Title: Following the Fisher King
By: printerone
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Genre: pre-slash
Pairing: pre-slash Gideon/Reid
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Well I certainly don’t own them. If I did, they’d have a lot more fun. Everybody you recognize from the shows belongs to the suits; everyone you don’t belongs to me. This story is written hopefully for the entertainment of fans, certainly not for any money; therefore no copyright infringement is intended. Like anyone would pay me for my writing.
Summary: Reid visits his mother again.
Warnings: none that I can think of per se, except for maybe my writing. Spoilers for The Fisher King part I.
Notes: I got to thinking about the background we learned about Reid in the first part of The Fisher King and this small rabbit hopped out from under the bed. Throughout this fic in places are direct quotes from various episodes of the show that I have shamelessly used.
Acknowledgments: Once again Stacy aka slash_girl for the beta, any and all mistakes are my own.

***

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

Einstein.

 

Hesitating again in the doorway to the common room of the Bennington Sanitarium Spencer Reid , watched as the woman seated in the far corner of the quiet room intently consulted the large number of open books on the table before her and then began to write in a spiral notebook.

 

“Another visit, Dr. Reid?” the voice came from behind his left shoulder. “That’s twice in the last six months.”

 

“Dr. Jesson, hello,” Spencer replied holding out his hand to the young psychiatrist. “Yes, another visit.   Unfortunately the last time I was here, a case interrupted and I did not get the chance to visit with her at all.”

 

“We never told her that you’d come, only that you’d sent the book.   She would have been  extremely upset to know you’d been here and not seen her that the treatment team though it best to keep it from her.”

 

“I see.   I won’t mention it then.   Your last report said that she’d had a serious relapse into delusional thoughts and hallucinations again.   How is she now?”

 

“We’ve managed to stabilize her again, with some changes in her pharmacological treatment; several new medications have recently become approved for use with Schizophrenic patients. I believe I have mentioned on several occasions that Schizophrenia is a lifetime illness. Overall, at the moment, she is quite stable and as you can see, once again studying and writing.   She’s planning to publish a paper on Thomas Mallory’s Morte d'Arthur.”  

 

“The University granted her Emeritus status once her illness progressed to the point of her being unable to teach any longer. A scholarly paper published by Diana Reid will always be well received regardless of where she happens to be residing.”

 

“Dr, Reid, as question:   are you actually going to visit with her this time?”

 

“Dr. Jesson, I fully intended to see her the last time I was here, unfortunately I was called away on a case,”

 

“But you hesitated, Dr. Reid, you were reluctant.   In fact if I remember correctly you said something to the effect of letting her rest that day.”

 

“I said ‘Maybe it’s better if I let her rest today'. To which you asked ‘Rest?’ And I replied ‘Yeah I’ll come back tomorrow,’ and you then asked ‘Tomorrow?’ and I asked you to give her the Marjorie Kempe book and   told you that it was her favorite,” Reid replied.

 

“Remarkable, you remembered a conversation we had six months ago in such detail.”

 

“Eidetic memory; I remember every conversation that I have ever had, every thing that I have ever seen and read.”

 

“What a wonderful ability and yet what a terrible curse, especially in your line of work, one that I do not envy you at all.”

 

Smiling slightly, Reid inclined his head, “You are definitely among the minority Dr. Jesson.   Most people I meet don’t understand the burden that eidetic memory can be.   Now if you will excuse me, I’ll go and see her.”

 

“Certainly, if you need to speak to me afterwards, I’ll be in my office.”

 

Shaking the doctor’s hand again, Spencer slowly walked through the quiet room.

 

 

Want to hear God laugh? Tell Him your plans.

Unknown

 

“Hello, Mom.”

 

“Spencer?”

 

“Yes, Mom, I’m here,” Spencer replied as he leaned down to kiss the still unlined cheek.   “You look very well.   How are you feeling?”

 

“As well as can be expected for a Schizophrenic, though at the moment I am relatively stable and symptom free.   Are you able to stay long?”

 

“I’ll be here for three or four days. The team is in Las Vegas at a law enforcement symposium; we’re all going to be giving lectures to various local, state and federal agencies. Today I can only stay until three.”

 

“You’ll be lecturing?   I’d love the opportunity to observe you teaching, Spencer.   Do you think that there is anyway that I’d be allowed to attend?”

 

 “I don’t think so, but I do know that they are going to videotaping the lectures.   I’m sure if I ask Gideon, he could get me a copy for you.”

 

“That will have to do, as I’m not sure if we could get Dr. Jesson to agree to even a day pass for me.   This last exacerbation of symptoms was much worse then any other that I’ve had, worse then even the one I had when you were five.”

 

“That bad? Dr. Jesson didn’t say it was that bad.”

 

“That bad and even though she is a psychiatrist, I am the one experiencing the symptoms not her. So, yes, in my opinion, this episode was that bad, from what I remember of it.   That is why I’ve decided to attempt one more paper, in the case that my illness progress to the point where it will be extremely difficult for me to remain coherent and capable of communicating rationally, Diana paused for a moment, looking gently at her son.   "The delusions and hallucinations were particularly difficult to control, even with a multiple medicinal approach.   Even though Dr. Jesson has not said it, I believe that my illness is progressing and that I may become totally incapacitated by it.”

