Title: About Love
By: Valerie
Pairing: Hotch/Ried
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Series: 1) About Friendship
Summary: Like everybody who is not in love, he thought one chose the person to be loved after endless deliberations and on the basis of particular qualities or advantages. (Marcel Proust).

Like everybody who is not in love, he thought one chose the person to be loved after endless deliberations and on the basis of particular qualities or advantages. (Marcel Proust)

Spencer Reid had never considered the word love in connection with himself. Love wasn't something that happened to child prodigies in universities where everyone was older by years. Love wasn't something that he could analyze and take apart, there weren't any statistics about love, and there were no hard facts that he could read.

He knew about crushes, because just as love was impossible if all the girls around you were two, three, four or even more years older, crushes became a given. The girls in his high school were wilder than anything he had ever imagined, and the female students sitting next to him at university had been way more sophisticated than he would ever be. None of the crushes though had ever really led to anything more than an evening tutoring session or an awkward date in the library.

And then he had joined the FBI and the BAU team, and for the first time, he had met people that didn't care how young he was, people that didn't laugh at him because he was socially inept, and it had been a revelation. Following Gideon's example, he had started to interact more with other people, and when Morgan had decided to take him under his wing, his life had suddenly teamed of women that wanted to go out and have a drink with him.

Spencer should have been elated, happy and simply ecstatic, but to his surprise he hadn't enjoyed the attention of the girls, hadn't enjoyed going out and partying. It had confused him, shaken his world because it had been against his plans, against his list of things that he wanted to achieve. He had the perfect partner pictured in his mind and had always known that she would have to be intelligent, smart, that she would have to be patient when it came to him and his job and so on. All these were qualities that he had thought his girlfriend would need to have for him to fall in love with her, and when he had met Monica, she had fulfilled every single point and yet he had felt nothing for her but friendship.

They had been going out for about three months when she invited him home for dinner, and when he arrived, she waited for him in nothing but a sexy bra and lacy panties. Spencer had never seen a woman this beautiful and this intelligent wanting him, and he should have taken the chance and fallen in love with her.

Instead he had run.

The next morning she had cornered him and asked him if he was gay. Spencer had been completely shocked and demanded to know why. Her answer had floored him and even now he still remembered it even if the incident had happened three years ago.

‘You were gentle and nice to me, but you never looked at me with the kind of devotion and longing in your eyes that you get when you talk about Agent Hotchner.'

He hadn't been able to answer her, had stared at her in shock until she had sighed and left. He had never heard from her again, but thankfully she hadn't made a drama out of the end of their relationship. Morgan had tried to pry the reason out of Spencer, but Spencer had refused to say anything.

He couldn't have said anything at that time, because he had not known, had not known that what he felt for his boss was more than respect and awe, but once Monica had opened the Pandora's Box, he hadn't been able to close it. At first he had pushed it away, had decided that Monica, despite all signs pointing towards the contrary, was stupid and had no idea about him. But then he had walked into the office one morning and had found himself looking for Hotch.

Spencer had been shocked to realize that he unconsciously always knew where Hotch was, that he watched the older profiler almost constantly but once more he had reasoned that it was a normal reaction of someone who wanted to learn and he certainly wanted to learn from Hotch.

He had rationalized his behavior as normal and obvious, because when he fell in love it would be his choice and his married boss certainly wasn't the person he had chosen. He had continued to work like nothing had happened, until they all had walked into a quiet street that had erupted into a shoot out of the worst kind. He had been terrified as he saw Hotch draw his weapon, had frozen until the other man's harsh command to move had made him run for cover. He had watched from his safe spot while Morgan and Hotch had covered their backs until the police back up had been there.

Later that night, he lay in his bed and his heart raced, as if he had run a marathon. He had tried to reason that it was his body reacting to the danger he had been in, but his mind had refused to believe the lie. Spencer hadn't been afraid for his life; it had been Hotch's life for which he feared. The admission had been a shock and he hadn't been able to deny the simple truth any longer. He was in love with Aaron Hotchner.

