Title: Nothing More Than This
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Doctor Who/Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, sound_of_drums
Prompt: 16, More Than This
Author's Note: Continuation of Heights of Passion.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Spencer Reid, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Spencer sighed as he opened his eyes, blinking up at the ceiling. Beside him, the Doctor was still asleep, a small smile curving his lips. Spencer looked over at his lover with a smile on his own face, reaching out to trace his fingertips over the Doctor's cheek.

How had he ended up here, anyway? It sounded crazy to say that he almost felt grateful to his drug addiction; without that, he'd probably never have wound up here on the Tardis, traveling through space and time with the man he loved.

It hadn't really come as a shock to him to discover that he was in love with the Doctor. He'd fallen for the other man when they'd first met; he just hadn't wanted to admit it to himself. He'd never really been in love before, so he hadn't recognized it at first.

But once he'd accepted the fact that he was in love, it had been easy to see the signs. It wasn't all intellectual; he was going more on his feelings than on what he'd read about how he was supposed to feel if he was in love.

For once, he was disregarding the promptings of his intellect and listening to his emotions. That had never been easy for him, but as far as he was concerned, the Doctor deserved to be seen with his heart, not only with his mind.

Truth be told, it had been hard for him to open his mind and believe what the Doctor was telling him at first, about being an alien who traveled through time and space. Even after he'd seen the Tardis, it was hard for him to wrap his head around that concept.

He'd adjusted, though. And now, he was at the point where he enjoyed being here -- enjoyed it so much that he didn't want to go back. He didn't want to be back on Earth, back at the BAU, profiling serial killers and going home every night alone.

Yes, there was a part of him that missed his friends. But there were too many other things that he didn't miss at all, things that he didn't want to go back to. Not least of those was the emptiness at the core of his life.

There was also a part of him -- albeit a very small -- that missed seeing Hotch every day. But that had never been a real relationship, Spencer told himself firmly, pushing the mental image of the man he'd worked with for the past few years out of his mind.

Hotch had cared for him, yes -- but as a friend, not as anything more. He'd never be more than that to the man he'd had a crush on for so long. That unrequited love would never have come to anything; he would have spent his life yearning for something he'd never be able to have.

What he had now was so much more than he could possibly have dreamed of when he was Dr. Reid of the BAU. He might not have that somewhat impressive title now; he might not be looked up to. But he was loved, and that was much more important to him.

He couldn't doubt the Doctor's love. He hadn't, not from the first time the Time Lord had taken his hand and looked into his eyes. The Doctor might not have said those three little words, but Spencer had been able to see them clearly written in those dark eyes.

Spencer looked at the man next to him again, turning on his side and sliding his arms around the Doctor's body to pull his lover close. He moved slowly, carefully, so as not to wake the sleeping beauty in his arms, holding back a smile as the Time Lord settled into his arms with a soft sigh.

His life had improved in more ways than he could count since the advent of the Doctor in his life. Any other person might feel that he'd lost a lot; he wasn't going to work every day, collecting a paycheck, doing some good in the world like he'd been doing before.

But none of that seemed to matter now. It was all so far away from him; sometimes, his days with the BAU seemed like a dream. At any other time, he might have thought that this was dream, but that wasn't the case. It was real, immediate, crystal-clear.

Sighing, he closed his eyes, pulling the Doctor closer against him and molding their bodies against each other. He might as well face it. Sooner or later, he'd have to go back to his life on Earth. A life that seemed unbearbly empty and meaningless now.

For him, that life had taken on the unreality of a movie that he'd watched, instead of the life he'd lived. He felt detached from it, as though it had all happened to someone else, moving by him in a steady stream, fading into the distant past.

Some of the images were black and white, some fading to grey. Some were still brightly colored, but Spencer had the feeling that those would eventually fade to sepia, and then get lost in the mists of time where he would have a hard time accessing them again.

He really didn't mind if they did. This was his life now -- a life that he didn't want to give up or leave behind him. There was nothing more than this, the present, being here with the Doctor and knowing that it was where he belonged.

There didn't have to be anything more, he told himself fiercely, resisting the urge to crush the Doctor against him in a desperate attempt to make himself believe that this wasn't going to end. He didn't have to go back. Not if he didn't want to.

This could be his whole life. He wasn't going to be forced to leave; he was sure of that. The Doctor would give him the choice, but not push him one way or the other. It would be his decision of whether he wanted to leave or stay.

He knew enough about how people had left the Doctor in the past to know that it would break the Time Lord's hearts to lose him. It would be yet another rejection, one more in a long line of them. For all he knew, the Doctor actually expected him to leave.

Spencer gathered the other man closer against his body, nuzzling his cheek against the softness of the Doctor's tawny hair. He was going to be the companion who broke that chain. He'd be the one who stayed -- not because of a sense of obligation, but because it was what he wanted.

He'd already made up his mind that he wanted to be with the Doctor. It wouldn't be easy to explain to anyone where he'd been and who he was with, and hopefully, he wouldn't have to do that. All of his friends would think he'd lost his mind.

But he couldn't just disappear without a trace, without a word to them. He'd have to think up some plausible reason for where he'd been, other than that he was traveling in time and space with an alien for a lover, someone he wanted to stay with.

Closing his eyes, he concentrated on making his body relax, bit by bit, until he could take a deep breath and focus. It was an old trick he'd learned when he'd first joined the BAU, and some of the things he'd seen had made it hard for him to sleep.

The Doctor could take him back into the past, where they'd left from. The others would never know that he'd been missing; they never had to know about the Doctor. He could return to his life if he chose to, as if nothing had ever happened.

But he would know it had happened. He would feel the gnawing ache of loneliness in his heart for the rest of his life -- and he'd know that he had given up the one person he'd ever really love. He wasn't going to let himself be that stupid.

He had no intention of spending the rest of his life mourning for a lost love. Not when he could spend that life here, with the man he loved. The choice was his, and he knew what he would choose without even having to think about the options.

It didn't matter what his friends might think. They could shake their heads and ponder his sanity, but that wouldn't make a difference to him. He'd still choose the Doctor over his job, his life on Earth, even his friends. Because in the end, the Doctor was more important to him.

There really was nothing more than this. Nothing more than being in love with a wonderful man, a man who accepted him just as he was, without thinking that he was some kind of freak and wanting him to change anything about himself.

Spencer took a deep breath, smiling as he raised a hand to stroke the Doctor's hair. Maybe some people would think that he should have more than this in his life. But this was all he wanted, and all he needed. For him, what he had was more than enough.

***