Title: The Changes of Life
Author: Susie
Author Email: Susie41694@Aol.com
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Spencer/Jason, Spencer/Derek
Rating: FRAO
Summary: This is a bunny that happened when it was announced the Mandy left the show. It also follows after "Sub-Conscious Takes Over" but I think can still be read alone.
Disclaimer: Don't own any characters; just want to play with them for a little while then I will send them home.
Warnings: AU, slash
Author Notes: A big thanks to Annie for her help.

***

Spencer sat staring at the screen with the email, Dear Spencer, still on it. While he had been expecting something, this wasn't really what he thought it would be. His bright, shining eyes were now dull, and what had been a gleaming happy smile was gone. After reading the message over a few times, he finally printed it then saved it to the special file on his external drive which was kept in his safe most of the time. Next he deleted the email then shut down the PC.

He went about the routine of locking down his office, the drive safely tucked into the canvas bag with its cable then placed in its special spot in the safe. The door was shut and locked tight. The printer still held the printout. Next, he flipped off the light as he shut the office door.

A great weight settled on him as he moved step by slow step to the kitchen realizing it was nearly dinner time. He watched as his hand pulled down a glass and poured the vodka in. With glass in hand, his body moved to the refrigerator. A few ice cubes, some juice, and then his body slid into a spot on the couch in the living room. The glass went to his lips and the liquid flowed down his throat. His mind was a million minutes into the past…

//Jason made a great dinner. It was the first of many that they would eat together in the coming future. Each meal, night and date that they shared was a step closer into each others' lives. One night, Jason gifted Spencer with a key ring that included a key to his hideaway. Spencer floated for weeks on the feelings that gift had given him, knowing the trust that Jason showed him.

There were the times that Jason went with Spencer to see his mom. Jason waited in the car just outside, instead of in their hotel room. Jason knew Spencer would return from these visits a crushed man and he wanted to be waiting for him, wanted to be the one to help put his lover back together.

Then flashes of showers, walks and talks, private chess games and a million other moments…Until it all begin to shatter.

The field, the Unsub, waking up bound and then the needle sliding under skin and the flow of memories to follow.

Once Spencer was rescued, Jason had begun to slowly distance himself from his lover. The final breakup happened after the return trip from New Orleans with Jason taking the key ring and key back. The words still burned in Spencer's mind, "It's not that I don't trust (love, always unspoken) but that I can't protect you."

Then a few months later Jason walked out of the office to start an extended leave. He emailed the news to Spencer the night before he left.//

More of the liquid slid over Spencer's lips and down his throat.

New Orleans and Morgan slamming Spencer into the wall as Derek gave way to his anger for Reid not answering his cell. Then the many days… moments that found Derek Morgan listening to a broken Spencer Reid as he helped the man put the pieces back together, something the counselor didn't seem able to do. And something that Jason wouldn't even try to do. Spencer placing a key into Derek's hand one day, followed by the statement of just in case it's ever needed.

Days, weeks, months after Jason took his leave.

The bar Friday night and being dragged, in fact, almost carried in by the rest of the team. The dinner and drinks, the laughter, leaning on the bar then the shooters, watching Penelope's eyes devour Derek as he danced with the harem of women that always seemed to find him, until only three of the team remained. Next, watching as a cute blond man lured Penelope on to the dance floor then out the door.

Spencer felt his hand being tugged at then locked eyes with Derek Morgan as he pulled Spencer into the middle of the harem with him. The men turned their backs to each other as they danced with the harem. Eyes locked briefly with each of the women, never staying for more than a beat or two, as music flowed over and around the group. A song change and backs touched. A heart-stopping time, as slowly he realized Derek's hands were on his body. The turn to face each other as their bodies melted into each other. The music heated the sensation of one hard body against another. Next a nod of a dark head towards the door and the whisper of "I think it's time to go." Spencer had missed the signal Morgan had given to the bartender, asking him to call a cab for them.

Outside waiting for the cab, Derek's warm sweet breath floated over every nerve in Spencer's body as he was seduced into coming home with him. Derek finally just stated that Spencer was too drunk to be home alone as the cab pulled up.

