Title: Release
By: secrets09
Pairing: JJ/Reid
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: I do not own anything of Criminal Minds or its characters. I just love the show and Reid so here it is. Hope you enjoy. I don't do drugs or really know anything about them. I'm going by what I've seen in movies, television, and reading. I just hope I got the point across! Hehe..
Warning: WiP
Summary: Reid's drug problem is escalating, but when JJ accidentally finds out so does their relationship. Can she keep his secret or will it destroy them both?

***

Author's Note: I do not own anything of Criminal Minds or its characters. I just love the show and Reid so here it is. Hope you enjoy.

Prologue: A Reasonable Option

It wasn't supposed to be like this. His body writhed with pain and his hand instantly went to his diminished stomach as if it would take the aching away. It moved from there up through his chest to his neck and head. He curled up pulling his knees to his body conserving heat. He felt cold. The cold had not gone a way since that night.

He was Dr. Spencer Reid, genius and BAU Profiler. He was supposed to be able to handle these things, but Reid knew he couldn't take it anymore. It had been two weeks with this wrenching pain and unidentifiable need that would not cease.

Forcing himself off the bed he headed for the box containing his standard issue 40 cal. Glock under the bureau. Inside next to the gun were the vials and a few needles he put along side them. At this point the gun looked like a reasonable option, but the Dilaudid was too tempting.

Reid quickly searched around himself. His hands searching the clothing that had been lying there. He couldn't remember the last time his laundry had been done. Finally he found what he needed.

Using the thin tie as a tourniquet he held on to the end of it with his teeth pulling it tightly. He fixed the needle and watched as he lodged it in his arm slowly pushing the liquid into his vein.

He could feel the drug in his arm that soon spread throughout his body. It set off all his senses within seconds. He immediately fell back onto the cluttered floor and laid there comforted only by the soft under layer of his clothing. His eyes were half open staring blankly at the window. The rising sun softly gleamed on his face through the blinds.

He felt the release he had needed for the last grueling weeks. The pain had subsided and his body was no longer rigid with the violently clenching muscles. A calm he had missed and that brought him back to his mother. Somebody he needed now more than ever.

So lost in ecstasy he never noticed the soft knock at the door.

***

Chapter One: Please

JJ had been sent to Reid's house by Hotch. It was almost ten o'clock already and Reid had not shown up for the case briefing that was set to start at eight thirty. They called and called but he hadn't answered his phone.

Everyone noticed how Reid had been acting recently after that night. He was irritable and on edge. He even snapped at Prentiss and missed that flight in Louisiana. He was acting unusual, but Hotch told her to come check on him figuring he took something to help him sleep and didn't hear the calls.

It'd been a minute and there wasn't a stir in the house. JJ knocked a little harder until her knocks became bangs on the door. It was dark inside except a small light in the foyer.

"Reid, open up. It's JJ."

She tried the handle but it was locked. The bitter March wind swirled up onto the porch making her shiver. She wrapped her coat around her tighter and walked around to the alleyway. She tried to peer in the windows but they were too high. She hoped the back door was unlocked. She was starting to get worried. This wasn't like Reid. He's normally so responsible about work. He wasn't the most organized person, but he always tried to be on time and ready to go especially for a new case. He was needed and she thought he knew that. Reid knew everything. He always had imperative statistics and information that helped them get the feel of the new unsub and his ways.

This new case was a brutal one with not many leads and they needed all the help they could get. Reid took about half of the thinking power away from the team.

The back door led to a simple kitchen with linoleum floors and plain furnishings. She looked around to find no sign of Reid.

Curious, she opened the door to the fridge feeling the cool air on her face. ? It was odd. All the guys she had ever known always kept a ton of food, thin or thick in their fridge, but there was almost nothing; a carton of OJ, some yogurt, and left over take out for one.

Not even a beer. Though, JJ couldn't really imagine Reid having a beer. What does he do while he's home? Because he obviously doesn't eat.

She made her way past the kitchen taking in everything of the small apartment. It seemed he had the whole bottom floor of the townhouse. The rooms were small and she could tell by the moldings and archways it was an older building.

All the furnishings were simple and neutral with a hint of Reidness added: a strangely patterned, colorful blanket was spread across the couch or an odd antique lamp on the table. He had only a small TV that was on but muted.

But the one thing she could not get over was all the books. They were everywhere; on shelves, piled on the coffee table, and on the floor. Stacked newspapers and magazines made a home for themselves in the counter collecting dust.

She imagined Reid frantically reading everything trying to suck any new information he could from them. Finishing one within minutes and searching for a new one.

Didn't he ever just want to curl up with a good novel and get lost in the story, not needing to think, just enjoy himself?

A small rustle came from the other room and she saw a glimmer of light come from under the closed door. JJ quietly made her way turning the knob, "Spence?"

No answer.