The revelation of that night had made his head spin for a while, but in the end Spencer had learned to live with it, had accepted it as a fact in his life and had moved on. He had looked at it rationally and had come to the conclusion that it had been inevitable for him to fall for Hotch. After all, Hotch had all the qualities Reid would have wanted in a partner; he was intelligent, kind, disciplined, good looking and well respected. He was all in all a good catch.

And he was male.

It was that last detail that kind of made the entire list above redundant, because rationally falling in love with another male was certainly not the smartest idea.

So how had it happened?

Spencer hadn't known then, and he still didn't know now, all these years later, and would never be able to answer that question, but back then he had been sure that there was no chance in hell of him ever doing more than loving Hotch from afar. He had actually considered that probably loving Hotch was indeed a smart choice, because whatever happened, it wouldn't hurt him too bad.

Spencer had lived quite well with the rationalization of his feelings. And then Boston happened.

He remembered the moment of absolute shock when he had heard about the bomb, but not much else about the day itself. It was blurred as if he had experienced it through a fog. What he remembered with crystal clear clarity, though, was the aftermath.

Hotch had taken over as leader of the BAU, and for the first time since working for the other man, Spencer had seen him show emotions. Not often he was still Hotch after all, but from time to time Spencer had watched him on the phone and had seen him smile genuinely. He had always thought that it was Haley on the phone, but then Gideon had come back and the phone calls had stopped.

The realization that Gideon had the power to make Hotch smile like that had been like a blow to Spencer's stomach. He had felt sick, as if he had fallen into a twilight zone once again. He had been fine about being in love with Hotch and never having him because Hotch was straight. Now though, he had had to adapt to a completely different reality, one where Hotch would could possibly be interested in him and yet wasn't.

Spencer spent a weekend at home trying to understand why it hurt so much, trying to make sense of his feelings, but to his shock and surprise he hadn't been able to find a reason, to make sense or to understand. In the end, he had decided, that it hurt because it had been unexpected.

Coming back to work, he had seen Hotch and Gideon stand next to each other, discussing a case, and they looked so comfortable, so close, and Spencer had been shocked at how much the sight still pained him. Hadn't he just spent a weekend coming to terms with the fact that Hotch and Gideon might just be more than friends? Hadn't he reasoned that they were much better suited for each other?  So why did it hurt?

They had been distracted by a case that morning and Spencer had learned to look away whenever he saw a tender moment between Gideon and Hotch. He would have retreated back into his solitary life, had it not been for Morgan and his insistence that Reid join him whenever he went out with the young and pretty agents that seemed to follow Morgan around constantly.

It had become a routine to look at Hotch and Gideon and wistfully wish for things to be different, and once again Spencer had thought that love was considerably easier from far away. He had known by then that falling in love with Hotch hadn't been a smart decision, but he also realized that it hadn't actually been a decision, and since he had never decided on anything, he wasn't really sure how to counter the emotions. So he did the easiest thing. He avoided dealing with them.

It worked until New York. When they had flown back from their case, the tension had been high in the small airplaneand Spencer had wanted nothing more than comfort Hotch and tell him that although he shot a man, he wasn't a monster. He hadn't gotten up though, had waited for the entire flight for Gideon to take back his harsh words, and when Morgan finally walked over towards Hotch, Spencer looked at Gideon and saw a sad and tired expression cross the other man's face.

The rift between Gideon and Hotch had been obvious, as had Hotch's hurt about it. Whatever happened between the two men had not been Hotch's idea, and for the first time since Spencer realized that he felt more for his supervisor than he should, he longed to see the quick touches and tender moments between Gideon and Hotch. It had been painful to watch them together, but it was even more painful to watch Hotch so alone.

Looking back, Spencer realized that the case in New York had been the defining moment. Things had been set in motion about which he had had no idea back then, and yet in the end, they had affected him as much as anyone else in the team. Spencer shivered in his room as he looked outside.

