Title: The Young and the Reckless
Author: BuffyAngel68
Rating: FRAO
Series: 1) Drowning
Pairing: Morgan/Reid
Summary : It's been going through my head that maybe if Hotch or one of the other guys had verbally kicked Spencer's butt a little for what he did in "Fisher King part 2", and made him talk out this need to prove himself, the torment he suffered at the barn later on might never have happened. Since I've already got an established relationship with Derek and Spencer, I'm having Morgan be the one to do it. Put this a few days post-episode...

***

THE GYM, A FEW FLOORS BELOW THE BAU:

"C'mon, man. One more."

"Derek... I can't..."

"Yeah, you can. I know you can."

Despite the sweat dripping into his eyes and breath heaving painfully in and out of his lungs, Spencer braced his hands and tried valiantly to lift his chest away from the floor one last time, but his trembling arms simply wouldn't support him. Silently, he berated himself for not being able to handle fifteen of what he called "baby" push-ups, on his knees instead of his toes, but mental flogging didn't change what was; after an hour-long cycle of various kinds of exercise he was flat on his face and there he was going to stay. Finally surrendering, Spencer flung his arms out to either side, turned his head to gaze blearily at Derek and sighed.

"Sorry... but there is no way, in heaven or on earth, that I am getting up off this floor. Just leave me here... I'll pass away quietly... I promise not to bother anyone..."

"Spence..."

"When I start to smell just toss me in the dumpster behind the CIA..."

Derek sighed as well and crouched down beside his lover, gently daubing moisture away from the younger man's face with a towel.

"Guess I wore you out, huh?"

"And it wasn't even fun. If I'm going to sweat like this... I much prefer a bed and our naked bodies to be involved somehow..."

"Okay, so the work-out's over. Do I need to carry you into the shower?"

"Yes, please..."

Derek smiled faintly, reached out and turned Spencer over onto his back. Sliding his powerful arms under the slight body, he lifted him easily and transported him into the nearby locker room, depositing him gently on a bench.

"I've gotta get myself cleaned up before we head home. Think if you rest a few minutes you'll be okay on your own?"

Confused and disappointed, Spencer studied Derek's expression, but could read nothing there to explain the reticence and detachment he felt in Morgan.

"Not together?"

"Tomorrow, baby, okay? I'm pretty drained, too."

"Sure... yeah, I'll be fine. Go ahead."

"Thanks. I'll see you at home."

Spencer watched the other man walk away, suddenly wondering if their home was really a place he wanted to be.

---------------------------

THE HOUSE: TWO HOURS LATER

Spencer lay curled in a fetal position on the bed, his mind racing furiously. He could hear Derek moving slowly around the house, shutting things down and locking up, making sure the place was secure for the night. When Morgan finally entered the bedroom and slid in behind his lover, Spencer was keenly anticipating the familiar hand slipping forward over his abdomen and pulling him back against the warmth and strength he craved, but it didn't happen. Fighting to suppress the anguished sob that wanted to burst from his lips, the younger man sat up and swung his legs out of bed.

"Hey, where you goin?"

"The couch. You're angry... you obviously want me elsewhere for a while, so..."

"I'm not mad at you, love. I'm just givin' you space... trying to be patient and wait you out."

"Wait for what?"

"You to tell me what the hell that stupid stunt was all about."

"You wouldn't understand... you couldn't."

"So you won't even try talking to me?"

"It'll sound lame... like I'm making something up so I don't have to be honest with you."

Sitting up himself, Derek laid a hand on Spencer's shoulder and squeezed.

"I know you better than that. Just talk... please, just talk to me, damn it."

"It... standing there on the stairs I felt so useless... helpless. I thought... this is my chance to show them I can be more than a brain... that the rest of me's worthy too. My whole life that's all I ever wanted... to somehow be more than what's stuffed inside my head. The need to prove I belong with all of you... that I deserve to be with you in the field instead of sitting safe and sound in a command center... it's just overwhelming sometimes and I... I have to *do* something."

"Like on the train."

"Like that. I need to be a real agent... a part of the team. God, sometimes I wonder why Hotch doesn't just replace me with a set of those serial killer trading cards... they'd provide the same information I do and they wouldn't take up as much space or expect a paycheck..."

The hand on his shoulder tightened almost to the point of pain and Spencer turned to look at Derek. The expression on his lover's face made the younger man flush with shame and drop his gaze to the comforter that covered the bed. "I know, I know, I'm not supposed to..."

"No, I just wish you wouldn't... but you can't help how you feel, either. You've been hearin' that crap most of your life an' it's gonna take time to change it. I want so much for you to feel good about yourself... I forget how deep the hurt goes. C'mere..." Derek offered, opening his arms. Spencer shifted to face Derek fully, got up to his knees and maneuvered across the few inches that separated them, falling into his lover's embrace. "I'm sorry. I think I *was* a little ticked off. You scared the hell outta me, Spence..."

"Hotch and Gideon too, probably. I should apologize to them tomorrow."

"Good idea. For now, though... I just wanna hold you an' be grateful you're still here."

