Title: In Your Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Doctor Who/Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 100_tales
Prompt: 18, Orange
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Spencer Reid, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor rested his head against Spencer's chest, sighing contentedly as the young man's fingers trailed through his hair. "I wish you could have seen it, Spencer. Gallifrey was a marvelous place. I miss it more than I can possibly put into words."

"Of course you miss it. I was your home," Spencer said softly, nodding. "I know exactly how that feels. I missed Las Vegas like crazy when I first moved away. You always miss your home when you leave it -- and you've got a lot of reasons to miss Gallifrey."

"I suppose I never thought that Gallifrey would ever cease to exist," the Doctor said softly, closing his eyes and picturing his home planet in his mind. "It always seemed so .... so solid, so real. Now, it keeps wavering in and out of my memory."

Spencer frowned, wishing that he could say something comforting and knowing that he couldn't. He'd probably never have the problem that the Doctor did -- Vegas would still be there if he chose to go back for a visit at any time.

Gallifrey was gone forever. The Doctor could never go back to his home, or to the people who he'd known and loved. It was hard to imagine an entire planet being destoyred, and all the lives on it being snuffed out in the space of a few moments.

How would he react if he found out that Earth was gone in the same way? Spencer couldn't keep back a shiver as his arms tightened around the Doctor. Just the thought of everyone he cared about being wiped out like that was enough to make his blood run cold.

He could always go back to his home, his mother, his friends, even the planet he was from. The Doctor didn't have that luxury. How did it feel to know that your home was gone, that you could never go back to it in any way? Spencer couldn't begin to imagine that.

"It's never going to be gone from your memory completely," he said, his words hesitant, trying to think of something to say that would be comforting, and yet be the truth at the same time. He didn't want to give the Doctor platitudes that they both knew would ring false.

"Maybe it will, one day in the future," the Doctor sighed, shaking his head. "Memories are designed to fade, Spencer. They don't last forever -- and I've got a much longer forever than most people do. Though I can't imagine not having my memories of Gallifrey."

"Memories fade, but the ones that you treasure the most will always stay bright," Spencer countered, trying to keep his voice light. "I can remember little things from way back in my childhood that meant a lot to me. I don't think you forget the thing that are really important."

"You don't." The Doctor tilted his head back, looking up at Spencer and smiling. "If you weren't here with me right now, I'd probably sink into some kind of terrible melancholy thinking about Gallifrey. It's a good thing I have you to keep me from that."

"If you don't want to talk about it, then you don't have to," Spencer told him, feeling a little guilty that he'd gotten the Doctor to talk about his home. "I know it's got to be hard for you to dredge up all these memories. I'm sorry if I hurt you by bringing up the subject."

The Doctor shook his head again, the movement quick and decisive. "No, Spencer, you haven't made me feel bad," he said softly, settling himself more comfortably into his lover's embrace. "I like talking about Gallifrey. The memories are bittersweet, but they're not unpleasant."

"That's good." Spencer heaved a sigh of relief, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'd hate to think that I made you feel bad. I know what it's like to have to talk about things from your past that you'd rather not think about. I've had to do it often enough."

"It's not that I don't want to talk about Gallifrey," the Doctor said softly. "It's that I wish so much that you could have seen it -- and that the people there could have met you. They'd have loved you, you know. They would have been impressed by your intellect."

Spencer couldn't help laughing at that. "Gallifrey had some of the best minds in the universe! You can't honestly think that they'd be impressed with a mere human. And besides, they probably wouldn't have approved of how emotional I can be."

"No, they'd have thought that was very human of you," the Doctor agreed, smiling. "But they'd have been impressed with your mind, love. In many ways, you'd have fit in on Gallfirey. I'm the one who could never manage to do that. I was always a rebel, an outcast."

Spencer sighed, running a hand through the Doctor's soft hair. "Fitting in isn't important. I never fit in on Earth, so maybe that's why we're such a perfect couple. We're both outcasts in our own societies -- but we belong together because of that."

"At one time, I wanted to fit in with everyone," the Doctor admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "But it didn't take me long to learn that I never would -- and that's when I became proud of being who I was. Being different was a way of standing out."

"I always hated being different," Spencer murmured. "I felt like everybody thought less of me because of it when I was a kid. But I learned to accept being different when I got older. And I think I'd have been a lot more comfortable in a place like Gallifrey."

"I wish you could have seen it," the Doctor said, his voice dreamy. "The burnt-orange skies, the breathtaking architecture .... you would have loved it, Spencer. It was a planet of great beauty. The twin suns, the waves of the sea ...." His voice sounded sad as it trailed off into silence.

"I can see it, if you keep talking about it and I close my eyes," Spencer told him, his voice soft. "You can paint pictures with words, Doctor. I can see it all, just from how you describe it. It's almost like I was actually there."

"I can show it to you within your mind, you know," the Doctor said softly, his voice barely a whisper. "If you'll let me, I can make you see Gallifrey as though you were actually there -- I can give you the images from my mind. You'll see it exactly as it was."

"I'd love that," Spencer whispered, his gaze locking with the Doctor's. He wasn't afraid that something would happen if the let the Doctor into his mind; he trusted the Time Lord, and he knew that the Doctor wouldn't suggest this if it was dangerous for him in any way.

The Doctor nodded, raising his hands to either side of Spencer's head. The young man closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He had no idea what this would be like, but he knew that it wouldn't hurt. The Doctor would never do something that could possibly hurt him.

Spencer gasped as the images flooded his mind -- purple waves on a beach, silver-leafed trees shining so brightly that the sight almost hurt his eyes, a burnt-orange sky containing what looked like two moons. It was unlike anything he'd ever seen.

But despite the differences between what he was seeing and what he was used to, the place had a shining beauty that Spencer ached to see more of. He knew that these images would be burned into his mind forever; he'd never be able to forget Gallifrey now that he'd seen it.

No wonder it had been hard for the Doctor to give up that home, he thought, swallowing hard. It looked so incredibly beautiful, a place for both adventure and peacefulness. It was a place that he'd love to have the chance to go to -- but unfortunately, he never would.

The Doctor slowly removed his hands from Spencer's head, opening his eyes to gaze at his lover. Those dark eyes were sad and haunted; Spencer wished that he could take that look away, and give the Doctor only happy memories of his home planet.

"It's beautiful," Spencer whispered, his own eyes filling with tears. "I'll never forget it, Doctor. Now that I've seen Gallifrey, I almost feel like I could have been a part of it. And it'll always have a special place in my heart, because it's a part of you."

"I hope you'll be able to keep Gallifrey in your heart for the rest of your life, Spencer," the Doctor told him, his voice trembling slightly. "And that you'll always think of it with love, just as I do. It might not have been perfect, but it was a wonderful place."

"I know it was," Spencer answered, recovering his voice and swallowing back the lump in his throat. "I love it because it's the place you came from. Without Gallifrey, I'd never have had you. And you mean more to me than I can even start to put into words."

The Doctor smiled, raising a hand to stroke gentle fingertips down Spencer's cheek. "That's one of the most beautiful things anyone's ever said to me," he murmured, his dark gaze holding Spencer's. "Either about me, or about the world I come from."

"I meant every word of it," Spencer answered, bowing his head to brush his lips across the softness of the Time Lord's mouth. As his lips met the Doctor's, he knew that he'd always think of Gallfirey with gratitude -- and that he'd always hold it in his mind and in his heart.

***