Title: Pull Me Through
By: Gabigail
Pairing: Elle/Gideon
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds and its characters are the creation of Jeff Davis and are copy written under CBS (as far as I can tell). No infringement upon their rights is intended. The stories written under the penname Gabigail, however, do belong to me. None are written for profit and are intended for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Elle's been shot and the team has to cope, however, two team members in particular are taking the situation a little too hard. SPOILER... The Fisher King Part I and into the second season. Might be a bit angst driven not too sure.

***

"She didn't have to die!" the unsub's voice, like sandpaper, snapped loudly over the speakerphone, causing some to stop in their tracks and watch as Gideon tapped a button that cut the line. Hotchner stood beside him, arms folded tightly across his chest as he knew exactly which 'she' the unsub referred to. He stared at Gideon for a moment, didn't have to die? When Anderson caught his eye, he realised exactly what it meant. Being that the team had been working in their customary smaller groups with J.J. and Morgan on their way, if not already in Boston; following up on a lead and Reid working through the clues in a conference room. Gideon and Hotchner had been left to work through other details and interview the young man who delivered the package to Hotchner's home- all unaware of the fact that following the press conference led by J.J., the unsub had broken into Elle's flat and lay in wait for her arrival, which hadn't been long, as Hotchner unknowingly played right into his hand by sending her home with another agent. Even so, he and Gideon bore equal responsibility for the fresh chaos inflicted upon the team. Once news of Elle's undergoing life saving surgery reached them, the thought of loosing a member shook them of their confidence as emotions had begun to get the better of them-possibly clouding judgement, so when Gideon suggested that he go home to his family and get some rest, the raven haired agent didn't protest- only nodded his response and without another word, walked down the long hallway to the elevator.

He knew he ought to be grateful to have a family to go home to- but on the other hand, he knew there was no way that he could go home. He just felt that there was something that he needed to do, something that had been slowly gnawing at him ever since he arrived at the hospital. While he knew that he was indeed in the right place, he spent the better part of twenty minutes staring at her flat trying to muster up the courage to go inside. He thought of the past weeks and the events that plagued that week, the most recent in particular- all leaving a distant, drawn out aftertaste in his mouth. With each and every detail still fresh in his mind, and while he knew that once he opened the car door and closed it behind with a thud; there would be no turning back. He ever so slowly let the breath he had been holding escape his lips in a loud sigh as he gingerly cut through the police tape with the jagged edge of one of the many keys that resided comfortably on his key chain- a plastic holder protected the photograph of his wife and their son. He absently fished in his jacket pocket for the key to the flat and held it for a moment between surprisingly steady fingers before he slid it into the lock with ease, then slowly turned the doorknob and pushed open the French door.

At first, he was unable to see much- the only illumination was provided by the glittering shimmer of the silver moon that seemed to seep into the room through a soft canopy of leaves from the trees that stood proudly outside the window. Running his fingers lightly over the wall, he fumbled for a light switch and turned on the lights, casting a soft glow upon the room. As his eyes adjusted to the light, they immediately came to rest on the blood smeared on the once pristine white wall. RULES had been deliberately spelt out in large, bold, capital letters in Elle's blood, long dried a deep crimson. He then noted the dark drying stain on the carpet in front of the low wooden coffee table that remained undisturbed in front of the window seat, which he quickly assumed to be the primary crime scene. She had more than likely been so tired that she literally had fallen asleep there on the bench- as the indentation of her form seemed to be remembered by the pillows. It truly sickened him, almost in the physical sense to think that someone, the unsub no less, had done this to one of his own- he was supposed to look after his team, yet in this case, there wasn't a damn thing that he could do to protect her.

Standing in her home, it wasn't hard to let his mind wander, wasn't hard to recall the first time he laid eyes on her. He remembered how professional she had been in her attire- she wore a neatly cut navy suit, black high heeled shoes, and a white knit top. He also didn't miss how she wore her dark shoulder length hair in neat, soft waves that caressed her very straight, very strong shoulders; a contradiction to her tuff as nails exterior. She had approached him with a firm handshake in greeting and appeared eager to begin her career with the Behavioural Analysis Unit. She had also shown interest in meeting and working with Special Agent Jason Gideon, who's reputation always proceeded him, no doubt a major draw for her joining the team. He also recalled how well their interview had been one of the more pleasant ones he had experienced, not for a moment feeling like a chore and he had been very pleased with how well he thought she would mesh with the existing team members. Her first day would be a whirlwind of filling out paperwork and quick introductions, save for Gideon, who was still technically on medical leave- after which, she was briefed and would join the team in the field.

A small smile crept across his lips as he recalled how well Elle had been so incredibly poised under the pressure of her first case and he could tell in that moment that she had wanted to be an asset to the team, which she was and would continue to be. She had even managed to control her impatience while covering Gideon from a fair distance as he directed the attention of the man who used his victim as a shield. Funny how the memory then caused the sudden rush of guilt to resurface- he hadn't been able to look out for her. He found himself following the bloody trail further into the living room, where the telephone still lay on the floor amongst a secondary patch of drying blood. He looked around and then found a storage closet where he searched and retrieved a bucket, a strong cloth, and cleaning solution- then headed towards the bathroom where he filled the bucket nearly to the brim with water. Careful not to spill the contents, he returned to the entry, placed the bucket underneath the bloody message, dunked the cloth into the hot water, not caring whether it not it burned his hands and wrung out the excess before scrubbing madly at the blood stained wall. He knew full well that he was embarking on a futile task- he knew far too well that he would be far more successful in stripping the layer of paint off the wall before the stubborn blood would ever release its iron grip.

Despite the fact, at his core, he knew that at least he was doing something. It had to be better than waiting around, he mused as he dunked the cloth back into the bucket. At the very least she can return home without the evidence as a reminder of what had transpired. Besides, there was no way that Gideon would leave her side, and he'll keep me up to date on her condition, he thought as his arms begun to ache, but seeing how much more he had to do, he ignored the pain and pressed on. He continued to scrub until the pain had become so unbearable that he could no longer hold the cloth and dropped it into the bucket with a splash.

"Damn it!" he angrily cursed at the empty room and stepped back to inspect his work. The result unsatisfying and the loud sigh echoed sharply in his ears as he slammed his back against the wall and slid down until he was leaning on his heels- his elbows rested on his thighs, he then massaged his temples with his long fingers. All that effort and nothing to really show for it, as in truth, the result looked more like a failed attempt at a paint technique, rather than an attempt to erase the memory of their case. Perhaps a coat of fresh paint, new flooring and along with that, everything would return as it once was- Time would miraculously be reversed to the moments that led up to Gideon's gross miscalculation in drawing out the unsub, and his own ingenious idea to send her home to get some much-needed rest. Why hadn't I been clearer in my instructions? If Anderson had been properly informed, had he stayed with her as I thought he would- the whole situation could have been averted and Elle would not be lying half dead in a hospital bed because of us; because of me. With that realisation hitting him like a transport truck, his mind suddenly refused to process anymore. Instead, his brown eyes set back on the wall, and just as quickly he felt himself being pulled out of a trance; picked up the bucket, retraced his steps back to the bathroom and dumped the soiled water, rinsed the cloth and draped it over the buckets lip.

***

It felt as though the weight of the world rested upon his broad shoulders. With that and a very heavy heart, Gideon waited a few minutes before resuming his pacing back up the hallway towards the familiar waiting room. He knew that Elle had been out of surgery for an hour at the very least, yet knew that he would have to be given the okay to actually see her- he had to see for himself that she would pull through. Not long after he had sent Hotchner home, one of the doctors found him leaning against the wall, obviously deep in thought,.

"Agent Gideon?" his voice was hardly above a whisper, seeing that he didn't want to startle the grief stricken agent. When there was no response, he gently tapped the older gent on his shoulder.

"Yes?" he managed to reply quietly and lifted his eyes from his shoes.

"I just wanted to let you know that you can see her now, if you like. I'm sure that she'd like to know that someone is here for her." He added simply and Gideon sighed loudly with a nod.

"Thank you." He ran he hand through his cropped hair and watched as the doctor made his way towards another patient's room; he then dashed down the hallway towards her room.

He thought he had prepared himself for what he would see- knew that he should not have been surprised by the steady beeps and constant hum of the various monitors, yet they stopped him dead in his tracks. Looking around the room quizzically, he quickly realised it possessed all the charm of a mausoleum. Equally cold and unfeeling, much the same as so many of the long corridors he had spent countless hours pacing, and the uncomfortable waiting room sitting on one of the many vinyl covered chairs where he drank far too many cups of coffee to recall- each more bitter than the last, as he waited for news. Perhaps he had become immune to it, a terrible side effect of far too little sleep, but normally the sharp, putrid smell of disinfectant or that usual hospital odour would knock anyone off their feet- yet it didn't faze him in the least. His intense gaze fell upon the lone picture that hung on the longest wall in the room- a rather predicable print used to add 'life' to an otherwise drab, sterile room; that if one truly thought about it- reeked of death.

He lingered just inside the oversized door, wide enough for the standard sized hospital beds to fit through, yet at the same time awkward in the sense that they made one feel as though they were Alice in Wonderland. Trying to steady his breath, he watched as her chest rose and fell in time with one of the many monitors. Oh Elle, I'm so very sorry, he thought wanting to close the distance between them, and yet he found himself glued firmly in place. Another doctor was in the middle of his routine, Gideon observed him as he jotted her vitals, and paused looking up at him with a warm inviting smile before he signed another sheet of loose paper in the file. Smile? That was something Gideon knew he couldn't return- well not until he was assured that she would pull through. However, how could he pretend to be so naïve, when he knew full well that good news didn't always guarantee getting out of the woods in one piece, and he knew that she was far from the preverbal clearing. His first step felt timid and yet at the same time forced, but he managed to close the distance between them and the doctor passed him with a curt nod.

His heart began to ach in his chest, felt as though it were ready to shatter into millions of pieces. In response, his eyes moistened, but the tears he hadn't shed refused him, as he stood motionless beside her. Trying to maintain a confident façade- truly wondering whether or not he should be there. After all, he had been sure that he was equally, if not more responsible for her lying in that bed than Hotchner should. He wanted to reach out towards her, wanted to run his fingers gently over her forehead in a comforting manner, wanted her to wake up so that she could be mad at him and he could apologise. It killed him to see her looking so fragile, so vulnerable, so still and he could still see the blood spattered in clumps in her beautiful long espresso locks that framed her pale face. For him, in this moment time stood absolutely still; almost as though they were in a bubble and should he move, his world would crash around him.

Glad to have closed the physical distance between them, he ignored something that had prevented him before from reaching out, and hesitantly at first, he reached out and ever so gently took her slight, soft, fragile hand between his own rough, warn and warm hands and just stared at her intently in awe and wonder- emotion finally overtook him and he let the tears free to make their way down his ruddy cheeks. He didn't bother to brush them away, just watched her through blurred vision and found himself amazed at the volume of strength she possessed within her petite frame and an extraordinary iron will to live that far surpassed anyone he knew-as he knew she could have easily given up the moment she had been shot. However, not his Elle, she miraculously managed to drag her injured, nearly broken body to the telephone before succumbing to the blood loss and losing consciousness. It had truly been lucky for her that emergency services had been swift; else he would have lost her. He only hoped that her recovery would be just as quick-he knew all too well from personal experience that while the physical scares do indeed heal over time, it is those of an emotional level that had the potential to linger longer, sometimes lasting a lifetime.

"You have to go home and get some rest." J.J. said with an arm around his shoulders. Gideon tilted his head up to see the usually perky blonde. He shook his head.

"I can't leave her alone. She needs someone here." He replied and shifted his eyes back to Elle.

