Title: Rusted From The Rain
Author: icky_crane
Rating: PG-13, maybe a little more.
Spoilers/Warnings: References to 'Revelations'. Angst-ish.
Summary: 'Are you really going to let this destroy you, Spence?'
Disclaimer: Pure, Ungodly, Fiction.
Author's Note: Dedicated to the lovely berryblue_girl who requested this, sorry it took so long love.

***

The rain pelted calmly against the window. The cruel wind slipping through the forgotten cracks, chilling his bones, waking his dulled senses. Spencer was slightly aware that there was a possibility that he could be freezing to death at the current moment, but he couldn't find it in him to be bothered by it.

There was nothing left to care about. Spencer had destroyed all that there was...there was just nothing left, not even the drugs he had come to so depend on.

The drugs, the drugs, the drugs...the repetition tossed around in his head like an ugly manifesto. A proclamation of self hatred and self loathing. All that he had left was a shell of a body, and a fractured sphere of a mind. Spencer was a sorry sight of a man, and a small spec of a human being still lived within his wilted frame.

Love, they all had loved him. Spencer had loved them all, too. The people he had grown to admire and know on a personal basis, but none he admired quite like he did Derek Morgan. Derek had been everything to him, and now..well, now he was just a distant memory, another memory that Spencer wished that he could forget, but knew all too well that he would not. His blessing as well as his curse.

Spencer regrets, oh God how he regrets so much in his life, but nothing more than letting him go. Nothing more than hurting him.

There is nothing left to consume in Spencer's fridge, nothing edible anyway, and he is well aware that he is all alone now. Standing in the midst of his bare kitchen, clothed in only his boxer shorts as he ponders just how he got to this point, and how he could have ever let him go...

---


"Reid, you need to chose!" Spencer's mind is tossing in and out of consciousness. The young man can sense that Morgan is there in his kitchen, can see him yelling in his face, and yet, it seems all too dreamlike for him. The concern radiating in Derek's voice, it makes Reid angry. No, it makes him furious. The fact that Derek had stormed into his flat unannounced did not bother him. The fact that he had found and obtained every last dose of Dilaudid Spencer had to his name did not make him as angry as the fact that Derek cared. Spencer was distraught because Derek worried for him, for his safety and for his life.

"Morgan, you need to go!" Spencer shouted, voice quivering and shaking with each and every word, but Morgan didn't seem the slightest bit fazed by Spencer's sudden outburst. In fact, the elder agent's own anger came pouring out in waves, his own fears and troubles over Reid's most recent behavior. Nothing had been the same after Hankel, and Morgan doubted it ever would be. Sadly, he was right.

"Me or the drugs!" Till this point Spencer's arms had been positioned tightly to his sides, too afraid to move, but before he could even think about it, if he could even think at all, Spencer had swung a clenched right fist directly at an unsuspecting Derek.

This all seemed to be happening in slow motion, but as his back is slammed painfully against his own wall, reality came crashing down.


Morgan's hands have Reid' wrist in a vice grip above his tousled head, face stern and dark eyes made darker by the hurt and the anger that he feels. This wasn't suppose to happen, and now that it was, Derek wasn't sure what to do about it. Derek's breathing is rapid as Spencer is barely breathing at all, and just when Spencer has just enough of his mind back...he realizes that he's just lost it all.

"Are you really going to let this destroy you, Spence?" Derek questions honestly. Reid refuses to speak, jaw set painfully still as he attempts to push Morgan away from him, only to have the other man push him back. Showing him just how weak he was in this state, just how powerless he is now.

Spencer was going back and forth, both physically and verbally attacking Derek, but the other man would not budge, not one inch. At one point or another Spencer grew bored with trying to assault him, so he settled on kissing him brutally, desperately. Spencer was just desperate feel, to feel anything at all, even the pain. Spencer's hands grabbed at any and all flesh available. Derek's fingers dug deeply into his skin that it hurt, and the hurt felt so good, so right to Spencer that it was sickening.

'Are you really going to let this destroy you, Spence' That thought thrashed around Spencer's skull, he had already been destroyed, his heart had all but rotted away.