New York had been the starting point of Hotch's break down, a break down which had culminated on the day when Spencer had visited Hotch and found him collapsed on the floor of his living room. He had held the other man in his arms, while Hotch had sobbed and shaken desperately. He had never expected to see Hotch like this and like in a dream, he remembered the moment when he had walked into Hotch's apartment.

Spencer's heart was thumping heavily as he walked up the stairs to Hotch's apartment. He had never been here before and he wouldn't be here now, if Morgan hadn't called him this morning. Apparently, Morgan had promised to help Hotch with some furniture he had to set up, but had forgotten that he had a date with Garcia. He had literally begged Spencer to go instead of him, and Spencer, good hearted as he was, had accepted.

Good hearted? He shook his head as he stood in front of the wooden door; no there was nothing good hearted about him accepting to see Hotch. He had almost jumped at the chance to see his boss outside of work, to get a chance to see how he lived, who he was behind the mask of control.

He had wanted to get a chance to get to know Hotch. It had been an innocent thought and it had been born in the long hours of watching Hotch work too late, of too many moments when he had seen loneliness in the dark eyes, and so he had walked up and knocked on the door only to find it open.

His hand trembled as he pressed the handle, and he mentally prepared himself for anything,g and still he stood frozen in the door at the sight of Hotch slumped on the floor, shoulders shaking, body shivering and quietly sobbing.

Spencer had never expected to see Hotch like this and for a moment, he had wanted to leave because seeing Hotch broken on the floor had been like a slap to his face. It had shown him that Hotch was not simply the ideal man Spencer's fantasy had made him to be; instead, Hotch was a human being, a man who felt as deep and as strong as every other person. Spencer had felt like an intruder and yet, he hadn't been able to turn away. The same emotions that he had tried to rationalize for years now forced him to move and kneel down next to Hotch.

"Hotch?" His voice quivered, but he didn't notice as Hotch looked up and Spencer felt overwhelmed by the wealth of pain in the dark eyes. Slowly the eyes cleared and Spencer's heart stopped as the pain was replaced by a guarded hope and joy. The same emotions colored Hotch's voice as he smiled faintly. "Reid?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry that I just walked in, but the door was open. Morgan called this morning and told me he couldn't make it, so I came instead and then I saw the door and I- I thought something had happened to you..."

He trailed off as he realized that he was rambling, but Hotch didn't seem to have noticed; he just kept looking at him and slowly Spencer began to feel uncomfortable under the steady, searching eyes. "Hotch, are you okay?"

The laughter that escaped Hotch was bitter and hard and it made Spencer flinch. Hotch pressed his lips together and averted his eyes. "No, Reid, I'm not okay; do I look like it? I lost my best friend today, lost my wife, my son, my family... I couldn't protect Elle from her own demons, couldn't protect my brother from my..."

Spencer had wished to get to know Hotch, and in his naivety he had forgotten about the saying, be careful what you wish for. In one afternoon he had found out more about Hotch than he would have ever dreamt of, and with each word his ideal had crumbled more. It had been both scary and fascinating how instead of repulsing him, it had made his feelings only stronger. He hadn't been able to think rationally about what he was doing and so he had done the first thing he had thought of. He had wrapped his arms around Hotch and held him close.

"I'm here, Aaron," Spencer murmured, pulling Hotch towards him as another sob escaped Hotch's lips. He wrapped him in a comforting, protective embrace, and his heart ached as the body in his arms shuddered and tensed before Hotch gave in and let himself be held.

Reid remembered the moment he really understood what Hotch had told him and the fury that had come with it.

"I lost my best friend today."

For the first time in his life he understood why people killed others in a fit of rage, because if Gideon had been around right at that moment, Spencer would have not been able to hold himself back. But Gideon had long left, and so he had concentrated on the man in his arms instead.

"I'm here, I won't leave." He had no idea how he knew what to say. He certainly had no experience in comforting someone, but somehow he knew, somehow he knew that beneath the mask of control and strength, Hotch was as human as he was, as weak as he was, and that he needed someone to lean on. "I'm here for you."