"Then let me stay with her for a bit. That way you can get some rest and someone will be here for her. We'll take turns until she wakes up." She suggested with her usual, inviting smile. He finally let her pry him out of the chair and hand him to Hotchner and Morgan who both stood in the doorway. "I'll call you first if there's any change." She turned and went to sit beside Elle, while Gideon could only let himself be dragged out of the room. She took Elle's hand in hers and sat quietly for a moment. "Garcia sends her best you know? I don't think she likes hospitals much, but she said that she would come and see you. Morgan can't wait to have you back. If you could have seen his reaction, I thought he was going to kill us." She just kept talking with the hope that Elle heard some of the things she was telling her.

Reid paused in the doorway, unsure if he should interrupt the girls moment. He cleared his throat and J.J. turned towards him.

"How is she?" he inquired nervously.

"I wish she was awake, but all we can do is wait." She replied softly and sighed loudly. "They should have cleaned her up better. Don't you think?" she ran her fingers through Elle's hair. "Maybe I can get some of that hospital shampoo or something. I wouldn't want blood in my hair." She rambled. Reid reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, which seemed to calm her.

"Elle would appreciate that." He looked away for a moment. "Do you need a cup of coffee or something? I can go down to the cafeteria and get you one if you'd like." He shoved his hands in the deep pockets of his kakis pants. J.J. nodded. "I'll be right back." He left J.J. alone once more with Elle.

"You seriously have to wake up. The boys are driving me crazy." She carefully placed Elle's hand back at her side as a nurse entered the room. "I'm not sure if I should be asking you this, but is there anyway that we could wash her hair?" she inquired politely.

"I can see if there's something that we can do about that. They did the best they could with the initial clean up." She paused in thought. "Sorry, I should have known that might upset you."

"That's okay. I just wanted to make her more comfortable."

"Its nice to see that she has so many people in her corner. It gives her something to fight for." The nurse added and closed the chart before leaving J.J. to watch over her colleague. Reid returned with her coffee and they sat together talking quietly.

"How long is your shift?" he inquired.

"Gideon said that he would be back after supper." She replied in a soft tone.

"Perhaps you and I could get something to eat?" Reid suggested.

"That would be nice." She replied as she took his coffee cup and tossed it along with hers in a garbage bin. "I was 'talking' to her earlier in hopes that she can hear us." She stopped herself, feeling foolish, the blood rushed to her cheeks.

"No one really knows exactly what is or isn't heard." Reid looked down for a moment. He didn't want to run off facts and figures, he just wanted J.J. to feel comfortable. "Let her hear your voice. Keep her 'up to date'. If anything it helps you right?" he thought for a moment. Thought back to when his cousin had fallen out of their tree house. They weren't rough housing, but Reid had never quite gotten over visiting Troy. At the time, he talked to him every day; until one day, he read something that contradicted the idea that comatose patients don't respond and he slowly visited less and less. Sometimes, people do things that in actuality make themselves feel better.

"How is she?" Gideon's voice seemed to boom in the somewhat hollow room.

"No change as far as I can tell." J.J. replied and stood letting him fall into the chair and settle himself for another evening.

***

The fire crackled in the family rooms fireplace and basked the room in its warm and gentle caress. She stirred in her sleep, suddenly feeling an icy chill work its way throughout her entire body, like a bucket of freezing water had been trickled over her- waking her from a dream filled slumber. She shivered involuntarily against the unexpected cold as she became aware of the soft music that played in the background- she thought for a moment that she recognised it from the Beatles. It took a long moment for her to open her eyes, which surprisingly adjusted to the ill lit room quickly- her lips twitched at the familiarity of the room. She then noticed the bottle of red wine that sat on the glass topped coffee table, two empty wine glasses stood alongside the bottle- she thought for a moment and the smile spread across her lips as she recalled the memory. It had felt like an eternity that she would invite her cousin Sharon, or vice versa, over for a bit of dinner, wine and conversation. They would often discuss men, makeup, hairstyles, and her wanting to join the FBI.

As quickly as the pleasant memory came to her, it was replaced by a dull pain in her head. I must have fallen asleep, she concluded as her eyes rested upon the sleeping figure on the sofa across from her. Her heart nearly leapt from her chest in recognition. This can't be! She tried to reason with herself. Sharon has been dead for ten years, she sat bolt upright and literally flew to where her cousin lay safe and soundly asleep.

"Sharon wake up!" she shook the young woman frantically and a very odd feeling washed over her.

"Oh Ellie, you worry far too much." Her words were slurred slightly- probably from the wine they had consumed late into the evening. The logical part of her knew that Sharon shouldn't or couldn't be there- she settled herself on the floor beside her and rubbed at her eyes, expecting to wake up in her own bed at home. However, when a quick pinch failed to produce the expected result, she knew the impossible was indeed fact. No, wait. I shouldn't be here-she gasped for breath as the realisation sunk in, making it incredibly difficult to breathe, so she shook her cousin once more for good measure.

"Elle, what's your problem?" Sharon slowly sat up and groggily rubbed her face with small hands- the grin on her thin lips widened. "Hey, everything's fine." She added and reached out and gently caressed Elle's cheek. "You always had the best skin, you know?" she said wistfully. Elle only shook her head in disbelief.

"I don't understand. None of this makes any sense. Why am I here? Where exactly is here?" she inquired as the temperature in the room suddenly changed, despite the warmth of the fire and another figure entered. "Dad?" she looked up at him, yet he did not answer right away, only seated himself next to Sharon.

"Peanut, I had thought that after our little chat earlier, you would have returned." He smiled warmly and gestured for her to sit between them.

"Am I dead?" she said flatly. Her statement felt cold and uncaring, even in her own ears, however, her father knew far better- he knew that it must have been a trait directly inherited from him. That detachment the bi-product of being an officer, it was an assumption that it ran in between the bond they shared of father and daughter. He and Sharon shook their heads in unison and she sighed heavily in relief.

"Aw sweetie, it's not your time. There are far too many people who need you were you are, far too many people who love you as much as we do Peanut. We'll always be right here for you when the time comes for you to return to us." He placed a strong, comforting arm around her shoulders and she let herself lean into his embrace. He kissed the top of her head as he had when she was a little girl. She missed him terribly, and Sharon just as much. It hurt to think that she would have to leave them. Tears found their way down her cheeks and she finally looked up at him. "You were always so stubborn." He added in jest- she could only manage a weak smile through her tears, she knew that she couldn't stay with them, that her father was right- there were so many people who counted on her. Sharon reached out and grabbed onto her arm.

"Oh Ellie, there will be many more nights like this ahead for us." She grinned from ear to ear and kissed Elle's cheek. Elle knew that meant goodbye.

"Always remember that we love you dearly- having said that, you have to go back." As he added the last word, it was a mere whisper in her ear as everything began to spin and fade into white- she suddenly felt very light and heavy at the same time, she felt as though she were floating or falling, she couldn't be sure which.

"Come back to us Elle. Please come back." His voice was soft, inviting, and comforting- it lured her from her deep sleep; beckoned her to wake. She tried to open her eyes, fought against the heavy lids and wondered why her body seemed to betray her mind- as though it were purposely trapping her within. Finally managing to calm herself, she slowly opened her eyes- expecting to be at home- the shooting a mere nightmare. Elle was disappointed by her surroundings. The dim light above the bed shone upwards, casting a florescent halo towards the ceiling and the soft glow of the street lamps below crept into the room via the window, providing a pleasant luminance to the otherwise cold room. Her eyes fell on her left hand, which had been placed on her abdomen and where the intravenous was, so she concluded that moving her arm wouldn't be the best thing to do. She felt the warmth surrounding her right hand, and managed to tilt her head towards the side so she could she what held onto her hand so tightly- just suppressed her gasp of shock. Jason Gideon sat in what looked to her to be a very uncomfortable chair; fast asleep, hunched over the bed and holding onto her hand in between his- his head nestled at an odd angle within the crook of his arm. His breathing appeared steady, save for the murmuring. She tried to remain still, dared herself not to move, because he appeared as though it was the first time he had managed to steal a moment of rest. She sighed, but didn't think that it would rouse him- he lifted his head slowly as if he hadn't been sure that she had produced the sound.

He found himself just staring at her for a long moment, his expression a mixture of shock and happiness. She tried to squeeze his hand, but again found it difficult for her brain to get the message to her fingers- finally, after what seemed like a few minutes at the very least, she was successful and held onto his hand for dear life.

"You're awake." His voice raspy with sleep, she slowly bobbed her head up and down, fought against the nausea the movement caused. He still held onto her hand with his left, yet lifted his right hand and ran his fingers gently over her forehead, massaging her temple then down her pale cheek.

"How long have you been here?" her throat felt uncomfortably dry and in desperate need of water to sooth it- she tried to cough to clear the scratchiness, but it only seemed to make it worse.

"Shhh, don't speak." He let his finger linger on her parched lips, which prevented her from speaking. "I'll be right back with some water. Okay?" he punctuated the last word with a wonderfully kind look- one she knew she hadn't seen before and tried to nod once more.

He quickly found the payphone and dialled Hotchner's cell, half expecting it to go straight to voice mail. It was, after all, still fairly late.

"Hotchner." He sounded far too alert to have been asleep.

"What are you doing?" he inquired, even though he already had an idea.

"I'm painting. Haley has been wonderful in helping me straighten Elle's apartment." He paused. "We should be done well before she's released." He added the pride evident in his tone. Gideon could hear Haley's voice in the background.

"Well I just thought that I'd give you an update. She's awake and I think she's going to be fine."

"What's the matter then?" Hotchner questioned his colleague, his friend, knowing that there was something else. Gideon was about to answer, but stopped himself before he opened his mouth.

"I have to go. I was just getting her some water. I don't know if she's ready for visitors, but I'm sure that she would appreciate it if the team came by to see her." He said before he rang off and headed towards the nurses' station to get a cup and plastic pitcher of water. The nurse at the station lifted her head as though she sensed his arrival.

"Is there something that I can assist you with?" she inquired politely enough, despite the fact that he knew that she really didn't wish to be disturbed.

"Just need to get some water for a patient." He replied and she stood and made her way to the mock kitchen that they had at the station. He could hear an ice machine and then the pitcher being filled with cold water.

"Here you go. If you need more water and there isn't anyone available to help you out, there is a kitchen just down the hallways." She placed the pitcher and two cups on the counter in front of him.

"Thank you." He said as he picked everything up and headed back to her room.

He returned to her room and placed the pitcher and cups on the bed table and carefully poured some water into the cups. Elle still felt too weak and couldn't hold the cup on her own, so he found a straw and held it for her to slowly sip some water.

"Thanks Gideon." She licked her lips and let the corners turn up in a weak smile. She felt like crap and was upset that he had seen her at her absolute worse.

"I just got off the phone with Hotch, wanted to let him know how you were. Actually, everyone wants to be kept in the loop." She stared at him for a moment, in thought. As if he knew what she had been thinking, "yes we took turns standing guard, if you will."

"Did you catch the bastard that did this to me?" she inquired as she tried to reach out towards the water, but the pain in her chest prevented her. He picked up on the cue and helped her once more.

"There's a bit of a story that goes along with that." He replied as she made a quick gesture and he placed the cup back on the table. "At first we didn't even know that anything had happened to you until the unsub contacted us on your extension."

"I'm sorry?" she looked puzzled.

"He had taken your identification and gun with him. Thank goodness that you managed to call 911 before you passed out and they got to you in time. That's really all that matters." He brushed her hair away from her eyes and she grabbed a hold of his wrist and then held his hand. She shook her head.

"I messed everything up. If I hadn't gotten shot, we would have caught him and solved the puzzle and."

"Elle." He cut her off. "J.J. and Morgan were on their way to Boston following a hunch, which Reid went to Las Vegas and brought his mother to Quantico. Hotch and I came here as soon as we heard. We thought we had lost you. I'm so sorry." He murmured in her ear before straightening. She stared up at him, his handsome features etched with concern and worry, mixed with guilt.

"Why are you sorry?" she tilted her head and her hair retuned to its place in her eyes. Feeling a bit stronger, she quickly moved it away and failed to hide a yawn.

