Title: Drowning Out the Quiet
Author: The Wonder Twins
Email: ebonyivory013@aol.com and kaelleigh@earthlink.net
Permission to archive: Yes
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Genre: Slash
Pairing/Characters: Gideon/Morgan
Rating: FRAO
Summary: A brush with death brings back daemons that Derek can't deal with alone.
Disclaimer: We do not own.
Warnings: Here be angst, drama, hurt-comfort ... oh, and hot, steamy sex.
Acknowledgment from jhourdhaun: Thanks to my wonderful TwinSis for joining in on the fun. I just love when a plan comes together!
Acknowledgment from Eby: My thanks to my Twin for the wonderful idea and to Peja for giving us a place to play.

***

The team had been worried when they pulled Derek Morgan's limp body out of the lake. When he and their unsub had gone off the high pier, Hotch and Reid had raced to the edge to lend a hand. After several minutes, neither surfaced and the first responders took over.

They'd moved to the nearby shore to wait for word on their comrade. Everyone held their breath as the shout signaled that something had been found. The waiting was almost unbearable as SAR brought the first body to shore. Elle refused to watch and turned into Spencer's arms.

Although she wasn't facing the shore, she could tell by the expressions of the people in front of her that there was no hope for this one. Dropping her head to hide from the horrifying reality of losing someone, she almost missed Spencer's softly whispered, "It's not him. It's LeGary."

Before she and the others could breathe a sigh of relief, Gideon's rough voice cut in, "It's been too long."

Another yell pierced the air and this time the team prepared themselves for the worst.

"We got a live one," crackled over one of the radios and every one of the BAU team and the locals felt their tension levels decrease. As the small boat pulled up to the shore, the medics moved in quickly to assist and assess the unconscious agent. Shouted instructions and hurried movements relayed to the assembled group that time was of the essence.

A pain-filled cough was the first indication that things were looking up for the African American profiler. Two of the medics headed over to where a gurney had been placed and one of the SAR guys walked over to the team to brief them. "Your guy was lucky - another minute or so and he would have been in the same situation as the first one we pulled out. We're gonna transport him to Methodist just to be on the safe side, but he should be fine."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Derek and JJ entered the bullpen at Quantico to applause and handshakes. The story of Morgan's rather miraculous survival had made the rounds and because of his popularity, that equated to a lot of well-wishers.

A soft, but firm hand gripped his elbow causing him to stop and turn right into the arms of Garcia. "Your Goddess was worried."

Derek chuckled, "Your humble minion prostrates himself before you in abject apology."

"You are so full of shit, Morgan," Garcia responded as she released him. "But, seeing as we like you that way and wouldn't trade you in for anything else in the world ... well ... except for a quad core Apple G5 with auxiliary video Ipod ... I guess we won't complain. But if you do anything like this ever again..."

Pulling her back into a hug, Derek nodded, "I know. You'll curse every computer that I come in contact, revoke all of my future favors and screw up my assignments so that I have to give all of the new FBI recruit talks with Reid."

Spencer's head popped up at hearing the statement, "Hey! I'll have you know there is nothing wrong with my recruit talks. They all love when I speak."

With his usual droll delivery, Hotch added, "Probably because after nearly four months of testing and training, it's the first good sleep they've had in a while."

Spencer rolled his eyes and returned to his book. "Ha ha." Muttering to himself, the others could just barely make out, "They obviously haven't experienced your first-light briefings."

Elle drifted over towards Morgan, glaring at the two bickering men. "Boys, behave." Smiling at her friend, she embraced him, rubbing her hand over his head, "You know, for a drowned rat you look pretty damn good."

A strange look passed over Derek's face, but he quickly recovered and returned the smile. "Haven't you heard? No matter the circumstances, I always look pretty damn good."

Pushing him away in mock disgust, Elle laughed. "Obviously your little dip did nothing to your ego."

Hotch cleared his throat to get his team's attention. "Final briefing in the war room a.s.a.p."