They had sat together, and suddenly Hotch started to talk as if he had wanted to talk for a long time, but hadn't had the opportunity. The longer he spoke, the more Spencer's anger at his mentor had grown, and even now, weeks after it had happened, he still felt his blood boil whenever he thought of the pain he had seen in Hotch's eyes and the heartache he had felt at hearing the despair in Hotch's voice.

"You love him." The words were out before he could stop them, and Hotch froze for a moment, before he smiled ruefully and nodded. "Yes, in a way I do, but I'll never be able to trust him again. And without trust there is no love."

Seeing nothing but Hotch's face, lost in the memory of that day, Spencer smiled slightly as he remembered how they had cooked dinner together, how peaceful the atmosphere had been, and how Hotch had suddenly looked at him.

"I trust you, Spencer." The few words had been the most powerful promise Spencer had ever heard. Since that day, they had spent more time together, be it on the firing range where Hotch taught Spencer to shoot and at the same time found his own peace, or in a quiet diner having a meal together. There had never been any talks about Gideon or themselves, but Spencer had more than once felt Hotch look at him with dark, searching eyes, and although he wasn't sure what Hotch was searching for, he was pretty sure that he found it when Hotch smiled at him warmly.

---

Gideon had watched the growing friendship between Reid and Hotch with surprise and then trepidation. He had known about Reid's crush on Hotch, and had often hidden a smile when the younger man had blushed under Hotch's praise.

He had never given any thoughts about how Hotch might feel about Reid though, had never even thought of the possibility that Hotch might see more in Reid than a slightly overeager, very intelligent young profiler. In all honesty, he had actually been glad that it was Hotch who was Reid's object of attraction and not himself, because Gideon knew only too well that as good as he was as a profiler, he was simply terrible when it came to dealing with positive emotions directed at him. Hotch on the other hand had always been good in handling the various crushes he had encountered during his career.

So when Hotch had turned Gideon's offer for lunch down with the explanation that he already had plans with Reid, Gideon had been not only surprised but alarmed. Didn't Hotch know about Reid's crush?

He had followed Hotch back towards his office and had asked. Hotch's answer had been like a blow to his face. "I know, Gideon, but it's none of your concern."

Gideon had reeled against the clear distance in Hotch's voice, but at the same time he knew that he had caused the distance himself. They were friends once, and Gideon knew that it was him who had broken their relationship off, him who had pushed Hotch away because he hadn't been able to deal with his feelings.

For a long time Hotch had tried to reach out to Gideon, but after their last encounter in Hotch's apartment, he stopped trying. Their relationship had become pure business, and so Hotch's reaction to Gideon's question was only reasonable. Still it had hurt, but what hurt even more was the knowledge that Reid might get what he, Jason Gideon, had always dreamed about, a real chance with Hotch.

So he kept watching and observing how the two so different men had formed a closer bond with each case they worked, how they interacted with each other and every time he saw Hotch smile at Reid, he had felt his heart clench. He remained silent though, until the day when they got the file of Lucas Mann. Lucas, who had been repeatedly abused by his own father and had then grown up to be an abuser himself. He had opened an orphanage and had proceeded to beat and kill many of the kids that had been entrusted to him.

Gideon knew how hard such a case for Hotch was and when they finished it, Gideon walked over to Hotch's office. He just wanted to make sure that Hotch was ok. He opened the door quietly and stopped as if he had run into a wall.

Reid was standing next to Hotch, who sat in his chair with his head in his hands. Gideon watched mesmerized as Reid said something and Hotch looked up. The despair and hurt in Hotch's eyes made Gideon shiver, but then Hotch looked at Reid and the emotions changed into something else. Gideon swallowed hard when Hotch reached out and gently grasped Reid's hand and pressed it thankfully. Something passed between the two men and Gideon moved back quietly, glad that neither Hotch nor Reid had seen him.

