Title: You're what? How the hell did that happen?
By: LoraLee2
Pairing: various including Prentiss/JJ & Hotch/JJ & JJ/unsub & JJ/Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers, I do not own any CM characters, I'm just borrowing them and will return them in the same condition as I found them.
Note: By now I think most every fan knows JJ is pregnant, tomorrow is the big reveal, so to tide us over, here's a few scenes that WON'T appear on the show:
Warnings: Mostly funny, but some angst, one severe (it is Criminal Minds), a couple slashy ones (but not even close to being explicit), romance, no smut whatsoever (sorry).
Summary: Various non-Will ways JJ could have become pregrant. A number of very short scenes.

***

JJ clicked to the next picture, carefully not looking at the screen as she gave the morning briefing. Morgan asked a question and she turned to face him catching the screen out of the corner of her eye. Her stomach roiled at the sight of blood on the screen. The remote hit the floor as she bolted for the ladies' room.

Reid leaned over and whispered to Morgan, "Do you think JJ's okay? That's the third time this week she's been sick like that."

Morgan smirked at the kid's naiveté, "She'll be fine, Buddy."

&

JJ clicked to the next picture, carefully not looking at the screen as she gave the morning briefing. Morgan asked a question and she turned to face him catching the screen out of the corner of her eye. Her stomach roiled at the sight of blood on the screen. The remote hit the floor as she bolted for the ladies' room.

Hotch picked the remote up from the floor to continue the briefing.

"Aaron, aren't you going to talk to her? That's the third time this's happened."

"She'll talk to us when she's ready."

"But we can't let her go out in the field if she's --."

"Dave, please just leave it alone. As her supervisor, it's against labor law for me to ask her if she's pregnant. We'll just have to --." Hotch was interrupted by the soft thud of Reid's unconscious body hitting the floor.

&

"Spence, do you ever think about having kids?"

"Once in a while." His hands slowed, he loved rubbing lotion on JJ's naked back, but somehow it seemed to lead to some of their most serious conversations, "With Mom, I always used to think the risk was too high."

"Used to? Does that mean you've changed your mind?"

"Well, a new study just came out linking an increased risk of schizophrenia to toxoplasmosis. I had Bennington run some tests on her, she has it. So, I had my doctor check, I don't."

"So, you don't worry about it anymore?"

"No, I still worry. The study's too new and it hasn't been repeated, but I feel a little better."

"So, does that mean, you'd like a couple kids now?"

He leaned down and kissed her shoulder, "How about we start with one?"

&

Emily kissed JJ's hand as they waited for the results from the doctor. He walked into the office smiling, "Well, ladies, you're a lucky couple, the insemination took on the first try. You're going to be mommies."

&

"JJ, we can't thank you enough for doing this for us."

"Well, just remember, Auntie JJ gets to buy all the presents she wants, and if it's a girl, I'm explaining the birds and the bees to little Morgan or Spencer, Jr., not either of you. Spence'll put her to sleep with the biologicals, and you'd have her begging for a chastity belt before her first date."

Morgan smiled at her. Despite their differences - or maybe because of them - he knew he and Spence were going to be great fathers.

&

JJ froze as she felt the knife at her throat, "Don't make a sound or it'll be your last." How had he gotten past the guards in the hall? She concentrated on her one college physics course as she prayed the team would realize that baiting the unsub had worked before it was too late. They didn't.

&

The unsub lay riddled with bullets upstairs, not one of them had hesitated when he'd pulled a weapon. Prentiss entered the room first by unspoken agreement; she fought back tears at the sight that met her. JJ, huddled in the corner, shackled by an ankle to a small bed in the corner of the basement room. The single bare bulb provided just enough light to see the numerous bruises that proved she had fought back through her seven days of captivity. Slowly she approached the bed, "JJ, it's me Emily."

JJ jumped at the sound of her voice, but at least she looked up, made eye contact. Prentiss turned to the people waiting just outside the door, "Screw evidence, she needs something to wear."

Hotch didn't even hesitate as he pulled his vest off and unbuttoned his shirt. It wasn't much, but at least it was something. He didn't give a thought to ruining evidence, let the CSI guys worry about it later, the bastard was dead, they didn't need to worry about a conviction.