Gideon's team made their way quickly to the room and took their seats. "The local PD has extended its thanks to us for helping them nail LeGary. Thanks to our efforts, they have been able to put 12 cases to rest. Good job.

"The ME's initial report has the COD as drowning." He nodded at Derek. "You can add your account to that during your debrief."

 

Derek nodded, feeling the whole of the team's focus once more upon him.  He shifted uncomfortably, keeping his gaze averted as he pretended to concentrate on his notes.

 "Oh, and Morgan?"  Hotch's voice commanded attention, so Derek looked up to meet the SAC's gaze.  "Try to be a bit more careful next time, okay?  If this keeps up, our medical emergency expenses are going to start coming under review."

 Gideon sucked in a sharp breath, watching Morgan's face pale even as the rest of the team laughed at the intended humor.

 "I'll do my best, sir.  Is that all?"  Without waiting for Hotch's consent, Derek gathered his notes and headed for the door, his back stiff with tension.

 "Hey, Morgan!" Hotch called, confused.  The door didn't quite slam closed behind the younger man.

Hotchner moved to follow, but Gideon caught his gaze and shook his head minutely.

 "If there's nothing else, I suggest you all get to work on your reports," Gideon said to the others.  "The sooner they're done, the sooner you can all call it a day."

 Reid was first out the door, and Gideon watched as the young man headed in the direction he'd seen Morgan flee.  Good.  He and Derek shared an almost brotherly affection.  Of course if asked, either of them would call it an affliction.

 "Gideon, I was just teasing.  What did I say wrong?" Hotch wondered, his expression concerned.

 "You couldn't know, Aaron," the other agent assured.  "Derek preferred that no one knew."

 "Knew what?"

 Sighing heavily, Jason weighed his words.  "This isn't the first time Morgan's had a close call with drowning.  When he was a young boy, he and his parents were in a car accident.  Some drunken redneck just targeted them at random; ran them off the road and nose-first into the river.  Derek survived.  His parents didn't.  I suspect yesterday's little escapade hit him like air on an exposed nerve."

 "Jesus..."  Hotch closed his eyes, trying to imagine the emotions Morgan was battling.  "For him, it was a nightmare come to life all over again."

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~


 "Morgan?"  Spencer rushed into the locker room, knowing that's likely where he'd find his friend.  "Derek, are you here?"

 "Go away, Reid," the shaky voice requested.  A moment later a locker door slammed.

 "Derek, look .... you know that Hotch can be a real hard ass sometimes.  I'm sure he didn't mean--"

 "It doesn't matter," Morgan snapped, zipping his duffle bag with more force than necessary.  Catching the worried look in Reid's eyes, he relented slightly.  "It's okay, Reid.  Get out of here.  I'm off for the next few days on medical leave, so I'll see you next week. I promise."

 "You can call me, y'know," Spencer plowed on.  "If you need to talk.  Whenever."

 The gesture touched Morgan more than he cared to admit.  Giving his friend a weak smile, he nodded and headed out the door to the hallway.  He didn't want to run the risk of staying any longer and seeing Hotch.  Or Gideon. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Jason Gideon took his time leaving the office that afternoon.  He had shooed Aaron and the others out hours ago.  He knew that Hotchner was still feeling a load of guilt over his words to Morgan.  Unfortunately, it couldn't be undone, the words couldn't be unsaid. 

Sighing heavily, Gideon finally shut off his office light and headed for the parking lot.  Time to go do some damage control.

 He knew instinctually that Morgan wouldn't be at his apartment.  And since he wasn't much of a drinker the bars wouldn't be an option either.  No, there was one special place Derek Morgan holed up when his emotions got the better of him.

 Her name was Ella Morgan but to her family and neighbors, she was simply known as Nonna and she was Derek's grandmother.

 The drive took forty-five minutes, and for the last fifteen, Gideon found himself fidgeting.  He had tried calling Derek but as he had expected there was no answer. 

