Title: Out To Lunch
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: writers_choice
Prompt: #393, Lunch
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Spencer smiled as Aaron glanced across the table at him; the team was just sitting down to lunch, after having been briefed on the next case they would be taking on, and he was feeling more than a little unsettled after seeing the pictures they'd been shown.

Usually, things like that didn't bother him to this extent. Every picture of violence he had to set eyes on did have something of an effect on him, but he'd learned to look at them clinically, and not to let them work their way too deeply into his consciousness.

But these pictures had disturbed him because they'd made him think of what his own lover had gone through. Four young men, brutally raped and murdered -- of course, that was going to turn his mind to what Foyet had done to Aaron. It was inevitable.

It wasn't that he wanted his mind to turn to such disturbing thoughts. But he was sure that Aaron was feeling the same way; he could see it in the tense set of his jaw, in the stiffness of his boyfriend's movements, the way he studiously avoided looking at anyone.

The rest of the team didn't know exactly what had happened to Hotch during that nightmare time; the only one who might have known was Rossi, and Spencer was fairly sure that even as close as Aaron was to him, he wouldn't have divulged that particular bit of information.

No, he was the only one here who knew just how disturbing Aaron would find those pictures, and what bad memories they would bring back. He had to try to help his boyfriend get past those memories, and to focus on nothing more than the case in front of them.

The team didn't usually have lunch together, but Garcia had come up with the idea of having ordering out, and had taken everyone's order for Chinese food and called it in. They'd been sitting here eating for nearly ten minutes now, and Hotch's silence was palpable.

Spencer glanced at his lover worriedly, wondering if anyone else was taking notice of how quiet Aaron was being. He'd seen Morgan flick a few glances at the other man, and had also seen Prentiss and Morgan exchanging a look of worry between them.

He wanted to get Aaron into his office and close the door, to be sure that they wouldn't be bothered by the rest of the team, to talk about this case between the two of them before they took off for Denver. He needed to have that time alone with his boyfriend.

And Spencer was fairly sure that Aaron needed that time, too. He couldn't begin to understand just how his lover felt about this case, but he knew that Aaron needed his support, and also needed to have some time away from the team to get his head together before they left.

The worst thing for him would be to have the team trying to pry into his feelings. He was still on shaky ground; if anyone started asking him whether or not he was somehow personally involved in this case through his own feelings, he could very well lose control.

If that happened, it was only a matter of time before word of it got back to Strauss -- and then Aaron could very well be permanently ousted as the leader of the BAU. Spencer knew that if the worst happened, he wouldn't stay with the team, either.

Abruptly, Aaron stood up, mumbling something about having some files he needed to sign off on before they left for Denver. The rest of the team nodded, not looking after him as he strode towards his office; this wasn't an unusual occurrence for them.

Aaron usually did have work piled up on him, but Spencer knew that he'd left the communal gathering to spend the next hour or so alone in his office before they left. He knew what had moved his lover to do that, even if no one else had a clue as to the real reason.

He got up from the table himself, saying that he had something to talk with Aaron about before concerning this case before they left. No one would think that was unusual; they would simply assume that he had some insight he wanted to impart to the boss.

Or, if they were as perceptive as Spencer thought they were, they'd all understand that he wanted to be with the man he was involved with on a private basis before the team waw thrown together for what could be several long days in an unfamiliar place.

As he rose from the table, Spencer caught Rossi's eye; the older man gave him a slight smile, inclining his head towards the closed door of Aaron's office. He obviously knew more than he was letting on, and the young man couldn't help wondering just how much he guessed at.

How close could he be to the truth of what had happened to Hotch on that night Foyet had attacked him? Spencer knew that his lover hadn't talked to anyone on the team about that; but he was starting to feel that maybe Aaron should open up to his old friend.

Still, that was Aaron's choice, he told himself as he knocked softly on the door of the office and then opened it slowly. The impromptu team lunch was over; now it was time for him to support Aaron in any way he could, to chase away whatever demons might be lurking.

He closed the door softly behind him, making sure to lock it. Clearing his throat, he moved to the chair across from Aaron's desk and sat down, his eyes meeting his lover's across the expanse of files that covered the burnished mahogany.

"Seems like everybody else is still out to lunch," Spencer said softly, leaning forward and focusing his gaze on Aaron's face. "But you're out to lunch in a different way. It's like you're distancing yourself from the team, Hotch. You can't focus on the past. Just on the new case."

"I know that," Aaron said softly, looking up at Spencer, his gaze strong and steady. "But I can't do it by myself, Spencer. I need you there with me. This is the first case since it happened that's felt as though it's touched me personally. I need you there to support me."

"I'll be there," Spencer told him softly, reaching across the desk to lay his hand on top of the other man's. "I'm always there for you. Don't worry about that, Hotch. I'm not going anywhere. And we're going to get through this case -- and find the killer."

"It's not going to be that easy, Spencer," Aaron whispered, shaking his head. "You know that. But I do appreciate the vote of confidence. I just hope that I can live up to it and not fall apart. This case feels more personal to me than any case has in a long time."

"I understand," Spencer murmured, squeezing his lover's hand in sympathy. "You're not going to fall apart, Hotch. You're too much of a professional for that. And you have to remember that this case is different. Foyet didn't intend to kill you."

"No, but he could have." Aaron raised his gaze to Spencer's face, their eyes meeting. "Instead he chose to do something to me that he knew I'd have to live with for the rest of my days. And he knew that it would eventually affect how I do my job."

"You can't let it affect you," Spencer told him, trying to keep his voice firm and strong. "If you do, then the team is leaderless. You can't leave us hanging, Hotch. Pull yourself together. I know this case is going to be rough for you, but you've got to put your personal feelings out of the way."

Aaron nodded, taking a deep breath and managing a wan smile. "You're right. I know that, it's just hard to deal with seeing something in front of me that could so easily have actually happened to me. But I'll get through it. And we will catch this Unsub."

"Come on," Spencer told him, standing up and smiling at the man he loved. "Let's go finish lunch. We don't want the rest of the team to start thinking we're not going to keep up with them. Nobody needs to think either one of us is out to lunch."

Aaron smiled again, this one a little less strained than the last. When he took Spencer's hand, the young man was relieved to find that his lover's grip was firm; he only hoped that Aaron's grip on his personal issues while they were involved with this case would be just as strong.

***