Prentiss took the shirt and approached JJ slowly. JJ flinched, but didn't make a sound as Prentiss helped her slip the white dress shirt on over her bruises.

"JJ, Reid has some lock picks, can he come in and get this chain off you?" Nobody had questioned why Reid had a set of lock picks sewn into the waistband of his corduroys, they were just thankful they wouldn't have to wait for a locksmith to free JJ. (Later Hotch would question the probably illegal tools. Later Reid would lie about them being part of his magic kit.)

"Ju -- just Spencer?"

"Just Spencer. Nobody else until you're ready, I promise." It was a promise she knew she might not be able to keep, but she had to make it anyway.

Reid stepped through the doorway, he approached the bed slowly. When he reached the edge of the bed, he knelt and spoke softly, "Okay, JJ, can I see your foot now?" It seemed like forever before she stretched her leg towards him. His hands shook, both in horror at what had happened to her and anger at the dead man upstairs. Despite the shaking, he made quick work of the simple lock and pulled his hands back from JJ's skin.

&

"Hey, Bill, how you doing?"

"Great. I love hearing from my favorite lady, but what's the special occasion, you never call during the work day?"

"Well, I needed to talk to you. You, um, remember what happened when you were up, a couple weeks ago?"

"Ma Cher, how could I forget?"

Not that. Well, yes, actually that. But you remember the other thing that happened?"

"You mean the … when the … it broke? Does that mean … are you calling to tell me … Cher, are you pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah, 'wow' pretty much covers it."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. You're not foolin'?"

"No."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Have you seen a doctor yet?"

"I'm there now. I just heard the heartbeat."

"Wow. I'll be on the first flight up. Wow. Wow. Wow."

&

Reid tapped on JJ's door and walked in. He absently noted the birth control compact and antibiotics bottle on her desk before she was able to sweep them into a drawer. "How's the sinus infection?"

"Better. The antibiotics are starting to work. I just wish they didn't upset my stomach so much."

Suddenly Reid's mind clicked. "JJ, isn't Bill in town?"

"Yeah, he flew up for the weekend. He goes home tomorrow night."

"Um," he could feel the blush starting at what he was about to say, but forged ahead anyway, "did you talk to your doctor about him?"

JJ looked at him in confusion, "Why would I talk to my doctor about my boyfriend?"

"Well, not so much about Bill, as about what the reaction between antibiotics and birth control pills."

"What?" JJ wasn't sure where this was going, but Reid definitely had that 'you aren't going to want to hear this' tone in his voice.

"Sometimes antibiotics negate birth control pills. Especially if they upset your stomach."

JJ paled, "That's not something to joke about, Reid."

He just looked at her.

"You're not joking?"

He shook his head slowly.

She just stared at him.

He started to back out of the room, "Maybe you should give your doctor a call?"

He closed the door behind him and headed to Garcia's office, this needed a woman's touch.

&

2:45 a.m.

"Okay, you two, last call."

"Lash call? Whash time ish it?"

"It's almost three a.m., Sweetie."

"Oh. Hey, Hosh, we need to find Mrgn 'n' Prenish. We need t'go home."

"Lady, your friends gave up, over an hour ago."

Hotch picked his head up from the bar, "J -- JJ, I don't think I should drive."

"Buddy, I'm gonna call you a cab."

"K." His head dropped back to the bar.

7:00 a.m.

Hotch slapped in the direction of the alarm clock, "I got it, Haley." He opened his eyes momentarily before slamming the lids closed against the light. Maybe if his head would stop pounding he could find the damned alarm clock and kill it. He heard a hand slam into the alarm clock, knocking it to the floor.

"God, I feel like hell." He needed to drag himself into work. Coffee. Coffee would help. He pulled himself to a sitting position, tried to swing his legs over the edge of the bed but met warm body instead - why was he on the wrong side?

"Okay, I'm up, don't kick."

Suddenly he recognized the voice, "JJ?!" Well, his eyes were open now.

"Hotch?!" He saw the blonde head pop up from under the other pillow. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Hangover or not, he couldn't let that one pass; he simply lifted the blanket enough to peek underneath.

"Oh, God."

"Coffee first, then talk or talk first, then coffee?"

JJ groaned, "Definitely coffee first."

***