Title: the endless immensity of the sea
By: carolinecrane
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Reid
Rating: PG
Summary: Morgan's always watched Spencer, so he knows when Spencer needs help. He just doesn't know what kind of help Spencer needs. 2000 words.
Warnings: Kink bingo fic #6. The kink is Collars. Mentions of addiction.

***

The band is thin, no more than a couple centimeters. But Spencer's neck is pale, making the black leather stand out in stark contrast to his skin. There's a small silver ring welded to the clasp, just big enough to slide an average-size finger through, and Spencer keeps it turned to the back where it's less noticeable. Sometimes the weight of the ring brings it forward, and when he notices he slides it back as discreetly as possible.

Garcia noticed it a few weeks after he started wearing it, and when she reached out to touch it he twisted awkwardly away from her hand. No one seemed to think much of it; it was just Spencer being Spencer, bad with social cues even around people he trusts. J.J. made a joke about Morgan's fashion sense rubbing off on him, and Morgan laughed a little louder than he might have any other time and steered the conversation away from Spencer's neck.

He doesn't wear it every day; sometimes he doesn't even wear it all day, but there are moments when the vague, ever-present pressure of the thin leather collar is the only thing that keeps him from losing his grip.

At first Morgan didn't understand. He knew something was different about Spencer after the Tobias Henkel case, but it took a long time to learn just how much that case affected him. He'd always looked out for Spencer, looked for the signs that he was getting a little too involved or a little too reckless. Because he was smarter than the rest of the team put together, probably, but he was still pretty lousy at handling the emotions that came up when they worked certain cases. So Morgan looked out for the signs that Spencer wasn't handling it, and when he saw them he dragged Spencer aside and did his best to talk him down.

There was a time when it worked pretty well. Then Henkel happened, and Spencer fell apart. Then he pulled himself together again, but Morgan had been watching him long enough to know that something still wasn't right. He wasn't sure what it was, exactly, and he knew better than to ask, but he kept watching Spencer all the same.

He knew Hotch was making him see the department shrink. It was a waste of time, in Morgan's opinion, because Spencer's never been a typical cop, and anyway he's too smart for some therapist to break down. All those sessions did were make Hotch feel better, and once Spencer stopped seeing her, Morgan could see that nothing had changed. The traditional methods didn't work for Spencer any more than they worked for the rest of them; that was why Elle left, Gideon too, and Morgan was damned if he was going to stand by and watch Spencer go out the same way.

Spencer never wanted to talk about it, though, so it was a surprise when in the end it was Spencer who came to him. They'd just gotten home from a long, grueling case that ended about as badly as it could, and after a few hours in the gym working off his own frustrations, Morgan had come home and passed out. The sound of the doorbell woke him from a restless sleep, and even though the alarm clock on his nightstand said it was almost midnight, he was almost grateful for the distraction from dreaming about the case.

What he didn't expect to find when he opened his door was Spencer Reid standing there, too-thin jacket zipped all the way up to his neck and a small paper bag clutched in one hand. He didn't wait for Morgan to invite him in, just pushed his way into Morgan's living room and waited while he closed the door. When Morgan turned to look at him he could see that Spencer was twitchy, jumpy in that way he got sometimes and it made Morgan want to reach out and put his hands on Spencer until he calmed down.

Instead he turned a light on and gestured toward the couch, but Spencer just shook his head and looked down at the bag he was still holding. "I need you to do something for me."

"What?" Morgan said instead of anything. He knew what he wanted to do for Spencer, knew he could find a way to help calm him down if Spencer would just let him. But it was pretty clear Spencer had a mission, and Morgan knew better than to try and distract him from it.

Spencer twisted the bag a little harder, then he opened it and reached inside. He hesitated with his fingers tight around whatever was inside, then he nodded once to himself and pulled out something Morgan couldn't see. "I've tried the meetings. They just make it worse, sitting around drinking bad coffee and listening to people talking about it. Therapy didn't do any good either, and I don't...I can't control it. So I need someone else to do it for me."

"Reid, what are you talking about?" Morgan asked, sitting down on the edge of the couch and watching as Spencer paced up and down in his living room.

He didn't stop moving while he talked, telling Morgan all about the drugs and the way they made him feel. He talked faster than Morgan had ever heard him talk, and that was saying a lot. It was tough to keep up, but by the time he finished and turned to look at Morgan he finally understood what it was that had changed Spencer so much.

"I don't know if this will work," Spencer said, edging closer to Morgan as he spoke. "I understand the psychology and it's a sound enough theory. But there's no telling how an individual might react, especially someone with a higher than average I.Q."