Pulling his car into the short driveway, Gideon got out and locked it.  As he climbed the three steps to the porch he raised his hand to knock on the door.  To his surprise, it opened before he could connect, and Nonna's ageless face stared out at him. 

"Jason, thank God you're here.  Come in, come in!"  She ushered him inside, closing the door behind them.

"Is he here, Nonna?"

"You know the answer to that or you wouldn't be here."  Lines of concern etched her face.  "He won't talk to me though.  Won't tell me what happened.  He's scared and angry, Jason.  In a way I haven't seen him in a long, long time." 

Normally, Gideon might have tried to shield a family member, but Nonna could tell she was being lied to and was a formidable opponent.  Knowing how this was going to hurt, Jason took her hand and led her over to the couch, indicating they both should sit.

 "To make a long story short, he nearly drowned yesterday."  He tightened his grip on her hands when she gasped, her deep eyes filling with unshed tears.  "He's okay physically, but--"

 "Oh, my poor baby," she mourned, pulling a hand free to cover her mouth.  "Oh, Derek."

 Gideon pulled her into a gentle embrace, letting her lean against him for a few minutes.  When she had composed herself, she pushed away, grabbing for a kleenex to dab at her eyes. 

"You best see to him.  He's trying to take that basement apart single-handed.  He hasn't done that in months now."

 Jason nodded.  "I'll go see what I can do."  He stood up, helping her to her feet as well.  "Breakfast at the usual time?"


 "Of course.  And your clothes are cleaned, pressed and in the dresser drawer where I always leave them."  She kissed his cheek. 

"Nonna, will you marry me?" he asked, a mischievous glint lighting his eyes.

 "Ohhhh, you!  Go on with you.  Shoo!"  She made scramming motions with her hands as she headed for the kitchen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Opening the door to the basement, Gideon braced himself for the battle ahead. If Derek was upset enough that he was letting his grandmother know, it was safe to assume that things were not going to be all sunshine and light. The younger man's usual motto was to not cause worry to his Nonna and he adhered to that almost religiously. For her to be aware of what he was doing - well, that was tantamount to him taking out a full-page ad in the New York and proclaiming that this brush with death had left him damaged.

He closed the door behind him and made it about halfway down the stairs when he stopped and took in the scene below him. The huge living area looked to be about half its normal size with all of its furniture out-of-place. It was obvious that Derek had taken to moving the furnishings to keep his daemons at bay. Bookshelves half-filled with books sat in the middle of the room beside the sofas and the entertainment center sat flush against the clothing armoire.
About the only thing that didn't seem out of place was the bed, but it was covered in books and other detritus.

"Did she call you?" An exhausted voice questioned from the shadows. "I didn't ask her to, so you can turn right back around and head home."

"I believe I'm where I need to be... if for no other reason than to help you put this place back to rights."

Derek finally stepped away from his hiding place and glared up at the older man. "I'm not in the mood, Gideon, so please take this in the spirit it was intended. I don't want you here, so get the fuck out."

Jason came down the rest of the steps and eyed his companion. "I sure hope you don't kiss your grandmother with that mouth."

"And what's it to you? You're under no obligation to be here. Your duty stopped at the end of the debriefing."

"You're right. My duty did stop at that time, but this is not about duty."

Derek pushed past Gideon and headed over to the gym part of the basement area. Bare-handed, he began to pummel the heavy bag. "No, this has all of the makings of a good pity-fuck." With each word, he hit the bag harder. "Poor, tragic Derek. Can't even handle a little dunk in a big pool without dredging up long-dead losses and best-forgotten memories."

All of Jason's training told him to let Morgan vent ... but that was before he saw the blood. Moving faster than even he thought possible, Jason found himself wrapping his arms around Derek and pulling him away from the bag. "Dammit, Derek, you just experienced the second most traumatic thing to happen to you in water. You're entitled to fall apart."