"If I hadn't had that press conference held, you wouldn't have been brought her near death." He stated. There was something very different about his tone.

"Ja- Gideon, none of this is your fault. You couldn't have known." Starting to feel tired she closes her eyes for a moment.

"Get some rest; I'll be back in a little while."

"Please don't leave me alone." She protested in a small voice. He sat himself back in the chair and took her hand once more.

"I'll stay."

"Thank you." She replied and he sighed and watched as her eyes close and her breathing became steady once more.

***

No one ever feels comfortable going thought another's belongings. However, that's what Haley found herself up to her elbows in- Elle's refrigerator, going through items that were either expired or on their way to expiring and those that were tightly covered in tinfoil that would quickly become science experiments if left. All the while jotting down the items that would need to be purchased once they knew Elle would be released from the hospital. Despite some of the odd odours, her stomach growled in hunger and she glanced at the time. It may have been rather late in the evening and they still had a lot of work ahead of them, so she opened the basket that she had put together with a few things for them to snack on while they worked- cheese and crackers as well as some chips, dip and a can of lemon aid that she was glad had thawed. After getting a plate, she arranged the crackers along with the cheese and mixed the lemon aid. Nearly ready to return to the living room, she stopped herself and grabbed a few sheets of paper towels. As she walked into the living room, she caught Hotchner's voice in the hallow room, as he spoke on his cell phone. Assuming it to be work related, she waited until it was quiet.

The guilt that had blanketed him in darkness slowly began to lift when he heard Gideon's elation that Elle was going to pull through her ordeal. However, he knew as well as Gideon that was only half of the equation, the second was the emotional aspect and that would be a completely different issue to be dealt with all together. He snapped the phone closed, honestly now knowing how to react to the news, to laugh in relief or to cry as he had just been wound so tightly, he thought he might snap. With a loud sigh, he stood in the middle of the room as if inspecting their work and didn't notice when Haley entered with the tray. Putting the tray on a nearby tarp covered table, she placed herself beside him and gently placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Aaron?" her voice was soft in his ear and held a kindness that always warmed him. He felt incredibly lucky to have her in his life, yet at the same time, couldn't help but feel as though he were somehow taking advantage of her, yanking her down with him- into the dark world he had become part of. "Honey, are you all right?" she kissed his cheek sweetly and took his hand in hers then led him towards the table. "I thought we needed a break." She added as they sat on the floor.

"Thank you." He smiled slightly and she beamed, happy to see him perk up a bit. "That was Gideon. He said that Elle will make a full recovery." He reached out and picked up the tall glass of cold lemon aid, the ice clinking against the plastic as it bobbed in the cold beverage.

"That's wonderful news!" she grinned happily, her smile like a ray of sunshine. He watched her as she bite into a cracker and chewed in thought.

"What is it?" he inquired.

"We still have so much to do before she comes home." She looked around and he nodded his agreement, then reached out and took her hand in his, and gently squeezed it. "I'm so glad that the worst is over." She said, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "Oh, before I forget Morgan called and said that he'd be by to help you with the flooring. He has a friend that will give us a dead on the broadloom." She seemed excited that they would be finished long before Elle's release. "And Spencer is working on a painting? I think he said it's a welcome home gift. Uh, Garcia and J.J. are planning an intimate gathering as well."

"Elle will be exhausted by all the attention." He reached out and placed an arm around her shoulders, which in turn she responded by scooting into his embrace and tilted her head to watch him for a moment.

"It's so good to see you smile again." She caressed his cheek gently and kissed him once more. He didn't have to answer, only tightened his embrace, which made her feel safe and secure. They stayed like that for quite some time, just taking everything in.

Regardless of the fact that Gideon had told him that she would be okay, he sat at his desk, his usually strong shoulders, slumped as he still bore a tremendous amount of guilt. He knew that assigning blame was the worst thing he could do- especially when he thought of the situation as being all but avoidable. Had he not sent Elle home in the first place- they had Haley and his little one taken to a hotel until they were sure that they weren't being targeted by Garner. Why hadn't he had her sleep on a cot or on the small sofa where she was, he stopped himself in thought. What's done is done, all we can do is move forward- there's just something that doesn't make any sense. A fact he had been sure lay just beyond their grasp, one that was right in front of them one that was slowly revealing itself from the shadows. The simple reality was that Garner knew that Elle was sent home. How could he have known that without someone contacting him? He wondered and thought for a moment. A gentle tap on the metal doorframe brought him from his reverie and his head snapped up. Morgan stood in the doorframe, casually leaning against it and tilted his head.

"You look about a million miles away." He stated as he entered the office. Hotchner couldn't let the thought go.

"I was just thinking and this could be just another wild goose chase, or guess." He paused. "Garner knew I sent Elle home. How else would he have been conveniently waiting for her?" Morgan nodded as he followed Hotchner's logic.

"Question is, how? The fact essentially dictates that with the press conference, he would be brought out from the rock he had been hiding under."

"Gideon was spot on with that." Hotchner agreed. "However, the person responsible was right in front of us all along."

"You're not suggesting that someone tipped him off are you?" Morgan's eyes grew wide at the implication of someone betraying their team.

"Anderson!" they exclaimed and each rolled his eyes. Hotchner sprang to his feet and headed out of his office with Morgan close on his heels. "That bastard!" he hissed as he turned another corner that ran into another unit section.

"Calm down Hotch, you have to maintain your cool exterior." He managed to keep up.

"It's a darn good thing Gideon isn't here. I don't even want to know what he'd do to him." Morgan only nodded his agreement, he opened another set of glass doors for them and they shot down another corridor. Both could feel the burn of eyes staring at them, as if they were invading their territory- neither cared, nor let that break their stride. As they approached Anderson, who was sitting at his desk talking with another agent, that agent indicating that they were there and he lifted his head in greeting.

"Agent Anderson, may we have a word with you?" he maintained his façade as the agent nodded his ascent and turned towards his superior for confirmation. He glanced quickly towards a vacant conference room that they could use to speak in private. The three men entered the room and Morgan closed the door behind them. "I have been going over this scenario for a couple of days now. Today, I thought that I ought to share the idea with Agent Morgan and we have both reached the same conclusion." He paused in thought observing his subject- he carefully gauged Anderson's response, his official, trained body language as they sat at the large table.

"Don't play us." Morgan sneered as he stood and made sure to stand at his full height. He then planted himself besides Anderson and placed his hands on the tabletop. Anderson stole sideway glances and then returned his stone, hard gaze towards Hotchner.

"Are you implying something Agent Hotchner?" he inquired as he rested his folded hands on the table and leaned towards the profiler.

"I find it highly coincidental that Garner knew that Elle had been sent home. The only logical explanation is that someone tipped him off. Now I realise that you have already written and signed your official statement, but tell me. Why did you lie? Why didn't you stay with her?" he raised his voice slightly. Anderson looked down at his hands for a moment.

"No disrespect sir, but I was not instructed to do so. My instructions were to take Agent Greenaway home, which I did and then returned here." He replied in what Hotchner read as a well-rehearsed reply.

"So basically, what you're saying is that Agent Greenaway's apartment had been cleared prior to you leaving the premises?" he nodded, a small shift in his eyes. "You knew very well that Garner had our addresses, and yet you didn't escort Agent Greenaway up to her apartment and check to be sure that it was secure."

"Correct. She said that she was fine." His eyes shifted once more to the left.

"Hotch; he's just saying everything you want him to say." Morgan interjected.

"So that would mean that you made a phone call on your way to her apartment." Hotchner took a deep breath to keep himself in check. Anderson shook his head.

"Buddy, you better pray that when I call Garcia for you cell phone records you didn't." Morgan snarls tapping her number on his cell and turning away from them to get the needed information.

"Unlisted number," she paused. He could hear the frantic typing. "Wait a minute. Got it." She said triumphantly.

"I owe you more than one you know?" his smile evident in his tone.

"Better watch how I collect." She replied and he closed his cell phone. Hotchner's expression was all he needed.

"Well, it looks to us like you're an accomplice in the attempted murder of Federal Agent Elle Greenaway." Morgan placed himself behind Anderson.

"It wasn't like that. She wasn't supposed to get hurt." That was the confession Morgan needed. He grabbed Anderson by the arm and yanked him to his feet, with little care as to how gently or roughly he handled him. Anderson attempted to scuffle out of Morgan's grip and should have known better than to challenge the hand to hand expert- Morgan quickly subdued him and twisted his arm sharply for good measure.

"You have more nerve then I've seen in an unsub." Morgan spat angrily. "Betraying a fellow agent? What the hell is wrong with you?" Hotchner led them out of the conference room and down the hall towards the elevators.

"Did he pay you to betray one of your own?" Hotchner inquired calmly as they stepped onto the lift. No answer came from Anderson.

"I seriously hope it was worth it." Morgan pushed him down the hallway, quasi-parading him past the other agents, a point that would not soon be forgotten by the soon to be ex-agent and charged accessory. "You're very lucky she's going to pull through, or else I might have been inclined not to have been this light with you." He added, regaining his professional exterior as they entered the office of their Special Agent-In-Charge, where the fate of the betrayer would be decided.

***

Robust drops of rain fell in between the gentle mist, sobering the team's mood as they boarded the plane home. Gideon wondered if it were at all possible for him to be more exhausted then the rest of them- primarily because he felt himself constantly pulled in so many directions; his body and mind on the case, yet his heart and soul were back in Virginia with Elle. Home, he mused happily as he tucked himself into his seat in preparation of catching a few hours sleep. He thought of how wonderfully melodic the word was in his mind; how it caressed his senses and easily soothed his tattered spirit. Hotchner plunked himself into a seat not too far away from the team, yet far enough to gain perspective. Hardly the intension, he found his mind drifting off towards Anderson and his hunch. He sighed wondering, hoping that the Special Agent-In-Charge would be sure that Anderson received the proper punishment that befitted his 'crime'- were he still a District Attorney, he would have taken a great deal of pleasure in ensuring that Anderson's life on the inside was well beyond a living hell. He closed his eyes for a moment, once calmed by the steadiness of the jets engines.

Everyone appeared comfortable in their place, Reid sprawled his tall, lanky form on the sofa and closed his eyes- J.J., returned from the small kitchen with two mugs, one of hot tea and the other Morgan's coffee and placed them on the table and quickly grabbed the pile of files from Reid. She searched and finally found a blanket to cover with, then returned to her seat across from Morgan, who was in the process of removing the ear buds and placed them on the table between them along with his iPod.

"It really isn't the same, is it?" she said softly, her eyes grew dark and her facial expression mirrored his sentiment. "Every time I catch myself looking at Gideon, I half expect to see Elle not far away." She sipped her tea, placed the mug back on the table and absently toyed with the string that hung over the edge of the mug. He tilted his head in thought and glanced around the plane.

"I know what you mean." He kept his voice low so he didn't disturb those who were sleeping- not realising that Hotchner wasn't really sleeping. "The next thing you know is Elle's on stress leave for however long the bureau's psychologist thinks it will take for her to fully recover.' He sighed and glanced over at Hotchner, who still had his eyes closed. "It isn't just us that this has adversely affected." Morgan paused and turned his gaze towards Gideon, who appeared to be asleep- a fitful slumber, slumped in the leather seat, yet asleep nonetheless.

"I know." She replied as she followed his gaze. "I'm probably the last to have figured it out and only because of the countless signs. If there hadn't been any, I would never have imagined them." She leaned towards Morgan. "Yet somehow I doubt that either of them saw it coming." A warm smile played with the corners of her lightly glossed lips.

"It's funny how there are times when you don't see what's right in front of you."

"Sometimes it's hard to see when you're on the inside and it takes nearly losing whatever it is all together to finally see." She finished his thought and both sipped their beverages- both wondered how long it would take for the couple to acknowledge their feelings, or if they ever would. "Keep in mind that when they do release her, she'll probably need to have someone with her; at least for a couple of days." J.J. thought out loud for a moment. Morgan nodded as he followed her reasoning. A grin captured his lips.

