lab."
For once, Hotch was speechless, his ability to think on his feet completely failing him. "JJ," he said slowly, after about ten seconds of silence, "I, um, I must say this comes as a shock."
"I know. It was something of a surprise to me too. I went up there on Friday and got word today that they want me. I said I'd go," she whispered as the tears started to fall.
Hotch hurriedly closed his blinds to save JJ from curious glances of staff walking by, then knelt in front of her. "Don't cry, Jayje. I don't deal with crying women well."
"I'm sorry," she sniffled as she accepted his handkerchief and blew her nose. "It's just that I love you all so much – you're just like my family – and I love the BAU – it's practically home."
"Well, then, why are you leaving? If you want more money, I'll go to Strauss and demand it. If you want to be home more, I'll get another liaison to help out."
"No, it's nothing like that. I have no complaints about my salary or my workload."
Hotch regarded her thoughtfully, then asked, "It's Rossi, isn't it?"
She lifted her head and looked at him; she didn't have the will or the energy to deny it. "How did you know?"
Hotch gave her a look that simply said, "I'm a profiler, what do you expect?"
"Silly question," she agreed, managing a laugh. "I need distance, Hotch. I need to get away."
"I'm sure we could arrange for you to stay and him to go," Hotch replied with a grin.
"No, Hotch," she said quietly. "I have my doubts a real relationship would ever work, so I might as well just leave, get on with my life, try to forget."
"There's no talking you out of this, is there?"
She shook her head as she squeezed Hotch's hand. "I've made my decision."
~*~
Hotch called a meeting for four o'clock. As the team gathered in the conference room, JJ found that she couldn't bring herself to look at them. She kept her eyes down and balled up a Kleenex in her first as she tried to collect her thoughts.
Rossi was the last to enter and take his seat. She didn't need to see him to know he was there; she felt his presence as keenly as she felt hot tears stinging her eyes and a lump forming in her throat. If she looked at him, she'd surely lose the composure she held onto by a very delicate thread.
"We got a case, Hotch?" Morgan asked.
"No," Hotch answered brusquely; God forbid he actually show emotion. "No case. JJ has an announcement she'd like to make. JJ?"
She made a valiant attempt to smile her thanks at Hotch before taking a deep breath and finally forcing herself to look at the team. She noticed Pen reach for Emily's hand and Morgan and Reid trade confused glances. As for Rossi ... he had to know what was coming, but he didn't let on. He was blank, unreadable. Typical, she said to herself. If he can be cool, so can I.
"There's no easy way to do this," she said, her voice sounding oddly calm and controlled to her own ears, "so I'll just come right out and say it. Earlier today I accepted a position with the NYPD crime lab. I'll be leaving the BAU in a week, moving in about two weeks."
"What?" Reid cried, as Morgan said, "No!"
"Please, don't," she replied, struggling to remain stoic. "There'll be time for goodbyes later. I just want you all to know how much you've meant to me, and how much I love you. Each and every one of you," she said, at last meeting Rossi's stare.
JJ wasn't prepared for what she saw – pain, pure and simple, with touches of anger and regret – and just as she opened her mouth to say something to him, oblivious to the team, he got up and walked out.
***
JJ left the BAU at six that evening, determined to get home and make a few calls to family and friends and get in bed at a decent hour. She hadn't realized the toll the past week had taken on her mentally and physically, and she knew that if she was going to move in two weeks, she had better get a move on. Luckily a friend of Mac's had an apartment in a good neighborhood close to the crime lab she could rent.
She had just washed her face and put on her pajamas when she heard an insistent knocking at her door. "Coming!" she called as she hurried down the hall and through the living room. She looked through the peephole and saw Rossi.
"David!" she exclaimed as she opened the door. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk. May I come in?"
She was so surprised to see him that she simply nodded and stepped aside so he could enter. The night was cold, and she couldn't very well let him freeze to death.
"I have to admit, I didn't think I'd get this far," he said once she'd taken his coat and they'd sat down on her couch. "You agree we have to talk?"
"Yes," she replied, though somewhat reluctantly. "We do."
"Is now a good time?" he asked with a slight nod toward her attire.
"Not really. I was just getting ready to go to bed."
"Okay." He was willing to say yes to whatever she wanted. "When? Where? You want to come out to Little Creek tomorrow after work?"
"I'd prefer that we say whatever we have to say to each other in neutral territory."
"But – "
"No buts, Rossi – we do this my way, or we don't do it at all."
"Sounds like someone's been hanging around me too much." The tiny smile that his comment elicited made his heart soar; they had a long way to go, but maybe, just maybe, they'd taken the first step. "You name the time, the place, and I'll be there with bells on, babe."
"How about Mel's? Say, seven?"
He should've known she would pick her favorite diner for her favorite comfort food. "Perfect. Now will you make me another promise?"