He sat down in his own office and looked, surprised, at his trembling hands. He had never realized how much hope he had still harbored, how much hope that maybe he and Hotch would one day reconcile their differences and move onto a new level of their relationship. Closing his eyes, Gideon saw once again the tender moment between Hotch and Reid and he knew that he had definitively lost Hotch.

---

Hotch felt drained. Cases like this last one did that to him, cases that made him remember his own childhood, his own family, and many things that he didn't want to remember. He was always able to keep it together while the case was still on, but as soon as it was over, the images would assault him and he was helpless against the pain they brought with the memory.

"Hotch?" A gentle and yet strong hand on his shoulder made him flinch, but the soothing touch didn't disappear; instead, it got softer and once again he heard his name being called. "Hotch?"

He wanted to hide, but he knew that he couldn't, not from Spencer, and so he looked up to meet worried eyes. Spencer was pale, but there was no hesitance or insecurity as he squeezed Hotch's shoulder once more. "Can I help?"

He didn't ask what was wrong; he didn't have to because he knew. Hotch had told him one night, after Spencer had spoken about his mother. They had reached a new level of friendship after that night, and now as Hotch looked into Spencer's caring eyes, he felt calmed, comforted by the presence of his friend.

"You already did." Spencer smiled at Hotch's admission and the smile widened when Hotch covered the hand on his shoulder with his own. "Thanks, Spencer."

A small smile crossed Spencer's face and he squeezed Hotch's hand. "You're welcome."

For a moment their eyes locked and Hotch's breath caught at the emotions he saw in Spencer's eyes. There was more than caring, he realized, and probably there always had been more. He saw love in those eyes, love and concern, but also desire and longing. It took his breath away to see the same emotions he had felt for Spencer for a long time in the other man's eyes. Their eyes held for another moment and Hotch could see the understanding in Spencer's eyes, could feel it in the way his hand suddenly trembled.

"You should go home." Spencer spoke quietly, almost insecure, and Hotch nodded. He felt the tension in the room. Something had changed in the last few minutes and he knew that this was the moment he had waited for. Reaching out to touch Spencer's face, he met his friend's eyes and smiled lightly. "Join me?"

Spencer froze for a second, before he swallowed hard and nodded. He opened his mouth, but couldn't form proper words, so Hotch just smiled and got up. They walked towards Hotch's car in silence, but as soon as they were inside and away from prying eyes, Hotch leaned over and looked at Spencer.

"Tell me if I read you wrong." He had tried for an easy going, almost joking tone, but it came out as a mixture between pleading and threatening, and he frowned. Spencer's hand on his face immediately distracted him and he looked up. Spencer was flushed and the hand on Hotch's face trembled but there was no mistaking the lust in the dark eyes.

"Please." It was a mere whisper, but it was all Hotch needed, and with a deep sigh, he leaned down and captured Spencer's lips. He had thought about kissing Spencer for a long time now, had thought about it even before they had become friends, but he hadn't dared to do anything. His friendship with Spencer had been too precious, too special to risk it.

Gideon had told him that Spencer had a crush on him, but Hotch hadn't really believed it until tonight, until he really looked into Spencer's eyes and saw all the feelings he felt mirrored back at him. He hadn't dared to dream of Spencer, not like he had dreamt of Gideon before it all had fallen apart, but as he leaned over and felt Spencer's lips on his, heard the slight gasp that escaped Spencer, felt the tremble that went through Spencer's body, Hotch understood that Spencer never had had a crush on him.

It had always been more.

The realization made him shiver and he gentled the kiss, making it soft and tender until Spencer clutched at his shoulders. "Aaron."

Hotch's breath caught as he heard Spencer breathe his name, and he looked up to meet Spencer's eyes. He wanted to say something meaningful, something that told the younger man that Hotch was as affected as Spencer, but his mind was blank and so he captured Spencer's lips again and licked them quickly.