He was babbling now, knuckles white where they were wrapped around whatever it was that he'd brought with him. Morgan stood up and took a step forward, and when Spencer didn't flinch he took another. He reached out slowly, resting his hands on Spencer's shoulders. It was enough to make him stop talking, so Morgan slid his hands up until they were loosely circling Spencer's neck, thumbs resting on the sharp angles of his collarbones. "Reid. Just tell me what you need."

As soon as he touched Spencer Morgan felt the change in him, and when he splayed his fingers on the back of Spencer's neck he heard a long exhale, like somehow he'd managed to guess what Spencer needed without even hearing it. Spencer nodded once, like he'd just made the decision to go through with it, and held up his hand so Morgan could see the leather band he'd brought with him. For a few seconds Morgan just stared down at it, trying to work out exactly what Spencer was asking. But they saw a lot of weird stuff in their line of work, so it didn't take long for the truth to dawn on him. He looked back up at the way his hands were resting on Spencer, frowning at the realization that he'd already given Spencer exactly what he came here for.

He pulled his hands away and took a step backwards, clasping the back of his own neck with one hand while he stared at Spencer. Spencer just stared back at him, quiet and so young, but determined too. Morgan wanted to say no, because people like them weren't into this kind of thing. And even if they were, this was the kind of thing people did when they were in relationships. When they trusted each other completely, so much that they let down all their barriers. Morgan had never trusted anyone that much in his life, and that fact that Spencer probably came closest was even more terrifying than what he was asking Morgan to do for him.

"Reid, I..."

"I need someone I can trust," Spencer interrupted, like he could read Morgan's mind. And maybe he could; it wouldn't be all that surprising, considering all the other things Spencer knew. "I need someone who can see when I'm losing control."

He still wanted to say no. He wanted to tell Spencer that this was crazy, that he was strong enough to pull himself together without...this. But Spencer was asking for his help controlling an addiction; Spencer was trusting him, and it wasn't anywhere near what Morgan wanted from him, but Morgan found himself nodding anyway. He let out a deep breath and reached out, hand covering Spencer's to slide the thin leather band out of his grip.

"You sure this is what you want?"

"Yes," Spencer said, and he sounded a lot more sure than he had when he first got to Morgan's place. "Thank you."

It took Morgan a second to figure out the clasp, but he finally managed to get the thin piece of leather fastened around Spencer's neck. He slid his index finger into the little ring and crooked it, tugging experimentally and just like that, Spencer took a step forward. It was the first time since they met Morgan could remember Spencer not arguing, just going along with what was asked of him without question. And he'd always thought Spencer was beautiful, but this was a whole new level.

Before he could stop himself Morgan was reaching out, his free hand pushing through Spencer's hair and angling his head just right before he leaned in and kissed him. Even as he did it he told himself to stop, that Spencer had come to him because he trusted Morgan, and this was no way to keep that trust. But Spencer was kissing him back, hands resting on Morgan's chest and moving tentatively, like he wasn't sure what to do with them. Which was probably true, Morgan realized, and he pulled back to rest his forehead against Spencer's.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that?"

"No," Spencer said, sounding so matter-of-fact that Morgan couldn't help laughing.

"Still trust me?" Morgan asked, his finger sliding out of the little metal ring so he could frame Spencer's face with his hands.

"Yes," Spencer said, hands still moving restlessly on Morgan's skin, but his voice was steady. "I trust you with my life."

That was the last thing Spencer said to him for awhile, but it was all Morgan needed to hear.

~

Morgan slides the leather band into his pocket every morning before work. It didn't take long at all to get into the habit, just like putting on his watch or giving Clooney fresh water before he leaves the house. He keeps it close and he keeps watching Spencer, and when he sees Spencer starting to slide Morgan just grips his elbow and takes Spencer somewhere private. Usually it's a station house bathroom or maybe a guest room in a witness's house, somewhere they can steal a few minutes alone.

Before Henkel, Morgan would have used that time to talk to Spencer, to remind him that he has to check his emotions in order to do his job. Now there's no need for conversation at all; he just reaches into his pocket and pulls out the thin leather band, fingers sliding against Spencer's skin as Morgan fastens the clasp and gives the ring a little tug. Then he slides the clasp to the back of Spencer's neck and presses his thumbs to the hollow of his throat to watch as Spencer relaxes.

"Thank you," Spencer always says, and Morgan always laughs because it's such a weird thing to thank him for. But he's used to it now -- mostly, anyway -- and he knows it helps, so he'll keep doing it for as long as Spencer needs. He doesn't even mind spending the rest of the day half-hard, because he knows what Spencer looks like wearing just that collar and nothing else, and Spencer's always been worth the wait.

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