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Title: Ultimately Disappointed
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Author's Note: Sequel to "Stunned."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Will raised his face to the shower spray, closing his eyes and trying to make himself relax.
He still couldn't quite believe what had happened between himself and Hannibal today. It was starting to feel like a dream, something that had only existed in his imagination.
But it had actually happened; the soreness of his body was a testament to that. He didn't hurt, exactly, but there were little aches that hadn't been there before.
And there was the memory of Hannibal leaning over him, thrusting into him, and the sounds of their mutual pleasure that still seemed to ring in his ears. There was the memory of looking up and seeing Hannibal with the sun behind him, haloing him and making Will's vision blur.
Of all the people he'd ever thought that he would give himself to, Hannibal had been the last one. Well, maybe not the last. But it hadn't seemed likely.
True, he'd wanted Hannibal. He couldn't deny that. But it hadn't seemed possible that his desire could be returned. He had never thought that something like this could happen.
Yet it had, and now he had to think about the consequences.
Were they a couple now? It felt as though they were, but he wasn't sure. He didn't know what Hannibal thought, what he felt, even if he wanted to continue what they had started.
Well, maybe he did have some inkling. That last kiss Hannibal had brushed across his lips before he'd left had to mean something, didn't it? He could still feel that kiss tingling on his lips; if he let his mind drift back, he could even still feel Hannibal's hands on his body.
Hannibal wanted him. He couldn't doubt that. But would Hannibal keep wanting him in the future, or had this just been a one-time thing for him that wouldn't happen again?
Of course it would happen again, Will admonished himself. He was being stupid. Hannibal wouldn't have left that burning kiss on his lips if he had just meant to walk away.
Still, it was hard to fathom something like this happening again. Try as he might, he couldn't imagine himself at the other man's home, in his bed -- or Hannibal here, in Will's bed. It just didn't feel right. What had happened out there at the lake might have only been intended to happen once.
In a way, it still seemed like a figment of his imagination. But it had happened, and he had to think about where they were going to go from here.
Hannibal was probably thinking about the very same thing as he drove home.
What if his lover had been disappointed? Will couldn't help thinking that it was possible; after all, he hadn't really known what he was doing. He couldn't have been a very satisfactory lover.
He could learn, of course. He picked things up quickly, and he didn't doubt that Hannibal could be a very good teacher, if he so chose. But he backed away from that idea; he didn't want to seem like some stupid kid who had to be taught, who didn't know what he was doing.
Hannibal would probably be ultimately disappointed in him, and in the ensuing relationship, if this were to continue. And maybe he himself would be disappointed, too.
Though it was hard to imagine that being so, not after what had happened today.
When he could still feel Hannibal's caresses on his skin, even still feel the other man inside him, there was no way that he could say he'd been disappointed.
His first time had been everything he'd ever hoped it would be -- but he couldn't help wondering if the future would be as satisfying as today had been.
He didn't want to end up being ultimately disappointed if they had a relationship, Will told himself. Surely every time wasn't going to be as good as today had been; he would get used to all of these new feelings, and they would at some point feel commonplace to him.
But for the moment, he wanted to explore those feelings further. He wanted to immerse himself in them, and discover all that there was to know, to see how far they could take him.
So he was going to continue with this, he told himself as he turned off the water and pulled back the shower curtain. He'd known thta all along, really. He'd just had to convince himself of it.
He only hoped that he was making the best decision for himself, and that he would have no regrets.
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