"Let's get out of here." Spencer's voice was husky and it made Hotch tremble to hear it like this; he looked once more at his soon-to-be lover, before he started the car and drove home. There was a tense and yet not uncomfortable silence in the car, as their eyes met at each stop and with each look, the anticipation grew until Hotch couldn't not touch Spencer, and with a sigh, he reached out and caressed Spencer's hand until he turned it and clutched at Hotch.

"You won't regret this in the morning?"

Spencer's question was accompanied by a slight tremble, and Hotch felt warmth flood him at the shy and suddenly insecure look in Spencer's eyes. He pressed Spencer's hand tight and shook his head. "I won't, I promise."

Spencer swallowed hard, but remained silent until they were in Hotch's apartment and then in his living room, where Hotch lit the smaller lights before he sat down and held his hand out to Spencer. "Join me?"

It was the same question that he had asked before, but this time it was not fraught with desire; instead, there was something calming in it. Hotch could feel how nervous Spencer was, and as much as he wanted him, he wanted Spencer to want it, too. Understanding hit Hotch hard, as he suddenly realized how much he needed Spencer to be happy, how important it was to him that the younger man would never regret this, and with a wry smile, Hotch scolded himself mentally. Some profiler he was, he thought, there he was in love with Spencer and only now he had dared to admit it to himself.

"Aaron, I..." Spencer trailed off, insecure, and Hotch concentrated on the man in his arms.

Spencer sat close to him, but he was tense and with a slight frown, Hotch caressed Spencer's side until he relaxed against Hotch's body. "What's wrong?"

Hotch's gentle words had Spencer look at him with mix of longing and fear before he admitted, almost inaudibly, "I'm scared."

Spencer looked away after the silent confession, and Hotch sighed as he felt the body in his arms go rigid. Gently he leaned down and kissed Spencer's neck, nibbled at the skin and finally pulled Spencer towards him so that he rested completely against Hotch's body.

"What are you scared of?" Hotch spoke quietly, wanting to project nothing but calm and comfort, but he knew that he had failed when he heard the slight tremble in his own voice. He wasn't calm right now; instead, he was torn between longing and love, fear and insecurity. Still he wanted Spencer to feel okay with what they did and so he met Spencer's eyes again. "We don't have to do anything, Spencer; when I asked you to join me, I never meant that you have to sleep with me. You are my best friend, Spencer, and if that is all you want to be for me, if that is all you want me to be for you, then that's how it will be. It's your decision."

Hotch was holding his breath after his speech, both afraid and thrilled to see shock and surprise in Spencer's eyes as he shook his head. "No, Aaron, it's not that I don't want you. Not at all, I do... I just... I just don't know what it means, you know?"

"You've never been with a man before." Hotch made his words a statement and not a question, but Spencer still nodded silently. The fear was back in his eyes, but Hotch understood it now and gently caressed Spencer's face; he could see how Spencer braced himself for rejection and leaned down to kiss him softly. "That's okay, Spencer, we'll go as slow as you want to go. We have time."

He wasn't sure what had made him add the last thing, but as he felt Spencer relax against him, he was glad that he had said it. "This isn't a one night stand, Spencer, or it isn't for me."

"Neither for me. I've wanted you for a long time, but it's always been so abstract, you know? I know the theory, I read about it..."

Spencer trailed off blushing and Hotch smiled lovingly. "I promise you, Spencer, this is one thing where the reality is far better than the theory."

---

Reid felt Hotch's gaze on him, and as he looked at his friend, he saw the desire in Hotch's eyes. He shivered at the intensity of the look, surprised of how many emotions he suddenly could see in Hotch's face and still caught in the dark eyes, he reached out and caressed Hotch's face with his hand. Hotch leaned into his caress and a soft moan escaped him, before he reached out and captured the teasing hand with his own. Reid shivered as Hotch's eyes never left him, the dark eyes were blazing, setting him on fire and he had to suppress the urge to pull Hotch towards him, fighting the desire to touch him and press against him. He tried to remember some of the things he had read, but for once it seemed as if his memory failed him.