It was a testament to how tired Morgan was that he couldn't break free from Gideon's hold and the older man could only thank the heavens. "Hurting yourself isn't going to make you forget and it's certainly not going to make any more sense of their deaths."

"Let me go, Gideon!" Morgan demanded as he struggled even more against the arms that suddenly seemed like steel bands. "I don't need this or you!"

"Like hell you don't!" Tightening his arms, Gideon maneuvered them over to the wall and used it to support them. "Stop fighting me! I know what you're dealing with better than anyone else and I can help you. But you have to let me in." When it seemed Derek wouldn't or couldn't hear him, he brought his mouth closer and spoke directly into his ear. "Let me help you!"

Derek continued to struggle, but Gideon could tell the younger man was losing his strength. After several long minutes, Derek finally went limp and Gideon was never more thankful for the wall as when all of Morgan's dead weight pulled on him. "That's it. I've got you."

"It was so dark... and cold. Just like before. I couldn't see anything and I couldn't hold on to LeGary. It was so cold."

Gideon put every bit of his concentration that he normally reserved for tracking unsubs to listening to  Derek's memory and not showing his own fear. "I know it was." He carefully shifted them so that they could ease down gently to the floor - his arms never releasing the Black man.

"Right before we hit, I felt Mama wrap herself around me so that I wouldn't feel the cold so much, but I still did," Derek explained as he leaned his head back onto Gideon's shoulder. "When LeGary and I hit the water, it was like being back there all over again. I could hear my mother's cries and her calling for my father. I could hear all of the sounds of the water trying to get inside the car." He tilted his head so that he could get a better look at his confidante. "You know they say that a drowning is the quietest way to die, but I know better.

I fought it, but neither time was quiet. I ..."

When he didn't continue, Gideon tried to prompt him forward. "You what, Derek?"

"I wanted the quiet. I knew it was there and I wanted it."

Hearing those words frightened Jason even more and he felt helpless in the face of Derek's pain. "That's not you. You wouldn't give up like that - you didn't give up. I talked to SAR and they said you had to have held your breath for quite a bit of time to not have suffered the same fate as LeGary. The head guy called you a fighter - you weren't listening to the siren song of the quiet."

"But I wanted to. Then I started thinking about what it would do to Penelope and Elle ... and Spencer and you and Nonna and I couldn't. I wouldn't." Derek trembled as he fell more into the memories. "But I could still feel it - I still can. I just can't get warm."

"So, what do you need? Tell me and I'll do my damndest to do it or get it. Just tell me."

Closing his eyes, Derek took a deep, shuddering breath. "I need... I need to feel alive again, Jason. I need something to completely sever the ties between me and the quiet and keep me here."

Not wanting there to be any mistakes, Gideon wanted the younger man to spell out exactly what he was seeking. "Speak it plain, Derek. What do you need?"

"I... I need you."

"You've got me, Derek," the older man assured.  Shifting position slightly, he gathered Morgan closer and leaned down to kiss him.  He started with just a fleeting touch of lips, knowing Derek loved the gradual build-up of passion.

Derek wrapped his arms around his lover, moaning deep in his throat.  Why had he fought this?  It was exactly what he wanted.  What he needed. 

Gideon teased mercilessly with his mouth until Derek was gasping for breath, panting for more.  Jason's own level of arousal was already making it difficult to think but he knew if they didn't move this to the bed now, they would regret it even more later.

"Bed," he whispered when Morgan moaned at the loss of contact.  The dark eyes were clouded by desire and confusion for several more moments before the younger man nodded understanding.

As they got to their feet, Derek cursed fluently as he recalled the state of the bed, cluttered with the debris from his earlier rampage.  With a sweeping gesture, he knocked as much of it to the floor as possible, watching as his lover cleared the other side.

The rational part of Jason Gideon's brain protested the action but he quieted it by reminding himself this was what Derek needed right now.  Noise and action and emotion to combat the silence that had twice threatened to suck him under.