"I see where you're going with this. Is this you're way of thanking him for nudging Reid your way- which, by the way, looks to me to be going well." He looked over at Reid who tossed in his sleep. She sat back in her seat with an innocent look in response. "Certain matters cannot be forced you know? No matter how obvious they appear to everyone around them. J.J., let nature take her course- all we can do is conveniently be unavailable when the time comes." Her jaw nearly dropped in shock at his suggestion.

"Derek Morgan, I like the way you think." She winked at him and with a sigh and let her head rest against the seats back and closed her eyes. Morgan picked up his iPod and once again settled himself, and promptly fell asleep. Hotchner hadn't intentionally overheard their conversation, it had; however, been difficult not to- he managed to suppress his chuckle and allowed himself to be lulled into sleeps darkness.

She felt as though her world shifted from reality to that of slow motion, albeit far slower then she would have liked, she attempted to reason with the man who stood in front of her, dressed head to toe in black, including a black fedora- she would have done anything to prevent him from pulling the trigger. Realising her staling futile, in a foolish moment, she lunged towards him in a mad attempt to grab his weapon, throw him off guard- only she heard the shot and felt the bullet. Starring up at him, unable to blink, unable to speak- the shock etched upon her quickly palling face, she watched him as he carried out his twisted objective. He kneeled down beside her, a wide grin on his face, he reached into the gushing wound and poked about for a bit. Still unable to stop him, still unable to blink, nor turn her head, Elle moaned. He stood and wrote the R, then turned back towards her for more blood. This went on until he had completed his task. He then grabbed her gun, went through her bag and took her identification before leaving her in a pool of blood to die.

I'm so cold, so tired, she thought as she looked down and saw the blood that continued to seep from the wound in a vain attempt to clot the site. It was the strangest thing, but her thought process suddenly shifted. I can't die, not like this. She took shallow, laboured breaths and tried to stand upon wobbly legs that inevitably refused to hold her weight- her head protested just before she went limp. The telephone seemed so far away, yet determination forced her to drag herself across the living room to the only thing she knew might help her, with bloody hands dialled 911, and hoped that someone would help her. Her world then went black.

A sharp gasp cut into the silence of the room as she felt as though she had free fallen and smashed into the ground. Her body was tense, yet at the same time tingled from the vividness of the experience. Quickly, she wiped the sweat from her brow and finally calmed enough for her surroundings to fall into focus. It was just a dream, she took a cleansing breath, sat up and licked her parched lips as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and shoved her feet into her awaiting slippers. I need to walk, I need to feel the sold floor beneath me, I need to know I'm alive; she thought and walked down the hall to the nurses' station.

"You shouldn't be out of bed dear." One of the nurses jumped to her feet and ran round the counter. "We have a call button."

"I needed some water. I really didn't want to bother anyone." Elle looked down when she realised that she should have waited for a moment before getting out of bed, her head felt a bit fuzzy.

"Claire, would you get her some water?" the nurse instructed and Clair returned with a plastic cup of water, while another pushed a chair around the desk and they helped her sit. "Are you all right my dear?" she asked warmly and Clair handed Elle the plastic cup. She took a sip and nodded slowly.

"It was just a nightmare." She replied and took another sip. The nurse put a comforting arm around her slumped shoulders.

"Here, let me help you back to your room." She said and took the cup from Elle's hands. "Claire please take a pitcher of water to Elle's room." Claire smiled and nodded as the other nurse helped Elle to her feet, placed a strong arm around her waist. Elle knew she couldn't argue- she didn't have the voice, the dream had drained her of any energy she had, so she let the nurse help her back into bed without further protest and sipped a little more water.

"Thank you." Elle said with a small smile and the nurse gave her arm a quick squeeze.

"If there's anything that you need, please use the call button." She reminded Elle before heading back to the nurses' station, leaving Elle alone once more- alone with her thoughts. Why is this nightmare haunting me? She wondered as she rearranged herself and closed her eyes in hopes of some sleep.

Still unable to sleep, she twisted and turned in the very uncomfortable bed- she wished she could pace the halls again, yet she contented herself to pacing about her room in order to spare the nursing staff heart attacks. Restlessness, she thought must be a good sign; that I'm going home soon, she smiled to herself while hoping for the best, she sorted herself back in bed and forced her eyes closed.

The team began to filter in and Elle was glad to have the company, anything to keep her mind from going back to the day that landed her in the hospital. She sat on her made bed in her powder blue and white track suit, waiting for J.J. to deal the cards. She tossed a puzzled glare at Morgan, who couldn't control his smirk.

"Hey sweet cheeks, would you care to share with the rest of the class?" Garcia inquired and playfully tapped his arm. He looked down and then at his cards, placed the small blind and pretended that no one had noticed. "Oh I get it." She shook her head and Reid rolled his eyes in response. Hotchner played the big blind and sat back waiting for Elle to act. She glanced at her hand and then once more at Morgan.

"Morgan, you can't just pull a face like that and not tell us." She looked at her cards again and plopped a couple more chips into the pile at the foot of her bed in front of her.

"Okay fine, but I'm so going to get killed." He paused. "Seriously Elle, Gideon said no 'shop talk'". She gave him quite the look and he turned his eyes towards Hotchner, who nodded that it was fine. "You would have died." He laughed as J.J. discarded the top card and turned up the next three. Elle turned her attention towards him and waited for Garcia to place her bet or fold. "Hotch had Anderson floundering big time!" he added and tossed his cards into the discard pile, folding his hand.

"Really?" she cocked a brow. "I would have loved to have been there to see that." A quick pause and she glanced at Hotchner. "If I win, someone has to tell me what I've been missing. No holding back." She sat back to make her point, thankful for the pile of pillows that provided some comfort.

"Elle." Hotchner's tone was rich and while he said no more, had been enough to scold her.

"Who's going to tell him?" she inquired as she plunked a few more chips into the pot, sweetening it for the others. "Besides, I'm perfectly capable of helping you guys on cases you know? Just not in the field." She waited, watched Reid- expecting him to be the first to crack.

"Actually, that's not true." He interjected before Hotchner or Morgan could get a word in edgewise. Good save, Morgan thought. Hotchner finally put up a hand.

"I understand where you're coming from, but we thought it best that you get a chance to make a full recovery." He said simply, Elle nodded and turned back to her hand. Hotchner loosely folded his arms across his chest and watched.

"So what will become of Anderson?" Garcia inquired.

"We have to wait and see; and only because there seems to be quite a bit more than meets the eye." Hotchner replied.

"Doctor Nichols says that we can prepare the release forms." She paused and looked down at some notes written in pencil. "However, there is a condition." She looked up at him once more, with sea blue eyes.

"That being?" he placed his arms on the high counter and leaned into them.

"She'll have to have someone with her for a couple of days. Just while she readjusts to her situation, there are quite a few things that she shouldn't do until the doctor sees her once more." She looked down at the chart once more. "I see that she doesn't have any immediate family." Her brows furrow.

"Is it possible for it to be a friend? I'm sure that either myself or another member of the team could step into that role." He sounded hopeful, borderline optimistic.

"I honestly don't see a problem with that. I'll get the paperwork done." She smiled and turned back to the computer.

"Thank you." He said warmly, happy that he had some good news for Elle- he walked to her room with a newfound spring in his step; and a smile that caressed his lips that he wouldn't stop in a million years, which only widened when he heard the voices of his team members being carried down the long corridor. He stood in the door watching them for a moment. Watching as Reid once more won quite a substantial pot. It was almost as if she sensed or felt him, that she was connected with him and knew he was there.

"Gideon!" she exclaimed happily with a bright smile and he went over to greet her, gently hugging her before finding an empty chair and sat. "Tell me that you have some good news." She put her cards down and everyone turned their attention towards him.

"I do have some news." He began and tried unsuccessfully to hide his smile.

"What's the catch?" Morgan tilted his head.

"That she must have someone with her for a couple of days, at least." He sat back in the chair, crossed his left leg over his right and rested his ankle on his knee. Morgan glanced at J.J. quickly then addressed the group.

"I'd volunteer, but my sisters visiting from Connecticut." Morgan frowned, attempting to make it believable. No one; however, noticed Garcia's expression fall slightly at the thought of Morgan taking care of Elle. It wasn't as if she didn't like Elle. Far from it, it was just that she couldn't stop the bubble of jealousy that rose from deep within her core at his being the first to suggest looking after her. She quickly breathed a sigh of relief that no one had looked her way.

"Guys, I couldn't possibly impose on any of you. Besides, from what I hear, you're all off to another case. I'll call home or see if one of my friends can stay with me for a couple of days." She said and just as quickly an unreadable expression worked its way across her face. The memory she had been working so hard to fight, assaulted her mind again- that of her looking up at the barrel of the gun. She couldn't help it, she involuntarily shivered against the memory and her face paled enough for everyone in the room to notice her discomfort. Gideon sprang to his feet and flew to her side.

"What's the matter?" he inquired, sitting on the bed beside her, placing an arm around her shoulders and letting her press herself into him, fitting nicely into the crook of his arm and she enjoyed the warmth of his body against hers.

"I… I can't go home." She said quietly almost like a little girl- scared to death of the monsters under the bed. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs in a protective manner, while she continued to shiver against the proverbial ghost that walked over her grave. The rest of the team took the cue, Reid cleared his throat and they moved to leave Elle and Gideon alone.

"We'll wait out in the hall." J.J. said and they filed out of the room, leaving them to talk, Hotchner closed the door behind and joined them in the hall.

***

Under the circumstances, it wasn't a comfortable silence per se, rather it was Elle allowing herself to fall apart, permitting herself to be held, while breaking- the tears she had miraculously concealed, finally broke free. Her breathing became gasps of emotion and finally she covered her face with her hands, ashamed that she had let her guard down- let her emotions flutter so freely to the surface, winning over her self-control. And then there was Gideon, who had now seen her at her absolute worst- at her most vulnerable. She had to turn away from him- she felt that she had to hide.

"Elle." He whispered soothingly into her ear and she sighed heavily in an attempt to regain her self-control. In doing so, she felt every ounce of pain and anger slowly released her, lifting from her shoulders. She turned into his chest and he let her cry- he felt her hot tears as they seeped through the fabric of his shirt. He let her be human knowing that he now saw a part of her he knew not many, if any were privy to. He gently brushed his lips against her temple and ran a comforting hand up and down her back as he waited for her to calm down. He knew that when one fought tears, they only ended up crying more- a strange reality for the usually strong.

"I'm sorry Jason." Not once had she slipped up and used his first name. Yet his lips curled at how different his name sounded coming from her.

"Elle, everything will be okay. I'll take care of you. I'll keep you safe, if you'll let me." He rested his chin on her head and he felt her head bob up and down. She clung to him, wrapping her fingers in his shirt and cradled her head against his chest, her ear pressed just over his heart. The door opened and Hotchner cleared his throat and closed the distance, planted himself at the foot of the bed.

"I just got off the phone with Haley and she said that you're welcome to stay with us. If you like." He placed his cell phone back into the pocket of his suit jacket. Elle tilted her head with a smile. Gideon didn't protest Hotchner's suggestion- he somehow thought it best for her to make the decision on her own.

"That's so sweet, but I think I may have other arrangements." She unconsciously held onto Gideon's hand. Hotchner glanced quickly towards Gideon and nodded.

"If you like, Reid and I could go over to your apartment and grab a few things to tie you over until you're ready to go home." J.J. piped in, Reid stood beside her with an arm around her waist. She looked down at the track suit she wore and then back at J.J.

"What I wouldn't do for a pair of jeans." Her words accompanied by light laughter.

"Sunshine, do you honestly think we'd let you leave here dressed like THAT?" Garcia beamed and tossed her a hot pink duffle bag. Elle opened the bag and grinned as she pulled out a pair of jeans and a top.