"Don't think, Spencer, just do what you feel like." Hotch's voice penetrated his thoughts and he moaned when he felt Hotch's lips at his throat, tracing a line of fire down his neck to his collarbone. "Do you know how long I have dreamed of touching you like this? How much I wanted to kiss you?"

Reid shivered at the husky quality of Hotch's words and then moaned when he felt Hotch opening his shirt button after button.

"I wanted to know what's underneath your clothes, wanted to kiss your skin." Hotch's voice was a hot whisper against his skin and it seemed to burn him with its intensity.

"Hotch, please..." Reid pleaded and Hotch looked up.

"What is it that you want, Spencer?"

Gentle hands pushed his shirt from his shoulders and Reid quickly slipped out of it before he leaned back against Hotch and moaned at the feeling of Hotch's shirt against his naked skin. Reid felt out of his depth, had no idea what to do, what Hotch expected from him and the last thought made him tense. "You, I just want you."

It was as if Hotch had read his mind, Reid thought as Hotch spoke softly against his skin and then Hotch got up and pulled Reid with him. "Bedroom."

They walked towards Hotch's bedroom together, and as soon as they were inside, Hotch pulled Reid close. Reid closed his eyes and unconsciously leaned back against Hotch's body.

"I want to taste every bit of your skin, want to make you feel so good that you can't remember your name, want to make you forget about everything but me."

They were standing so close together that Reid could feel Hotch's heartbeat increasing with every word he spoke. Reid could barely breathe, so hot were the images Hotch's words created, so hot and so tempting. Giving up on the struggle of hiding his desire, he leaned against Hotch, relying on the other man's strength, loving and trusting him enough to know he would not let him fall.

"I love you, Spencer."

It was those last words that shattered what had remained of Reid's control and he turned, putting his arms around Hotch as he drew him towards his body until no space was left between them. "I love you, Aaron."

He had said the three words and for a second Reid braced himself for rejection, before he realized that this was Hotch. Hotch who had never laughed at him, who had never lied to him, and with a deep sigh, Reid finally let go and leaned down to kiss Hotch's jaw.

Gentle hands undressed him, urged him to lie down, and then Hotch was there next to him and he was naked too and Reid couldn't stop looking at him, couldn't stop touching the soft skin, caress the strong muscles while at the same time he felt the silk sheet against his skin. The contrast between the soft fabric caressing his back and the strong hand that roamed over his body was driving Reid insane. He wanted to close his eyes to feel even more, but at the same time he wanted to see Hotch, wanted to see how his usually calm mask had disappeared completely, wanted to see how Hotch's eyes burned with desire whenever he looked at him.

"You are so beautiful!" Hotch ran his fingers through Reid's hair, gently massaging his scalp, calming him. He raised an arm and cupped the back of Reid's head, lowering his own until their lips met. They shared a slow, passionate kiss, as Reid molded himself against the inviting contours of Hotch's body. Their mouths found each other again as Hotch slowly lowered himself on top of Reid. The feeling of Hotch covering him completely was unlike anything Reid had ever known, and panting lightly, he pulled Hotch even closer.

"I need to feel you... closer, please..."

Hotch hungrily kissed his mouth, face, and neck, while his hands roamed possessively over Reid's body. "I love seeing you like this, so beautiful... naked and hard for me... let me see you..."

The hot whispers at his neck entranced Reid; and even as some part of his brain told him that he should be ashamed at his behavior, he was too far gone, and the spell Hotch had woven with his kisses and touches was too strong.

"Spencer, don't be ashamed, never for this; you are so beautiful." Hotch's eyes were always dark but now they seemed as black as coals, burning with an intensity that made Reid shiver, as he could almost feel the heated gaze on his chest, those burning eyes leaving a ghostly trail of fire as they wandered from his chest to his navel and further down to devour the part of Reid that ached to be touched. Again Reid could almost feel the heat from Hotch's eyes on his cock and he moaned slightly, raising his hips towards the hands that hovered just inches away from him.

"Aaron... please..."