Lightning fast, Derek stripped out of his clothes and then crawled onto the bed, approaching Gideon.  The other man had already unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it.  Morgan went for the belt buckle, clumsily unhooking it in his haste to get what lay hidden beyond.  He growled his frustration when his fingers slipped.

"Easy...easy," Gideon soothed, running a hand over Morgan's cheek.  He stripped out of his undershirt and quickly divested himself of his trousers and boxers before allowing Derek to pull him onto the bed. 

He blanketed his lover, careful to support his weight on his arms.  The last thing Derek needed was a flashback from being unable to breathe.  Leaning close, he ghosted a series of light kisses over Derek's cheek.  Long lashes fluttered downward as the dark eyes closed.  Jason continued the soft kisses, trailing a path to his lover's ear. 

Normally he would have enjoyed using his tongue to tease and arouse the younger man but instinct told him that was the wrong approach tonight.  Instead, Jason used his teeth, lightly nipping along the jaw and lobe. 

Derek's strangled gasp told Gideon he'd been right.  The younger man required the extra sensory input tonight.  While they both usually loved tongue play, Jason realized that his lover's needs were different this time.  Sharp and edgy over gentle and soft.  Though it wasn't his own preference, he'd vowed to make this about Derek, not himself.

Knowing they had the weekend to themselves, Gideon made a swift decision and sucked on his partner's neck.  As a rule they avoided marking each other in visible places but he wanted Derek to be able to see it tomorrow.  To know that this had happened, that it was real. 

Encouraged by Morgan's groan and the arms tightening over his back, Gideon continued his exploration.  He continued to use his teeth to lightly nip and tease, occasionally kissing to soothe a particularly vigorous bite. 

He had carefully avoided the sensitive nipples so far, knowing the tension would keep Morgan teetering on the edge. 

Jason took a moment to study his lover, gauging his level of readiness.  The younger man was sweating, his mouth open as he panted for breath.  His eyes were closed and his hands were wrapped around the wrought iron headboard.

Shifting slightly, Gideon latched on to the nearest nipple, biting just hard enough for Derek to notice.  The younger man arched his back, begging for more.  While his mouth was occupied with the one, Gideon used his hand on the other nipple, pinching and tugging at it.

"Jace!  Oh god--  Please...."  Derek heard himself begging and didn't care.  Here, with his lover, he was safe.  It was okay for him to be this way with Jason. 

Gideon decided to heat things up between them.  Shifting downward, he ignored his lover's rock hard cock.  Urging Derek to open his legs, he nestled in between them, inhaling the other man's clean scent. 

He nipped very lightly at the sensitive skin of the inner thighs, using slightly more force as he worked his way up to the crease.  Derek was shivering with need now, his body tense with the urge to cum.

"Derek?  You with me, lover?  Open your eyes, Derek," Jason urged.  His own cock leaped in response to the shivers he felt running continuously through the younger man.  "C'mon, baby, open your eyes."

Knowing what his lover was about to do, Derek nearly refused.  He was so close the words alone were about to make him cum.

"Jace—" he whispered.

"Open your eyes.  I want you to watch me, Derek."  Gideon kept his voice soft, but laced with steel, knowing his lover wouldn't be able to resist. 

And slowly the dark eyes opened, hazed with desire.

Grinning triumphantly, Gideon bent to claim his prize.  Making a fist around the base of the dark cock, he took the head in, concentrating on relaxing his throat muscles.

With a strangled moan, Derek pumped his hips, the sight of his lover taking him down finally too much to bear.  Shouting Jason's name, he stiffened as he climaxed, feeling the throat muscles clench around him as Gideon accepted his offering.

Morgan collapsed bonelessly, his hands finally releasing from the headboard. 

Jason took his lover into his arms, turning him on to his side and spooning close behind him as he whispered soothing words.  Reaching back, Gideon opened the nightstand drawer, drawing out lube and a condom. 