The kiss as the door shut and then clothes being tossed every which way as they moved to the bedroom, hot sex, and at last, sleep. Waking up, cuddling, showering, fucking, talking, eating, fucking, dozing and more sex, then a final shower. The night ending with a cab ride back to office and the picking up of their cars on Sunday morning.

Walking into his home and doing his pre-return-to-work routine before heading to check his personal email account. Then seeing that email.//

The last of the alcohol slid down his throat, his eyes stared at the hand and the empty glass but did not really see either as once more in his mind's eye, he stared at the email from Jason on the screen.

Derek's face was there as the email faded away. Softly his voice came through the fog, "Spencer, Spencer, are you okay?"

A shake of his head as if to clear it. "Derek? What…How…When did you get here?"

Derek was sitting sideways on the couch caressing Spencer's cheek with a hand. "I called you a dozen times in the last three hours. And you made me a promise about answering phone calls. Finally I decided to use my key. What's wrong?" Derek took the glass and sat it on the coffee table, then turned his attention back to the obviously troubled man before him; he forced Spencer to look at him.

There were long seconds of eyes locked in silence communication before Spencer spoke. "Email on printer."

Derek first followed the eyes then went to retrieve the email. Holding the piece of paper in his hand, he read it. By the time he had reached the end, his hand was shaking with anger.

***
Spence,
I felt it was only right that I tell you I have left the team for good. I have transferred to a team based on the west coast. I could no longer handle working on the team with you for fear that once more I would put you in harm's way.
This will be our last contact. I do love you and always will. And this gives others a way to get to me which hinders my ability to do my job.
I have found a new hideaway. After I receive the confirmation that you have this email I will delete this email address. Please do not try and find or contact me ever again.

Jason
***

The vibes coming off Derek's body left no room for misunderstanding as he dropped the email in the shredder on the way out the door. The effort to control himself before he went back to the crushed man on the couch, was palpable.

//That ass! And to think I used to look up to him. Spencer is his ex-lover and he tells him goodbye forever in an email. They haven't been together in a long time. And he did tell him about taking the leave of absence the same way. The ass acts like he's the only one that matters when it comes to dealing with problems. Like Spencer didn't already have enough to handle.//

Derek had just reached the edge of the living room when he saw Spencer's face turned towards him. The glistening eyes held sadness and something else. Derek's feet seemed to move faster as the look registered in his mind. He moved back onto the couch but this time he pulled Spencer into his arms.

Finally, Derek spoke, "Well, at least, he told you first and didn't let you find out with the rest of the team."

Spencer pulled back. "And you would have done it in person! Not over the phone and certainly not in an email. The man can deal with anyone he doesn't care about, but a lover…ex-lover…at least, a friend…team mate. I really don't know what he thinks I…we were any more." Spencer dropped his head and lowered his voice. "Sometimes I think our whole relationship was just sleepwalking for him." Then once more in that resigned tone, "I guess sex partners if they're lucky, they get emails." Shaking his head, he added "except if it's to take a key back."

Derek leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on Spencer's lips then whispered, "I'm here for you. What ever you want; friend, lover or team mate." He pulled back to look into the eyes of the hurting man, "And you're right. I would never end a relationship with an email. But then I know, in the real world you can only do so much to protect someone. And hiding isn't living."

"And I do want to live." Spencer gave a flash of a smile. "This was the best weekend in a long time." Then he leaned into Derek and gave him a quick kiss. "You always manage to make me see past the pain, past the hurt, and see the hope."

Derek smiled but before he could say a word, Spencer continued. "Is it selfish of me if I want the Friend, Lover and Team Mate?"

The only answer came with Derek pulling Spencer into one of the most passionate kisses he had ever had, then they locked up and headed for bed.

The next day the two men arrived within minutes of each other. One had the donuts and the other, the coffees or juices for the team. Soon the announcement came about the team losing Jason Gideon. The two men kept their best game face on as it was made. Then the meeting went onto the normal routine in much the same way as life has a way of doing.

The End