Title: Worth Waiting For
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3 20_est_relships
Prompt: 19, Future
Author's Note: Set after the events of Nameless, Faceless.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Spencer sighed as he leaned back on the couch in Aaron's living room, putting down the magazine he'd been flipping through. All of the images had flashed by his eyes, making no sense, becoming blurred together in his vision. He couldn't concentrate.

It had been three days now since Hotch had told him about what had happened with Foyet; three days that he'd known something the rest of the team didn't have a clue about. Three days that he'd been searching his heart and soul for some clue to his feelings.

He wanted to be able to accept what had happened and move on, to let Hotch make the decision about whether or not their personal relationship could continue. But as time went on, Spencer knew that there was no way he could do that.

He couldn't let Hotch have complete control over the question of their relationship moving ahead. He was part of this relationship, too, he told himself, his inner voice strong and firm. He had as much of a choice here as the other man did.

And he didn't want their relationship to come to a screeching half because of what Foyet had done to Hotch. He couldn't really understand exactly how Hotch was feeling, but he could be here, offering warmth and comfort and a safe haven to the man he loved.

Love? Spencer sighed again, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back on the soft cushion behind him. Yes, he did love Hotch. Maybe it had been more a case of hero-worship turning into nothing more than friendship at first, but now ....

Ever since the first time they had kissed, Spencer had known where his affections lay. Hotch might not have wanted to admit to the overwhelming attraction between them at first, but Spencer had known, beyond any shadow of a doubt.

He loved this man. And he wasn't going to let Foyet's physical act come between what the two of them were building together. That was why he'd insisted on being here this weekend, staying with Hotch, rather than in his own apartment, alone and cloistered.

They were going to talk about what had happened. And they were going to talk about where all of this was leading them. If Hotch chose to push him away, then he might have to accept that fact -- but he wasn't going to simply give up and walk away.

Spencer couldn't help thinking that Hotch wanted him to give them strong, secure reasons for their relationship to stay on course. He might be feeling alone right now, and even tainted by what Foyet had done to him, but Spencer could show him that he'd never be alone.

He raised his head when he heard Hotch come into the room; Spencer shifted his position on the couch as the other man sat down and handed him a glass of tea. He sipped at it for a moment before putting it down, trying to assemble his thoughts into coherent speech.

"I know what you're going to say," Hotch murmured, his gaze meeting Spencer's and not looking away. "That you're here because you care about me, because you want to be here, and not because you feel some obligation because we've started something."

"That's .... part of it," Spencer admitted, wondering just how Hotch could know what he'd been planning on saying. Somehow, this man seemed to be able to almost read his mind -- or at least his feelings. But then, Hotch was always good at reading people.

"And what's the rest?" Hotch asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow. "Spencer, you know that I don't want to end things between us because of Foyet. What he did to me was horrible, and it's a memory I want to bury. But I don't want it to destroy us."

"You don't want to give up on us?" Spencer's eyes were wide now; he could hear the surprise in his voice, and he wished that it wasn't there. He shouldn't have doubted Hotch's feelings for him; after all, he wasn't a man who gave up or crumbled easily.

"Of course not." Hotch blinked, staring at Spencer; now it was his turn to look surprised. "Things might be moving a lot slower now, because ...." His voice trailed off, and he shook his head and looked down at the glass of tea in his hand before he spoke again.

"Because I'm not ready for a completely physical relationship," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "I know that may be what you want, Spencer, and I'm telling you this now just to let you know. It might be a while before I'm ready to give you that."

Spencer swallowed hard, reaching out to take Hotch's free hand in his own. "I"m not going to push you for anything you're not ready to give," he said softly, his tone reassuring. "I'm happy just to be with you. Just to know that you care about me and we're together."

"The sex isn't what's important, is it?" Hotch said with an attempt at a smile. "I know that it'll come sooner or later, Spencer. You're a beautiful man, and I -- I want you. But right now, I'm just .... not ready for the physical side of things."

"I understand," Spencer told him, his heart leaping in his chest. This was so much more than he'd expected; he had thought that Hotch had let him be here tonight to tell him that they were over, that he couldn't have a relationship with a man after what had happened.

But Hotch hadn't done that; he was obviously going to face up to whatever fears he had and let what they had continue to grow and develop. Spencer couldn't help but wonder if he would be so brave if he had been the one walking in Hotch's shoes.

Hotch had to know that he wouldn't be hurt with Spencer, that he would be treated like the most precious and fragile entity Spencer had ever touched. He would let the older man dictate how their relationship progressed; it was the least he could do.

"The sex is something that we'd both have to be comfortable with, you know," he said, his voice husky. "I'll be honest, Hotch -- I've only had sex with a man a few times. I enjoyed it more than sex with a woman, but it's not like I'm all that experienced."

"I've only been with one other man," Hotch told him, then grimaced as a shadow crossed his face. "Well, I suppose that I should say two, now." His tone was wry, the words coming out slowly, as though they were wrung from him under duress.

"You weren't 'with' Foyet," Spencer corrected him, almost wincing at the tone of Hotch's voice. He could almost hear the self-loathing that Hotch was feeling; the last thing he wanted was to let the other man's thoughts continue along those lines.

"He was the first man who ever ...." Hotch shook his head, looking down again, as though he coudln't meet Spencer's gaze. "I wanted you to be the first," he whispered, the regret obvious in his tone as well as his words. "I'm sorry, Spencer."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Spencer told him, squeezing Hotch's hand in what he hoped was a comforting grip. "I've only been with one guy -- and that was only a few times. So we're both not exactly what you'd call experienced with the physical side."

Hotch laughed softly, finally looking up at Spencer. "I've only been the more dominant partner with a man," he said, his gaze searching Spencer's face. "But .... I'm not sure that's what I'd prefer. I don't know. This has changed my perceptions in a lot of ways."

"We'll work through it all together," Spencer promised him, his voice soft and soothing. "I'll be right beside you, Hotch, every step of the way. You're not going to go through this alone -- and if you feel like you can't tell the rest of the team what happened, then ...."

Spencer's voice trailed off; he wasn't entirely sure what to say. He didn't know if Hotch wanted to make the rape a matter of public knowledge, or if he'd prefer to let the rest of the team draw their own conclusions as to what might or might not have taken place.

"I don't want to tell them," Hotch said, shaking his head. "Nobody needs to know, Spencer. Nobody other than the person I'm involved with." His gaze met the younger man's, not flinching away this time. "If you're willing to shoulder that knowledge, then I'm giving it to you."

Spencer nodded solemnly, keeping his eyes on Hotch's face. He knew that this man was giving him the greatest gift that he could possibly give at the moment; Hotch was extending his trust, and hoping that he wasn't making a mistake by giving it.

"You can trust me, Aaron," Spencer whispered, his gaze not wavering. "You always could." It took him a moment to realize that he'd used Hotch's given name; somehow, it seemed to roll off his tongue easily, in a way that it never had before.

Hotch smiled at him, that slow smile that Spencer had loved from the first time it had been directed at him after a successful team effort. He held that smile close -- just as he would hold Hotch when the other man was ready, he told himself. He'd just have to be patient.

He could wait. He could let Hotch -- Aaron -- take his time, dictate the pace that their relationship took. After all, anything worth having was worth waiting for -- and for him, his relationship with this man meant more to him than anything ever had in his entire life.

Aaron leaned back against the cushions, closing his eyes and sighing. Spencer slid an arm around him, moving closer, enjoying the feel of Hotch's body next to his own. They sat there for a long time, each lost in thoughts of the future and whatever it might bring for the both of them.

***