His own cock was rock hard and aching and he grasped the base, squeezing until some of the pressure backed off.  Rolling the condom over his erection, Gideon uncapped the lube and squirted a generous amount onto his fingers.

Slipping his hand down the cleft of his lover's ass, Jason spread the oil around the hole then lightly dipped his index finger inside.  After a minute he added a second finger, scissoring them gently.

"Bastard," Morgan grunted, though it held no real heat. 

Jason laughed softly, nipping his lover's shoulder.  He knew full well that Derek preferred less foreplay and more action but tonight it was all about sensation.  And a satiated Derek always meant a more pliable Derek. 

By the time Gideon added a third finger, his lover was moaning, his hips thrusting back in a demand for more.  Knowing they were both ready, the older man withdrew his fingers and squeezed out more lube.  He coated his latex-protected cock as quickly as possible then pushed forward, easing through the still-tight ring of muscle. 

It was Gideon's turn to groan at the tight heat surrounding his cock.  So good.  This was how it was meant to be.  He thrust in deep then pulled out slow, varying his strokes to keep Derek off center. 

"Killing me," Morgan gasped.  "God, Jace—"

The words spurred Gideon on and he reached around, grasping his lover's reawakened erection.  Concentrating on stroking the hard cock in time to his own thrusts, he was startled to hear Morgan's yell as he climaxed.  The tight spasming muscles pulled him over the edge of the abyss and he shot his seed into his lover.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It seemed like hours had passed to Gideon before he returned to awareness, but it had only been a few short minutes. He had felt a gradual awakening - certain cues to his senses pulling him back to reality and a sense of rightness. The first thing he noticed was the warmth radiating from his sleeping lover. Next, was the unmistakable scent of their combined completion. Finally, and most convincing, were the soft chuffs - the younger man refused to acknowledge them as snoring - that signaled that the daemons had been laid to rest.

It had been touch-and-go this time. Derek had fallen so deep; it had taken quite a bit to pull him back. But, when Gideon did, he KNEW all was right with both of their worlds. His lover was finally sleeping peacefully.

As content as he was feeling, he knew he would soon need to get up and seek out the bathroom on this level. Neither man was comfortable with awakening to the crusty result of their activities, but Derek tended to be slightly more fanatical about it.

As carefully as he could, Gideon attempted to ease his way out of the bed without disturbing Derek. Normally, the younger man was a light sleeper, but he generally slept like the dead after one of their more intense sessions. Shaking his head at that thought, Gideon took a deep breath and let the weariness he'd been feeling wash over him. He silently promised himself that he would rest as soon as he took care of the more pressing matters.

A light brown hand shot out, grasping his arm and startling him. Looking back at his drowsy, but awake lover, Gideon couldn't help but frown, "I thought you were out for the night?"

Derek did a sleepy facsimile of a shrug and grinned. "Thought you were leaving. Didn't want you to."

"I was just heading to the bathroom so that I could clean us up." He winked at the younger man. "I know how you can be about things."

Letting go of his lover's arm, Derek lay on his back and motioned for Gideon. "How about we forget about that and you come back here. I'm in the mood to be close."

It took every bit of Gideon's training not to let his surprise show. This was something new and he wasn't sure how to handle it. Derek was not one to appreciate closeness at most times and certainly not after sex. Gideon had never questioned his reasoning - he'd just accepted that it was one of the little idiosyncrasies that made Derek such a good profiler.

Gideon just couldn't help it - he had to ask the question that was foremost in his mind. "Why? What's changed?"

Derek cocked his eyebrow in a pretty good imitation of Hotch. "Does it matter?" He shrugged. "You gonna turn me down?"

The older profiler took a moment to consider every possibility. Finally, he shook his head. "Something tells me it would be in my best interests not to."

Smiling smugly, Derek patted the bed beside him. "Something would be right." He held out his hand in invitation. "Come on back up here and later, I'll even let you whisper your obscure quotes to me."

With an offer like that, Gideon certainly couldn't refuse.

The End

***