From the lighting she could tell it was a bathroom. She squinted her eyes as they adjusted to the light reflecting off the white tile. Searching the room she gladly saw no sign of Reid anywhere. She smiled to herself. It could have been very awkward. She imagined him scantily dressed in a towel or the sort, his hair a mess from the shower brushing his teeth ready to come into work. And she would be worrying for nothing walking in on a naked man.

Her smile faded as she heard the sound again coming from the room across the way. Realizing it was Reid's bedroom she became worried. Her muscles clenched and the hair on the back of her neck prickled with anticipation.

He should have answered her by now.

She tried to reassure herself Maybe he wasn't here, but what was that sound?

She hoped it was a cat.

"Reid?" she said more sternly.

"If this is some kind of joke?"

But Reid didn't play practical jokes. He didn't even know she was coming.

The room was empty. Clothes covered the floor and the bed was unmade. The out side light barley made it through the blinds. There wasn't anyone here. JJ sighed with relief.

Then she saw him. There was a figure lying on the other side of the bed. She could see the backs of his feet curled up to himself.

JJ rushed over to him and kneeled by his side. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Was he sick? Did he fall off the bed? So many horrible thoughts were racing through her mind.

Her voiced cracked, "Jesus, Reid! What happened?"

She took the sight of him in. He was in nothing but his boxer briefs and had pulled the covers halfway off the bed to try and cover himself. She touched his shoulder and turned him to face her. His eyes were half closed and distant like he was looking past her.

His skin was scorching even though he acted like he was cold.

"What happened?" she repeated demandingly.

Then she felt something prick her knee. Looking down she saw a needle and next to it an empty vial with no markings. She would have known about any medical problem. But she knew she searched for answers when there was one in front her she just did not want to face.

At that moment she realized why he'd been so restless and touch lately. It wasn't the lack of sleep. It was this. This thing had taken the Reid she knew away and now here she was holding this man she didn't even know.

It made her furious, "How could you?" she whispered. JJ wanted to slap him. Do anything that would knock some sense into him. She wanted to leave him there and teach him a lesson, but coming to her senses she scolded herself for thinking such horrible things. She had to call 911 or Gideon or someone, but a disjointed rasp escaped Reid's lips. She leaned in closer trying to hear what he said. He wasn't saying words. She couldn't understand him.

But then she heard his miniscule voice loud and clear. "Don't tell anyone." He was diminished and pleading.

"What?" she asked more out of disbelief than lack of understanding.

"Please." Was his answer.

***

POV switches.

Chapter Two: Unprofessional

This couldn't be happening. He could not be asking her to do this.

Reid sat against the bed knees to his chest staring at the dirty laundry. The room was deathly quiet and no one dare speak. JJ had gotten him to sit up. At least that was an improvement. She had not idea what to do with someone who was high on heroine, or whatever it was he took.

Comfort him until he sobered up was all she could do.

She kept his head on her lap until he opened his eyes and she could tell it was Reid again. AS he was still off in his dreams she studied him. To her he had always been the harmless nerdy friend who she could go for any piece of information she needed. Never this sort of person, but this made him seem more human to her. He always seemed like a character from a movie that you thought was so ridiculously intelligent and dorky that he couldn't possibly be real.

Now it was different. She saw him in a whole new light.

His hair was longer than when she first met him. It was tousled and drenched with sweat as it fell across his face. She instinctively pushed it away and tucked it behind his ear. Realizing what she was doing her hand recoiled like it had touched hot water.

That was unprofessional. She shouldn't be touching him like that.

As she thought on it longer she grasped that the whole situation was unprofessional. Reid shouldn't have been lying on the floor high and she shouldn't be letting him rest in her lap.

But she decided that she had to throw the work issue out the window. This wasn't a work situation and at this moment he wasn't a co-worker, but a friend. Someone he cared for.

Reid made an incoherent noise, his face twitched like a fly crawled across his cheek and he scratched at it. His eyes fluttered open, the sun dancing off his light eyelashes. His hazel eyes were more green than brown today.

He was a mess and his skin suddenly became cool and clammy. His eyes turned from confused to frantic.

"I'm gonna throw up." He whispered. His eyes darted around him searching for anywhere but here to go. He tried to get up but failed and collapsed back down to the floor.

JJ searched around the room until here eyes focused on the trash can near the bedside table. She reached for it and had to stretch as far as her body would allow her as Reid pinned her to the floor.

Finally taking hold of it she swung it around almost hitting him in the face. He hurriedly forced himself to sit up and she gripped his shoulder firmly trying to support his weight as best she could.

The look of sickness took over his whole face now and she turned her head and grimaced as he wretched into the trash can. The fact that he hadn't eaten anything in days so it was nothing but water. And his stomach was not satisfied. It tried and tried to cough up anything it could.

He went on like this for the longest five minutes of JJ's life. Afterwards, his muscles and body exhausted, he lay back against the bed sniffing and trying to clear his throat.