"Mmmm. I can handle that."

"We care about you, damn it. Like Hotch said that first day you were here, you don't have to prove yourself over and over. Not to us."

"I'll try harder, I swear. I'll try and remember the truth... that if I'm feeling useless or-or doubting myself, all I have to do is find you... and look in your eyes."

"You got that right. Now... you ready to face your punishment for that bonehead play back at the house?" Derek whispered gruffly and sensually into the younger man's ear. Spencer pulled back and looked at his lover curiously, his heart suddenly beating faster.

"Punishment..."

Derek's response to the abridged inquiry was to slide his hand down Spencer's back and firmly caress the other man's ass. The message was received instantly. "Oh... you want to... wow..."

"Only if you want it. I know I said punishment, but that was a tease. It's really just somethin' else we can try... a new experiment. Some people get into it, some don't. Be interesting to see which side of the fence you fall on..."

"It might."

"I don't do serious pain, baby. You've been with me long enough, now, to know that. It'll sting a little... you'll definitely feel some heat, but I'd never really hurt you. It's part of getting to know you sexually... this is all so new to you I can't just ask your likes an' dislikes. All you know is what we've already done."

"That's true. Okay... let's go for it."

"If it doesn't do anything for you, speak up, alright?"

"Just you touching me is enough to... get me hard, Derek, never mind... spanking me..."

"Spence..."

"I promise. If I don't like it, you'll know."

"Good. Kiss?"

"Like you even have to ask..."

As their lips came together, Derek slid one hand down between their bodies and eased the waistband of Spencer's linen sleep pants down over his hips a little at a time. He was working on the body-image issues the younger man still struggled with, but realized he had to take it cautiously and let his lover keep his own pace toward habitual nudity in bed. That didn't mean Derek was above an occasional teasing remark to find out how close Spencer was to reaching the goal.

"God... you don't know how hard I have to fight, some days... not to just drag you in the men's room at work... and rip every bit of fabric off your incredible body..."

Spencer chuckled against Derek's mouth.

"I think about you at work, too... but I still get embarrassed so easily..."

"Ohhhh... so when you start starin' at the floor... an' then make some excuse to leave the room really fast..."

"Now you know why. Don't use it against me?" Spencer half-joked, smiling uncertainly at the other man.

"Never, baby... I love knowin' you think about me doin' stuff like this to you... where Hotch or Jase could walk in on us any minute."

His grin now a little bolder, Spencer turned his eyes down and mumbled a few words. Derek laughed and reached out his free hand to tip the young man's face back up.

"Try that one more time?"

"I said... in my fantasies... you're not always the aggressor..."

"Oh, yeah... you know I'm dyin' for that, sweetness, but I'll never push you. You'll get there someday... you'll show me what you've got when you decide you're ready an' not a minute sooner."

"I will... I know that." Spencer replied softly, nuzzling his head under Derek's chin and daring to press a lingering kiss to the skin at the base of his throat. "I'm still learning from you... discovering that I'm allowed to feel sexy... figuring out how to listen to my body. It's just not easy to be patient... I keep wanting to rush the process..."

"I won't let you, babe... need you too much to let you scare yourself off..."

Spencer looked up for a moment, marveling at how he'd ever gotten to this amazing place in his life, stunned anew at the miracle that someone genuinely loved and wanted him for who and what he was, and was willing to stand beside him while he came to a clear understanding of what he could be. Then he closed his eyes, relaxed into Derek's embrace with a deep sigh and whispered his readiness into the broad chest.

"Go on... show me, Derek... do it..."

"Yeah, pretty... your wish, my command. Hold on tight, now..."

The arm wrapped around his back tightened a little as Derek's other hand slid down to Spencer's ass once more. The fingers soothed and stroked for a minute before lifting away and then returning to place a light open-hand slap on the pale flesh. The young man's body tensed for a moment and he picked up his head, staring intently into Derek's eyes. "You okay? Spence? Talk to me..."

The only response he received was his lover's arms weaving around his neck, a rapidly swelling erection grinding into his hip and a single word ghosting into his ear.

"Again..."

Derek complied and instantly felt the other man's breathing become fast and shallow. The body he clutched began to push against him and Derek felt himself growing hard as well.

"Easy, baby... easy. Slow down... find a rhythm... there... so good..."

"God, Derek... again... please, one more time... just one more... I'm almost there..."

"I got you... here we go..."

A final mild crack to his slightly reddened skin and Spencer was coming, thrusting wildly against Derek as he rode out his orgasm, then drooping, exhausted, in his lover's hold.

"Oh... my God..."

"Ditto." Derek chuckled then gasped as a warm hand hesitantly wrapped around his erection. "Spence..."

"I'm good. Let me do this. I want to..."

"Okay... yeah, that's right... perfect... Oh, love, that's so sweet... a little faster... so close...mmmm... Ahhhh! Spence!"

Once both men had recovered their faculties and were breathing slowly again, Derek dropped a brief kiss on Spencer's neck and smiled against his jaw.

"Shower..."

"You'll have to carry me again."

"Like you even have to ask..."

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END