"Thank you so much." Elle felt happy, yet overwhelmed and boarder-line exhausted, while excited to be leaving. In short, an emotional train wreck waiting to derail. Gideon untangled himself from her and grabbed a piece of paper to jot down the addresses- without Elle noticing, he handed one slip to Reid and the other to Morgan with a wink. Elle scurried away with the bag and into the bathroom to change. She emerged and plunked the bag on the bed.

"Gideon?" she beckoned him to her side with a hand gesture.

"Yes?"

"Do you think we could stop for some real food on the way?" she hardly vocalised her request that her stomach growled loudly. He nodded and she collected the few things that she had accumulated during her hospitalisation and placed them into the hot pink duffle bag. Elle's eyes lit up with the nurse's arrival with her discharge papers and an orderly stood behind her with a wheelchair. Reid held out a pen and she accepted it with a grin of victory ready to sign the paperwork.

"Is that necessary?" she inquired staring the chair down wondering how odd a method to freedom.

"It's hospital policy, my dear." The nurse rolled her sea blue eyes and patted Elle's shoulder.

"I'll push." Morgan volunteered happy to be one step closer to having Elle back. Gideon picked up the bag and hung back so that he could whisper the plan to Hotchner, who in turn would relay the message to the rest of the team. However, with their slight change in plans J.J. and Reid might run a bit late.

"I'll try and stall her as long as I can. Phones on vibrate, so give me a call when Reid and J.J. arrive. Okay?"

"No problem." Hotchner replied.

Gideon quickly brought the SUV to the entrance and jumped out to give Elle a hand while Reid placed the bag on the back seat. He made sure to stop at one of his favourite restaurants far enough away from his home to give well wishers time to prepare for Elle's arrival. They enjoyed the atmosphere-enjoyed their time together outside of the usual circumstances. It was a nice table, tucked away in a corner where they perused the menu, ordering deserts and tea. Gideon did a fabulous job in stalling and when his phone indicated that he had a call, he knew it was Hotchner. Perfect timing, he thought as the waitress returned to their table.

"I hope that everything was satisfactory."

"Yes, it was. May I have the cheque please?" Gideon quickly retrieved his wallet and they waited. The waitress left the cheque and cleared the remaining dishes.

Once Gideon turned onto his street, Elle knew that something was up- she recognised the cars parked along the street. Sure, Reid's car would have been there; because he and J.J. were kind enough to get her some clothes that she knew she'd feel like herself in. Yet she caught sight of Morgan's car, and then Hotchner's. How odd, she thought as she followed Gideon up the walkway to his home. Her expression quickly changed once he opened the door.

"Welcome home!" they cheered as Gideon helped Elle out of her jacket. Reid smiled at how priceless her expression was. Too bad I don't have a camera, he mused with his happy grin.

"Thanks guys, you really didn't have to make such a fuss." She blushed and Haley quickly handed Jack to Hotchner, so that she could lead Elle into the brightly decorated living room with the rest of the team following in their wake. It was a nice couple of hours, until Elle felt fatigue grab hold of her and she yawned.

"I think you need some rest." Gideon leaned over and whispered in her ear- all she could manage was a quick nod. Hotchner helped Haley with her jacket and then she picked up a sleeping Jack and cradled him in her arms.

"We'll have to keep in touch." She said with her million watt smile, Elle nodded and they left, Gideon closing the door behind them.

"Oh, I nearly forgot." Reid reached into his coat pocket and took out a small box. "This is from J.J. and I." He watched as she opened the gift. "I know that it isn't much, but we just wanted to let you know that we're always with you."

"Don't be silly." She fingers the small charm within. "It's a lovely gesture." She gave him a quick hug, kissed his cheek sweetly and hugged J.J. "Thank you." She watched as they walked down the driveway and got into Reid's car. What an adorable couple, she thought.

"Sunshine, we'll be seeing you at the BAU soon." Garcia said with a grin and Morgan, always the gentleman, held out her jacket for her to slip her arms in. She winked at Elle and they made their way out. Gideon picked up her bag and directed her up the maple staircase.

"I asked Haley to change the bedding. I think there should be fresh towels in the bath as well." He explained. The décor was not what Elle would have expected, yet Gideon wasn't your average complex man. The room was fair sized, with cream walls, natural hardwood floors, and natural wood furniture that complimented the plaid bedspread and solid fabrics.

"Um Jason, isn't this your bedroom?" Elle watched as he placed her bag on the bed and sat.

"I thought that you would be more comfortable here. Besides, I'm right across the hall if there's anything that you need." He watched her puzzled expression for a moment.

"I think I'm going to grab a quick shower before bed." She sighed and walked over to her bag for a clean night shirt. Thanks a lot J.J.! She mused, pulling out deep navy satin pyjamas. She then pulled out a smaller bag with her toothbrush, hairbrush and other necessities. He stood and ran a comforting hand down her arm.

"Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." He paused at the door before closing it and going downstairs.

Stripped of her clothes, Elle caught a glimpse in the mirror of the gauze pad tapped to her chest. She wanted to pretend that she hadn't seen it, act as if it wasn't there and that this was just a bad dream. Of course that was just magical thinking and she ran her fingers over the gauze- yet she couldn't leave the tape alone, she needed to see what lay beneath. With a deep breath, she pulled the dressing, which came away with ease and she took her time to allow her eyes to focus. A sudden sharp intake of breath resulted in a gasp once her mind caught up to her reflection in the mirror of the scar. I'll never be me again, she thought. The scar began about the width of her index finger under her clavicle and ran at least two inches down, just grazing the top of her right breast. Her face fell, it hadn't healed as well or as quickly as she had hoped- it seemed puckered, slightly pinkish, greatly contrasting against the porcelain skin on her chest- the skin actually appeared, to her, to have been quickly shoved and sewn tightly together.

I shouldn't have removed the gauze, she scolded herself- all thoughts of the events being a terrible nightmare were shattered with the reality that hit her; and hard. She stepped into the shower- carefully washed her body, all the while quietly sobbing. It had been a quick shower and as she dried her body, she was careful to pat the raw skin last. The doctors had been kind enough to send along a how to care package, and she redressed the wound before dressing. She had been sure there were no more tears to shed, yet they still came. Plunking herself on the edge of the bathtub, her head cradled in her hands- her sobs became mere whimpers and still she cried. The gentle tap on the door caused her head to snap up and she frantically wiped at her wet cheeks.

"Elle?" his voice unsure, yet warm and she reached for another tissue. His eyes fell upon the dressing that her top couldn't hide and she suddenly felt very naked in front of him, despite the fact that she wore her pyjamas. "Oh Elle, what am I to do with you?" his eyes reflecting his understanding and she was glad that she didn't have to explain herself, even though she felt as though she should. He kneeled in front of her and rested his hands on her thighs. "I know that you will get through this. You've been through so much in the past." His expression warm, he reached up and wiped at the tears, cupping her cheek gently. "You need some rest." He rose, guided her to stand, then led her back to the bedroom and quickly moved the bag onto the nearby chair. Pulling back the blankets, he eased her into bed, covering her and kissing the top of her head. "Good night."

"Good night." She replied and hung onto his hand for a moment before turning onto her side and tired to close her eyes.

The dream felt so real and her eyes flew open and she clutched at her chest- she sat upright and dropped her head into her hands. This is ridiculous! She thought through the heat of the tears she couldn't stop flowing no matter how hard. Looking up she noticed the light under the door and then saw the shadow before a gentle knock and the turn of the doorknob.

"Elle?" his voice was a horse whisper, thick with sleep. She reached for the switch on the bedside lamp. Concern etched itself on his face, slightly aging him, he sat on the edge of the bed beside her and took her trembling hands within his. "You're a fighter. I know this of you." She sniffled and tried to regain her composure.

"This isn't me." She looked down at her hands in his. "I don't think I'll ever be me again." She looked away briefly. "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" her voice small and he nodded moving to get the chair. "No stay with me." She patted the empty space beside her on the bed. He moved and arranged himself beside her over the blankets and she scooted into the comfort of the crook of his arm and smiled as the steady beat of his heart lulled her to sleep.

***

Two months had passed since she had nearly experienced death. Two long and incredibly emotionally rough months and with the ever so slowly passing of time, Elle couldn't help but feel that her staying with Gideon was heavily wearing him down. On the plus side, she had been sure to keep her appointments and evaluations with the bureau's onsite psychologist. On the negative side, she only wished that discussing her experience would actually assist her in getting through the nightmares that plagued her, easily replacing the usual dreams that accompany the job. She thought for a moment and realised that what she really wanted was her life back- and yet at the same time, she also realised that the one thing that stood in her way of accomplishing said feat was herself. Yes, she had bested Garner- she was alive, which gave her a second chance, which so many in her situation had been refused. She knew that had she given up that fate too would have befallen her. Elle found it odd, at best how strange a moment of clarity can affect people- as she left Cynthia's office that day she realised it was what she did with that second chance that mattered.

Seeing that Gideon had been away on a case- the first away since she had been released from the hospital, he had been sure to call her to let her know that he would be home in time for dinner; therefore, after her appointment, she stopped at the local market for the ingredients she would need to prepare dinner and she had been sure to clean- even though his house, with only the two of them, hardly bore the 'lived in' look. Elle had nearly completed preparing their meal when Gideon arrived home. Upon opening the door he was met with soft music that appeared to drift though the house on the lightly fragrant air that gently tickled his nose with the perfect marriage of ingredients. Pretending not to have heard his entrance, the key in the lock, the door as it opened and closed behind, the thud of his overnight bag at the foot of their stairs, and the rustle of his jacket as he draped it over the banister- had been easy enough; however, the challenge was to resist the urge to run to the door and greet him. He thought he had managed to sneak in, positioned himself on the threshold and watched as she stirred something on the stove in a medium sauce pan.

"That smells beyond wonderful." He exclaimed and quickly closed the distance between them. She turned quickly turned the switch, lowering the heat and smiled brightly.

"Welcome home Jason!" she exclaimed and quickly kissed him lightly. She stepped back, "dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes." He loved the way she beamed. She untangled herself from his embrace and moved to the set table, adding a few final touches. He knew in an instant that something was different this evening- there was just something in the air; excitement perhaps? He nodded, quickly washed for dinner, and then found a bottle of wine to accompany their meal. Gideon found that he had grown accustomed to actually using his kitchen table instead of plunking himself in the living room in front of the television to catch the news while he ate.

"Was it another tough case?" she inquired as she dressed their plates. He sat at the table and watched her intently. He loved the way she moved, he noted how graceful she was as she sauntered to the table and set one plate in front of him and the other for herself. He nodded and looked at her with a grin.

"It was, but coming home has been something that I've grown to appreciate." He smiled, "thank you." He reached for his glass and she followed suit. "Bon appetite." The soft clink of glasses followed. Her expression changed ever so slightly, darkening as it turned serious.

"Jason, I need to run an idea by you." She placed her fork on her plate and he nodded, gesturing for her to continue. "It's been two months." The words actually felt like a slap, hitting him with far more force then he could ever have imagined.

"You feel that you're ready to go home?" he had, after all seen this conversation coming- he had been well aware of the fact that she could not make progress if she refused to face her demons. "Elle, I completely understand." His expression slightly betraying his words- he took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, lightly brushing them against her fingertips.

"It's just that I've been. I feel."

"Don't ever think that." He cut her off with an ever so gentle caress, cupping her chin and she in turn turned into his caress and smiled.

"Thank you." She whispered and once she found her voice, "will you come with me?" she appeared hopeful and with a warm smile, which warmed her heart, he nodded his ascent.

Elle had long been aware of the simple fact that her nightmares would hang onto her for dear life- if she allowed them. Yet somehow, she hoped that returning home would be the first step in breaking free of the power they appeared to wield over her. Going home would be significant in the sense that it would allow her to rediscover who she was, or who she had become. She stole glances at Gideon as he drove to her flat and wondered what he was thinking, yet couldn't find the words to vocalise her questions. He pulled into a slot and in a swift movement cut the engine. Reality seemed far too overwhelming and yet she knew she needed to be strong. She took a long, deep breath and removed her seatbelt.