 

“Mom!” Spencer exclaimed. “Please don’t say things like that.”

 

“Spencer, hiding from the facts is not logical, nor to either of our benefits.   Schizophrenia does not always progress, but mine has always been a variant of it.   My symptoms began earlier then the norm for females and my deteriorations have always been more intense.   You have to prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best.   Now, enough about me sit down and tell me everything, all of the things that you don’t include in your letters.”

 

 “You know that there are things that I can’t tell you, things that could endanger prosecutions in some of the cases we’ve worked.   Things which are just too horrific to talk about as well.   I help hunt monsters.   Real live monsters, worse then any of the ones ever written about in any of the literature you’ve ever studied.   I write to you about my cases, but I have to censor those writings very heavily. I know how you feel about censorship in any form, but in this case it is a necessity.”

 

“Then tell me about your fellow adventurers, if you don’t want to talk about your quests.   Let me know them like you do. That won’t endanger anything nor will it horrify me and it will give me an insight into your life that my illness has prevented.”

 

“Mom, they’re a group of FBI agents.   I’d much rather hear about the new paper Dr. Jesson said you were working on,” Spencer protested.

 

“Spencer, you only try to change the subject matter when you have something to hide from me. It didn’t work when you were 10 years old and getting beat up in high school and it certainly won’t work now.   So please, son, let me into your life.”

 

Sighing heavily, Reid began reluctantly, “The BAU team that I work on , consists of myself, four other field agents, a liaison/communications specialist and a technician that does all of our research, usually from Quantico.   While I'm the youngest on the team chronologically, our newest member is Elle Greenway, she joined us from the Seattle field office, and her area of expertise is sex offender cases. She’s very intuitive and a very intense investigator.   I’ve learned a great deal about sex offenders, especially their motivations and methods from the time that she’s been with us.   Having a woman on the field team has been an additional bonus when we have to deal with either families or female victims. Our unit liaison is Jennifer Jareau; she has a Masters degree in Communications, her undergraduate minor was in Criminal Behavioral Studies.   She handles the press including all official press conferences. She also advises the local law enforcement that we consult with on how to deal with the press and what kind of press releases to give out.   Remember, I told you about her in the letter I wrote about the birthday party my team gave me for my 24 th birthday?   J.J. is the one who baked the cake for me, and the one Gideon encouraged me to take to the Redskins game he gave me tickets for.   Gideon’s like that—he keeps trying to get me to try things I’ve never done before.”

 

“Yes I do remember you mentioning that, but you never wrote more about her or how your date went.”

 

“It was pleasant enough, Mom, but it was not what either of us was really looking for.    J.J. is a wonderful and very capable agent and colleague.   I tried to be interested in her as Gideon was the one who pointed out she was a Redskins fan.   I thought that it would give us common beginning.   It didn’t.”

 

“It seems as though Agent Gideon is very interested in making sure that you are not only trained to the best of your abilities, but contented in your personal life too.’

 

“He’s my supervisor, of course he’s going to want to make sure I can do the job and he’s no more interested in my personal life, then say Morgan is. And Morgan's only interest seems to be that of the so-called 'Boys' Club' type.   He and I are the only   single males on our team.   Morgan feels that   binds us in some kind of masculine conquest/hunting ritual.   He’s always teasing me about my lack of sexual conquests, like it’s some kind of contest about who gets laid more often. As for Gideon’s interest in me, it is only what it needs to be to get the job done.”

 

Gently caressing the still baby soft skin of his cheek, Diana encouraged, “tell me more Spencer, tell me everything. Take me outside of these walls, into your life.”

 

 

The most difficult thing to explain in life is the simplest truth called LOVE.

--Ramanathan Srinivasan

 

Finishing the coffee and cake the orderly had brought to the quiet corner of the common room Spenser continued talking about his life and his colleagues to his mother, who smiled contentedly while he spoke.  

 

“Then Gideon, Hotch and Morgan all stood around looking at me and I asked if at least one of them could look like they were going to see me again. Hotch said 'See you when you get back,' with such a straight face, that I knew that if I didn’t come back in one piece I’d be hearing Hotch’s lecture, once again, about my sometime creative interpretations of orders.   And when he was done, it would be Gideon’s turn and that was incentive enough to try my best to carry out his orders to the letter.   The only thing was that I wasn’t allowed to leave once I supposedly removed the chip for the unsub,” Spenser paused.

 

“ The unsub? I thought that you said that you knew the identity of the person who was holding the train hostage?”

 

“Gideon reminded me that I would need to censor any mention of   the identities of people who are still in the prosecutorial phase.   This unsub hasn’t   completely worked through the system; he’s still being assessed as to his fitness to  attend any hearing on this case. So no mention of his real identity can be made by me until a judgment has been handed down.”

 

“As I mentioned earlier, Agent Gideon plays a very prominent role in all of your adventures. You two must spend a fair amount of time one on one.”