She regarded him cautiously. "That depends. You're damn lucky I let you in tonight."
"I know," he replied quickly as he rose and walked toward the door, grabbing his coat on the way. "I just want you to promise me that you won't leave like you did Friday. I was out of line, and you were right to give me hell, but watching you storm out ... God, Jennifer, don't put me through that again. Please."
"You left me today," she said softly.
"I realize that, and I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit there and listen any longer. But do you promise?"
When he reached out for her hand, her breath caught in her throat, and she marveled once again at the power his touch had over her. Lifting her eyes to his, she nodded. "I promise. See you tomorrow."
***
Rossi didn't see JJ at all the next day – she'd been going over resumes with Hotch in the search for her replacement and according to Prentiss had decided to take the afternoon off. He arrived at Mel's at ten till seven, wanting to grab a booth with at least a measure of privacy, and he sure as hell not wanting to chance being late.
Promptly at seven, the door opened, and in walked JJ. He stood up and waved, and she nodded to let him know she'd seen him.
"Hey," he greeted her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before she object.
"Hey, yourself," she returned. "You beat me here."
"Babe, the way my luck has been going, I would've been held up, either at the BAU or in traffic, and you would've thought I had decided not to show."
She shook her head, feeling very tender toward him; she didn't want to waste what little time they had left fussing and fighting. "No, David – you were right, we do need to clear the air, and that won't happen if we aren't willing to talk."
The waitress came to take their order, and once they were alone again, he asked hopefully, "So you've not given up on me?"
"Of course not. You are in no way excused for your behavior, but I've been thinking."
"And?"
"And I should have told you that Mac contacted me. It was wrong of me to keep that from you. But you need to understand me when I say that I had my reasons. It's like I said Friday – I didn't want to cross that bridge before I came to it."
"I get it. I shouldn't have pushed you. But you need to understand that I love you, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make us work."
"I know," she replied as she reached across the table and took his hands in hers.
"The question is," he said seriously, "are you?"
She shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "I-I'm not sure, David. I'm not sure I want to risk it with you in the long run."
"With me or with anyone?"
"With you," she said emphatically. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to let you go when you decide to move on."
"When I move on?" he repeated. "Let me assure you, Jennifer, that I am in this for the long run, and you are the one who says she is leaving. If I wasn't serious, would I have seen a realtor today?"
JJ shot him a confused look. "A realtor?"
"Yes," he nodded. "If you're going to New York, I'm going with you. Little Creek will be on the market next week."
"No!" she gasped, her eyes wide. "David, you can't! It's your home! Your sanctuary! You love that farm!"
"You love it too," he answered her simply. "Without you, it's just a place to sleep. It's not a home, and it's certainly not a sanctuary."
"What would the team do without you?" she asked.
"I could just as easily ask the same question of you," he pointed out, hoping against hope that her last question meant that she was entertaining the idea. "I can do private consultations from anywhere, go back on the lecture circuit if I should feel the need to diversify ... all that's important to me is being with you, making my life with you."
"Oh, David," she whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I-I can't let you do that."
"You wouldn't be letting me."
"But you love the BAU."
"And again, I remind you, so do you." He sighed and looked at her – really looked at her. "Be straight with me, Jennifer. Do you really want to leave? Or were you leaving just to get away from me, because I wasn't giving you what you needed?"
"It wasn't – "
"Uh uh," he stopped her. "Don't tell me what it wasn't. Tell me what it was. Remember that you agreed we needed to clear the air."
"Okay," she replied with a defiant lift of her chin. "It was you. Mac's email came just when I was really questioning you and your motives. When we started this, I didn't expect to fall so hard for you, but I did, and I didn't know how you felt. I felt I was just someone for you to pass time with."
He sighed and shook his head. "It's not like that. I. Love. You. I. Want. You. I'd follow you to the ends of the earth. Haven't I proven it tonight?"
She fell silent, her hands nervously shredding a paper napkin as her mind ran wild. "Yes," she finally answered. "You have proven it."
"So you're okay with me joining you in New York?"
All of a sudden, she knew what she had to do – not because he had pushed her to, but because she wanted to. "No."
He felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. "No?"
"No," she shook her head. "But do you think it's too late for me to rescind my resignation? Too late to tell Mac I can't take the job after all?"
Rossi felt like he could breathe again. "Jennifer, honey, you can do whatever you want. You know it's not too late. Hotch and I can make anything happen, and Mac – let's just say I don't think he'll be surprised."
At that she scurried to his side of the booth and kissed him with all the love and passion she had kept pent-up inside. "Take me home, David Rossi," she murmured against his lips. "Take me home to Little Creek."
"On one condition," he smiled down at her.
"What's that?"
"That you'll never leave."
"Never."
***
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