"Whenever you're ready Elle- just remember that I'm here for you." He opened his door and got out, she only sighed as she willed herself to open her door. It was so surreal, felt so foreign to her to be outside her flat- outside the place where she once felt safe. She watched the trees as they danced in the wind that pushed and pulled the branches- it was quite the opposite to how she felt inside. She was well aware that she would have be well beyond strong if she wanted to succeed and managed to pull herself together once the door closed behind her with a loud thud. She stood strong and looked up at her flat. Together, she and Gideon walked up the exterior stairs to the door. Elle placed the key into the lock and slowly turned the knob as though she half expected the 'boogieman' to be hiding within. She couldn't stop her mind from working overtime, nor could she stop it from replaying the events of that day in front of her. It was hazy, she saw herself going into the flat, putting her bag on the floor beside the door, removing her holster and sitting on the window seat.

Sensing her discomfort, Gideon gently took her by her shoulders and pressed his lips to her ear.

"Elle, if you can't do this right now. Its okay." His voice soothing in her ear and she let herself rest against him, rest against his solid form- reminding her that she was in the present, a reminder that she was still alive. Her nod was still and slightly mechanical- she reached out and took his hand in hers before taking the first step. "Elle?" he inquired and stood still, watching as she took in her surroundings and taking a mental inventory. Her eyes finally rested upon the wall where Garner had scrolled RULES in her blood; they then fluttered towards the living room where she recalled dragging her near dead body to the telephone.

"But I thought." She held her hand over her mouth.

"Hotchner couldn't leave that for you to return to." Gideon gently slid his hands down her arms then rested them upon her shoulders once more. She covered one of his hands tenderly with her own and sighed loudly as she fought the onset of more tears.

"He did all this?" she turned within his embrace and he bobbed his head, letting her fall into him, press her tear streaked face against his chest and wrap her arms around him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to himself, then brushed the hair form her eyes. "It's over. It's finally over." She whispered and he found her words surprisingly calm in his ears. Then she looked up at him and tenderly kissed his cheek.

"Would you like to be alone?"

"I wish I could do that, but not just yet." She thought for a moment. "I really can't stay here. I thought I could, but he took from me the one place that I felt safe." She looked down, avoiding his gaze. "I'm sorry to be such a bother." She added still attempting to avoid making eye contact. He lifted her chin and kissed her forehead. "I think I'll have to look for a new place to live." She sighed as she recalled how happy she had been once upon a time.

"You can stay with me for however long it takes." He keeps his arms around her in an attempt to make her feel safe.

"Thank you. Would you care for some water?" she inquired and led him into the kitchen. She went to the refrigerator and took out two bottles of water, placing them on the counter. "Honestly, I was terrified to come here. I was afraid of the memories held here." She opened her water and took a sip. Gideon leaned against the counter casually.

"Elle, I know that this all so cliché, however, I'm going to ask anyways." He paused and put the bottle onto the counter. "How are you? How is all of this truly affecting you?" he turned his expression beyond kind and gentle as he waited for her answer. She had to look down briefly before lifting her eyes to capture his.

"I thought it was going to be difficult, just not this difficult. I still see what he did to me in my dreams, I looked around and while everything has changed." She paused and bit her lower lip. "I still saw the writing on the wall in my blood, the trail towards the living room, the telephone covered in my blood, and the puddles." She stopped herself, but didn't cry; she knew she had no more tears to shed. At the root, she knew that taking back her home would assist her in moving forward- she just couldn't do it at the moment. He couldn't help himself from reaching out and tenderly running his fingers through her hair, tucking a stray strand back in its place behind her ear. He sighed. "I now realise that I still have a long ways to go. I understand that; however, I know I'm a bit stronger than I was yesterday." She leaned towards him. "Thank you for everything." She kissed his cheek and gave him a warm hug. "It will be a little while before I'm back at work. I'm aiming for a couple of weeks, but Cynthia seems to think it will take a bit longer than that. I realise that you have things to do. Some rest to steal before tomorrow and another case. Don't let me keep you." She tucked her hands in her pockets. He shook his head and grinned.

"You're not. Is there anything that you need before we go home?" he inquired without thinking. She turned around and her eyes were slightly moist, yet not with tears, something else.

"Really?" she sounded content to know that he would keep her safe. "Thank you." She left his side for a moment and disappeared into her bedroom to collect a few things that she had missed. "Dinner." She suddenly blurted out. "I'll have to either go shopping or call for take out."

"Take out is fine." He smiled and she emerged from her bedroom with a bag. He placed an arm around her waist and together they went to his SUV.

She felt comfortable as she sat in the chair across from Cynthia and actually appeared to be happy to be under evaluation. Cynthia looked down, skimmed her notes and then turned her gaze towards Elle.

"I really don't see any reason to keep you from your team any longer; however, I would suggest non-field work. While you're more then physically capable, I wouldn't want to push your emotional comfort zone as yet." She sounded optimistic and Elle took that as a positive sign.

"Thank goodness! I've had enough sitting at home, pretending to be on stress leave." She blurted with a bright smile.

"Pretending?" Cynthia cocked a brow and shook her head.

"I've kind of been helping the team via Garcia." Elle confessed.

"I see. What exactly did you hope to accomplish by doing that?" she leaned towards Elle.

"I just wanted to feel useful. I couldn't bear the thought of you finally giving me the go ahead and I wasn't in the frame of mind to be of any help." Elle sat back in her seat.

"Our session is almost drawing to an end. I want to do a full evaluation in two weeks time. Keep tabs on those nightmares." She placed her pen on top of the closed file. Elle sat back in her seat.

"I admit those are not entirely gone, however they appear to have loosened their grip on my sleeping hours just long enough for those of a more work related theme. Those I've grown accustomed to dealing with." Elle smiled and stood. "Thanks again, I'll see you in two weeks." She said over her shoulder and closed the door behind. Grateful for an early morning appointment, Elle paused at the elevator. She could press the down button and go home, like she knew she was supposed to- or she could go up to the BAU, which just happened to be only three floors above. Would anyone notice if she slipped in and grabbed a few files from her desk? There would be no doubt that there would be a pile of paperwork that required- nay, begged for her attention. What the hell, she decided, stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the seventh floor.

Reid? She thought as the young profiler nearly walked right by her after doing a quick double take.

"Well if it isn't Doctor Reid." He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face her, his expression brightened.

"Elle, wow!" he exclaimed with a smile happy to see her.

"Nice haircut." She opened the slightly awkward conversation. She never imagined that it would be like this- somehow she thought things would be different. That it would be as though she had never been away.

"Thanks, yeah I like your haircut too." He closed the distance between them, which allowed other agents to walk around them while they talked.

"Is that a boy's regular?" she jested and he absently ran a hand through his hair- probably a nervous habit, but she did note that he wasn't as awkward as he had been before her absence.

"Yeah, it is- do you not like it?" he blushed ever so slightly.

"It's totally you." She smiled and they paused as Hotchner crossed the bullpen, heading directly towards them.

"So, you're, uh. Okay?" his question cut short by Hotchner's arrival.

"I didn't think you were back till next week." She doesn't quite look at him.

"Oh, I um, I got a text message, so." She had, but like the others, she ignored it.

"Then it was a mistake." He said quickly.

"Is there a case?" her eyes met with his firmly and he could see the need to be back reflected in her gaze.

"Not until you're healthy." He stated matter-of-factly, his expression firm.

"Yesterday I found myself looking forward to watching a soap opera." She rolled her eyes.

"Which one?" Reid joked.

"Please, can you put me back to work Hotch?" the need could be heard in her tone. He looked as though he was seriously considering it.

"The doctor hasn't cleared you for the field."

"Please Hotch." She pleaded and he thought he caught a glimpse of a pout on her raspberry tinted lips.

"You need more time." He said in an attempt to hold his ground. More time my ass! She thought, yet managed to contain the thought.

"I've been out for four months. What I need is to go back to work." She looked away and nearly sighed in frustration.

"We're going to Cleveland. Reid's going to the Crimes Against Children Division. Go with him." He handed her a thin file.

"But I can."

"Or go home." He cut her off and headed down the corridor towards Garcia's domain. Great, she thought with a loud sigh and turned her attention towards Reid.

"I'm all yours, Doctor Reid." She quipped and headed to the bullpen with Reid on her heels.

Cases that involved children always got to Gideon, no matter how hard he tried to conceal his emotions. Elle especially felt it when his eyes fell on her- that sentiment mixed with the 'what the hell do you think you're doing' look. A look that made her feel slightly small in his presence. She tried to ignore it; after all, she had only wanted to help- even if that meant disobeying Hotchner's direct orders to stay out of the field. What else could she have done while the counter on the auction ticked away the hours/minutes/seconds/nanoseconds of a young boy's life. It was a happy ending at least, at least that's what she told herself as she sat at her desk and watched Gideon, who stood glued to the spot watching the young boy and his mother interacting for the first time in approximately six years in the conference room.

"Elle, my office when you have a minute." He called and headed down hallway to his office. She waited for a moment before closing the file she had been perusing and Reid's eyebrows shot up.

"Aren't you going to talk to him?" he wove his eyebrows together.

"Yeah, I just want to finish this first." She replied and Morgan looked at her.

"Elle, I know that tone. You're seriously going to get your ear chewed off." Morgan shook his head for emphasis. She sighed and put down the file. "Good luck." He added with a wink. She stood and made her way to Gideon's office. She was; however, stopped by Hotchner.

"You knew you weren't supposed to be out in the field without being cleared by the doctor first." He crossed his arms across his chest and she tilted her herd.

"Is that what this is about?" she gestured towards Gideon's office.

"I'm not sure Elle, maybe." He replied and shook his head in disappointment. "Elle, I know that you want to help, just don't let your objectivity get tainted by the situation." He rested a hand on her shoulder and she nodded her understanding before taking a breath and entering Gideon's office.

"You wanted to see me, sir." She said in her most professional tone. He lifted his head and gestured towards an empty seat in front of his desk.

"I did. What is going through that head of yours?"

"I'm sorry?" she never liked being profiled. "I just wanted to get back. I needed to get back." She replied and rested her elbows on the chairs arms.

"You were not supposed to be in the field until deemed capable by the doctor."

"I made a judgement call. Perhaps not the right one." She looked down, then let her eyes slowly rise to meet his steel gaze.

"You were reckless, which is not you. Trying to use Reid to cover your misjudgement wasn't right either. You should be home Elle. You still need time to heal." She could hear the disappointment in his tone and shrunk a little in her seat.

"Gideon, I can't stand feeling useless." She bit at her lower lip. "Plus it means being away from you." She looked away and then down at her folded hands in her lap. Once more, she knew there was no quick save. He rested his arms on the desk in front of him and leaned into them, tilting his head in wonder and disbelief.

"I nearly lost you once." He said in a low tone. "I know this case wasn't the end of the world or anything, but." He stopped himself and stood.

"You're right. I will make an appointment for an early evaluation. Then I should be back in the field tomorrow." She stood and ran her fingers lightly down his arm, taking hold of his hand for a moment. "I'm okay." She whispered. You may be, but I'm sure as hell not, he thought to himself as he watched her leave.

***

The feeling that worked its way through the precinct was that of collective disappointment while they watched as William Lee was escorted from the interrogation room. No one vocalised his or her thoughts on the subject, yet they were well aware of what the others were thinking. As she walked down a short hall, Elle's path nearly collided with his and his glance was directed directly towards her, sending a shiver of defeat through her. She cringed with the knowledge that she had screwed up the investigation- she had allowed her personal issues to flutter and break free of the surface that kept them hidden within. She also knew that she should have been honest when asked point blank if she was okay. Of course she had wanted everything to be as it was prior to her leave of absence, yet she thought that pretending, would have her one day believing in her own façade, and in essence would have resulted ridding the streets of another bad guy. Deep within she knew that wasn't the case and could never be sure if she ever would be herself again. However, in her defence, Hotchner and or Gideon should have known that she was hardly ready for the field, especially a case that was so emotionally close to home for her. It was a strange energy between Morgan and herself in combination with his last glance that made her question her team- question herself and her ability; none of which she had done in the past.