 

“He’s the unit chief, Mom of course he plays a very prominent role on the team.   And I do try to spend time with him.   He has a wealth of knowledge, an instinct that no amount of formal education will ever rival.   Besides, he's helped me improve my chess game to where   I’ve actually progressed enough that I’ve beat him a time or two.”

 

“Spencer, when are you going to admit to me and yourself that you are bisexual and very much attracted to Agent Gideon?” Diana casually asked as Spencer paused.

 

“Mom,” he sputtered, almost preventing spewing the mouthful of coffee he had just taken. He'd forgotten just how perceptive his mother could be about such things.

 

“It’s more then obvious to me what your feelings for Agent Gideon are.   Why not tell him?”

 

“It’s not something that I could announce in the middle of the office or during a team briefing, Mom.   Besides he’s very heterosexual.   He was married at one time, has a 25 year old son; he still even wears his wedding ring and he was in the military.   Not to mention that even if he was bisexual, or amiable to experimentation, I’d be much too young and inexperienced for him to look at in a sexual light at all.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous! Of course, you couldn’t bring it up at a team meeting, but as you have already said the two of you do spend time together alone. Surely you could subtlety broach the subject.’

 

“You seem to forget how socially awkward I am and how very unsubtle I can be at the best of times.   No, it’s best that I don’t say or do anything.   I could jeopardize being able to work with him and that would be far worse then to having unrequited feelings.”

 

“I only want your happiness, my son,” Diana began as the soft tones of his cell phone interrupted.

 

“Reid.”

 

“Hey Reid, it’s Morgan, Gideon just wanted me to remind you, that you need to be back here by five.”

 

“Thanks Morgan, I was just getting ready to leave.   Tell Gideon I’ll meet him at exactly five, in front of our panel room.”

 

“No problem man.   Elle and J.J. said to ask you if you wanted to join the rest of us for Chinese after the last lecture?”

 

“Certainly, but if they are making the reservations, tell them I want a fork, no chopsticks this time.   I refuse to go to bed without a decent meal tonight,” Reid replied.

 

‘I’ll let them know,” Morgan laughed softly.   “See you at dinner then.”

 

Spencer closed his phone, putting it away. “I have to go, Mom,” he said, bending again to kiss the offered cheek.   “Tomorrow is a full day of lectures, meetings and strategy sessions, so I won’t be able to visit, but I’ll be back for a couple of hours on Wednesday.   Maybe it will be nice enough we can sit outside for awhile.”

 

“Maybe it will.   Spencer, promise me one thing.”

 

“I’ll try.”

 

“If an opportunity arises where you can tell Agent Gideon that he matters to you, that you love him? Please, tell him. That I didn’t do so with the man that I loved was the greatest mistake of my life.   It wouldn't have changed anything; your father would not have left his wealthy family and wife for a struggling 15 th century literature TA at Berkley and the baby which I bore him. But he’d have known and all of the power that lay in the secret would have been lost. And I might have been able to move on.   Tell him, son," she insisted.

 

Shivering in the aftermath of his mother’s words, Spencer nodded, “If there comes a right time, I’ll tell him.”

 

Blinking as he walked out into the bright sunlight, Spencer hurriedly donned his sunglasses. He quickly made his way to the black Yukon he’d driven from Vegas to the Bennington Sanitarium and his formidable mind was already compartmentalizing the visit with his mother into the private part of his mind.   Shutting it away for now allowed him to  assume his professional persona.

 

 

 

Making his way through the throng of convention attendees, Gideon automatically began to look for Reid.   Morgan had said he’d meet him outside of their panel room at five and knowing Reid’s obsessive nature, he knew the other man would be waiting for his arrival.   Gideon was looking forward to spending the time with the younger man even though there would be 50 or so cops and   special agents from various government agencies in the room with them.   Spencer Reid had, in the four years he’d been working for him, become more then just another protégé, more then just another BAU team member.   Smiling inwardly, Gideon spied Reid, exactly where he’d expected to find him, back against a wall, intently studying something, his face reflecting the man he tried to keep inside.   The man, who Gideon realizes, was becoming more and more attracted to him.

 

“Did you have a good visit?” Gideon asked , his voice pitched so that only Reid could hear.   “Is your mother doing better?”

 

“Yes, thank you. The visit went very well and she’s stabilized for the time being.   Thank you for allowing me to go.”

 

“It was certainly no hardship, seeing as our last attempt at vacation time got disrupted.   The rest of us easily covered the lectures that were of relevance.   I’m sure Elle, Morgan and Hotch will have copies of everything for you, if you come by my room tonight I’ll give you the copies that I have.”

 

“Thank you, I will, some of the topics being covered today were of especial interest to me.”

 

“Why don’t we skip dessert? The rest of the group, Hotch included, wanted to catch some show going on in one of the lounges.   We can order coffee and dessert in my room, that way we can sit back relax and maybe even play a game of chess or two.”

 

Looking down shyly, a light blush coloring his cheeks, Spencer nodded, “I’d like that.”

 

“Agent Gideon, Dr. Reid, we’re ready for you," one of the organizers called out.

 

“After dinner then?” Gideon asked.

 

“After dinner,” Reid agreed as the two men entered the panel room, their work, for the moment, taking precedence.

 

The End.