Morgan's hands settled on his hips as Reid's own dexterous fingers worked to remove his shirt. Morgan's tongue sliding across his bottom lip, tentatively asking for his permission, though he need not ask. Their clothes were lost in a heap, thrown away and quickly forgotten. Spencer's bed strained under the force of both their bodies, neither one of them holding still. Morgan removing a condom from its package as Spencer retrieved a bottle of lube from his drawer. They use to be so loving, and now all that was left was rough sex and ill-tempered feelings.

Spencer remembers their first date, it was really quite accidental. The whole team had gone out that night, good food and terrible music. Spencer had missed the metro home, and Morgan had opted to drive the other man back to his place. Spencer had invited him inside for a drink, and to his surprise, Morgan had eagerly accepted. The cologne he wore hung heavy in Spencer's nostrils as the younger man tried to not stare at him too blatantly, but with limited to no success.

---


'Are you really going to let this destroy you, Spence?'

That voice, his voice, haunted Spencer while he slept and while he was awake, the two functions becoming harder and harder to determine as the days mingled into one blur. The rain had settled down to a light drizzle, the wind, however, remained quite horrid. A solid knock came to his door, and at first Spencer thought he had imagined it, but as it occurred for a second time, he chose not to ignore it.

Spencer had not had a visitor in a very long time, and he felt rather uneasy as he cautiously approached the wooden frame separating him from reality.

"Hel...hello?" Spencer's voice came out meek and fearful, and honest to God, he was afraid. Why, he was not sure.

"Reid, it's Garcia," her voice came in a soft monotone, but certainly did not come across as weak. Cautiously, Spencer opened the door, and immediately was assaulted by Garcia's sullen face. In her hands were what Spencer could only assume to be left overs and some hygienic products.

"Hey," he greets, unsure of what else to say. Garcia moved quickly past him, closing the door soundly behind herself.

"Here, take these and and go shower. I'll make you some tea and left over spaghetti," she says, and there is no room for discussion. Garcia's usual light and cheery demeanor is no where to be found, but Spencer does as she says.

It felt like days since Spencer had last showered, and it was a real possibility that he had. Spencer hated showering by himself now. It didn't feel right.

All he wanted was to be in Derek's arms, feel the warm water running between their bodies as Derek's hands washed away all the tension from his shoulders, all the fear.

"Reid, Reid!" Garcia's voice brought Spencer back to his senses. He had not been aware that he had passed out, or any reason why he would. The water was freezing the few moments before Garcia was kind enough to shut it off. "Reid, what's happened to you baby?"

"I don't know, I really don't know," he mumbles helplessly, unconcerned about his nude appearance, past the point of shame. Tears began to fall rapidly down his pale cheeks, falling to his chest and dwindling down the shower drain.

"Come on, let's get you out of here," Garcia mutters softly, and it took all the strength Spencer had to get up and out. Penelope had a robe in hand that Spencer was eager to put on. The former agent wasn't sure what was worse; being a drug addict, or being a drug addict who had gotten clean and sober only to relapse.

"You need to eat, you're skin and bones." Chewing had become a sort of chore to Spencer, each piece dropping heavily into his stomach.

"The team needs you back, Spence," she says, and it feels like deja vu. The tea kettle began to scream bloody murder, and Spencer is relatively captivated as Garcia worked effortlessly to pour both of them a cup.

"No, they don't," Spencer says matter of fact, blowing gently on the hot liquid before taking a sip. The look on Garcia's face softened a bit, Spencer suspects he must have been a pitiful sight.

"Morgan needs you," she adds, and there is a sudden lump in his throat. Morgan didn't need Spencer, this he was sure of, but it didn't stop the hurt from radiating through out his chest at the mention of his name.

---


"How are you feeling?" Morgan questions as they lay in bed, tonight had been real test to Spencer's sobriety.

"Anxious, tired," Reid comments wearily, but felt a overwhelming sense of relief by simply being in Morgan's arms. Spencer felt somehow dependent on the other man, as though his addiction had transferred from the Dilaudid to Morgan, and that made Spencer feel quite uneasy, but he would not say a word. No, now was not the time, not when he was trailing kisses along his jaw, comforting him, pleasing him. Morgan did everything for him, but Spencer knew, he knew he would fail him. Let him down, but Spencer closed his eyes tightly, listening to the soothing beat of Morgan's heart, memorizing the rhythm. With an unsettled ease, Spencer admitted to himself that there was no cure for him.