"You're letting him walk?" she stated hotly and Morgan shook his head.

"Back off Elle." His warning was calm; his eyes reflected a silent plea.

"You don't know what you've done." She hissed back.

"The only reason he's walking is because you panicked." Hotchner stepped in; his voice as steady as his deep, dark gaze.

"I'm supposed to believe that you've got my back?" she snapped without much thought. She met his gaze with fire in her eyes.

"What are you saying?" he maintained his cool demeanour.

"The last time you sent me home Hotch, you got me shot." Her response had been laced with venom and that alerted Gideon, who had been content to stay back, immediately made his presence known.

"Walk with me. Right now." He growled as he grabbed her arm and led her to a vacant office. "You need to get some air. While you do, uh I want you to think about this job. What you've been through and what you're capable of. You understand me?" There was water in her eyes as she looked away, tilting her head indicating to Gideon that she wanted to say something, yet remained silent. In that moment, he could tell that there was something far deeper going on in her head. Damn it Elle, talk to me; he thought as her gaze finally met his briefly, she then rolled her eyes, pushed past him, and walked out the door in a huff. Reid, who happened to be standing nearby, reached out to comfort her, show her he was there for her- as he had the previous night. She hotly brushed his touch aside and ducked down a corridor that worked its way around the excitement to Detective Maggie Callahan's office and slipped in unseen.

She stood as if frozen in her tracks, thinking. She had wanted to tell Gideon about her arrangement with Detective Callahan, yet on the other hand, she knew better than to involve him or Hotchner for that matter. She and Callahan had to maintain their façade of dislike for one and other. Something that wasn't difficult for her- there was just something that Elle didn't like about the other woman. Callahan sat behind her desk with everything in preparation for Elle's arrival. The wire, the location and the backup ensuring that nothing would be left to chance.

"All we need is his confession." She sat back, staring up at Elle who nodded her accent. "We tried it Gideon's way and look what happened." She added and Elle watched as Callahan's lips curled into a satisfied grin, then turned her attention to the wire before slowly reaching out and running her slender fingers along the device and the microphone before finally picking it up.

"Are you sure that I should be the one doing this?"

"He thinks he's got you. I saw the way he looked at you when he was brought in. He still wants you. Besides, he thinks he still has the power and definitely won't see it coming." The smile morphed into a toothy grin. Right, Elle thought as she lifted her t-shirt high enough to feed the microphone up through towards the high collar where she taped the end. She then clipped the little black pack inside the waistband of her pants. Her jacket would cover any bulges that might be visible otherwise. I really don't know about this, she thought as she carefully headed out of the station armed with the address scribbled on a Post-It note that she shoved into the pocket of her jacket.

"So what happens now?" Do you stay?" Callahan asked as she, Gideon and Hotchner rounded a corner and headed down the hallway towards their respective rooms.

"You have your man. You just have to wait for him to slip up." Hotchner replied; they paused outside his door.

"You said yourself that he has access to information on women for an eight state region." She turned to face them.

"Look, you're a good cop. My money's on you." She nods her thanks as Hotchner pulled out the key card. "Get some rest my friend. Wheels up tomorrow at noon." Gideon headed towards his room, pulling out the key card on his way. Callahan made it appear as though she was following suit, only waited for a moment before leaving her room and heading down to the parking lot to join her team and meet up with Elle.

It was an eerie, starless night as Elle carefully concealed herself within the convenient shadows- she couldn't help but feel like a hunter awaiting her prey. Finally, she thought as she saw Callahan's SUV- she then knew she would be all right and it wasn't long before the powder blue Jeep Liberty pulled into the parking alley that was situated behind a row of houses. She patiently waited, biding her time as he cut the engine, got out of the vehicle, and shoved the keys into his pockets before heading in her direction. Something shimmered as it was caught the moonlight, she thought it might be a firearm- at least that's how it appeared from where she stood, yet she couldn't quite tell. The sound of her footsteps, confident against the pavement, caused him to stop.

"Is this what you do?" she paused and continued to walk towards him. "You wait for them until they get home." Her tone harsh, yet at the same time steady.

"You're not supposed to be here." He replied.

"What? You can't talk to a woman without a gun in your hand? You and I both know what you are- and you're not gonna hurt women anymore." She maintained the upper hand.

"I would never hurt them. You know that. That's why you let me go."

"I didn't let you do anything." She snapped.

"You're very pretty." His statement sounded somewhat distant.

"What did you say to me?"

"Why do you choose to do a job so dangerous?" his gaze firm as though trying to match hers. "You should find a man to take care of you." He added slyly.

"Like you took care of those women?" she kept the conversation going in hopes that this would be what they needed.

"Now you're trying to interrogate me. You know you're not supposed to do that." She found it interesting how knowledgeable he thought he was. Damn it, she thought. I have to get him to confess.

"I'm just here to let you know that I'm not gonna rest until you go away." She didn't quite get in his face to make her point, yet just close enough.

"No, you're here because you want me to say thank you." His slimly smile widened into a toothy grin.

"You're sick." She said more under her breath then anything.

"Really? Because without you I would still be locked up." You should still be locked up and the key thrown away; you sick bastard, she thought.

"I didn't let you walk." Even in her own ears, it sounded as though she were trying to convince herself.

"Thank you. You've made a lot of women very happy." She turned away- yet something within told her to glance over her shoulder. From where she stood it appeared that Lee was reaching for something in his pocket- it was all the justification she needed in the situation and she didn't want to take a chance with her own life.

"Stand down." Callahan instructed her team through their communication, Elle unaware.

"Hey Lee." She said turning around and at the same time, she drew her firearm with the intent to use it. From her vantage point, one of his hands was just under his jacket, his expression one of dare. Daring her to pull the trigger, obviously not thinking that she would and she caught him off guard as the first shot cracked through the quiet; then the second and finally a third and final shot. It felt so surreal, as if time itself stood still around her and she watched as Lee slumped over onto his knees, his hands frantically clutching at his chest in a vain attempt to stop the burning sensation ringing throughout his shocked body, and then finally; he crumpled to the damp pavement in a folded up heap.

As far as Elle had been concerned, this situation bore resemblance to those previously experienced- a split second decision that no doubt in her mind defined the difference as to whether or not she lived. Yet, something grabbed the back of her mind and she found herself second, third, and well beyond forth guessing herself. She had to ensure that her action, rather reaction had indeed been justified and willed herself to inspect the fallen body. Timidly, she approached the body, crouched down alongside it, and reached out to press her fingers along his jugular, which confirmed there was no pulse. I have to know, she thought as she pulled his light jacket aside-immediately confirming her initial assessment of the situation. A loud sigh of relief escaped her lips and she nearly jumped at the hand on her shoulder.

"Callahan!" she exclaimed before composing herself. "He's dead. A lot of good I did." Her voice was flat and it mirrored the expression on her face.

"Elle, I saw him reach for a gun. You did what you had to do." Her smile was warm and she stood with Elle in front of a police cruiser in wait for the inevitable arrival of Hotchner and Gideon as the organised chaos swirled around them.

"I just hope that they understand." Elle said under her breath as Gideon and Hotchner got out of the SUV. Callahan tapped her shoulder then went to meet the agents. The look that caressed Gideon's usually so unreadable features was a mixture of utter shock and disappointment, which felt like a sharp blade running along her heart. It was not only that; she had broken their bond of trust, and thereby extension the trust between her and the team. Strangely enough it was Hotchner's usually readable expression that was stoic, an odd swap, she mused as an officer assisted her with getting into the back seat of the cruiser- the effort of movement suddenly felt foreign and mechanical; almost as though she were in a dreamlike state.

As the cruiser sped through the streets returning to the precinct, Elle had ample time to contemplate her situation. It was self defence, wasn't it? She questioned herself. He had a gun, my gut was correct- had I not shot him, it would be me lying wounded or dead on the pavement. She shuddered at the thought. Going over the prescribed story in her mind, she knew exactly what she was to say and yet at the same time, the whole scenario felt as though a series of half truths had been loosely woven together and possibly would unravel. Self-doubt took over and she wondered if she had simply overreacted as she leaned back and pressed her head into the seats back closing her eyes against the lamp lights harsh glare. The plan had been simple enough; meet with Lee and at most scare him into a confession of his crimes- thereby getting enough for Callahan to charge him. Only something went terribly wrong.

Elle was then escorted into an empty, small interrogation room. As if the actual shooting itself hadn't been enough; having to sit at the table answering their questions, rather than asking them only added salt to the wound. She could sense that Gideon, Hotchner, or both were behind the two-way mirror and that by degree increased the intensity of self-doubt. Why don't they believe me? She pondered as she looked down at her hands for a moment, at least they weren't shaking. Shaking would indicate that she was nervous, or had something to hide. Callahan entered the room with the tape from the wire with a smile that could put Hannibal to shame.

"I told them that it was cut and dried. Self defence, plain and simple." She sounded satisfied with the outcome, even if that meant that their suspect was dead.

"They don't believe that." Elle whispered, defeat in her words. "I saw the looks on their faces." She added knowing that they were there. Callahan took a quick breath, tilted her head and finally sighed.

"Personally, I don't care what they think. He was about to pull a gun on you. You did what you had to do and in doing so, got us what we needed to put that bastard away. He's dead, what does it matter? It's just another piece of scum off the streets." So easy for you to say, Elle wanted to spit back. She let her eyes rest upon the two-way mirror for a moment to let Gideon and Hotchner know that she knew they were lurking behind the glass. Oh what have I done? I've alienated myself from my team, and for what; the assumption that I murdered Lee in cold blood? How will I ever be able to convince them otherwise? The harsh reality of the situation fell down upon her shoulders harder than she could ever have imagined, and an icy cold chill ran through her entire body.

"Sign here and here." Callahan pointed to the places where Elle's signature was necessary. Elle carefully reviewed the report before she slowly picked up the pen and signed the first page. Gideon sighed heavily and turned away from the two-way mirror, pressing his back against it and folding his arms tightly across the expanse of his broad chest. Hotchner ran a hand through his jet black hair and watched as Elle calmly singed the second. Somehow, he had expected her to flinch, yet she did not. Gideon watched his expression as a wave of darkness washed over his features.

The team had waited for Elle to complete her reports at the station; then headed back to the hotel for another night before they would leave the next day- around noon. Even though she had closed her door, she still felt their disapproving gazes upon her; expressions that she wouldn't soon forget. I didn't do anything wrong, she pressed her back against the door, dropped her purse to the floor with a soft thud against the broadloom, shrugged out of her jacket and draped it over the nearby chair. She nearly flung herself across the bed and grabbing a pillow, sobbed as quietly as she could manage so that no one heard. Ideally, no one should have heard her whimpers, but that didn't mean someone couldn't sense them- couldn't miss her dark mood and she slowly lifted her head after the gentle knock at her door. Reid, if that's you, she tried to regain her composure.

"Elle?" she heard the concern in his rich tone and she immediately got up and padded towards the door, rubbing at her face in an attempt to appear as though she was fine. She opened the door and almost smiled when she was greeted by his kind, gentle, warm face, the concern in his tone reflected in his brown eyes.

"Gideon." She said hardly above a whisper and moved aside for him to enter her room.

Mid afternoon finally arrived and the team boarded the plane. Elle smiled to herself as she noticed how close J.J. and Reid seemed to be getting and thought perhaps they would be the lucky ones. Once they were air born the team settled themselves- Gideon moving to sit across from Reid, more than likely for a game of chess to divert his over active mind. Hotchner and Morgan moved to another four seat section with a table between them to discuss their last case and complete their reports. Elle made a cup of tea, grabbed a blanket to drape over her legs and arranged herself on one of the sofas. She opened the report, scanning the contents, going over the crime scene photographs, and signed the various pages that required her signature. There was an odd silence amongst the team- Elle attempted to convince herself that it wasn't about her; instead, she fished through her bag for the extra book she had brought along for the long flight home. However, she hardly managed to get through the chapter, she finally fell into a fitful slumber; her mind still far too active for her drained body to handle.