"JJ?" his voice asked wavering. "I thought you were my mother." The statement confused her at first but then she realized what he was talking about.

"No….I knocked but no one…" he voice faded.

She was sure he got the point. No need to explain anything else. JJ suddenly felt hurt by what he said. She was the one that found him and he thought it was his mother. She was in a mental institution. She was the one there comforting him; not her.

"I don't know if I can deal with this Spencer." She told him. But Reid didn't say anything more.

It was two hours later and Reid sat in the same state.

Knees tucked up to his chest. His body gently rocking, his eyes lost in thought.

JJ had moved to the chair in the corner. She didn't know what she should do. He had asked her not to tell anyone, but he thought he was talking to his mother. Everyone always knows that their mothers would do anything for their children, but JJ was his co-worker.

Her thoughts started to drift and her eyes lightly closed. She was half asleep until Reid unmistakably repeated himself.

"Please, don't tell anyone."

His eyes were pleading now. His mouth slightly opened, but his lip started to quiver and he bit it. She looked back at his eyes. They started away, but she could see them well up. He quickly wiped his palm across the side of his face to hide it.

But she saw.

And it broke hear heart.

She'd seen Reid cry twice. There was a glimmer of it that night with Tobias, but what she really saw him shut down. She remembered looking at the screen and he was staring back, but there was nothing there. Like he knew he was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do; like he had given up.

But never true crying.

JJ couldn't think of how to respond.

"What am I supposed to say?" she whispered. She could hear her voice crack. She couldn't do this. She could go out in front of fifty reporters, flashes, and cameras and be perfectly calm, but she couldn't handle being this close to a man in this situation. She couldn't handle seeing someone she was close to suffer, but what he was asking…

"Just say you won't. Just this once. I don't want the team knowing. I can't..." his voice faltered. He got hold of himself and continued, "I can't lose my job, JJ. It just can't happen. What would I do if I lost my job?"

There was silence. She knew she was taking a big risk. What about her? Doesn't he know how hard it would be to keep a secret like that? And if the team did find out? What about her job?

But Reid needed her and she had walked into this herself.

"Okay." She finally replied. "I'll keep it to myself."

"Thank-you, JJ." He said in all seriousness.

He leaned over and reached his hand over to her arm to give her a thanking caress, but her arm recoiled away before he could.

She stared at him as if he had no right even thinking he could touch her. Maybe that was the price he had to pay for her to keep his secret or maybe it was those dogs.

She had mentioned it to Prentiss a few times how they still haunted her dreams even weeks after that night. Prentiss of course had mentioned it to Morgan who mentioned it to him.

He tried to ask her about it before, but she always shrugged it off like she didn't even remember them. He remembered everything like it just happened last night. She must've been lying.

Or maybe it was just what he first thought.

"Do you still see them at night?"

She fell out of her trance and stared at him

"Excuse me?" she asked, but Reid knew she knew what he was talking about.

"Do you still see them?" he repeated with more determination.

"Look Reid, I don't know what you're talking about—"

"Never mind." He interrupted her now regretting his question. She would never open up to him.

"Yes." She quickly changed her answer. His eyes met hers. He suddenly could feel how naked he was and wished he slept in something more than his boxers.

"Do you still see him?" she asked in return.

"Every time I shut my eyes." He replied.

Reid was suddenly glad it was JJ who had found him. He knew someone would catch him eventually. It was only a matter of time, but he always imagined Gideon or Morgan, but JJ rarely made house visits to anyone on the team. She really didn't socialize with anyone of them outside of work.

"Uhm," JJ interrupted his thoughts, "I think I better go. I'll tell them you're throwing up or something."

"Okay." He said and then looked back to the floor.

JJ looked at him one last time and was glad he didn't move his gaze because then she wouldn't be able to leave. She couldn't look in people's eyes; she always ended up turning around and staying with them.

But today she couldn't She hadn't even figured her own shit out yet. How was she supposed to deal with Reid's too?

"Try and get yourself enough together to be able to answer some phone calls though. The team might need your input on some things. Plus, it might make my story sound a tad more believable."

He gave her a nod and she took it as a yes and get the hell out of there. She just couldn't take any more of Reid. It just brought back bad memories. She'd been there for two hours.

What was she supposed to tell them? I held his hair back while he puked up the nonexistent food in his fridge?

Or that I brushed the hair back from his face after he was coming off a high from heroin.

Neither sounded like a good choice. Brushed his hair back. Why had she done that? What if he felt that? That was completely inappropriate. He was her colleague and friend. Not even a really close friend.

They went to that game together and barely had two sentences to say to each other. He spent the entire time taking great interest in his shoes and she bit her lip looking at the game and then back at him not knowing what to say. What do you say to a twenty-four year old with the mind capacity of two humans? How do you tell a genius he needs help?

***