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Title: Bittersweet Sensation
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1drabble
Prompt: 20, Bittersweet
Author's Note: Sequel to "Connection."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.


So he had finally given himself to someone.

It definitely hadn't been what he'd expected. It had felt good, yes, but there had been a bittersweet quality to his surrender, a feeling of loss along with the pleasure.

Will lay still next to Hannibal, listening to the other man's breathing. He could tell that Hannibal was asleep; he was sure that his lover wasn't faking it.

It was hard for him to believe that he'd actually let Hannibal make love to him -- if making love was what it could be called. It hadn't seemed like something that should bear the sacred name of "love." It had felt more like lust -- almost, but not quite, furtive and secretive.

Why did he feel as though they had done something that they had to keep hidden from the world, something that he should feel a little embarrassed about?

This hadn't been the way he'd thought his first time would feel.

Of course, he also hadn't figured on his first time being with Hannibal. He hadn't thought that the two of them would have such a physical connection, even though a part of him had wanted Hannibal ever since their first meeting, and wondered what it would be like to be intimate with him.

Well, he certainly knew the answer to that now, didn't he? And he wasn't sure whether or not he liked all that he had discovered. He wasn't sure what to think.

The sex had been .... if not wonderful, at least good. There had been some pain, but he had expected that. He'd known that losing his virginity would come with a price.

What had been so bittersweet was the seeming detachment with which Hannibal had made love to him. Yes, there had been physical heat between their bodies; there had definitely been desire. But in spite of the blazing heat of desire that he'd felt, he'd felt that Hannibal was holding back emotionally.

He wanted Hannibal to open up to him, to share what he was feeling.

Was that even possible? Will asked himself, grimacing at the thought. Hannibal wasn't the kind of person who shared his emotions easily; he already knew that.

Did Hannibal love him, and not just desire him? And if he did, how was he going to get his lover to show those emotions and not keep them hidden away deep within himself? Will gnawed at his lip, turning over his predicament in his mind until his eyelids grew heavy and closed.

Did he love Hannibal? And was this bittersweet feeling of having given something away of himself that he could never get back normal?

Did everyone feel this way after their first time? Or was this bittersweet sensation of loss unique to him? Was he only feeling this way because he might have made a terrible mistake?

He fell asleep with that question weighing on his mind.