***

Elle stopped just short of walking into Hotchner's office and waited for him to acknowledge her. He lifted his head.

"I got your message."

"Close the door." He watched as she mechanically closed the door. "This is William Lee's case file. Sit down." She lowered herself into the seat across from him and waited for him to continue. "The bureau has concluded its internal investigation- and they accept your claim that you went to Lee's house to confront him and that you defended yourself when he attacked. As your supervising agent, I've ordered a psychological status report."

"After the bureau has cleared me?" she snapped. "I don't need a shrink Hotch."

"It's up to me to make that assessment."

"You think I'm lying. You know you're not a prosecutor anymore."

"You're the only one who knows what really happened that night. And I think that you really need to be honest with yourself since you've got to live with it for the rest of your life."

"I appreciate your concern, I'm fine." She said unconvincingly.

"Are you?"

"Yeah." Elle nodded for emphasis.

"You're anxious. You're on edge. I've noticed."

"More than Reid or Morgan?"

"Neither of them confronted a suspect and then shot and killed them." he managed to keep his tone even.

"Yeah, because they didn't find themselves in the position that they needed to do so." She pointed out, yet regretted it in an instant when she recalled Reid had shot an un-sub. He got over it; she kept the thought to herself.

"I've been doing this long enough. I know hyper-vigilance when I see it. Your first evaluation is in an hour." He instructed and heard her sigh.

"Not everyone is an un-sub." She quipped.

"Don't be late." He watched her stiffly push herself out of the chair and turned to leave.

"You're the boss." He heard her say under her breath.

One evaluation down, however many more they have planned for me to go, she thought as she climbed into bed. Even though she and Gideon had spoken after she had given and signed her statements, Elle couldn't sleep- the harshness and disappointment in his tone when he had pulled her aside back at the precinct kept her wide awake and staring up at the ceiling. I want you to think about this job, what you've been through, and what you're capable of. You understand me? Of course I understand Gideon, she almost yelled at the empty room as she sat up in bed, drew her knees up towards her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs in a protective manner. Why exactly did I want to become an FBI agent? She tucked her chin in the crevice between her knees. Oh right, I wanted to be a part of something more. I wanted to do something that would actually make a difference- how naïve for me to think that I, merely one individual, could ever accomplish such a goal. In one quick movement, she whisked the blanket away from her body and got out of bed, which inevitably resulted in pacing around her flat.

How simple things had been before I'd been shot, she frowned, her eyebrows furrowed and she drew back the drape- allowing the gentle moonbeam to bask the room in a warm yellow glow. Releasing the drape, she moved through the comfort of darkness to the living room. He's absolutely right, she thought. If I can't trust my team to have my back, then what the hell am I doing? She sighed and picked up her holster, she ran her fingers over the gun wrapped within the leather holder then placed it back on the table. Next, she plucked her bureau identification card off the table and stared at it before tossing it haphazardly back on the table with the firearm. I know what I have to do, she paused in thought and her eyes rested on the telephone she longed to pick up. He needs to know; she reasoned with herself and tried to ignore the tightness of emotion that neatly tangled itself within her chest. She willed herself to pick up the phone, and even brought the receiver to her ear- hearing the dial tone, her finger rested just above the first digit of his telephone number. However, she stopped just short of committing. I can't, she shook her head and held back the tears, for after the previous night, as far as she was concerned, she would shed no more tears.

The next morning, she awoke stretched across the sofa shivering. She rose and quickly headed back to her bedroom and climbed back into bed. I'm not going in today; she brought the blankets up to her chin and stared up at the ceiling. It seemed as though hours passed and still Elle lay within the comfort of her cocoon of blankets even though she was well aware of the fact that she should have readied herself for her evaluation an hour and a half ago. There's little doubt that Hotchner and Gideon are unaware of the situation, she only closed her eyes against the bright sunlight that seeped through the light curtains. Meanwhile, Hotchner had indeed been informed of her not keeping the appointment. He then attempted to contact her- each time the call was transferred to her voice mail. He wondered if Gideon had been made aware of the situation and quickly dashed to his colleague's office. Gideon gestured for him to close the door, which he did and sat himself in the vacant seat. He explained the current situation to the best of his knowledge and ability- all Gideon could do was sit back and listen.

"Doesn't look good." He finally said softly, breaking the long drawn out silence between them, and ran a hand through his cropped hair. Hotchner shook his head and furrowed his thick eyebrows.

"To be honest with you, I know exactly what this looks like." He had to look down and then slowly returned his gaze to Gideon.

"Elle let her emotion get in her way." It seemed simple enough.

"It goes against everything that we stand for."

"So don't you make the same mistake." He paused and leaned towards the other agent, his colleague and friend. "She's innocent until proven guilty." The words no sooner leave Gideon's lips that he hoped they were indeed true.

"I know."

"All right?" Gideon inquired.

"All right."

"I'll go to Texas, you find Elle." Gideon watched as Hotchner made his way out the door. Elle, what have you done? He wondered as he picked up his phone and dialled her number. It rang quite a few times before the answering machine finally picked up the call.

"Elle, it's me. Please call me on my cell, its very important." He cradled the receiver and then headed to a conference room where he met the rest of the team to be briefed on their current case. Hotchner drove to Elle's flat and parked across the street, perfectly positioning himself for an impending pursuit. Elle's heart broke when she heard Gideon's voice. She fought every fibre within her being not to pick up the phone and speak to him- tell him everything that she knew she should have told him the night before last, and yet something within prevented her from doing so, instead she stared at the telephone. With a shake of her head, she picked up her keys, her overnight bag, and her cell phone and closed the door behind her.

Hotchner waited for her to make her move, not knowing if or when she would. He dialled her number as he saw her emerge from her new condo- watched as she tossed the phone into a nearby trash can, got into her deep blue BMW and drove off. He pulled out of his hiding place and followed. His thoughts; however, were interrupted by his cell ringing.

"Hotchner." He sounded calm; he kept the proper space between his car and Elle's.

"Hey Hotch, what's up?" he was surprised by how calm Gideon sounded, even though Hotchner was well aware of the fact that what Gideon was really feeling was a different matter all together.

"I went to her apartment to talk to her, but she was leaving with an overnight bag."

"So she's running?" the surprise and worry was evident in Gideon's voice.

"I don't know. I hope not. I'm following her." He replied and tuned down another street.

"Alright, keep me posted." Gideon snapped his cell closed before rejoining the team. While he followed her, a quote he read somewhere entered his mind and something within it caused him to pause, perhaps in understanding, he was unsure.

We could easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy in life is when men are afraid of the light. Plato

Elle walked though the fallen leaves that rustled and crunched underfoot, walked around and in between row upon row of headstones until she arrived at Robert Greenaway's. She looked down at the cold, stone representation of the memories of a nine-year-old girl. Daddy, she thought and let her mind wander back to the conversation she had with him while her life hung in the balance. Then again in her many dreams that followed. She recalled his warmth, his strength, his guidance, and thankfully his understanding- yet knowing what she had just experienced, just been through, accused of, would he still be as proud or understanding of her? She would never truly know and it made her wish she had been more honest with her team. Perhaps they would have understood if she had revealed the plan, revealed that she had been working with Callahan. Now, it would appear to them to be a convenient ploy. Especially with Hotchner, the high and mighty, moral, ethical, member of the team. Casting thoughts aside, she sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry dad." Her words sounded like admission in his ears, Hotchner finally let his presence be known. "You've been following me."

"What's going on Elle? I'm listening." She slowly turned to face him.

"Okay, I really wanted to be part of the team." Her tone flat and sounded lifeless in his ears.

"You were."

"But when I needed the team, I was all alone. I was alone in the one place I have the right to feel safe, and that's my home." Her eyes spoke far more than her words ever could and it touched him, but he had to keep perspective. "Just like those women in Ohio who were attacked had the right to feel safe in their home. I'm sorry."

"So that justifies taking the law into your own hands?" he said, she looked away.

"What makes you think that I have?" she inquired returning his hard gaze.

"Because you are here confessing your sins. You know I don't have any evidence and you know how quickly I'd arrest you if I did. So what are we going to do about it?" on one hand, she knew she couldn't answer that question- if she had, it wasn't only her badge on the line; it was whether or not he would believe her.

"I don't know." She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. The fall wind gusted around them and Hotchner removed his jacket and hooked it on her shoulders. "Thanks."

"We can still reschedule your evaluation." He said and put a comforting arm around her. She thought for a moment.

"I think I need a bit more time." She replied calmly.

"That isn't a luxury we have much of."

"I understand." She sighed with a curt nod and they walked back to their respective cars. "How's the case going?" she inquired.

"Gideon's kept me in the loop. As far as I know the un-sub is a young boy."

"Really?" she cocked an eyebrow and slipped his jacket off her shoulders. "Thanks again." She added and got into her car.

"Quantico, when you're ready. I'll be in my office." He said and she nodded, closed the door and started the engine. I hope she shows, he mused and got into his car.

Glad to have another case behind them; Gideon, J.J., Morgan, and Reid board the plane for the flight home. Mentally and emotionally drained, J.J. quickly fell asleep on the sofa-not something that she usually did, but for some reason this case was very different. Gideon tucked himself away from the rest of the team- they all knew where his mind was. Reid and Morgan sat in the four group across from J.J., Reid not wanting to be too far away from her. Morgan had his iPod in his ears as per the norm, but never too loud, only enough to drown out the constant rumble of the jets engines.

"I should have said something." Reid said out of the blue, yet Morgan knew that this stemmed from earlier that day.

"What?" Morgan replied and removed the ear buds, placed the iPod on the table between them and waited. He knew Reid needed to talk.

"To Gideon, to Hotch, any of you guys. I talked to Elle that night and I knew she wasn't right, but." He paused. "Should have told someone." His features dark, reminding Morgan of Hotch.

"Reid, listen to me. Do not do that to yourself. You were just trying to help a friend. You hear me?" Reid silently nodded his ascent. "Don't go there kid, Elle made her own choice. It's on her." again Reid nodded his understanding and swivelled his chair slightly, closed his eyes and hoped that everything would return to normal.

"She hasn't admitted anything?" Gideon inquired quietly, not wanting to upset team further as he had already noticed Reid's reaction.

"No." Hotchner replied as he sat back in his seat behind his desk still covered with paperwork.

"Well you're doing the right thing." Gideon's sigh sounded like defeat and Hotchner knew exactly what he meant.

"Yeah, I know that." He sensed someone at his door and lifted his head. Elle entered quietly, seeing that he was on the telephone and assumed it to be Gideon.

"See you in a few hours."

"Okay." Hotchner hung up and turned his attention towards Elle.

"Gideon?" she knew she didn't have to ask.

"Yeah."

"Tell him I said goodbye." She walked further into his office, for the last time as a member of the BAU and placed her gun, badge, and pass card on his desk. "This is not an admission of guilt." She stated matter-of-factly.

"Well." He pursed his lips.

"You know when I first started this job. The sound of my phone ringing, a call from the bureau I used to get so excited. The blood would just race in my veins-and now that same sound paralyses me. I'm not the same person anymore. That night at Lee's, if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing." She sounded confident in her decision. Hotchner thought back to his own experience, not just those of injured or fallen colleagues and friends and waited for her answer. She merely sighed.

"I guess that's it. You know, when I first joined the team, I couldn't figure out why you never ever smile. Now I think I'm actually going to miss that." He watched as she turned on her heel and headed to her desk to pack up whatever personal items had been left. He watched her through the open blind as she slung her overnight bag over her shoulder and left the BAU for the last time.

"I miss you too." He whispered to himself and his empty office.

***

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