Title: Long Hard Road
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, 20_est_relships
Prompt: 16: Symmetry
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Spencer leaned his head against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Aaron had gone into the kitchen to make coffee; even with the stereo on, Spencer's ears were attuned to every sound that came from the other room.

Jack was at his aunt's for the weekend; Aaron had wanted to have some time alone with Spencer, to, as he said, "talk over a few things." The young man didn't know exactly what that meant, but he couldn't help feeling a little apprehensive.

Aaron was still shaky, after everything that had happened in the last few weeks, but he seemed to be handling everything fairly well. Still, Spencer couldn't help but feel that his lover was a ticking time bomb that was simply waiting to explode.

He'd felt out of sync with Aaron ever since the funeral; it was as though his boyfriend was not only pulling away from him, but from everything in his life except his son. The thought frightened Spencer more than he could put into words; he felt cold, exposed, alone.

He had thought for the past months that he was safe and secure with Aaron -- and a part of him still felt that he was. But their footing was so unsure at the moment, like treacherous quicksand shifting under them whenever they took a step.

Turning his head slightly toward the kitchen as he heard the sound of coffee being poured, Spencer focused his gaze on the door to the other room, waiting for Aason to come back. Whatever it was that they needed to talk about, he wanted to have those words out in the open.

The other man entered the room a few moments later with a tray, setting it down carefully on the coffee table and taking a seat on the couch beside Spencer. The young man regarded his lover silently, not sure that he liked what he was seeing.

Aaron looked .... haunted. He'd obviously lost weight in the last few weeks; his features were attenuated, almost haggard. Spencer felt helpless to alleviate that look; he'd tried his best, but part of Aaron seemed locked away, even from him.

His boyfriend was like a fragile porcelain figurine, one that might shatter at any moment. Spencer wasn't sure how to deal with that; all that he could do was offer his comfort, and hope that it was enough to pull Aaron back from the dangerous chasm he seemed to be poised over.

"I'm sorry I've been so distant lately," Aaron said abruptly, his gaze moving to Spencer's face. "I haven't wanted to be. You have to know that. It's just been so much to deal with lately, Spencer. I haven't been able to focus in any one place. I feel .... scattered."

"You don't have to feel like that," Spencer murmured, unsure as to whether he should reach out for the other man or not. The last thing he wanted to do was make Aaron pull away from him; he wasn't sure that he could deal with having that happen. "I'm here for you."

"I know you are," Aaron whispered, reaching for Spencer. To the young man's surprise, Aaron wrapped strong arms around his waist and pulled him close, resting his head on Spencer's shoulder and closing his eyes as his hold tightened slightly.

Spencer had to swallow hard to push back the lump that had suddenly taken up residence in his throat. Aaron did need him; their relationship wasn't falling apart because of all that had taken place in the past few weeks. They were still safe, still close.

His own arms were around the other man, drawing him close, hoping that Aaron could derive some kind of comfort from his embrace. He'd never thought that he was good at offering that kind of physical solace, but with Aaron, everything was different.

There was something about this man that made him forget all of his inhibitions; the two of them weren't just an attraction, they were a meeting of hearts and souls. Aaron gave him courage and confidence, made him feel that he was capable of doing anything.

Spencer raised a hand to stroke Aaron's dark hair, closing his eyes and resting his cheek against the top of the other man's head. It didn't feel odd for him to be holding the older man like this; somehow, it felt as though he'd finally found the exact place where he'd always belonged.

"I love this song," Aaron murmured, sighing and snuggling closer against the warmth of Spencer's body. The young man lifted his head slightly, realizing that the cd had moved to a song that he knew, one that he'd always thought was particularly moving.

"Come dance with me," he whispered, sitting up straighter and sliding to the edge of the couch cushions. It didn't occur to him that he'd never really danced with anyone before; it just seemed right to be on their feet and swaying gently with the rhythm of the song.

Aaron looked startled at first, but he complied, getting to his feet and letting Spencer pull him into his arms. The two of them swayed softly, locked together in an embrace, the music swirling through the air around them, the lyrics imprinting themselves into Spencer's mind.

Aaron was fragile, just like the lyrics said. But Spencer knew that there was a core of sterngth in this man, a strength that would pull him through anything life might throw at him, no matter how hard it might seem for him to move on.

He himself had felt that strength when Aaron had taken him into his arms after his experience with Tobias Hankel. He had literally felt that strength reaching out to him, to embrace him and impart some of itself to him when he'd most needed it.

Spencer closed his eyes, listening to Aaron as he hummed along with the words of the song; the other man had a soothing voice, one that Spencer wanted to sink into. He could stand here with Aaron in his arms, swaying and listening to that soft voice all night.

"I'm sorry that you only seem to get apologies from me lately," Aaron whispered into his ear, startling Spencer with his words. So the other man had been following the lyrics, too. Spencer couldn't help but wonder if their thoughts were traveling along the same path.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Spencer told him softly, stroking his hair again. "Even though you just did," he added, an undertone of laughter in his voice. He wanted this time between them to be free of tension, a time when they could relax and let go.

"It seems like that's all I do lately," Aaron answered, his tone regretful. "I wish there was some way that we could fast forward through all of this, Spencer. I want us to get to the good part, the easy part. But we've got to travel a long, hard road to make it there."

"Getting there is half the fun," Spencer reminded him, then grimaced. "Sorry. I didn't mean to imply that any of this is fun for you, or for anybody else. But nothing worth having ever comes easily, does it? And what we have is worth whatever we have to go through to keep it safe."

Aaron didn't answer, only tightening his grip around Spencer's waist and laying his head on the younger man's shoulder again. Spencer closed his eyes, letting the music dictate the rhythm of his swaying, the lyrics washing over him.

Yes, he knew Aaron's weaknesses -- just as the other man knew his. But they were each strong where the other was weak -- they complemented each other in ways that no one else could. And where they didn't, they would work together to overcome their weak spots.

The two of them moved in perfect symmetry, as though they had been slow dancing together for all of their lives. Maybe they had, Spencer thought, smiling inwardly. Maybe there had been a part of him that had waited for Aaron all of his life, and knew what to do when they found each other.

He didn't usually think in those terms -- but Aaron made him feel as though anything was possible. He could do anything, be anything, accomplish whatever he wanted. They might have some rough times to get through first -- but the day would come when they were invincible.

Their lives might not always move in perfect symmetry -- Spencer was more than aware of that. But they would always try to work out whatever problems might attack them, and he was sure they'd manage to overcome anything life threw in their way.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" he murmured, feeling so relaxed and happy at the moment that he almost didn't want to talk. But that was one of the reasons he was here, and whatever it was that Aaron wanted to say needed to come out into the open.

Aaron lifted his head, clearing his throat and taking a deep breath. "I wanted to ask you if you're ready to move in with me. Here," he said, his voice soft, but firm and steady. "I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and I think you belong here, Spencer."

"Wh-what?" Spencer stammered, his eyes widening. Of all the things he'd thought that Aaron might have wanted to talk about, this hadn't been one of them. It was coming at him out of the blue, too fast, too unexpectedly. He wasn't ready.

Wasn't he? a voice in the back of his mind inquired. He'd wanted this for so long, and now that Aaron was actually extending the invitation, he was going to turn it down because it seemed sudden? That would be the most foolish thing he'd ever done in his life.

Gulping, he tried to process what Aaron had just said. But really, what was there to think about? This was what he wanted -- what they both wanted. And there was only one word that he could say, one answer that would come from his heart.

With his heart in his voice, he said that word, whispered just as the music stopped.

"Yes."

***