---

Spencer's voice was raw with passion and need, and Hotch felt the response deep in his body. He had never expected Spencer to react like this, had never even dreamed of this complete and utter openness, and it shook him down to his core. He was the first man to ever touch Spencer, and as he looked down at the beautiful man, he promised himself that he would be the last. "I told you that I would taste every bit of your skin..."

His whispered words were accompanied by Spencer's moan as Hotch gently bit one of Spencer's nipples, then he slid lower. He sprinkled soft kisses around the navel, a small nibble here, a deep kiss there, taking his time in discovering Spencer's body. His caresses drew a deep moan from Spencer, and Hotch lifted his head. For a moment he couldn't help but watch Spencer, but then he remembered his promise and let his hand trail over the hairless chest down to the navel and finally, finally over the tip of Spencer's cock.

Spencer writhed with desire, his body reacting to the maddening lightness of Hotch's touch, and he lifted his hips to get more friction. Hotch had waited for a sign that Spencer really enjoyed the touch and now he bent down and swallowed him. Spencer's cry of shock quickly turned into a moan then almost into a sob as Hotch licked, sucked, consumed, tasted him. Hotch felt Spencer's fingers dig deep into his shoulders, felt the tremors that started to run through the slender body, and he knew that Spencer was close.

"Aaron, please stop..." The words were unexpected, and with a frown Hotch looked up only to find Spencer's eyes on him. "Not without you, please, I don't want to come alone."

Hearing the plea and the honesty in Spencer's words, Hotch slowly moved up until he was again face to face with Spencer and smiled. "Together, love, we'll be together."

He leaned down and captured Spencer's lips again while he worked a hand between their bodies and started to stroke their erections together. The feeling of Spencer's body so close to his made him shiver, and he tried to hold onto his control, but when Spencer started to move against him and the friction got stronger, Hotch felt his desire grow until all control vanished and nothing but passion remained. His movements were erratic, his breathing hard, and he shivered as he released Spencer's lips to draw in a breath.

"Now, love. Come with me." The gentle command had Spencer buck against him and then Hotch felt warmth spread between their bodies, and with a cry he followed his lover as his body shook and shivered in ecstasy.

---

This was what love was about, Spencer thought as he lay in Hotch's arms, safe and warm. It was nothing calculated, nothing planned and certainly nothing he had chosen, and yet he wouldn't have wanted to change anything.

Aaron was the most unlikely of choices, and yet, he was perfect.

Spencer smiled as he snuggled closer and Hotch immediately tightened his arms around him.

"Are you alright?"

Hotch's voice was drowsy but loving, and with a smile, Spencer turned towards him. "I'm great."

They were silent for a moment, before Spencer spoke again. "He was right, you know."

"Who was right and in what aspect?" Hotch inquired gently and Spencer smiled tiredly before he gave his answer.

"Marcel Proust. He said that everybody who is not in love thinks that one chooses the person to be loved after endless deliberations and on the basis of particular qualities or advantages. He was right. I really thought that; I even had a list of qualities that my lover needed."

Somehow he'd expected Hotch to laugh, but to his surprise Hotch tensed and his voice was colder as he spoke again. "Is this the reason why you're with me? Do I fit the list?"

Surprised at both the question and the underlying arrogance in Hotch's assumption, Spencer laughed. "No Aaron, you certainly didn't fit the list. You have some of the qualities, but believe me being male and my supervisor aren't points that made the list."

Hotch relaxed against him, and Spencer suddenly understood. He turned even more towards his lover and for once it was him who held Hotch close. "I love you, Aaron, not the profiler and not the special agent, just you."

"Why?"

The fear in Hotch's voice took Spencer's breath away, and he thought about it for a moment before he shrugged. "I don't know, Aaron, but isn't that the thing about love, that you don't know why, that it doesn't make any sense and yet you still love?"

Hotch leaned against him, and as their eyes met, Spencer saw nothing but love in Hotch's dark eyes. For a moment their gazes locked, and then Hotch smiled before he leaned down and tenderly kissed Spencer. "You're right, Spencer, that's what love is all about."

---

The End