---


"Morgan doesn't need me, Garcia. I needed him, still need him. But that's not fair, not fair to Derek."

"Okay, that's it!" Garcia's last resolve had been removed, left hand hitting the hallow of Spencer's table as he tried not to shrink back from the sudden action.

"Are you just going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself? You have six people who love and care for you, and I'm not just going to sit here and let you waste away, okay. That's not what friends do, that's not what families do." Her cheeks flushed with such vivid passion as she spoke, Spencer's eyes wide as he could not find it within himself to speak. Garcia's words hit Spencer harder than any fist, any terrible name, or any drug could ever.

"I'm...I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Reid. I just want you to realize that there are people who love you, and want to see you well. Do you know who made this spaghetti?"

"No."

"JJ, she gave it to me for you. Emily bought the tea, and all of this was because Derek had me check into your financial records. He misses you," she says, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I miss him so much, but I'm not well."

"Then we need to get you well."

---


Derek was in his office, paperwork stacked mile high, but there was so much on his mind. No, that was not true. There was only one thing on his mind, and that was Spencer. It had been three months since he had last seen him, and it was undoubtedly the hardest thing for Derek.

While no one ever commented on his personal life, Morgan could see the sympathy in all their eyes. He took a deep breath, throwing himself back in his seat as he stared bitterly at the clock. It would undoubtedly be another long night, but it wasn't like Morgan was sleeping well at home, or at all for that matter.

Derek could not find it in himself to relax, or even rest. He was beginning to forget to eat, shower, even brush his teeth. Derek was falling into a deep depression with worry and an intense missing. A knock came to his door, soft and hesitant like.

"Come in," he says professionally, though he doesn't much feel like having company at the moment. Slowly, the door inches open and he has to do a double take just to make sure he hasn't lost his mind.

"Hey," Spencer greets, shy as ever and Derek is up and out of his chair in a second, rushing over to where he stands, grabbing him as Spencer grabs just as tight. Their noses brushing together, Spencer's breath hot against Derek's face. This was so surreal.

"Baby, Spence..." Spencer's mouth latches onto Derek's, silencing his doubt. Spencer's body felt fuller in his grasp, healthier.

"Spencer, baby I've missed you so much," Derek admits, words hoarse and husky as Spencer's back rests firmly against the heavy oak door as Morgan moves to lock it.

"I've missed you so much, too. I love you so much Derek, and I'm sorry for putting you through all of this."

"I would go through anything for you," he says, and that was no lie. Derek's relationship with Spencer had been no walk in the park. There were times where he questioned whether or not they had a relationship at all. There were moments of physical violence and wages of mental war, but Derek loved him, and he never once questioned that.

"SSA Morgan, I believe I've missed the metro home."

"Is that so?"

"Mhm, any idea as to who could give me a ride?" he inquires, loving eyes and all. Soft, full, lips placing gentle kisses to the side of Morgan's neck.

"I think I might know someone..."

---


"Leave! Why don't you just leave me alone!" Spencer shouts, locking himself into his bathroom as Derek lets out a frustrated sigh.

Addiction was certainly no joke, and the withdraws were gruesome, but Derek wouldn't budge. Derek wouldn't let Spencer push him away. Derek wasn't scared, not anymore.

"I'm not going any where, Spence," he says, looking uninterestedly out the window, counting the number of raindrops that pelted against the lone piece of glass as he takes a seat on the floor, Spencer had to come out sometime.

"Why, why won't you leave?" he screams, banging on the door with his fist. The solid foundation shaking, as Derek leaned closer to the cause.

"Because I love you," Derek says softly, and suddenly the chaos inside has passed for the moment. The door opening as Derek stood to his feet, Spencer falling into his arms as he moved them over to the couch. Spencer laying his head down onto his lap as Derek stroked his fingers gently through his hair, consoling him.

"I'm never going to leave you. I'm never giving up." Morgan knew it would take some time, but there would be better days.

***