Title: The One That You Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: writers_choice
Prompt: #396, Age
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Spencer put down the book he was reading, looking across the living room at Aaron. He had the feeling that his lover's eyes were on him; he could feel the other man's perusal, and he couldn't help but wonder if there was something on his boyfriend's mind.

Aaron averted his gaze the moment Spencer looked up, but not before the youmg man had caught his eye. Spencer was more sure than ever that there was something bothering the other man, but he wasn't quite sure how to ask about it without seeming too abrupt.

He wanted to sigh in frustration, but he managed to hold the sound back. The last thing he wanted to do was to put Aaron on the defensive, or make him feel that he was doing something wrong. After all, he wasn't annoyed, Spencer assured himself.

Not annoyed; just worried about whatever it was that might be bothering the man he loved. If it was some aspect of their personal life, he wanted to know -- he needed to know, so that he could try to take steps to rectify whatever that problem might be.

How could he address the way that Aaron had been looking at him without seeming as though he wanted to pry into what might be his boyfriend's private thoughts? Spencer turned the problem over in his mind, when Aaron's voice stopped his mind from whirling.

"Spencer, do you ever think that there's too much of an age difference between us?" Aaron's words were soft and low-voiced, but they made a chill go down Spencer's spine, halting his thoughts in their tracks and making his breath catch in his throat.

"Wh-what are you saying?" he blurted out before he could stop himself. "Do you not want to be with me any more because of a difference in our ages? I thought we'd talked this over before we decided to get involved. It's not a big deal. Not to me."

"It doesn't seem like one right now -- but do you realize that when you're in your early forties, I'll be nearly sixty?" Aaron's voice was steady; when his gaze focused on Spencer again, it was direct, not flinching away this time. "It's something to think about, Spencer."

Spencer shook his head, not wanting to hear what Aaron was saying. "No, it isn't. I've thought this through before I decided to get serious about being with you. Age doesn't matter, Aaron. I don't care about that. It's enough for me that we love each other."

"Will that always be enough?" Aaron said softly, his gaze still riveted on Spencer's face. "Will you always love me, even when I'm close to twenty years older than you and we're both feeling our age? Are you sure that what you feel now will stay the same?"

"I-I don't know," Spencer had to admit, his voice faltering for a moment. "I'm not really experienced when it comes to love, Aaron. You know that. But I know that I do love you, and I believe that love grows and changes with time. But it's still always there."

"I don't want you to realize twenty years down the road that you've made a mistake and leave me," Aaron told him, his voice sounding as though it was on the verge of breaking, but not quite making it all the way there. "I'm offering you a way out before you in much more deeply."

"I don't want a way out!" Spencer said, his voice sounding more sharp than he'd intended it to. Sighing, he got up, going to the chair where Aaron sat and kneeling beside it. "I just moved in with you. I want to spend my life with you, not leave when we've barely started."

Aaron didn't say anything; he merely reached out to take Spencer's hand, clinging to it with a ferocity that surprised the younger man. He hadn't expected his lover to say something like this -- or to seem as if he needed the comfort of touch between them.

"What's really wrong?" Spencer whispered, returning the pressure of his lover's fingers, wishing that he had the ability to read minds. "It can't just be about the age thing, Aaron. We've talked about this. It can't have just come up in your mind now."

"I just ...." Aaron sighed softly, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the cushioned chair he was sitting in. It seemed a long time before he was ready to speak again; Spencer waited patiently, not realizing that he was holding his breath.

"I don't want you to wake up one morning in the future and feel that you've thrown your life away," Aaron finally said, his voice barely audible. "I want to give you a way to back out of this relationship gracefully now, and still be friends. I want you to have your freedom, Spencer."

"I don't want my freedom," Spencer managed to whisper before his throat closed and he was unable to speak. His eyes filled with tears; he had to blink them back, force himself to look at the problem at hand as though it wasn't his own life that was affected.

"All I want is to be with you," he said when he could force words out again. "Aaron, I wouldn't have made the commitment to move in with you if I was going to turn and run the second things got complicated. I'm here for the long run. I'm not going to back off."

"I don't want you to," Aaron told him, his words still sounding choked and strained. "I just want you to know that you have that choice, Spencer. If you decided that this isn't for you, I'm not going to push it on you. You have the freedom to go and live your own life any time you want to."

"I don't want to live a life apart from you," Spencer said, not quite knowing how he was managing to keep his voice steady. Maybe it would be best if he made some excuse and left the room, went to his own little sanctuary within the house that he now shared with Aaron.

If he did that, then he could break down and cry in peace. Aaron would never have to know how deeply he had been wounded; he could indulge his tears and inner hurt in peace, then show a brave face to the other man, even if Aaron wanted him out of this house and out of his life.

"This isn't about our age difference, Spencer." Aaron's words came suddenly, spilling out as though he could no longer contain them. "It's me not wanting you to be hurt if I eventually break down. I don't want to saddle you with that. You don't need to fix my problems."

"That's one of the reasons I'm here," Spencer whispered, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his lover's legs. "I want to help you through those problems, Aaron. I'm not too young or inexperienced to deal with them. Just lean on me. I can take it, I promise."

"I don't have the right to ask you to do that for me," Aaron murmured, but Spencer could swear that he had seen a glimmer of hope in those dark eyes, heard something in Aaron's voice that indicated those words were what he needed to hear at this moment.

"You can ask me to do anything," Spencer replied, feeling encouraged by what he was sure that he had seen and heard in the other man. "I'm not too young, or too fragile, or too anything else. I'm the person who loves you. And I'm the one that you love. I'm not going to walk away."

"Age doesn't really mean anything, does it?" Aaron said with a sigh. "And especially not with you. You may not be the most experienced person in the world for your age, Spencer, but I wouldn't want you to be. I love you exactly the way you are."

"And you don't want me to leave?" Spencer asked, his voice trembling slightly on the last word. He hated to say it; he hated to hear how it sounded in the still air, the last word he said, the sound of it there between the two of them, like an invisible barrier of sound.

"No, I don't want you to leave," Aaron whispered, his gaze fixing on Spencer's, holding the young man's attention with that mesmerizing stare. "I never wanted that. I just wanted to give you the chance to back out, if that was what you wanted."

Spencer shook his head vehemently, feeling relieved. "I'll never want that," he said softly, squeezing the other man's hand gently. "I'm here for the long haul, Aaron. I want to spend my whole life with you. I've already made that commitment. There isn't any turning back."

Aaron's smile was all that he needed to see for him to know that he'd said the right thing -- and that he could put any fears that his boyfriend wanted him gone to rest. Standing up, Spencer tugged at Aaron's hand, pulling the other man to his feet and into an embrace.

He closed his eyes, feeling Aaron's arms around him, feeling their hearts beating in rhythm. This was just where he wanted to be -- and he hoped that Aaron realized the truth of those words. There was no place else in the world for him, either physically, or in his heart.

***